Divorce possible. How can I prevent her from moving the kids?

[4AI]

From California.

Hello there,
this is my first post. I need some proactive advice, to avoid the worse...
My wife of 11 years and I, are close to divorce.
We have two beautiful young children, that we both adore.
She also has a teenager from a previous marriage.
We moved to my home state of CA, 10 years ago, following our marriage in FL.
She is committed to moving back to her home state of FL.
To accomplish this, she recently retired from her job.
Our marriage counselor characterized this move as "a hostile act".
I love our family and would do anything to keep us together.
I was an only child of divorced parents and would never wish that for my children.
My wife has 4 siblings, plus cousins, and both parents to support her, while I am completely alone.
I work 10-15 days a month based in Hawaii. I do NOT want to live in FL !
My commute would be a nightmare.
However, my desire to keep the family together is my highest priority.
My wife is aware of this and is giving me hope.
Her attitude is that she is in charge. I could either follow her to FL and "play the lottery", or she would take our kids there anyway.
She is convinced that no judge would take the children away from her, especially with the family support that she has, and that she does not work.

I have a bad feeling about this...

My fear is that I will give in and move, then she will divorce me, and keep the children in FL. If this does happen, what are my chances of getting joint custody? If the divorce takes place in FL, does it mean the kids will now live there forever?
Do I have a good case in getting joint custody and not let her move?
I have a very good job and she can claim absolutely nothing against me. I have perfect credit and not even traffic violations...
Would the court give me the kids when I am home, and her, when I work?
Most importantly.
Is there anything I could have her sign, before agreeing to move, that would prevent her from keeping the children in FL in case of divorce/separation?
Sorry for the lengthy post. I just wanted to cover all aspects.

THANK YOU
4AI

 

[GrowUp!]

From California.
Her attitude is that she is in charge. I could either follow her to FL and "play the lottery", or she would take our kids there anyway.
She is convinced that no judge would take the children away from her, especially with the family support that she has, and that she does not work.

And she is like many other women with that attitude. She's going to be in for a real shocker in court. And a bigger shocker if she thinks she's going to disregard any court orders w/that attitude.

I have a bad feeling about this...

My fear is that I will give in and move, then she will divorce me, and keep the children in FL. If this does happen, what are my chances of getting joint custody? If the divorce takes place in FL, does it mean the kids will now live there forever?
Do I have a good case in getting joint custody and not let her move?
I have a very good job and she can claim absolutely nothing against me. I have perfect credit and not even traffic violations...
Would the court give me the kids when I am home, and her, when I work?
Most importantly.
Is there anything I could have her sign, before agreeing to move, that would prevent her from keeping the children in FL in case of divorce/separation?
Sorry for the lengthy post. I just wanted to cover all aspects.

If you give in, you have no one to blame but yourself.

What you should do to be proactive is to talk to an attorney ASAP and YOU should file your petition for divorce and file for YOU to have temporary custody and child support until a final order is in place. Therefore, your STBX can move to Florida, if she wishes, she'll have visitation. You BOTH have equal rights to your children. You should also let the attorney know about her intent to move to FL. It might be possible to have additional language put in the temp order. But YOU should be proactive.

 

[ceara19]

And she is like many other women with that attitude. She's going to be in for a real shocker in court. And a bigger shocker if she thinks she's going to disregard any court orders w/that attitude.


If you give in, you have no one to blame but yourself.

What you should do to be proactive is to talk to an attorney ASAP and YOU should file your petition for divorce and file for YOU to have temporary custody and child support until a final order is in place. Therefore, your STBX can move to Florida, if she wishes, she'll have visitation. You BOTH have equal rights to your children. You should also let the attorney know about her intent to move to FL. It might be possible to have additional language put in the temp order. But YOU should be proactive.

And what is he going to do with the kids while he's in Hawaii?

