Ex kept son on my week-end AGAIN (short version)

[Kevmar44]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Ohio
I will keep this short & sweet bc I really need advice. First of the month I request in writing my 2nd week of the summer. Ex refuses saying they have plans. I call right back & leave msg requesting alternate week later in the month (the 22nd). The day before my regular week-end pick up, my ex leaves a msg that states they will be out of town for several days & will not be home until Tue. Since he gives me no specific dates I call right back & leave a msg that states I WILL be there Fri the 13th for my regular week-end & if they are not there I will be calling the police. He pulled this stunt 2 yrs ago & ended up screwing up our visitation schedule with my step-kids so I wasn't taking any chances. So Fri during the middle of the day when he knows I'm at work he calls & leaves a msg that says in my msg I told him I would be picking up my son on the 22nd so he ASSUMED I would not be picking him up on my regular week-end. Oh & he records all his msgs so he must feel his butt is covered! But never once in my msg did I say I would NOT be picking up my son for my regular week-end. For the record I have NEVER not picked up my son for any reason in 6 yrs. The problem with all of this is that I don't go home after work on my pick up days. I live 30 minutes out of town so I would have to turn around & go back to town as soon as I got home! (& with today's gas prices, who can afford that? ). So my husband gets the msg & calls me when I'm on my way to their house! So I call the police (after I verify they are not home) & they ask me to come down to the ps to file a report bc they are busy. After waiting 45 minutes a PO finally comes into the room & proceeds to ask me what I want him to do about it!?!? He tells me it's a civil matter, not a police matter & he almost won't take my info! Now if I don't document this it's my word against his right? What I need to know is...is the fact the my ex OBVIOUSLY knew I would be picking up my son on my week-end (or he wouldn't have called and left the msgs that he did with the dates that he did & that he called during the middle of the day when he knew no one would be home) enough to file some kind of contempt charges against him? I know when he called my on Thur he called from his home bc we have caller ID so he left w/o waiting for my reply. And I know this falls into the common courtesy file which I guess I don't deserve, but if there was ANY doubt in his mind about me not picking up my son shouldn't have have at LEAST called & asked? I know I'm asking for alot, but hey, what can I say, I must just be one of those demanding ex-wifes ! If anyone has ANY ideas, please respond!

 

[cananyonehelp]

First of the month I request in writing my 2nd week of the summer. Ex refuses saying they have plans

Does your court order tell to send him a letter telling him which two weeks in the summer you want your child?

Or, if you don’t send the letter it would default to… say the month of July

Now if I don't document this it's my word against his right? What I need to know is...is the fact the my ex OBVIOUSLY knew I would be picking up my son on my week-end (or he wouldn't have called and left the msgs that he did with the dates that he did & that he called during the middle of the day when he knew no one would be home) enough to file some kind of contempt charges against him?

In my state it is true that police don’t handle these civil situations, but they will come out and file a report at the location. If the party is there they will read the order and make the OP do what it says. I had an instance where my X wife got her for the weekend when it was my summer visitation period. When I went to pick her up she said she was not going to let me have her because my daughter did not want to come. I called the police and they made her give me my daughter who was glad to come back to my house for the remaining two weeks and cried when we took her home…. But she didn’t want to leave my house 90% of the time she came over when I was the NCP.

 

[Kevmar44]

The order says I need to give 30 days written notice but I found out on short notice that his cousins would be coming into town. But I'm not disputing the fact that it says I have to give 30 days notice, even though I don't think there is a Judge on the planet who is going to be happy that a parent didn't give the other parent their visitation bc they didn't give them 30 day written notice. My opinion is the road goes both ways. And I'm not disputing the fact that they had plans, but I do feel I covered my bases by calling & requesting the alternate week. My dispute is that my ex took my son on my week-end WITHOUT calling me to verify my msg. No where in it did I say I would NOT be picking up my son on my regular week-end.

