Fair Schedule?

[Rushia]

NY

Things between my ex and myself have taken a turn for the worse.

Sadly, my ex's wife has taken their child and left him. She wants a divorce (she may be here soon herself). The reason I mention this is because since this happened at the end of August my ex has paid almost NO attention to our children. He was always lax about seeing them BUT he did usually call them daily. He has only seen them twice and only because I BEGGED him to help me and has only been calling when he very well knows that they aren't home. Further, he has also been telling other members of the family that I have forbidden him to call or see them (untrue). Due to his situation, he is attempting to garner as much sympathy as possible (including hospital trips for attention).

I have had enough, I cannot force him to help me parent the children or see/call them.

I am considering mediation to get a set schedule for things so that there will be no further questions as to when he can have them. I want it to be fair.

My idea:

2nd and 4th Wed's. 4 to 7:30. Receiving parent pick up.

2nd and 4th weekends. Fri 5pm to Sun 5pm. Receiving parent pickup. He will be responsible for making sure that the children will be available for the times that they are ordered to be at their grandfather's house. On Sunday's children will be taken to church for their obligations.

Holiday's. Even with me and Odd with him. With the exception of Christmas, split that one.

Vacations: I hesitate with this one as he NEVER goes on vacation. I dunno what to do. We usually take one in July but that may change this coming year.

Phone calls. Anytime that the children are home, unlimited access. They each have their own cell phones and he has the numbers.

Idea's? Suggestions?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Spell out the holidays.

 

[PQN]

Move Wednesdays to 1st and 3rd weeks. Otherwise he will see them 4 days on 2nd and 4th weeks and not at all on 1st and 3rd weeks.

 

[Rushia]

Move Wednesdays to 1st and 3rd weeks. Otherwise he will see them 4 days on 2nd and 4th weeks and not at all on 1st and 3rd weeks.

I cannot. Typically (at least in friends schedules) every Wed goes to the NCP but there is a gpv order in effect in which the grandfather gets them on the 1st and 3rd.

 

[Rushia]

Spell out the holidays.

As in time frames? Or as in which holidays we consider to be holidays (did that make sense?)?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Make sure to address Mother's and Father's Day.

 

[Monte86]

Spell out the holidays.

I agree. What you consider a holiday and what he does could be different things. For example in my plan they weren't going to include Halloween. I have hardly ever gotten my daughter on Halloween I would like a chance to take her trick or treating.

And me personally? I would rotate holidays otherwise one year each of you wouldnt get the kids for any holidays. I know it evens out but IMO I wouldn't like it.

 

[Rushia]

Make sure to address Mother's and Father's Day.

I agree. What you consider a holiday and what he does could be different things. For example in my plan they weren't going to include Halloween. I have hardly ever gotten my daughter on Halloween I would like a chance to take her trick or treating.

And me personally? I would rotate holidays otherwise one year each of you wouldnt get the kids for any holidays. I know it evens out but IMO I wouldn't like it.

Good ideas! I don't think of these things because of the way we've done things in the past. We USED to do odd/evens before and it worked well. Didn't even think of Halloween as we usually go to his house anyway and all go together. But now that his wife has left him......sigh...

 

[Monte86]

NY
Vacations: I hesitate with this one as he NEVER goes on vacation. I dunno what to do. We usually take one in July but that may change this coming year.

I would still include time in the summer. Some people don't like to take vacations. Some people can't afford it.
2-3 weeks in the summer would be fair.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Rushia,

Like in the case of Thanksgiving, if its dad's holiday, does he get the whole weekend?

Think of the main ones:
New Years
Easter
Mother's Day
Memorial Day
Father's Day
4th of July
Labor Day
Halloween (maybe)
Thanksgiving
Christmas Eve
Christmas

Do you split the holidays where it starts at end of day for Winter break and ends on Christmas morning? Then the other parent gets them for the balance? Or does it start the 26?

Up to you and dad.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If you split the summer, each parent should get uninterrupted parenting time.

Odd years, one parent declares their weeks by 04/15. The other parent gets it even years. If the declaring parent defaults on their request, then the OTHER parent chooses for them.

 

[Rushia]

I would still include time in the summer. Some people don't like to take vacations. Some people can't afford it.
2-3 weeks in the summer would be fair.

That's why I hesitate. He can't afford it. He would simply leave the children with his mother while he was out with his friends and the kids would be BORED out of their minds and calling me to come home. Our typical vacations have taken place in July centered around a family reunion. We will probably no longer go as the one person we actually wanted to see has passed.

 

[Monte86]

Good ideas! I don't think of these things because of the way we've done things in the past. We USED to do odd/evens before and it worked well. Didn't even think of Halloween as we usually go to his house anyway and all go together. But now that his wife has left him......sigh...

Just because its spelled out in the plan doesn't mean you can't do it differently. Mine includes the clause "unless parents otherwise agree" after everything.
Unfortunely agreeing my ex is like beating my head against a brick wall so if its not spelled out in black and white, I won't get it.

 

[Rushia]

Rushia,

Like in the case of Thanksgiving, if its dad's holiday, does he get the whole weekend?

Think of the main ones:
New Years
Easter
Mother's Day
Memorial Day
Father's Day
4th of July
Labor Day
Halloween (maybe)
Thanksgiving
Christmas Eve
Christmas

Do you split the holidays where it starts at end of day for Winter break and ends on Christmas morning? Then the other parent gets them for the balance? Or does it start the 26?

Up to you and dad.

We only live 3 miles apart so it's very easy to do just the days. In the past it's been "OK, just drop them off at x time". Hmmm, this is going to be more involved than I thought. LOL

 

[Monte86]

That's why I hesitate. He can't afford it. He would simply leave the children with his mother while he was out with his friends and the kids would be BORED out of their minds and calling me to come home. Our typical vacations have taken place in July centered around a family reunion. We will probably no longer go as the one person we actually wanted to see has passed.

You could also have a ROFR clause. Meaning if he is going to leave the kids with someone else he has to notify you and you have the right to parenting time.
Mine is 4 hours.

ETA- That's Right of First Refusal