Father has cancer

[nolegirl1990]

What is the name of your state?
Florida is where I live.
My ex-husband apparently has been recently diagnosed with cancer. (He has not discussed his condition with me or our 8 year old son)
I know someone he works with and she said that he has only been given 3-9 months to live. She also said he is going to go to a treatment center that is about 4 hours away from where we all live and will be residing there for 3 months.(not sure whern this is happening)
When and if Dad does go away to a treatment center for 3 months, do I have a legal right as the residential parent to keep my son with me while Dad is getting treatment?(I am afraid that Dad will not tell me he is going away and will get his new wife and/or parents to take care of my son on his visitation times instead of letting my son stay with me)
Also, if Dad does pass away, does my ex's family have any rights to custody or visitation?(ie- grandparent rights/stepmother rights?)
Please advise.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?
Florida is where I live.
My ex-husband apparently has been recently diagnosed with cancer. (He has not discussed his condition with me or our 8 year old son)
I know someone he works with and she said that he has only been given 3-9 months to live. She also said he is going to go to a treatment center that is about 4 hours away from where we all live and will be residing there for 3 months.(not sure whern this is happening)
When and if Dad does go away to a treatment center for 3 months, do I have a legal right as the residential parent to keep my son with me while Dad is getting treatment?(I am afraid that Dad will not tell me he is going away and will get his new wife and/or parents to take care of my son on his visitation times instead of letting my son stay with me)
Also, if Dad does pass away, does my ex's family have any rights to custody or visitation?(ie- grandparent rights/stepmother rights?)
Please advise.

Well, it really depends on what would happen during the time that is normally dad's visitation. If the stepmother or dad's parents would be taking the child to visit dad in the treatment center, then you really can't deny visitation (nor would it be morally right to do so). However if they were not doing that (or weren't permitted to do that by the treatment center's rules) the yes, you can keep the child with you.

No, in Florida neither stepparents nor grandparents have a rights regarding the child.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state?
Florida is where I live.
My ex-husband apparently has been recently diagnosed with cancer. (He has not discussed his condition with me or our 8 year old son)
I know someone he works with and she said that he has only been given 3-9 months to live. She also said he is going to go to a treatment center that is about 4 hours away from where we all live and will be residing there for 3 months.(not sure whern this is happening)
When and if Dad does go away to a treatment center for 3 months, do I have a legal right as the residential parent to keep my son with me while Dad is getting treatment?(I am afraid that Dad will not tell me he is going away and will get his new wife and/or parents to take care of my son on his visitation times instead of letting my son stay with me)
Also, if Dad does pass away, does my ex's family have any rights to custody or visitation?(ie- grandparent rights/stepmother rights?)
Please advise.

The answer does not depend on who may or may not have possession of the child. The answer is right there in your visitation agreement.

And the answer is NO! YOU may not circumvent a valid court order. If you want to stay on the right side of the law, then WHEN the time is right you can file for a modification to suspend visitation during his visit to the center.

Until then, it's none of your business HOW he spends his visitation time. And not your right to change a standing court order.

 

[stealth2]

For starters, it's pretty ****ty of a coworker to be gossiping about this sort of thing. However.... Perhaps the thing to do would be to ask your ex for a sitdown and tell him what you've heard, ask what you can do to help, and how he'd like to handle things with the kid.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

The father has a right to confidentiality about his medical conditon and so far has chosen not to disclose this information to mom and son, stress interfers with cancer treatment, so this is understandable. Why on earth are you going around discussing him and his medical condition with his fellow employees? He is entitled to use his visitation as he pleases, why would you want to deny a dying man or serioulsy ill man his relationship with his son or his grandparents? At 8yo your child is old enough to learn about the more serious aspects of life, which includes, death, you don't get a do over on this one. Now that you have been gossiping with his fellow employees, you should contact him and try to be supportive and put asside your differences for the sake of your child. If you are worring about child support, there are Social Security Survivor benefits that your child will be entitled to until age 18.