As for the police, I don't think that cop had ever had to take a report on a custody case before. I have had the cops at my ex's twice before & once at another drop off spot but it didn't make any difference. Twice we knocked on the door to verify they weren't home & once my ex just lied to them about what out paperwork said! The fact I had a copy of the paper work on me didn't mean a thing. I even let my ex call them to my house on a pick up one time bc my ex likes to play the "you'll pick him up where & when I say" game & I wouldn't let him leave with my son until I had proof in front of witnesses that he would be at the appointed pick up spot. He wanted me to have to drive 45 farther to pick him up & I wasn't about to do it. You have to understand, my ex doesn't feel like HE has to following the rules, those are for everybody else to follow, but yet he will cry foul if I pull the same thing on him! As far as I'm concerned it's double standards for CP's & NCP's because the CP HAS to follow the rules to a T or there is hell to pay & the NCP's can do what ever the hell they want. Two yrs ago my ex didn't see his son for the entire summer bc he refused to come to my house & pick him up. Even though for 3+ years it had always been I pick up when it's my turn & he picked up when it was his, all of the sudden he decided I was going to provide all the transportation! For a while I did just tying to keep the peace but once I realized there was nothing I could do to keep the peace I refused & when I did that he just wouldn't come out and pick up his son!

The fact of this situation is my ex KNEW I would be picking my son up on my week-end so he made the phone call at the last minute & then booked out of town so there would be nothing I could do about it. Which is exactly the same thing he did 2 yrs ago but this time I am not just going to sit back & let it happen. When does the CP get to say enough is enough?

 

[stealth2]

What exactly is the custody arrangement, what does the order say about visitation (summer and otherwise) and what sort of notice is required? Who's the CP? And leave out the editorializing over who did what when. Thanks.

 

[tigger2two]

she is the cp according to one of her other posts.

Try and talk with the police again and get them to write up a report at least. Then document it yourself as well. Get you a journal and keep it updated with everything from pick ups, drop offs, phone calls, visitation issues, and anything else that has to do with your child. Trust me when it comes court time that little journal will be your best resource outside of your attorney.

And yes if he deliberatly disobeyed the court order in any way (which im not sure that he did) then he is in contempt. The way your explaining it im not sure if he did something that he shouldn't have or not. But if in fact you know that he did...file contempt of court against him.

 

[Kevmar44]

Ex kept son

I am the CP & I get him every other week-end & two weeks during the summer. This is the first summer we have had this schedule.
As far as I'm concerned he disobey the cout order by taking my son on my week-end. He' going to try to use a phone msg I left him about my final week of the summer but I NEVER said in that msg that I wasn't going to pick him up. In my opinion he should have at the very least called & verified whether I was going to or not. And if he thought I wasn't picking him up until the 22nd why did he call on the 12th & leave a msg that they were going to be gone for several days & wouldn't be home on the 15th but would be back on the 17th? To me that means he KNEW I would be picking up my son on the 13th or else why would I care? Ya know? And another issue is medication. I know they do not have any medication to give my son & it is court ordered he has it. If he thought I wasn't picking up my son he should have contacted me to let me know he needed more. I only send the exact amount bc it is a controlled substance and they monitor the prescriptions closely. He can't say I didn't send enough because I intended to pick up my son and they kept him 4 extra days. (so far) I am going to go back to the police station on Monday & talk to another officer bs this is the 2nd time he's done this & then he screwed up the visition week-ends that we had with my husbands kids!

 

[tigger2two]

I would do exactly that and I would also get in touch with my attorney refurring to the meds. It can't be in your sons best intrest for your ex to just keep denying him his meds. If it is court ordered and he obvouisly didn't get enough from you for his visitation then he is in contempt. And not using very good parenting skills in general.

 

[Kevmar44]

Thank you for your help. I did leave a msg requesting I get him when they get back and that I get to keep him for his week-end since they kept him for mine (as long as he does not try to screw up the week-ends again.) I'll let you know what happens.