Enough?

[Zephyr]

What is the name of your state? WI

Hello everyone- I am looking for some input to determine if what I have-wrt issue with the custody arrangement is enough to take this back to court----while ideally I would love to have an actual change of custody I do realize that is a tough hurdle and would be extrememly happy with a more defined order that would give me a bit more time.

These are the issues:

CP not co-parenting- I am informed of nothing

Contempt for CP- not telling me about any medical information at all- including who son's doctor is

CP not getting son into some sort of counseling- which was ordered by the judge but that CP's lawyer conveniently left out of the order...transcripts will show this

CP continually allowing son to eat items like McDonald's double cheeseburgers, jumbo burritos etc even though CP testified to the fact that the dr said if son's weight is not controlled he could easily develop diabetes

Son being exposed to a felon who continues to break the law- convicted-and just signed a plea agreement for 3 more charges and threatened to kill me

Edited to add- SM also filed false CPS report against mom while SM was on bond with no contact no harrassment provisions- case has been closed and awaiting paperwork and phone records to follow up with pressing more charges

Rats/Mice in their home - Son said it was a rat- insisted it was a rat even though I said it was probably a mouse but then when he saw me start to go into freak out mode he quickly said it was a mouse

CP allowing son to play outside alone, unsupervised even though 2 convicted sex offenders live in that same trailer court- one of them 2 doors down

SM telling son I treat him poorly...and that my house is dirty

Son being encouraged to be average...grrrrrr ( I know it's not a legal beef- but it annoys the hell outta me)

Not being informed about school at all, conferences, report cards anything- I make a point to fond out who son's teachers are and contact them 2x per month for updates and such- CP does not know I do this- CP was extremely irritated when I showed up to the parent techer conference

SM telling son she has my baby

CP NEVER allowing make up time- even though I cooperate and and try to be flexible and agree for son to attend their events that occur during my time






I know some of this stuff I have brought to the forum on an individual basis, but I was just wondering if collectively it is enough to make some changes?

Thanks


Edited again to add- CP will not communicate at all- I asked for email address he refuses to provide one, refuses to provide home phone number, will not answer cell phone, when an issue does need to be dealt with I have been drafting a letter and having hubby inconspicuously video tape(cell phone) me handing the letter to ex.

 

[CJane]

CP not co-parenting- I am informed of nothing

Contempt for CP- not telling me about any medical information at all- including who son's doctor is

Not being informed about school at all, conferences, report cards anything- I make a point to fond out who son's teachers are and contact them 2x per month for updates and such- CP does not know I do this- CP was extremely irritated when I showed up to the parent techer conference

I rearranged a bit, but this all falls into the same category, I think. I know that my ex-husband's refusal to co-parent played a HUGE role in our custody change. But it's possible that it only did because it so pi**ed off the GAL.

CP not getting son into some sort of counseling- which was ordered by the judge but that CP's lawyer conveniently left out of the order...transcripts will show this

Since it' not in the order, but it IS in the transcripts, I would request a mod based on this. Request a modification to include ordered counseling for the minor child, as determined by the judge on *insert date here*.

THEN include a request to modify parenting time and contempt charges for the failure to co-parent.

CP continually allowing son to eat items like McDonald's double cheeseburgers, jumbo burritos etc even though CP testified to the fact that the dr said if son's weight is not controlled he could easily develop diabetes.

Next time you have Jr, take him to a nutritionist in your area. Have a full physical done, BMI, cholesterol, blood pressure, pre-screening for diabetes, etc. Make the findings available to your ex. In your motion to modify, include allegations of neglect - obesity is recognized more and more as a form of neglect in the same category as starvation.

Son being exposed to a felon who continues to break the law- convicted-and just signed a plea agreement for 3 more charges and threatened to kill me.

Edited to add- SM also filed false CPS report against mom while SM was on bond with no contact no harrassment provisions- case has been closed and awaiting paperwork and phone records to follow up with pressing more charges.

You could try to add a 'no contact with a$$holes clause, but I don't see the judge signing off on it.

