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Extortion?

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max221

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?IL

[I also posted this under "Divorce, etc.," wasn't sure where it belonged.]

I got divorced 7 years ago; I have two kids 10 & 12 in joint legal custody; their mother has physical custody. My ex makes approx $125k/year; I make approx $20k/year: a financial situation that long predated the time of our divorce. At the time of the divorce I was making nearly $30k; she was earning about $97k. At present, I am struggling financially, but I'm doing the best I can, and doing everything I can to support the kids and have money on which to live.

For most of the past 7 years, my ex has refused to comply with the joint parenting agreement: she has made decisions unilaterally, such as putting the kids in private school, making important medical decisions without discussion, etc., despite my regular complaints that she was not following the terms of the agreement. She constantly interferes with my scheduled visitation (in theory every other weekend) through last minute rescheduling, "surprise" visits by family on my weekend, etc.

Two months ago, I interfered with her (unilateral) plans to get my daughter braces--a cost for which I am responsible--by calling the orthodontist's office and telling them that there was a joint parenting agreement, and that I didn't give permission for $4500 in orthodontia. They were surprised to learn of the joint parenting agreement. (FYI, my daughter will be getting the braces in December.)

Not surprisingly, this finally got the ex's attention. She came up with an extraordinary list of demands, and we are now in mediation... and I need help! (Mediation is a required step in our decree. What fun.)

1. Her first demand is that I should have paid half of the kids' tuition, and I now have to pay her $14k. She never requested any money for tuition before, and there is no mention of tuition in the decree--at the time the kids were in public school. I had told her when she informed me that she was changing the kids to a different school that I didn't approve this arrangement, but I never wrote her saying that I was opposed and refused to pay the tuition. On the other hand, she never, ever asked for payment, until now.

The mediator's position was that since tuition isn't mentioned in the decree that I have to pay half. Huh? Absence of evidence = evidence of absence?

2. Her second demand is that I pay child support based on earnings of $60k/year. I am presently paying child support based on the highest salary I earned ($30k), despite the fact that I'm actually grossing about 20K.

The mediator's position was that I should do something to earn $60k/year (selling cocaine, perhaps?). I suggested that he has a class bias, and that as I wasn't underemployed intentionally to avoid child support, he had no business imposing his values on me.

(The ex's demands #3-6 are of less pertinence.)

During the last mediation on child support in 2002, my ex claimed that she was making much less money, a hardship, and that I needed to pay more child support. She stated for the record that she was earning $90k, and this was entered into the court as an amended child support order. Thus I agreed to pay child support based on a salary that I had not earned in nearly two years.

During this current mediation, she provided tax returns for the last three years. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that in 2002 she didn't earn $90k as she had claimed, but had in fact earned $106k that year.

Anyway, overly long saga. Opinions? Suggestions? I don't have money for court; even this mediation is draining every bit of my (meagre) savings.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
max221 said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?IL

[I also posted this under "Divorce, etc.," wasn't sure where it belonged.]

I got divorced 7 years ago; I have two kids 10 & 12 in joint legal custody; their mother has physical custody. My ex makes approx $125k/year; I make approx $20k/year: a financial situation that long predated the time of our divorce. At the time of the divorce I was making nearly $30k; she was earning about $97k. At present, I am struggling financially, but I'm doing the best I can, and doing everything I can to support the kids and have money on which to live.

For most of the past 7 years, my ex has refused to comply with the joint parenting agreement: she has made decisions unilaterally, such as putting the kids in private school, making important medical decisions without discussion, etc., despite my regular complaints that she was not following the terms of the agreement. She constantly interferes with my scheduled visitation (in theory every other weekend) through last minute rescheduling, "surprise" visits by family on my weekend, etc.

Two months ago, I interfered with her (unilateral) plans to get my daughter braces--a cost for which I am responsible--by calling the orthodontist's office and telling them that there was a joint parenting agreement, and that I didn't give permission for $4500 in orthodontia. They were surprised to learn of the joint parenting agreement. (FYI, my daughter will be getting the braces in December.)

Not surprisingly, this finally got the ex's attention. She came up with an extraordinary list of demands, and we are now in mediation... and I need help! (Mediation is a required step in our decree. What fun.)

1. Her first demand is that I should have paid half of the kids' tuition, and I now have to pay her $14k. She never requested any money for tuition before, and there is no mention of tuition in the decree--at the time the kids were in public school. I had told her when she informed me that she was changing the kids to a different school that I didn't approve this arrangement, but I never wrote her saying that I was opposed and refused to pay the tuition. On the other hand, she never, ever asked for payment, until now.