 

[nextwife]

He could file for joint legal and physical, based upon his in-town schedule and to restrict move-aways. If she is "retired" she can stay put, as she isn't "transferring" for her job.

 

[MrsK]

Get a good lawyer and fight this. There is no reason you should roll over and play dead while your wife wants to move your children across the country.

 

[bshouse]

Aggreed

I have done the whole a crossed state line divorce/custody thing. You need to file ASAP instead of "playing the lottery." By doing this you retain the jurisdiction and everything will go by Calf. Law. If she gets the kids to Florida before anything is filed, then jurisdiction is where the kids reside.

 

[ceara19]

I have done the whole a crossed state line divorce/custody thing. You need to file ASAP instead of "playing the lottery." By doing this you retain the jurisdiction and everything will go by Calf. Law. If she gets the kids to Florida before anything is filed, then jurisdiction is where the kids reside.

Not quite true. She would have to live in Florida long enough to establish residency before anything is filed before there is any chance of jurisdiction being in Florida.

 

[casa]

From California.

Hello there,
this is my first post. I need some proactive advice, to avoid the worse...
My wife of 11 years and I, are close to divorce.
We have two beautiful young children, that we both adore.
She also has a teenager from a previous marriage.
We moved to my home state of CA, 10 years ago, following our marriage in FL.
She is committed to moving back to her home state of FL.
To accomplish this, she recently retired from her job.
Our marriage counselor characterized this move as "a hostile act".
I love our family and would do anything to keep us together.
I was an only child of divorced parents and would never wish that for my children.
My wife has 4 siblings, plus cousins, and both parents to support her, while I am completely alone.
I work 10-15 days a month based in Hawaii. I do NOT want to live in FL !
My commute would be a nightmare.
However, my desire to keep the family together is my highest priority.
My wife is aware of this and is giving me hope.
Her attitude is that she is in charge. I could either follow her to FL and "play the lottery", or she would take our kids there anyway.
She is convinced that no judge would take the children away from her, especially with the family support that she has, and that she does not work.

I have a bad feeling about this...

My fear is that I will give in and move, then she will divorce me, and keep the children in FL. If this does happen, what are my chances of getting joint custody? If the divorce takes place in FL, does it mean the kids will now live there forever?
Do I have a good case in getting joint custody and not let her move?
I have a very good job and she can claim absolutely nothing against me. I have perfect credit and not even traffic violations...
Would the court give me the kids when I am home, and her, when I work?
Most importantly.
Is there anything I could have her sign, before agreeing to move, that would prevent her from keeping the children in FL in case of divorce/separation?
Sorry for the lengthy post. I just wanted to cover all aspects.

THANK YOU
4AI

File immediately for at least a Legal Separation Agreement...this is imperative so that CA takes and retains Jurisdiction. Pending the court's decision and Custody/Visitation ruling...she will have to remain or return to CA with the children. DO NOT WAIT for her to establish residency in FL. Then YOU will be traveling to FL to fight it out.

CA offers Mediation in contested custody cases...contact the local Family Law Facilitator's office re; this and get info. to help you file if you need it.

 

[4AI]

All your responses are greatly appreciated!
What does your experience tell you about my chances of getting joint custody?
I am concerned, because of my job situation, and my wife's large support group.
She thinks I have NO chances...
Once separation papers are filed, how long does it usually take for the divorce to finalize?
Is there an option to withdraw the whole thing?
I refuse to give up hope, that we may end up getting together again.
We are still receiving counseling.
Thank you AGAIN!
4AI

 

[GrowUp!]

All your responses are greatly appreciated!
What does your experience tell you about my chances of getting joint custody?
I am concerned, because of my job situation, and my wife's large support group.
She thinks I have NO chances...
Once separation papers are filed, how long does it usually take for the divorce to finalize?
Is there an option to withdraw the whole thing?
I refuse to give up hope, that we may end up getting together again.
We are still receiving counseling.
Thank you AGAIN!
4AI

Listen...your wife and many other women like her have that attitude where they think that custody automatically goes to the woman. Not anymore. More and more dad's are getting custody.