 

[nolegirl1990]

my reply

This situation is a very complex one. I failed to mention that I have been granted a Permanent restraining order on my ex husband. The court had mandated a psychiatric evaluation of which it showed he has a personality disorder, etc. Despite all of this I have allowed my ex visitation and did not pursue any avenues to impede on his relationship with our son.
My ex husband has not kept his medical condition private from anyone except me and my son. He has told his job, the parks and recreation department of the town where we live, and most of the people who have told me that my ex has cancer already assumed I knew.So I do not consider this really gossiping.
Needless to say, I feel that my 8 year old son needs love and guidance throughout this difficult time.I do not feel that my ex, his family or his new wife are capable of making appropriate decisions and know that my son needs my support during this phase of his father's treatment. I of course am going to talk to my ex, but I do not put it past him to LIE and say that he is not going for a 3 month treatment somewhere.
In any case, if he does not agree to allow me to keep my son during the 3 month treatment phase (and of course I would be more than willing to take my son to visit during his visitation time- I just want to be there to support my son) do I have a right to file an order for temporary custody?
This is not a case where the grandparents want to take my son to Disney for a week. This is an extremely traumatic an potentially emotionally damaging situation that I am concerned about. My son has told me when his father is not around he does not feel comfortable with the new wife or grandparents.

 

[rm1759]

It seems to me like you are not focusing on what is important with your situation. Your child is about to lose his only father. Why are you trying to keep them apart? What you SHOULD be doing is asking the father how much extra time he would like with his son. You should be asking his family how you can help them in this difficult time. The LAST thing you need to do is go into court, and make the last few months of his life even more miserable than they are going to be, IRREGARDLESS of any of the awful things which may or may not have happened in the past.

Not to mention, what memory do you want your son to have 10 years from now? Do you want him to remember you as the mother that wanted him to spend as much time with his father as he could, or the mother that when his father was on his deathbed, kept him from having any precious moments he could have had?

You should be trying to figure out a way to have your child with his father close to 100% of the time he has left.

The legal battle will happen, but now is not the time.

 

[Silverplum]

This situation is a very complex one. I failed to mention that I have been granted a Permanent restraining order on my ex husband. The court had mandated a psychiatric evaluation of which it showed he has a personality disorder, etc. Despite all of this I have allowed my ex visitation and did not pursue any avenues to impede on his relationship with our son.
My ex husband has not kept his medical condition private from anyone except me and my son. He has told his job, the parks and recreation department of the town where we live, and most of the people who have told me that my ex has cancer already assumed I knew.So I do not consider this really gossiping.Needless to say, I feel that my 8 year old son needs love and guidance throughout this difficult time.I do not feel that my ex, his family or his new wife are capable of making appropriate decisions and know that my son needs my support during this phase of his father's treatment. I of course am going to talk to my ex, but I do not put it past him to LIE and say that he is not going for a 3 month treatment somewhere.
In any case, if he does not agree to allow me to keep my son during the 3 month treatment phase (and of course I would be more than willing to take my son to visit during his visitation time- I just want to be there to support my son) do I have a right to file an order for temporary custody?
This is not a case where the grandparents want to take my son to Disney for a week. This is an extremely traumatic an potentially emotionally damaging situation that I am concerned about. My son has told me when his father is not around he does not feel comfortable with the new wife or grandparents.

Another pigwoman.

 

[Silverplum]

It seems to me like you are not focusing on what is important with your situation. Your child is about to lose his only father. Why are you trying to keep them apart? What you SHOULD be doing is asking the father how much extra time he would like with his son. You should be asking his family how you can help them in this difficult time. The LAST thing you need to do is go into court, and make the last few months of his life even more miserable than they are going to be, IRREGARDLESS of any of the awful things which may or may not have happened in the past.

Not to mention, what memory do you want your son to have 10 years from now? Do you want him to remember you as the mother that wanted him to spend as much time with his father as he could, or the mother that when his father was on his deathbed, kept him from having any precious moments he could have had?

You should be trying to figure out a way to have your child with his father close to 100% of the time he has left.

The legal battle will happen, but now is not the time.

rm1759 is clearly NOT a pigwoman. See the difference?

 

[stealth2]

Wow. First we have the question of whether arrears would still be owed if the CP died. Now we have, essentially, how to control visitation while Dad is battling a terminal disease. I know, I know - there's more to the story, there's ALWAYS more to the story.

