What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? texas
I'll try and make this short.
my ex and I seperated in feb 08. our two sons at the time were 4 and 1, are now 5.5 and 2.5.
He was 330lbs and wouldn't shower but once every 2 weeks, wouldn't wear deo, left piles of filthy clothes, food, garbage, dangerous stuff everywhere he went. I did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, mowing lawn, laundry, bills, etc. I also made 3x his income. His salary barely paid daycare. He went to and from work and did his 8hrs, nuked the occasional corn dog for my kid when I worked late, and sat on his ever expanding butt while I did everything. I even had to schedule his dr appts for his variety of complaints, take him, tell the doc what was wrong, monitor his meds and refill them FOR him, otherwise I got griped at.
Eventually I realized that he took up more of my time and attention than my kids did, and I was missing time out with them because of him
add to the fact he blamed me for everything wrong with his life....I was the reason he was depressed, never wanted sex... (honest to god, i'm still amazed I have 2 kids. and only because i'm very very fertile and persistant I guess. once every 18m basically)
So I asked him to leave, he got physical with me (he's 6' and 330, i'm 5'9 and 140 maybe) and was hurting the baby in my arms. He'd never been physical with *me* prior. I walked out of the house to avoid escalating, he pretended it never happend. following week I was served, he emptied my house, my bank acct, and took the kids to his parents and refused to let me know where they were even. Cut to me in the middle of the road sobbing while cops tell me I have to leave.
temp orders came and went, mediation happened in march.
things haven't gotten better, infact....worse.
I actually have 2 police reports of him being physical with me, last time was in may when he was supposed to get the rest of his junk out of the garage per mediation, he got mad and threw me against the garage wall, I hit a roofing nail to hang stuff on, had a concussion and large lump for about 2 weeks.
cops wouldn't do anything, he and his family crossed their arms and said "we are waiting for the cops, they will say we are right"
I'm constantly worried what he'll tell the kids (i've heard stuff from my 5yr old, i've had him verbally abuse me infront of kids and over phone with kids in background) what he'll do next. Every car door slam, I jump.
I'm worried he'll take off with the kids, he'll slash my tires, he'll file false charges. nothing is out of the realm at this point. he doesn't care about the kids, he's just hell bent on making me suffer and his parents are not only backing him emotionally, but financially as well. he lives with them and they are paying all the legal fees to keep dragging me back to court on BS, paying for the kids clothes/food/diapers/etc. his salary is one big allowence to him now. he's a kid again at 33. (really tho, I was his mom too)
at temp orders he was ordered to pay daycare 1st, 3rd, 5th, and thats it. no additional CS or anything. he did, but was always late, did half payments...I was getting bugged about payments regularly and several times had to call and leave messages for his parents to find so he would actually pay and I wouldn't lose my slot at my daycare. 300/wk he'd pay 600-900 depending. I paid 600.
I have the house which isn't worth what we owe on it (we bought 4yrs ago) and needs work badly. I don't want it, but he can't make the payments and I can.
at mediation he was supposed to start paying CS of 530/mth and I was responsible for daycare alone now. since march I haven't received a dime.
because the divorce still isn't final, i've got nothing but "well....but if you WERE divorced"......
since it's mid mediation/divorce it seems to be a very very very grey area for my Ex and i'm stuck being a good girl.
my lawyer went back and forth trying to even get his lawyer to respond (she's a piece of work...let me tell you) and finally the mediatior told him just to file. We filed in sept, he wrote divorce decree eventhough mediation said my ex's lawyer was supposed to, asking for legal fees, sanctions, 7m of child support, order of withholding....the works.
court was set for today, and a motion was filed on 10/2 by my ex's lawyer. the missing divorce decree! she calls my lawyer fri at 430 and tells him court was rescheduled. there was additions made to online docket even on sat, so both of us show up today. lo, the judge is out because her kids have swine flu, but wasn't decided until sunday. so his lawyer was trying to get us not to show to get dismissed, and now....she gets a grace.
my lawyer says that we probably won't get sanctions and atty fees now because his lawyer filed the divorce decree, even if it was over a month after we filed ours.
I have a feeling he's done something shady about the CS too
I was promoted over a year ago, given a 20K/yr payraise, but my job is based out of portland OR. they waffled on it for almost a year, because they really really really wanted me local, but I juggled my new(current) job as well as my old job and worked my butt off while my whole divorce drama was still new trying to get this job. They still really want me to move and are willing to do anything to help me. most of my friends are coworkers, and all my coworkers in OR (none here) have kids the same age as mine. All of my family lives in chicago, incl my 5 sibs, uncles, aunts, etc.
I'm keeping logs of all the crappy things he does, like telling me one of the kids had a fever fri, sat, sun and mon....so he dosed him with motrin and dropped him off anyway, so that I get a call at 4pm and it's too late to take him to the ped. or when he had 30 days in summer last year, I called 5 days in (I walk the line between do I call often, or is less often better for the kids....I think probably every 4-5 days is about right. too much and it's stressful for them) and every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and left messages saying "it's me...calling to talk to the kids....call me back" on his cell. EVERY DAY for the entire month. he refused to give me my weekend in the middle of the month, refused to let me talk to them...etc.
