Father states Sign Parent Plan or go to Court

[Pearl72]

What is the name of your state?COLORADO

First of all, I apologize for this being so long. As stated in other posts, I have been told to either sign a proposed Parenting Agreement, or go to court. He has given me this weekend to either comply, or he will go down to the court on Monday, and get a hearing this next week... A lot of things I feel are wrong, and I don't agree with it. Basic background, I have physical Custody of our daughter and have for nearly 3 years now, and he want's to switch it all around. Keep in mind that Father and I live an hour's drive apart from each other. These are the main things that he refuses to change, and I refuse to agree to the terms he has. Please let me know If i am in the wrong here, and should sign this or not. All I want is for my daughter to be happy... what follows is what i feel needs to be reworded or just don't plain agree with, and he won't budge at all.

RIGHT OF FIRST REFUSAL
Both Parties shall have the right of first refusal to care for said minor child if the absence of either Party of six (6) hours or longer, that Parent MUST first offer the other Parent the opportunity for additional time with said child before making other arrangements for the temporary care of said child.
If the custodial Parent is forced or is required to leave said child overnight or for six (6) hours or more, he/she MUST make every attempt to contact the non-custodial Parent.
If the custodial Parent is unable to contact the non-custodial Parent should be necessary during their normal Parenting Time. The use of baby-sitters, daycare facilities, friends or family members shall be secondary to this right. In the event either Parent intends to leave said child overnight, or for a period before he/she leaves, he/she MUST leave a message on the non-custodial Parents’ phone and electronic mail, giving him/her the opportunity to pick said child up from the caregiver or family member with whom said child was left with.
The custodial Parent must also leave the phone number and address of the caregiver or family member with whom said child was left with, on the answering machine and in the electronic mail, so the non-custodial Parent is easily able to contact the person with whom said child has been left.
The custodial Parent must also make the caregiver or family member with whom said child was left with, aware that the non-custodial Parent, Stepparent, or authorized responsible adult, may pick said child up from the caregiver or family member at any time that they so choose and that the non-custodial Parent has every right to do so.
If the non-custodial Parent chooses to care for said child in the custodial Parents’ absence, the non-custodial Parent, Stepparent, or authorized responsible adult, shall pick said child up, and the custodial Parent, Stepparent, or authorized responsible adult, shall retrieve said child from the non-custodial Parent’s home, when he/she returns from his/her absence. If both Parents mutually agree, the transportation arrangement may be reversed, with the custodial Parent, Stepparent, or authorized responsible adult, delivering said child to the non-custodial Parent’s home and the non-custodial Parent, Stepparent, or authorized responsible adult, returning said child to the custodial Parent’s home, when he/she returns from his/her absence.
If the non-custodial Parent wishes to care for said child in the custodial Parents absence, but neither Party is capable of providing transportation to or from the other Parent’s location at that time, the custodial Parent may leave said child with a specified family member or care giver until the non-custodial Parent is able to pick said child up. The custodial Parent shall then retrieve said child from the non-custodial Parent’s home when he/she returns from his/her absence.
Parent leaving said child with the non-custodial Parent, a temporary child-care provider or family member shall notify the non-custodial Parent of the duration of the Parenting Time or temporary care of said child by other persons.

In the event either Parent shall incur daycare, baby-sitting or other childcare related expenses as the result of but not limited to employment, appointments, vacations the Parent using the services and incurring the bill shall pay for said expense.
All out of pocket expenses incurred by each parent during they’re parenting time with the child, such as but not limited to clothes, food, toys, and gifts, will be paid for by that parent separately.
Neither Parent shall be responsible, in any way, for ANY expenses the other Parent or said child incurs while with the other Parent.
The parties shall share no expense other than regular and emergence medical expenses that are out side of the normal co-pays and have been agreed upon by both parties.

Mother will keep the father informed of any changes to her bipolar condition i.e. changes in medication, blood levels, in relationship to the medication being taken that may effect her condition, individual counseling and/or group counseling changes and any hospital stays.