Yanno..... I doubt there is anyone who despises an ex more than I do mine. But if I were in this situation? I'd be looking for ways to make it easier for all involved, how to support my kid while allowing the family time with him, and how to concentrate as much time for my kid and his Dad as possible. I cannot even imagine - barring the family being a cult of child molesters that preyed on my kid - trying to find ways to limit their time. That someone would try and do so under the guise of "supporting" my kid boggles the mind.

 

[Jillian483]

rm1759 is clearly NOT a pigwoman. See the difference?

I YEAH I see it now.. If someone agrees with you they are not a pigwoman. But if they are confused and do not inderstand things and keep on asking "stupid questions" then they are?

She said that she was willing to take the child to visit with the father. I personally think this is a good idea. It should be the mother that is there to console the child if he takes it hard not the grandparents. If and when their son dies they will have no place in the childs life. The mother should stay out of court for now (If he becomes cured then deal with it then). The mother should make sure that the child and his father have private time together as often as possible. What is possible depends on how the child takes it. Buy some board games or puzzles and allow the child and father to sit down and spend some time together befoer he dies. You know the doctors are not always right. I was diagnosed with 5-8 months to live when I got cancer but here I am over a year later (minus some of my female organs) and the cancer is gone so look on the bright side.

 

[nolegirl1990]

thanks for the replies

I really appreciate all of the replies. Even the pigwoman one.
I know I haven't put into words clearly what I intend on doing. Of course I want my son to spend as much time as he can with his father. Of course I want to sit down with my ex and help him talk to our son about his condition...or what ever way Dad wants to handle talking to our son about the cancer. Of course I hope that his father beats this thing so my son can grow up with a father.
I feel as his mother, I am the best person to help my child through this (besides Dad) and do not want my ex and his family to impede on my relationship with my son as his parent. In other words, because of my horrible experinces with this man, his family and his new wife, I know that they may not act in my son's best interest. I, like I said, am more than willing to take my son to my ex's treatment center, allow him to be with our son as much as he is able too...just when my ex is not at home because he is getting treatment, that our son be with me at my home...not with his new stepmom or my ex-in laws because I know he feels much more secure with me...(my son has stated this before.)
I just wanted to know if I had any legal rights IF it got to the point where my ex lied to me and was not spending time with my son due to health reasons and allowing his family to take my son for visitation with them (not Dad)without consulting me. I am under the impression that with our divorce degree it clearly states that my son has visitation with his FATHER, the NON CUSTODIAL parent...not visitation with stepmom, half sister, grandparents and aunts and uncles.
Trust me, if I was in his place(I would have already discussed my condition with him, not talk about it all over town and let him hear it from strangers), he would definately be wanting to have my son with him-not with my family. AND I would think that would be the RIGHT way to handle it, let him be with his father when I could not be with him.
Even if my ex passes away, I would not deny my son his father's family....I would limit the time spent with them because they do not have morals or values that I share and would not like my son to be uncomfortable.But I would not deny my son his family.
What matters is that my son be leveled with, know what is going on, and know that his Dad and Mom are there to help him. I just hope it does not get to the point that I have to go to court.

 

[Jillian483]

I just wanted to know if I had any legal rights IF it got to the point where my ex lied to me and was not spending time with my son due to health reasons and allowing his family to take my son for visitation with them (not Dad)without consulting me. I am under the impression that with our divorce degree it clearly states that my son has visitation with his FATHER, the NON CUSTODIAL parent...not visitation with stepmom, half sister, grandparents and aunts and uncles.

What kind of custody agreement is in place right now?

 

[curiouscat623]

I would wait until I found out if it was really true that the child's father has cancer before I got upset over it. I rememer one time my ex instant messaged my then girlfriend, now wife, using an alias. I'm assuming that she was trying to get some kind of information but it backfired on her. My wife was smart enough to realize that it was probably her because of her writing style. My wife told her that she was pregnant with triplets. (which wasn't at all true). I don't think that I've ever laughed harder in my life..when she called minutes later screaming on my answering machine.

 

[mrsbrown]

I think that this topic has been explained before...minus the dying part. Basically can a parent leave the kid with family members during their visitation time. I think I remember reading that it is up to that parent to decide if they want to spend the time or if they share the time with the family. Don't quote me on that though.