Divorce/spousal support

[Dfab]

My husband and I have just seperated, and HOPEFULLY he will be filing for a divorce in Jan. (since he's the only one with money) My question is, does anyone know where I might be able to get some free legal advice in the Phx.Az. area? I would like to try for spousal support but I can't afford an attorney. My husband makes 4 times as much as I do and has threatened to "F--k me over good in court." He doesn't think I am entitled to ANYTHING! He is a verbally abusive drunk and told me to "GET OUT" because I won't put up with his drinking. I had to move out of a 5 bedroom, 3 bath house with a pool, into a tiny studio apartment in a pretty bad neighborhood because it's all I can afford. He will undoubtably cancel my car and medical insurance as soon as the holidays are over. I understand one of us has to file divorce papers before I can file for temp spousal support. How can I stop him from canceling all my insurance before papers are filed? And what are my chances of getting extended spousal support? We have been married 4 yrs and 9 mos. and I have been helping him raise his 2 daughters for 2 yrs of that.(no children from our marriage) I have DEFINITELY been used to living a better life style than the one I have now!
I would appreciate any help I can get on this. I'm lost!
And he'a a JERK!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My husband and I have just seperated, and HOPEFULLY he will be filing for a divorce in Jan. (since he's the only one with money) My question is, does anyone know where I might be able to get some free legal advice in the Phx.Az. area? I would like to try for spousal support but I can't afford an attorney. My husband makes 4 times as much as I do and has threatened to "F--k me over good in court." He doesn't think I am entitled to ANYTHING! He is a verbally abusive drunk and told me to "GET OUT" because I won't put up with his drinking. I had to move out of a 5 bedroom, 3 bath house with a pool, into a tiny studio apartment in a pretty bad neighborhood because it's all I can afford. He will undoubtably cancel my car and medical insurance as soon as the holidays are over. I understand one of us has to file divorce papers before I can file for temp spousal support. How can I stop him from canceling all my insurance before papers are filed? And what are my chances of getting extended spousal support? We have been married 4 yrs and 9 mos. and I have been helping him raise his 2 daughters for 2 yrs of that.(no children from our marriage) I have DEFINITELY been used to living a better life style than the one I have now!
I would appreciate any help I can get on this. I'm lost!
And he'a a JERK!

My response:

Do you mean to tell us that before you were married that he wasn't an alcoholic ? That during your marriage he turned into an alcoholic ? If he was an alcoholic prior to your marriage, and you married him anyway, who's the "jerk" ?

Anyway, in order to stop him from cleaning out accounts, canceling insurance, etc., (in essence, laying "waste" to the marital assets), you MUST file your Petition for divorce first, and do it IMMEDIATELY.

You see, once you file, an Automatic Restraining Order goes into effect to stop either of you from wasting the marital assets prior to court hearings. If either of you disobey that Restraining Order before the court sees the assets and debts of the marriage, then that person is also going to jail.

You can also make an immediate motion for "Pendente Lite" spousal support - something you should have done a long time ago. I can hear you saying right now, "You mean to tell me I could have gotten support money from the slob all this time?" Yes.

This will force him to support you during the litigation process. In other words, he cannot just "abandon" you financially like he thinks he's able to. An immediate monthly order for support will go into effect - - whether he likes it or not.

You can call a Family Law attorney and most will give you a FREE initial consultation. Then, if you don't have the money for a divorce, that attorney will make his / her motion to the court to force your husband to pay your attorney fees. How's that ?

Now, call an attorney on Tuesday, and get in for your initial consultation.

And you thought you could change him !! Do you have any idea how many times a month I hear my new clients say this to me ? All you ladies out there . . . stop trying to "change that man". You can't do it, and the marriage always suffers, right along with your hearts.

Once an alcoholic or druggie, always an alcoholic or druggie. Once you marry a person like this, you're in for a life of hell.

But, you can change him, right ? You're going to be the "one". Na, never happens. Sooner or later, they come to see me because they've had it up to here !!

IAAL

[Edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE on 12-25-2000 at 08:08 PM]

 

[LadyBlu]

My response:

Do you mean to tell us that before you were married that he wasn't an alcoholic ? That during your marriage he turned into an alcoholic ? If he was an alcoholic prior to your marriage, and you married him anyway, who's the "jerk" ?

Anyway, in order to stop him from cleaning out accounts, canceling insurance, etc., (in essence, laying "waste" to the marital assets), you MUST file your Petition for divorce first, and do it IMMEDIATELY.