Summer Vacations
Each parent may have the child for two uninterrupted weeks each summer.
The vacation may be taken on two separate 7-day periods or one continuous 14-day period.
The vacationing parent will provide the other parent with 30 days written notice, which will include a basic itinerary of the vacation.
The vacation may not interfere with Mother's day or Father's day.
In the event of conflict with vacation plans, the mother's plans prevail in even number years and the father's plans prevail in odd number years.

Holidays, vacations, and special days will have priority over the regular schedule. The regular schedule will resume for the other parent on the next available scheduled time.



Hexarchy of Special Days, family events

Father / Mother
Brothers / Sisters
Step-parents
Grandparents
Ants / Uncles
Childes friends
7. Family friends


For the purpose of this agreement the school calendar year will be that of the primary residential parents (father) school district.
Easter/spring break will be alternated between the parents beginning on the last day of school, from school dismissal to when school resumes on the Monday following the holiday.
The father will have even numbered years.
The mother will have odd numbered years.
The Thanksgiving break will be alternated between the parents
Beginning Wednesday immediately following school dismissal to when school resumes on the Monday following holiday.
The mother will have even numbered years.
The father will have odd numbered years.
Christmas/Winter Break:
First Part: From school dismissal the day Christmas school vacation begins.
Then on December 26th from 9:00 A.M. to 9 P.M. the child will be with the other parent.
Then a 12:00 p.m. on the day that is midway through the Christmas school vacation the other parent will pick the child up for the second half of the break.
If the "midway day" is December 26th, the first part ends at 12:00 A.M. Christmas Day.
Second Part: On the day that is midway through the Christmas school vacation to when school resumes the other parent will have the child.
If the midway day is December 26th, the second part continues through December 26th.
In even numbered years, the first part will be spent with the father, the second part with the mother.
In odd numbered years, the first part will be spent with the mother, the second part with the father.
Martin Luther King Day, Memorial Day weekend, Independence Day, and Labor Day weekends will be with the nonresident parents.
Memorial and Labor Day weekends begin at school dismissal on the preceding Friday to when school resumes on the Tuesday following the holiday.
If Independence Day, or Martin Luther King Day, as observed, falls on a Friday or Monday,
Access will begin immediately following school dismissal on the day preceding the holiday weekend to 7:00 A.M. or the resumption of school on the day following the holiday weekend.
If Independence Day, or Martin Luther King Day, falls on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday,
Access will begin immediately following school dismissal on the day preceding the holiday to 7:00 A.M. or the resumption of school on the day following the holiday.
On odd numbered years, the mother will have Martin Luther King Day, Memorial and Labor Day; the father will have Independence Day.
On even numbered years, the father will have Martin Luther King Day, Memorial and Labor Day; the mother will have Independence Day.
All school or legal holidays that fall on Friday or Monday, not otherwise specified including teachers work day and in-services will be with the parent having the child on that weekend.
If there is no school in session at the time of the holiday then the working day for the receiving parents household will be used.

The father agrees to have primary residential custody. The father also agree to joint legal custody with the mother of the minor child. The mother shall retain any and all parental right set forth by Colorado statutes for a joint custody agreement.
The parties agree to the following schedule for the shared parenting time of said minor child:
Open and reasonable parenting time with child, which include but not limited to the following.
Alternating weeks to begin on the___/___/_____
The week will begin at the beginning of school on Monday and end on at the beginning of school on Monday

Any changes to the previous or the following schedules can be changed by written mutual agreement of both parents.

 

[LdiJ]

Let it go to court. You certainly don't have to agree to give dad primary residential custody...and there are definitely some things in there that are unreasonable.

The section on "right of first refusal" is too rigid in my opinion...the way it reads the child could never spend the night with a relative or friend without right of first refusal kicking in...

The "special days/family events" section is totally vague and includes what I assume are birthdays for WAY too many people.

