What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?IL
[I also posted this under "Divorce, etc.," wasn't sure where it belonged.]
I got divorced 7 years ago; I have two kids 10 & 12 in joint legal custody; their mother has physical custody. My ex makes approx $125k/year; I make approx $20k/year: a financial situation that long predated the time of our divorce. At the time of the divorce I was making nearly $30k; she was earning about $97k. At present, I am struggling financially, but I'm doing the best I can, and doing everything I can to support the kids and have money on which to live.
For most of the past 7 years, my ex has refused to comply with the joint parenting agreement: she has made decisions unilaterally, such as putting the kids in private school, making important medical decisions without discussion, etc., despite my regular complaints that she was not following the terms of the agreement. She constantly interferes with my scheduled visitation (in theory every other weekend) through last minute rescheduling, "surprise" visits by family on my weekend, etc.
Two months ago, I interfered with her (unilateral) plans to get my daughter braces--a cost for which I am responsible--by calling the orthodontist's office and telling them that there was a joint parenting agreement, and that I didn't give permission for $4500 in orthodontia. They were surprised to learn of the joint parenting agreement. (FYI, my daughter will be getting the braces in December.)
Not surprisingly, this finally got the ex's attention. She came up with an extraordinary list of demands, and we are now in mediation... and I need help! (Mediation is a required step in our decree. What fun.)
1. Her first demand is that I should have paid half of the kids' tuition, and I now have to pay her $14k. She never requested any money for tuition before, and there is no mention of tuition in the decree--at the time the kids were in public school. I had told her when she informed me that she was changing the kids to a different school that I didn't approve this arrangement, but I never wrote her saying that I was opposed and refused to pay the tuition. On the other hand, she never, ever asked for payment, until now.
The mediator's position was that since tuition isn't mentioned in the decree that I have to pay half. Huh? Absence of evidence = evidence of absence?
2. Her second demand is that I pay child support based on earnings of $60k/year. I am presently paying child support based on the highest salary I earned ($30k), despite the fact that I'm actually grossing about 20K.
The mediator's position was that I should do something to earn $60k/year (selling cocaine, perhaps?). I suggested that he has a class bias, and that as I wasn't underemployed intentionally to avoid child support, he had no business imposing his values on me.
(The ex's demands #3-6 are of less pertinence.)
During the last mediation on child support in 2002, my ex claimed that she was making much less money, a hardship, and that I needed to pay more child support. She stated for the record that she was earning $90k, and this was entered into the court as an amended child support order. Thus I agreed to pay child support based on a salary that I had not earned in nearly two years.
During this current mediation, she provided tax returns for the last three years. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that in 2002 she didn't earn $90k as she had claimed, but had in fact earned $106k that year.
Anyway, overly long saga. Opinions? Suggestions? I don't have money for court; even this mediation is draining every bit of my (meagre) savings.
[I also posted this under "Divorce, etc.," wasn't sure where it belonged.]
I got divorced 7 years ago; I have two kids 10 & 12 in joint legal custody; their mother has physical custody. My ex makes approx $125k/year; I make approx $20k/year: a financial situation that long predated the time of our divorce. At the time of the divorce I was making nearly $30k; she was earning about $97k. At present, I am struggling financially, but I'm doing the best I can, and doing everything I can to support the kids and have money on which to live.
For most of the past 7 years, my ex has refused to comply with the joint parenting agreement: she has made decisions unilaterally, such as putting the kids in private school, making important medical decisions without discussion, etc., despite my regular complaints that she was not following the terms of the agreement. She constantly interferes with my scheduled visitation (in theory every other weekend) through last minute rescheduling, "surprise" visits by family on my weekend, etc.
Two months ago, I interfered with her (unilateral) plans to get my daughter braces--a cost for which I am responsible--by calling the orthodontist's office and telling them that there was a joint parenting agreement, and that I didn't give permission for $4500 in orthodontia. They were surprised to learn of the joint parenting agreement. (FYI, my daughter will be getting the braces in December.)
Not surprisingly, this finally got the ex's attention. She came up with an extraordinary list of demands, and we are now in mediation... and I need help! (Mediation is a required step in our decree. What fun.)
1. Her first demand is that I should have paid half of the kids' tuition, and I now have to pay her $14k. She never requested any money for tuition before, and there is no mention of tuition in the decree--at the time the kids were in public school. I had told her when she informed me that she was changing the kids to a different school that I didn't approve this arrangement, but I never wrote her saying that I was opposed and refused to pay the tuition. On the other hand, she never, ever asked for payment, until now.
The mediator's position was that since tuition isn't mentioned in the decree that I have to pay half. Huh? Absence of evidence = evidence of absence?
2. Her second demand is that I pay child support based on earnings of $60k/year. I am presently paying child support based on the highest salary I earned ($30k), despite the fact that I'm actually grossing about 20K.
The mediator's position was that I should do something to earn $60k/year (selling cocaine, perhaps?). I suggested that he has a class bias, and that as I wasn't underemployed intentionally to avoid child support, he had no business imposing his values on me.
(The ex's demands #3-6 are of less pertinence.)
During the last mediation on child support in 2002, my ex claimed that she was making much less money, a hardship, and that I needed to pay more child support. She stated for the record that she was earning $90k, and this was entered into the court as an amended child support order. Thus I agreed to pay child support based on a salary that I had not earned in nearly two years.
During this current mediation, she provided tax returns for the last three years. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that in 2002 she didn't earn $90k as she had claimed, but had in fact earned $106k that year.
Anyway, overly long saga. Opinions? Suggestions? I don't have money for court; even this mediation is draining every bit of my (meagre) savings.