You see, once you file, an Automatic Restraining Order goes into effect to stop either of you from wasting the marital assets prior to court hearings. If either of you disobey that Restraining Order before the court sees the assets and debts of the marriage, then that person is also going to jail.

You can also make an immediate motion for "Pendente Lite" spousal support - something you should have done a long time ago. I can hear you saying right now, "You mean to tell me I could have gotten support money from the slob all this time?" Yes.

This will force him to support you during the litigation process. In other words, he cannot just "abandon" you financially like he thinks he's able to. An immediate monthly order for support will go into effect - - whether he likes it or not.

You can call a Family Law attorney and most will give you a FREE initial consultation. Then, if you don't have the money for a divorce, that attorney will make his / her motion to the court to force your husband to pay your attorney fees. How's that ?

Now, call an attorney on Tuesday, and get in for your initial consultation.

And you thought you could change him !! Do you have any idea how many times a month I hear my new clients say this to me ? All you ladies out there . . . stop trying to "change that man". You can't do it, and the marriage always suffers, right along with your hearts.

Once an alcoholic or druggie, always an alcoholic or druggie. Once you marry a person like this, you're in for a life of hell.

But, you can change him, right ? You're going to be the "one". Na, never happens. Sooner or later, they come to see me because they've had it up to here !!

IAAL

[Edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE on 12-25-2000 at 08:08 PM]

Very Well said IAAL... and very good advice for those women/men out there contemplating marriage...

I know I had to learn it the hard way...

 

[Dfab]

Thank you for your prompt reply. I appreciate the advice but don't you think you were a little quick to judge me and my intentions in this marriage? I never thought for a minute that I could "be the one to change him" and I never had a problem with his drinking, in fact I used to drink with him and we had some really good times. You have no idea what I mean when I call him a "jerk" because you don't know either one of us. I joined this forum because I needed some advice for a very hurtfull situation. I didn't realize that insults to myself would be included. Thank you for all your help. I'll call an attorney.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

You have no idea what I mean when I call him a "jerk" because you don't know either one of us.

My response:

Yes, I know . . . you meant "jerk" in the most loving, and respectful manner. Of course !!

And now, you're defending the man who threw you out, with the statement " . . . you don't know either one of us."

Absolutely incredible.

And yes, "it takes two to tango" and I don't have to "know" you personally to "know" and understand your problem. Do you really think you're unique ?

I've seen your story played out hundreds of times, and with little variation on the theme, they're all the same.

Woman dates drunkard.

Woman thinks she can "change him".

Woman marries drunkard.

Woman becomes an "enabler".

Woman still thinks she can "change him".

Woman finally gets thrown out the door.

It's always the same, basic, story. You are not unique. And, while you're "living the high life" in your "tiny studio apartment in a pretty bad neighborhood", I need you to tell me that your situation is different from every other person that waltzes into my office; that he's just a wonderful, misunderstood, "jerk" (meant respectfully, of course) ? In the meantime, WAKE UP !! You were the one who got thrown out of the "5 bedroom, 3 bath house with a pool", and who "has threatened to "F--k me over good in court. He doesn't think I am entitled to ANYTHING!", remember ?

You're still enabling him. But, he's just a wonderful, terrific, guy. Hello ? Wake up and smell the coffee.

And yes, you also get a little tough love when you ask for "free advice". Not only free legal advice, but even advice you never asked to get.

You see, if you didn't want me, or anyone else, to comment about your "life" and situation, you could have written your post, as follows:

"My husband and I have just seperated, and HOPEFULLY he will be filing for a divorce in Jan. (since he's the only one with money)

"My question is, does anyone know where I might be able to get some free legal advice in the Phx.Az. area?

"I would like to try for spousal support but I can't afford an attorney. My husband makes 4 times as much as I do. He will undoubtably cancel my car and medical insurance as soon as the holidays are over.

"I understand one of us has to file divorce papers before I can file for temp spousal support. How can I stop him from canceling all my insurance before papers are filed?

"And what are my chances of getting extended spousal support? I would appreciate any help I can get on this. I'm lost!"

But, you're the one who "opened the door" to all of the "other advice" that you didn't want to receive because of all your emotional stuff you wrote had nothing whatever to do with your problem. However, you wrote it, you put it in your post, and you left yourself wide open for comment on those other issues.

