Elder Abuse?

[marylandwoman]

What is the name of your state? VIRGINIA

My mother is looking after my 90 yr old Dad and he tells me that she is abusing him verbally and psychologically - denying him medication refills when he asks her, refusing to buy a better porta potty, not taking him to a podiatrist (hasn't been for 2 or 3 years), etc...she scolds him and yells at him as if he were a child (I have witnessed this) and told me he is "just like a baby"...

He fell last week and can still walk with a walker, but she is tryingt to tell him that he MUST stay in a wheelchair. I feel she is trying to degrade and demotivate him and hasten his demise.

They have agreed in principle to have a p/t caregiver come in if I can find someone suitable - but before that, I want to have their County Office on Aging survey the home and look for possible signs of elder abuse.

Is there anything else I can do to protect my Dad? I do have a Durable Power of Attorney which he signed on May 26 of this year.

Any help would be greatly appreicated!

Thanks!

 

[BlondiePB]

What is the name of your state? VIRGINIA

My mother is looking after my 90 yr old Dad and he tells me that she is abusing him verbally and psychologically - denying him medication refills when he asks her, refusing to buy a better porta potty, not taking him to a podiatrist (hasn't been for 2 or 3 years), etc...she scolds him and yells at him as if he were a child (I have witnessed this) and told me he is "just like a baby"...

He fell last week and can still walk with a walker, but she is tryingt to tell him that he MUST stay in a wheelchair. I feel she is trying to degrade and demotivate him and hasten his demise.

They have agreed in principle to have a p/t caregiver come in if I can find someone suitable - but before that, I want to have their County Office on Aging survey the home and look for possible signs of elder abuse.

Is there anything else I can do to protect my Dad? I do have a Durable Power of Attorney which he signed on May 26 of this year.

Any help would be greatly appreicated!

Thanks!

Do you also have medical POA for your father?

Did you acquire both medical and durable POA for your mother prior to her dementia?

 

[marylandwoman]

Elder Abuse

Blondie -

Thank you for your reply - yes, I have a Durable Power of Attorney which includes Medical decisions. This was granted as a result of my mother's behavior to my father, as my father wanted some protection. You are implying that my mother is suffering from dementia - or is she just being unreasonably cruel and disrespectful to my father?

I look forward to your next post.

 

[BlondiePB]

Dad, who lives in VIRGINIA, has a mind that is as sharp as a tack. It is that, combined with the fact that he sees my Mom's mind slowly deteriorating

This is from your other post. Your mother should be evaluated for her competency. That's why I asked if you had both medical and durable POA for her.

Due to the fact that your parents live in VA and you in MD is distance a problem for you? With your POAs, you can order the medical equipment dad requires and have it shipped to his home. There are podiatrists that make home visits. Use your medical POA to make arrangements for that. Some medical equipment is covered under Medicare and/or other Medicare HMO's, Medi-gap, etc. insurances with a physician's Rx.

Here's a good website for stuff for elders and others that need such things www.dynamic-living.com

 

[marylandwoman]

Elder Abuse? continued

Hi Again, Blondie -

The Durable and Medical POA I have is for my DAD. How do we go about getting my Mom's competency evaluated? Especially if she is in denial? I don't have a clue who her POA has been assigned to.

I have contacted the Elderlink group in their area and arranged for a Universal Assessment Instrument of their home and my Dad to determine the level of in-home care he needs. We figure that if a third person is there, my mother can't get abusive with my Dad.

Yes, we are about 2 hours drive, but we have been going every month - now feel every 2 weeks due to this situtation. Thanks for the website recommendation!

 

[BlondiePB]

Hi Again, Blondie -

The Durable and Medical POA I have is for my DAD. How do we go about getting my Mom's competency evaluated? Especially if she is in denial? I don't have a clue who her POA has been assigned to.

I have contacted the Elderlink group in their area and arranged for a Universal Assessment Instrument of their home and my Dad to determine the level of in-home care he needs. We figure that if a third person is there, my mother can't get abusive with my Dad.

Yes, we are about 2 hours drive, but we have been going every month - now feel every 2 weeks due to this situtation. Thanks for the website recommendation!

Call the Elderlink group regarding how to have your mother's competency assessed. There are psychiatrists that do go to an elder's home for these types of assessments. Denial is a symptom of incompetency. Also speak with an Elder Law attorney regarding guardianship/conservatorship over your mother. Many do free initial consultations. You are very welcome for the website link.