Rats/Mice in their home - Son said it was a rat- insisted it was a rat even though I said it was probably a mouse but then when he saw me start to go into freak out mode he quickly said it was a mouse

Rats? Bleh. But ya know, I had mice all last winter. 'Bout drove me mad, but I couldn't get rid of the lil beasts. This year, I got smart and put out poison early... no mice yet. I heard a rumor that he has termites though... any truth to that? Or.... ROACHES?????

CP allowing son to play outside alone, unsupervised even though 2 convicted sex offenders live in that same trailer court- one of them 2 doors down

I pointed out something very similar re: where the ex lives, and was told that it just doesn't matter. The 'list' of registered sex offenders has gotten so long, it's virtually impossible to not live near someone who's registered... do you know what their actual crime was?

SM telling son I treat him poorly...and that my house is dirty

SM telling son she has my baby

This MIGHT matter if you got a GAL involved and it was part of a larger picture (like with my kids' stepmonster).

Son being encouraged to be average...grrrrrr ( I know it's not a legal beef- but it annoys the hell outta me)

Yup, I know that one too. Ex actually told the GAL "As long as the kids get Cs, they're ok, right?"

CP NEVER allowing make up time- even though I cooperate and and try to be flexible and agree for son to attend their events that occur during my time

Quit being nice.

I know some of this stuff I have brought to the forum on an individual basis, but I was just wondering if collectively it is enough to make some changes?

Thanks

I definitely think it's enough to make changes. It's probably more than I actually had when I filed... though not as much as by the time we went to trial (does that make sense?) and I was successful. I know that you're trying to change physical time, and I wasn't, but the GAL told me that I SHOULD have filed for full-custody, last time I talked to her...

 

[Zephyr]

I pointed out something very similar re: where the ex lives, and was told that it just doesn't matter. The 'list' of registered sex offenders has gotten so long, it's virtually impossible to not live near someone who's registered... do you know what their actual crime was?

both were sex offenses against children under 14

 

[CJane]

both were sex offenses against children under 14

GAH! I think I remember you posting about that, now that I think about it (and have some coffee).

That, added into the other 'neglect' stuff... might carry a LOT of weight. Especially if you can prove that Jr plays unattended... or has to walk past that house to get to the school bus, or something. CYA by mailing a letter CCR to ex, informing him of who the people are, if you haven't already done so. Not everyone is paranoid like me, and runs through the list once a month.

If he's been informed and still doesn't take steps to make sure the child is safe, then I think that you'd have something to use.

'Nother CYA though... check and see how near you any sex offenders live. The nearest one to me is 7 miles away... but my nearest neighbor is nearly 1/4 mile away.

 

[Ohiogal]

OKay Zephyr...

What is the name of your state? WI

Hello everyone- I am looking for some input to determine if what I have-wrt issue with the custody arrangement is enough to take this back to court----while ideally I would love to have an actual change of custody I do realize that is a tough hurdle and would be extrememly happy with a more defined order that would give me a bit more time.

These are the issues:

CP not co-parenting- I am informed of nothing

go for contempt.

Contempt for CP- not telling me about any medical information at all- including who son's doctor is

Go for contempt.

CP not getting son into some sort of counseling- which was ordered by the judge but that CP's lawyer conveniently left out of the order...transcripts will show this

Contempt again.

CP continually allowing son to eat items like McDonald's double cheeseburgers, jumbo burritos etc even though CP testified to the fact that the dr said if son's weight is not controlled he could easily develop diabetes

NOt contempt -- difference in parenting styles. Prove that child is gaining weight and it is due to McDonald's and that what you feed him does not play a role. Prove that son is being forcefed this. It may not be healthy as a salad (and sometimes it is healthier than some salads but it is not anything but a parenting style difference.

Son being exposed to a felon who continues to break the law- convicted-and just signed a plea agreement for 3 more charges and threatened to kill me

Is there a restraining order against the felon to prohibit felon from being around son? Is felon a direct danger to the child? Is felon a relative or neighbor that has been around the child even when you were with son's father? How is son around felon -- i.e. does felon babysit son or come over to see dad and son is just there?

Edited to add- SM also filed false CPS report against mom while SM was on bond with no contact no harrassment provisions- case has been closed and awaiting paperwork and phone records to follow up with pressing more charges

Can you PROVE it was SM that did this? File charges with the police.