Famous last words:

"I never had a problem with his drinking" - - - until now.

IAAL

[Edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE on 12-26-2000 at 01:27 PM]

 

[Dfab]

You are right and I stand corrected. I asked for what I got. I also learned a very good lesson in all this, you meet a man in a bar, that's probably where you will ALWAYS find him. You are wrong about one thing though, he is not a wonderful, terrific guy and I CAN smell the coffee.

Thank you for your time, I do appreciate the advice, all of it.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

You are right and I stand corrected. I asked for what I got. I also learned a very good lesson in all this, you meet a man in a bar, that's probably where you will ALWAYS find him. You are wrong about one thing though, he is not a wonderful, terrific guy and I CAN smell the coffee.

Thank you for your time, I do appreciate the advice, all of it.

My response:

Great !!

Now, go get him. Go get what's yours, and don't repeat this type of history again. I can tell you're educated, and with that, have the mental and emotional capacity to never repeat this type of history ever again. You are better than all of this !!

Just remind yourself, now and again, "I'm better than this, and I'm worth it !!"

You're about to embark into a battle. But, hold your head up high, take the slings and arrows of "outrageous misfortune", fight for your rights and what belongs to you, and turn this lemon into lemonaide.

You're going to do just fine. You just needed a little direction and a little tap on the ass.

Good luck to you and, if you wouldn't mind, please let us know how your initial consultation goes.

IAAL

 

[Dfab]

IAAL
Ok, I had a consultation today with an attorney, and his advice was to let my husband file for the divorce. The reasons he gave me for this are:
1. Looks like this could get expensive since my husband
is NOT going to agree to anything.
2. Whoever files first has the burden of finances.(attorney fees)
3. There is no guarantee that the court will make my husband pay for my attorney, should I retain one. Therefore, no attorney will take my case on the "assumption" that they will get their money from him, and they will already know that I can't pay. etc. etc.

I guess my next step is to wait for him to file and then go to the court house and file a response. I imagine that I can use the self help center to do this. I have printed out all the forms that I will need, now I just have to make sure I put the right information on them. Do I need to know all of HIS finances to fill out the finance forms for the temp spousal support? ie; what it costs to support his children, all his bills etc. I also noticed that I will need copies of our fed income tax forms for the last 3 years. No way is he going to give me any of this information.
I know that I can do this, and I'm not afraid to stand up in front of a Judge without a laywer. It just really sucks that women in my position lose out on benifits that they are entitled to just because they don't have any money.

Before I do anything, did the attorney give me good advice? Your opinion??

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

I'm assuming the attorney gave you proper advice. It's just too bad that you can't file with the assistance of an attorney; because, in the meantime, your husband can spend or secrete all of the marital assets, and / or run up bills that you both will be responsible to pay. That's why I mentioned the Marital Restraining Order - - to stop such actions.

Having "all the forms" is good, but it's nowhere near everything you'll need to know. If there's a possible way for you to obtain $500.00 (I know, I may as well be saying $5,000.00), but if there's a way, then I would suggest that you hunt around for a Paralegal Service that can assist you with the forms, and ideas on how to get the necessary information, among many other matters and guidance you'll need to do this yourself. Also, if you meet the State poverty guidelines, you may be able to have the Court Costs and Fees waived. Inquire about "In Forma Pauperis" guidelines with the paralegal service, or get the forms and guidelines from the court clerk.

If all else fails, then you may be able to find a good "How To" book at one of the major bookstores in your area. Most large bookstores have a legal section. At least, you'll have some guidence or won't be "shooting in the dark" if you have to do this yourself.

Good luck to you.

IAAL

 

[Dfab]

IAAL

I already have the application for deferral of court fees and/or costs. I printed everything out and they all come with instructions. I don't know if I will be eligible for the deferral, but it can't hurt to try, right? Now,I have a 3 day weekend and I'm going to see just how many of those forms I can fill out. Also, thanks for the advice, I'm going to buy a good "How To" book from the legal department at the nearest book store. I LOVE to read!
Thank you!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Okay, kidlet.

I'll be here for you. If I can help, I will. Just say, "IAAL, I NEED SOME HELP" and I'll come screaming over to your post, and do the best I can - - although, it's a bit difficult from Cyberspace.

IAAL

 

[Dfab]

IAAL

Thank you! If I get stuck, I'll call on you. I'm sure you know, to us laymen out here, this can be pretty confusing.