Her large support group means nothing. She will need that support group when she gets a doze of reality in court. Your job situation should not hamper joint legal. But it is a factor that will have to be addressed if you are going for residential placement. There is no reason either of you can not have joint legal custody, unless one of you do something extremely stupid.

Do not give up. She does NOT have any more rights to the children than you do. If she tells you any differently, tell her to shove it (and her 'large support group' can help do that too LOL). She is trying to mentally shoot you down. Don't let it happen.

Even IF you are in couseling, still be proactive. Still file the paperwork. You can always withdraw them, if needed.

 

[LdiJ]

I am not sure that I agree with everybody here.....at least on the viableness of him being able to keep her and the kids in CA.

He admits that he has no family in CA. He also admits that the kids have a large extended family in FL.

My impression that his entire working schedule is 10-15 days a month in Hawaii. While obviously the commute from FL to HI would be lengthier than from CA to HI, its not any less do-able than from CA to HI.

Obviously the judge can't give him primary custody in order to keep the kids in CA, because he has to be gone from CA 10-15 days per month. The judge can't force mom to live in CA, the judge can only force the kids to live there, and the judge can't do that unless the judge is willing to give dad primary custody if mom chooses to move anyway. Which obviously the judge can't do in this case.

I would agree with everybody else if he wasn't spending 10-15 days a month in Hawaii.

 

[nextwife]

I am not sure that I agree with everybody here.....at least on the viableness of him being able to keep her and the kids in CA.

He admits that he has no family in CA. He also admits that the kids have a large extended family in FL.

My impression that his entire working schedule is 10-15 days a month in Hawaii. While obviously the commute from FL to HI would be lengthier than from CA to HI, its not any less do-able than from CA to HI.

Obviously the judge can't give him primary custody in order to keep the kids in CA, because he has to be gone from CA 10-15 days per month. The judge can't force mom to live in CA, the judge can only force the kids to live there, and the judge can't do that unless the judge is willing to give dad primary custody if mom chooses to move anyway. Which obviously the judge can't do in this case.

I would agree with everybody else if he wasn't spending 10-15 days a month in Hawaii.

LdiJ, a parent is not REQUIRED to have a "large support group" around" to have the right to parent their child. Some of us have no remaining living parents, no siblings nearby, and we still parent our kids just fine. When one has no choice, they figure out other options.

They are OUR kids and our responsibility (not our parents). Where our parents happen to choose to live, should have no bearing on custody between the parents of the CHILDREN.

If he is away 10 to 20 days, he is NOT away another 15 to 20 days.

 

[haiku]

Certainly, all he would need to do, would be find "Mr French" to watch the kids while he is in Hawaii**************...

 

[NYR]

The following website has many articles on California divorce and custody. They may be helpful:

http://www.divorcesource.com/CA/info/resources.shtml

 

[acmb05]

I am not sure that I agree with everybody here.....at least on the viableness of him being able to keep her and the kids in CA.

He admits that he has no family in CA. He also admits that the kids have a large extended family in FL.

Does not matter

My impression that his entire working schedule is 10-15 days a month in Hawaii. While obviously the commute from FL to HI would be lengthier than from CA to HI, its not any less do-able than from CA to HI.

Except for the extra 3 hours plus layovers on the flight. Oh and the extra almost $500.00 for the ticket

Obviously the judge can't give him primary custody in order to keep the kids in CA, because he has to be gone from CA 10-15 days per month. The judge can't force mom to live in CA, the judge can only force the kids to live there, and the judge can't do that unless the judge is willing to give dad primary custody if mom chooses to move anyway. Which obviously the judge can't do in this case.

What about joint custody? What do you mean the judge can't stop mom from moving the kids unless dad gets primary custody. There are many parents who do not have primary custody who have stopped the other parent from moving without getting custody changed.