Father says no again

[redshift]

What is the name of your state?

My ex-husband and I divorced 10 years ago and I have been remarried for over five years now. I have moved to two different states since my divorce for job purposes. Both times where uncontested. My ex and I have joint custody with me being the custodial parent. My son has always had behavioral problems (ODD) stemming from our divorce. Three years ago things started getting real bad and I sent him to live with his father. Right now he is living with his grandparents because the father had to move. Since my son moved back to Washington my ex refuses to let my son come to visit me. For the past two summers I have gone out there. When my son was living with me I always made sure he could visit with his father and parental grandparents at my expense. Also, when he was with me his dad rarely called him, 2x in three years, and stopped paying child support. I never did anything about this. I do pay child support and call my son once a week, at his grandparents. OK, my question is how hard will it be to get my son back? Some people have told me I can go and just take him. Is this true? Thanks for any help.

 

[George1620]

Question

Has the order changed since your son went to live with his father? If not what exactly is the father aloud to have visitation wise?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?

My ex-husband and I divorced 10 years ago and I have been remarried for over five years now. I have moved to two different states since my divorce for job purposes. Both times where uncontested. My ex and I have joint custody with me being the custodial parent. My son has always had behavioral problems (ODD) stemming from our divorce. Three years ago things started getting real bad and I sent him to live with his father. Right now he is living with his grandparents because the father had to move. Since my son moved back to Washington my ex refuses to let my son come to visit me. For the past two summers I have gone out there. When my son was living with me I always made sure he could visit with his father and parental grandparents at my expense. Also, when he was with me his dad rarely called him, 2x in three years, and stopped paying child support. I never did anything about this. I do pay child support and call my son once a week, at his grandparents. OK, my question is how hard will it be to get my son back? Some people have told me I can go and just take him. Is this true? Thanks for any help.

If the offical court orders still show you having custody, then yes, you can go and just take him.....particularly since he is living with his grandparents rather than his father. They don't have any custodial rights.

You may have to deal with a custody battle afterwards....from either dad or the grandparents. It sounds though like that odds are in your favor. Dad doesn't live with the child and hasn't been cooperating with visitation......and it would be extremely difficult for a judge to give custody of the child to a third party (the grandparents) unless the parent with custody can be proven legally unfit.

Edit: After going back and looking at the timeline again...I want to add something.

If your child is a teenager....think this thing through carefully before you decide to yank him from the grandparents....and even get some idea of what his wishes would be. If he is a highschooler he may not want to leave his school and his friends.....which could be the reason why dad didn't take him along when he moved.

 

[redshift]

Has the order changed since your son went to live with his father? If not what exactly is the father aloud to have visitation wise?

No, the order has never been changed. When we were first divorced the visitation was suppose to be that he would have my son every other weekend, every other holiday and the father's birthday. My ex may have come to get him every other month (he was too busy spreading his seed around Seattle). When I moved from Seattle to Portland he didn't care to stop me. I did however send my son; drive my son to Seattle anytime the father or the grandparents wanted him.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?

My ex-husband and I divorced 10 years ago and I have been remarried for over five years now. I have moved to two different states since my divorce for job purposes. Both times where uncontested. My ex and I have joint custody with me being the custodial parent. My son has always had behavioral problems (ODD) stemming from our divorce. Three years ago things started getting real bad and I sent him to live with his father. Right now he is living with his grandparents because the father had to move. Since my son moved back to Washington my ex refuses to let my son come to visit me. For the past two summers I have gone out there. When my son was living with me I always made sure he could visit with his father and parental grandparents at my expense. Also, when he was with me his dad rarely called him, 2x in three years, and stopped paying child support. I never did anything about this. I do pay child support and call my son once a week, at his grandparents. OK, my question is how hard will it be to get my son back? Some people have told me I can go and just take him. Is this true? Thanks for any help.

OK, I'd like to play devil's advocate here:

The current custody order has you with primary physical custody, so legally you can get your son....BUT, if the father fought it in court, he'd only need to provide the court with proof the child was living with him for the last 3 years. (Which is easy- School records, Doctor's records, Witness statements). Then the court would see that for 3 years you obviously allowed him to have custody, because you did not file anything against it.

Do Not count on the in-laws <grandparents> to back up your side of the story- People make that mistake often.

What is important is if you can PROVE the father left the child to live with the grandparents. ie; is the father living a long enough distance away that it's not possible for him to still have physical custody.

Also, what LdiJ wrote re; your son's age. It's likely he didn't want to leave his school/friends- that's typical of a teen.

Re; child support...You can still file to get child support arrearages the father owes you, unless you forgave those arrearages legally when you switched custody- which it doesn't sound like anything was done legally at that time.