Rats/Mice in their home - Son said it was a rat- insisted it was a rat even though I said it was probably a mouse but then when he saw me start to go into freak out mode he quickly said it was a mouse

Has the health department been contacted about the rats? Is there proof other than son's word? Can you prove that CPs house is unsanitary? Is the trailer park in the country? Many homes in the country end up with mice at one point or another because of location.

CP allowing son to play outside alone, unsupervised even though 2 convicted sex offenders live in that same trailer court- one of them 2 doors down

How old is son? Son being outside alone is not necessarily a problem depending on age of child (if one year old that is an issue -- if in school (even kindergarten depending on WHERE the child is to be -- backyard or front porch or just driveway where can be seen from window) not an issue to not have a parent outside wth them. How do you know the child is UNsupervised and that dad and sm are not in the trailer where they can keep an eye on junior?

SM telling son I treat him poorly...and that my house is dirty

Not nice and you could bring it to the court's attention. May not be contempt unless the orders prohibit ex from allowing anyone to talk negatively about other parent. Then ex is in trouble.

Son being encouraged to be average...grrrrrr ( I know it's not a legal beef- but it annoys the hell outta me)

You know the answer to this! Not a legal beef. Difference in parenting style.

Not being informed about school at all, conferences, report cards anything- I make a point to fond out who son's teachers are and contact them 2x per month for updates and such- CP does not know I do this- CP was extremely irritated when I showed up to the parent techer conference

Cp can be as irritated as he wants to be. He can't do a thing to stop you.


SM telling son she has my baby

At least she is saying that he is your baby. Not illegal. Annoying and not nice but not contempt.

CP NEVER allowing make up time- even though I cooperate and and try to be flexible and agree for son to attend their events that occur during my time


Easy solution -- QUIT giving him YOUR time.



I know some of this stuff I have brought to the forum on an individual basis, but I was just wondering if collectively it is enough to make some changes?

Thanks

On contempt items you may be able to get some changes ordered. Such as notification and such. But some of the stuff a court may not order at all. And you wouldn't get custody. You may be able to force this into a mediation situation where you can get some changes written in and agreed to. That may be the best way of going about this.
If felon is being used a babysitter you can stop that by requiring babysitters other than family be state supervised/approved, etcetera.

But most of what you are upset about is difference in parenting style.
You can always try but don't be surprised if you don't get very far.

 

[Zephyr]

Next time you have Jr, take him to a nutritionist in your area. Have a full physical done, BMI, cholesterol, blood pressure, pre-screening for diabetes, etc. Make the findings available to your ex. In your motion to modify, include allegations of neglect - obesity is recognized more and more as a form of neglect in the same category as starvation.


...

Exellent idea- I will definitely do this!

 

[Zephyr]

Is there a restraining order against the felon to prohibit felon from being around son? Is felon a direct danger to the child? Is felon a relative or neighbor that has been around the child even when you were with son's father? How is son around felon -- i.e. does felon babysit son or come over to see dad and son is just there?

Felon is dad's live in gf- 6 felony drug convictions, 5 year stayed prison sentence- 4 disorderly conduct convictions, now 3 convicted charges of telephone harrassment with threats of bodily harm.

SM also has a 12 year old son that is very aggressive towards mine and CP's son, hitting him, threatening him- this child has also exposed himelf to younger children in school- our son refuses to talk about him

The trailer court is kind of in the country- that's why I thought he was talking about mice- because really I know it's a fact of life sometimes and not a reflection on cleanliness- but he was insistent that it was a rat.....ewwww

 

[CJane]

Felon is dad's live in gf- 6 felony drug convictions, 5 year stayed prison sentence- 4 disorderly conduct convictions, now 3 convicted charges of telephone harrassment with threats of bodily harm.

SM also has a 12 year old son that is very aggressive towards mine and CP's son, hitting him, threatening him- this child has also exposed himelf to younger children in school- our son refuses to talk about him

The trailer court is kind of in the country- that's why I thought he was talking about mice- because really I know it's a fact of life sometimes and not a reflection on cleanliness- but he was insistent that it was a rat.....ewwww

Ummm... the live-in GF and SM are the same person, right? Or is dad kinky?