The mediator's position was that since tuition isn't mentioned in the decree that I have to pay half. Huh? Absence of evidence = evidence of absence?

I have to say that I find the mediators stance on this one as actually ridiculous. She gave you no choice regarding the private school. I have seen multiple judges rule in multiple states on this particular issue and never once did the parent prevail on that issue unless the two parents specifically agreed that the children were to attend private schools. Particularly when there was such an income disparity.

max221 said:
2. Her second demand is that I pay child support based on earnings of $60k/year. I am presently paying child support based on the highest salary I earned ($30k), despite the fact that I'm actually grossing about 20K.

The mediator's position was that I should do something to earn $60k/year (selling cocaine, perhaps?). I suggested that he has a class bias, and that as I wasn't underemployed intentionally to avoid child support, he had no business imposing his values on me.

Again, I find this stance from the mediator also very unusual since the most you have ever earned is 30k. Do you have an educational background that would allow you to earn 60k? If not, then the mediator is unreasonable.

max221 said:
(The ex's demands #3-6 are of less pertinence.)

During the last mediation on child support in 2002, my ex claimed that she was making much less money, a hardship, and that I needed to pay more child support. She stated for the record that she was earning $90k, and this was entered into the court as an amended child support order. Thus I agreed to pay child support based on a salary that I had not earned in nearly two years.

During this current mediation, she provided tax returns for the last three years. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that in 2002 she didn't earn $90k as she had claimed, but had in fact earned $106k that year.

Anyway, overly long saga. Opinions? Suggestions? I don't have money for court; even this mediation is draining every bit of my (meagre) savings.

I think that you HAVE to let this go to court, even if you have to represent yourself rather than hiring an attorney. What is being demanded of you is completely unreasonable and I don't think that there is a chance in heck that a judge would give it to her. In fact, based on your income disparities I sincerely think that a judge may reduce your child support if requested, and might also reduce the percentage you would have to pay towards medical and dental costs.
 

max221

Junior Member
Thank you for your response.

I have a masters degree and I'm self-employed. When I was employed by others, I never made more than 30k; I have greater potential for earnings self-employed.

I am doing everything possible to increase earnings, but business is poor these days (bad economy, as we all know). I am hopeful from my income trend over the past few months that by April I will exceed (monthly) my top lifetime income (30k).

I am prepared to continue paying child support as it has been for the past two years, based on my old income, but I definitely cannot afford anything beyond this.

As to the tuition question--are there any good legal terms to throw at him (he was trained as an attorney)? I brought up the "doctrine of laches" (found elsewhere on this website), but he just laughed... "I haven't seen this in years."

I am compelled by decree to go through several more rounds of mediation, and I would like to put an end to this nonsense.

Thanks again.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
max221 said:
Thank you for your response.

I have a masters degree and I'm self-employed. When I was employed by others, I never made more than 30k; I have greater potential for earnings self-employed.

I am doing everything possible to increase earnings, but business is poor these days (bad economy, as we all know). I am hopeful from my income trend over the past few months that by April I will exceed (monthly) my top lifetime income (30k).

I am prepared to continue paying child support as it has been for the past two years, based on my old income, but I definitely cannot afford anything beyond this.

As to the tuition question--are there any good legal terms to throw at him (he was trained as an attorney)? I brought up the "doctrine of laches" (found elsewhere on this website), but he just laughed... "I haven't seen this in years."

I am compelled by decree to go through several more rounds of mediation, and I would like to put an end to this nonsense.

Thanks again.

You have a masters degree its possible that the mediator may believe that you should be earning more. Therefore a judge might also believe that. Be prepared to provide whatever evidence you can to demonstrate that you couldn't be earning more if you were employed. However the fact that you NEVER made more than 30k makes it unlikely that a judge would rule that you were voluntarily under employed and impute a 60k income for you. A judge might if you had made 60k in the past and then voluntarily went down to 20-30k, but you haven't.

As far as the tuition is concerned, the argument there is simple. You were not given any choice or imput into the decision whether or not the children were to attend private school. You did not agree with the decision. You legitimately cannot afford private school. Therefore a judge is not going to order you to pay, and definitely not retroactively. Don't try to throw any legal phrases or theories around. Its simple logic.

File a counter petition to modify (reduce) child support based on your current income, and include in the petition that medical and dental expenses be split proportionally to your incomes.

Again, I think that you need to let this one go to court, even if you have to represent yourself. The mediator is NOT being reasonable.
 

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