Father moved away

[boysmom]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?California

I am the mother of 2 boys, 11 & 12 and have been divorced for 6 years. I have since remarried a year ago, and so has the boys father, who remarried 3 months prior to me. Shortly after he married, he suddenly moved to the East Coast with his new wife, who has family there. She has no children of her own, and they don't plan on having any together. Our custody arrangement is 65/35 with me having the majority of the custody. Eventhough he had 35%, he only had them every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer because he moved and worked 45minutes away. We negotiated that he would only pay $400.00 a month for both of them, take our oldest as a tax deduction, and continue to pay for medical & dental (since he provided this when we divorced). Prior to this agreement he battled me for 50/50 custody so that he wouldn't have to pay any child support at all. He never had the boys 50% of the time and when he moved away (45 minutes) I was able to prove that he no longer had them 50%. He agreed to the modification of 35% custody because I agreed to accept less child support and give him a deduction. I was just happy to get some help and he did see the boys every other weekend. Now, however, after being gone to the East Coast with his new wife for 10 months, he has just now made arrangements to see them. Since he moved, I have asked him to agree to modify the custody & visitation and give me more support, but he refuses. He only wants to pay $400.00 a month and he dropped them from his insurance coverage when he moved. He did allow me to take our oldest as a deduction and said that the deduction is enough of a benefit to me and that I would have to take him back to court and if so, he would get the boys for all school breaks and all summer. I'm afraid to take him back to court, because last time it cost me $9,000.00!! I'd like to work this out without a big fight, and am not sure what the judge will order. I'm afraid I will lose my boys for every break and my oldest only wants to visit his father for 2 weeks out of the year. Should I just be happy with the $400.00 and drop it? A lawyer I consulted said he should pay about $1,200.00 a month for both of them. Can anyone give me advice.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?California

I am the mother of 2 boys, 11 & 12 and have been divorced for 6 years. I have since remarried a year ago, and so has the boys father, who remarried 3 months prior to me. Shortly after he married, he suddenly moved to the East Coast with his new wife, who has family there. She has no children of her own, and they don't plan on having any together. Our custody arrangement is 65/35 with me having the majority of the custody. Eventhough he had 35%, he only had them every other weekend and a few weeks in the summer because he moved and worked 45minutes away. We negotiated that he would only pay $400.00 a month for both of them, take our oldest as a tax deduction, and continue to pay for medical & dental (since he provided this when we divorced). Prior to this agreement he battled me for 50/50 custody so that he wouldn't have to pay any child support at all. He never had the boys 50% of the time and when he moved away (45 minutes) I was able to prove that he no longer had them 50%. He agreed to the modification of 35% custody because I agreed to accept less child support and give him a deduction. I was just happy to get some help and he did see the boys every other weekend. Now, however, after being gone to the East Coast with his new wife for 10 months, he has just now made arrangements to see them. Since he moved, I have asked him to agree to modify the custody & visitation and give me more support, but he refuses. He only wants to pay $400.00 a month and he dropped them from his insurance coverage when he moved. He did allow me to take our oldest as a deduction and said that the deduction is enough of a benefit to me and that I would have to take him back to court and if so, he would get the boys for all school breaks and all summer. I'm afraid to take him back to court, because last time it cost me $9,000.00!! I'd like to work this out without a big fight, and am not sure what the judge will order. I'm afraid I will lose my boys for every break and my oldest only wants to visit his father for 2 weeks out of the year. Should I just be happy with the $400.00 and drop it? A lawyer I consulted said he should pay about $1,200.00 a month for both of them. Can anyone give me advice.

Well...child support and custody/visitation are separate matters. If you file for the child support increase you WILL get one. However, he can also file for a change in visitation and he WILL get that too. He won't get what he claims he will get, since he is the one that simply up and moved, but he would get at least 1/2 the summer, 1 week at Christmas, and every other Thanksgiving and Spring Break. He would also be responsible for the transportation costs.

So all in all, what you have to decide is what is more important. Do your children truly need the child support increase?...or are they better off leaving "well enough alone". I will tell you though that he can ask for the change in visitation at any time. So just because he doesn't do it now doesn't mean he won't do it in the future.

 

[tigger22472]

Personally I would take it back to court to modify. The support is out of your hands basically, both of your hands. Each state has a standard to go by and neither of you could dispute it unless it was agreed between the two of you. Secondly he's in contempt if he's not providing insurance on the children. In my state the NCP gets a break on support for carrying insurance so not only are you getting less then by state law you should but you are also losing by paying the insurance also.

 

[boysmom]

Well...child support and custody/visitation are separate matters. If you file for the child support increase you WILL get one. However, he can also file for a change in visitation and he WILL get that too. He won't get what he claims he will get, since he is the one that simply up and moved, but he would get at least 1/2 the summer, 1 week at Christmas, and every other Thanksgiving and Spring Break. He would also be responsible for the transportation costs.

So all in all, what you have to decide is what is more important. Do your children truly need the child support increase?...or are they better off leaving "well enough alone". I will tell you though that he can ask for the change in visitation at any time. So just because he doesn't do it now doesn't mean he won't do it in the future.

LdiJ, thanks for the advice.

I need to go back and get the custody & visitation modified. He's just playing on my fears. If he gets the kids this amount of time, I'm fine with that. Is it true, most judges order just 1/2 the summer break, not the entire break if the kids live during the school year with their mother? He thinks he will get them all summer. 1/2 the summer seems fair, why should I not be able to go on family vacations in the summer with my kids?

Do you have any advice for me on the fact that my ex refuses to pay child support for the month that he has the kids? Can he withhold this?

 

[boysmom]

Personally I would take it back to court to modify. The support is out of your hands basically, both of your hands. Each state has a standard to go by and neither of you could dispute it unless it was agreed between the two of you. Secondly he's in contempt if he's not providing insurance on the children. In my state the NCP gets a break on support for carrying insurance so not only are you getting less then by state law you should but you are also losing by paying the insurance also.

Thanks, Tigger.

In my case, he did get a break on paying child support for providing medical and dental coverage. Since he's been gone 10 months, my husband is providing it. Do you think a judge would order him to pay me what he previously got a break on for the past 10 months? Both my sons have had several visits to the doctor over the past year, and he hasn't paid for any of the co'pays for the visits or for the medicine. Can I get a judgement now for him to pay for this. It says in our order that he needs to pay 1/2 of all medical bills.

 

[tigger22472]

So he got a break off support for carrying insurance? If so you can always have put in a modification that you will now provide insurance(even if it is your husband) then that prevents him from getting that break. That shouldn't be hard to do as you can prove he's not doing it and the kids need insurance. As far as the medical bills you can most likely file for that with the contempt charges. The only problem I can fathom with that is if there is a time period you are to provide those bills to him by otherwise there's no doubt he's in contempt as it says in the order he is to pay half.