You don't have to agree to the section which apparently refers to child support either.

Don't let him bully you into an agreement that you can't live with.

Edit to add more comments:

I went back and reviewed your previous threads. You are clearly dealing with a father who is trying to bully you into accepting agreements that you are not required to accept...and that there is little chance that a judge would order.

This is the third or fourth different agreement he has attempted to bully you into accepting....all VASTLY different but all things a judge would be highly unlikely to order.

Stop trying to keep this out of court.

 

[stealth2]

Yeah, I'd let him take it to court.

 

[youdontknowme]

OP, keep in mind, his chances of getting shared parenting are good. But, as others have told you, he won't get everything he's asking for in this case because of his "demands."

You certainly have the option of submitting your own shared parenting plan. It'll most likely go to a mediator and you BOTH will have to compromise.

I don't agree with LdiJ's opinion on the FROR. It's common language & it looks like he just copied and pasted it from some website. Although I do see where some wording was missed and it doesn't make sense. Overall, I highly doubt a Judge will dismiss this section -- if anything they might 'clean it up' so it's not so wordy. I certainly don't see where an argument could be made about friends and relatives. There should be language in the parenting plan that addresses time with relatives, for example -- as long as it doesn't interfere with the other parent's parenting time. Spending the night at a friend's or relative's house, by the child's choice on that person's time & providing you weren't trying to bypass the FROR, should not even be an issue and if he even tried to make an argument, it would go nowhere.

As far as summer vacations, he's asking for a little much regarding an itinerary." That's being way too controlling and you shouldn't agree to it. The only thing that's really required is the name of location (hotel, resort, etc), addresses and phone numbers where to contact you. If you're going to Orlando and he expects you to detail everything you're going to be doing, he's on crack & a mediator/judge will not even hear that!

I agree on the special days/family events -- waaaayyy too many people. It's only to include mom/dad's birthdays, kids birthdays, mother's/father's day and your typical holidays (some even throw in Halloween, 4th of July, Memorial Day and other "holidays" kids get off from school). Any other "distant relative" or friends birthdays will have to be celebrated on a time that doesn't interfere with the other parent's time.

The school calendar year will be the one where the children are enrolled.

His "in case of conflict" language for summer vacation is ridiculous.

The Christmas break language is waaayyyyy too confusing. That's just screaming for problems and needs to be clarified. I try to look at what parent will have the children on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's day (of course considering when the children's vacation starts and ends). Both parents should want the schedule to be the least hectic for the children. Who wants to spend the vacation going back and forth? Since the dates and lengths of vacations vary each and every year depending on when the holidays fall, you might want to consider language that "suggests" the Winter break details be finalized by (the end of) September, for example. That way, you know what the exact schedule will be and you both can work it out accordingly -- instead of that stupid plan your ex drew up.

The MLK, Memorial Day and Labor Day should vary each year (and of course, depending on who has them at that time...i.e. if it would mean and "extended weekend visitation"). But to say the NCP has them every year won't fly. His "the week goes from" Monday to monday is stupid. It's Monday to Sunday -- plus it's common knowledge how a week "goes." Is he a moron?

The idea of shared parenting is that neither parent has sole legal custody or sole residential custody. One of the parents will claim the child for mailing and residential establishment purposes (for schooling). He must've missed the meaning of "shared".

Personally -- his shared parenting plan SUCKS!! It doesn't even cover half of the stuff a good SPP should.

www.deltabravo.net has some excellent examples of shared parenting plans you could certainly use (and they are pretty comprehensive). I would highly recommend looking at them and cross-referencing what they have to offer and come up with your own. You'll get further if your plan is more "fair" and in the best interest of the kids. If you come off as controlling and selfish in your plan as your ex wants to be, you both will be sent back to square one.

As others have suggested -- let him file it with the court. For him to think they'll hear in that week...he's dreaming. Once he files his, you should file yours as well.