Wonder if it's possible to get a restraining order against the 12 year old... or file harrassment/assault charges against him/his parent...

 

[Zephyr]

GAH! I think I remember you posting about that, now that I think about it (and have some coffee).

That, added into the other 'neglect' stuff... might carry a LOT of weight. Especially if you can prove that Jr plays unattended... or has to walk past that house to get to the school bus, or something. CYA by mailing a letter CCR to ex, informing him of who the people are, if you haven't already done so. Not everyone is paranoid like me, and runs through the list once a month.

If he's been informed and still doesn't take steps to make sure the child is safe, then I think that you'd have something to use.

'Nother CYA though... check and see how near you any sex offenders live. The nearest one to me is 7 miles away... but my nearest neighbor is nearly 1/4 mile away.

Did the letter thing- he told me at the next swap that there is nothing at his home to be concerned about- and then allowed son to play outside alone again, I did check my area- the closest one is 1.5 miles and we live in town

 

[Zephyr]

Ummm... the live-in GF and SM are the same person, right? Or is dad kinky?

Wonder if it's possible to get a restraining order against the 12 year old... or file harrassment/assault charges against him/his parent...

oh yes they are the same person....

 

[Ohiogal]

Exellent idea- I will definitely do this!

A good attorney can argue that obesity is NOT neglect. There are many scientific/medical reasons why children end up obese. Also you would have to prove that you have done nothing to contribute to the obesity (i.e. genetics, instilling eating habits, etcetera). It is a difficult argument and neglect is usually only seen when a child is severely obese (as in 300 pounds at the age of 10).

 

[Ohiogal]

Felon is dad's live in gf- 6 felony drug convictions, 5 year stayed prison sentence- 4 disorderly conduct convictions, now 3 convicted charges of telephone harrassment with threats of bodily harm.

SM also has a 12 year old son that is very aggressive towards mine and CP's son, hitting him, threatening him- this child has also exposed himelf to younger children in school- our son refuses to talk about him

The trailer court is kind of in the country- that's why I thought he was talking about mice- because really I know it's a fact of life sometimes and not a reflection on cleanliness- but he was insistent that it was a rat.....ewwww

I would add in your complaint that your son is being abused by his stepbrother.
You would have to prove that it is a rat. If you haven't seen it then you can't prove it. Unless you get someone in to take samples of droppings and tell you that they are rat droppings.
As for the felon being dad's live in gf/sm whoever, none of those felony's directly endanger your child. Which makes it more difficult. How long has dad been living/married to this person? You would need something new. If she has been there for a long time the fact that you haven't complained in court before now may be seen as tacit acceptance. If you have complained before then you need a change.

 

[Ohiogal]

Did the letter thing- he told me at the next swap that there is nothing at his home to be concerned about- and then allowed son to play outside alone again, I did check my area- the closest one is 1.5 miles and we live in town

The thing is your ex cannot control the neighbors. He can only control himself. And depending on the age of the child, junior playing outside alone may not be viewed as neglect. How old is he? (Sorry, I dont recall seeing it mentioned.)

 

[CJane]

A good attorney can argue that obesity is NOT neglect. There are many scientific/medical reasons why children end up obese.

I think good attornies could argue both sides of the issue. I know that, in my experience, an aquaintance was ordered by CPS to take her daughter to a nutritionist to be evaluated for a 'root cause' of her daughter's obesity... granted, this was after CPS was already involved in her life. The child was found, by a nurtionist, an endocrinologist, and a general practitioner to be severely malnourished. CPS informed the mother of the child that the child must have follow-up visits w/the physicians at regular intervals and must show 'marked improvement' in nutrition and health, or she would be removed from the home due to neglect.

 

[Zephyr]

The thing is your ex cannot control the neighbors. He can only control himself. And depending on the age of the child, junior playing outside alone may not be viewed as neglect. How old is he? (Sorry, I dont recall seeing it mentioned.)

sorry- I didn't mention - he is 10, a rather timid 10