Now of course, ignoring court orders for CS...but because it's post mediation but divorce isn't final, it's not *really* a court order, so it seems a grey area.
I'm so frustrated. It seems he's getting away with murder, and i'm playing the rules trying to be calm cool collected and best mom I can be. meanwhile he's assaulting me infront of the kids, telling them i'm a psycho B-, refusing to allow me to speak to my children during his extended visits (I *always* call him whenever he misses a normal visit when I get holidays and such)
I'm constantly worried he'll do something to hurt me badly, hurt the kids, kidnap, who knows.
I'm losing faith that the court system will ever back me
any advice, words of wisdom....I'm at a loss....becoming a scattered wreck and can't focus, can't sleep, etc. I'm worried I may lose my job if I can't move at some point, and I really love my job, it pays well, and it's a much much better area in OR than tx. I hate tx. lol. Even being near fam in chicago would be so much better for all of us.
I thought perhaps this court date would be the smackdown he needed to stop being crazy and pulling his BS, but now I don't have much faith that'll happen. or any hope that I could ever leave tx with my children before i'm 50.
I'm trying to keep my mind off slashing his tires or putting up "i'm a deadbeat dad" signs on his car at his workplace. hehehe.....we must think these things for our sanity, but we must never do them!
I'll try and make this short.
my ex and I seperated in feb 08. our two sons at the time were 4 and 1, are now 5.5 and 2.5.
He was 330lbs and wouldn't shower but once every 2 weeks, wouldn't wear deo, left piles of filthy clothes, food, garbage, dangerous stuff everywhere he went. I did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, mowing lawn, laundry, bills, etc. I also made 3x his income. His salary barely paid daycare. He went to and from work and did his 8hrs, nuked the occasional corn dog for my kid when I worked late, and sat on his ever expanding butt while I did everything. I even had to schedule his dr appts for his variety of complaints, take him, tell the doc what was wrong, monitor his meds and refill them FOR him, otherwise I got griped at.
Eventually I realized that he took up more of my time and attention than my kids did, and I was missing time out with them because of him
add to the fact he blamed me for everything wrong with his life....I was the reason he was depressed, never wanted sex... (honest to god, i'm still amazed I have 2 kids. and only because i'm very very fertile and persistant I guess. once every 18m basically)
So I asked him to leave, he got physical with me (he's 6' and 330, i'm 5'9 and 140 maybe) and was hurting the baby in my arms. He'd never been physical with *me* prior. I walked out of the house to avoid escalating, he pretended it never happend. following week I was served, he emptied my house, my bank acct, and took the kids to his parents and refused to let me know where they were even. Cut to me in the middle of the road sobbing while cops tell me I have to leave.
temp orders came and went, mediation happened in march.
things haven't gotten better, infact....worse.
I actually have 2 police reports of him being physical with me, last time was in may when he was supposed to get the rest of his junk out of the garage per mediation, he got mad and threw me against the garage wall, I hit a roofing nail to hang stuff on, had a concussion and large lump for about 2 weeks.
cops wouldn't do anything, he and his family crossed their arms and said "we are waiting for the cops, they will say we are right"
I'm constantly worried what he'll tell the kids (i've heard stuff from my 5yr old, i've had him verbally abuse me infront of kids and over phone with kids in background) what he'll do next. Every car door slam, I jump.
I'm worried he'll take off with the kids, he'll slash my tires, he'll file false charges. nothing is out of the realm at this point. he doesn't care about the kids, he's just hell bent on making me suffer and his parents are not only backing him emotionally, but financially as well. he lives with them and they are paying all the legal fees to keep dragging me back to court on BS, paying for the kids clothes/food/diapers/etc. his salary is one big allowence to him now. he's a kid again at 33. (really tho, I was his mom too)
at temp orders he was ordered to pay daycare 1st, 3rd, 5th, and thats it. no additional CS or anything. he did, but was always late, did half payments...I was getting bugged about payments regularly and several times had to call and leave messages for his parents to find so he would actually pay and I wouldn't lose my slot at my daycare. 300/wk he'd pay 600-900 depending. I paid 600.
I have the house which isn't worth what we owe on it (we bought 4yrs ago) and needs work badly. I don't want it, but he can't make the payments and I can.
at mediation he was supposed to start paying CS of 530/mth and I was responsible for daycare alone now. since march I haven't received a dime.
because the divorce still isn't final, i've got nothing but "well....but if you WERE divorced"......
since it's mid mediation/divorce it seems to be a very very very grey area for my Ex and i'm stuck being a good girl.
my lawyer went back and forth trying to even get his lawyer to respond (she's a piece of work...let me tell you) and finally the mediatior told him just to file. We filed in sept, he wrote divorce decree eventhough mediation said my ex's lawyer was supposed to, asking for legal fees, sanctions, 7m of child support, order of withholding....the works.
court was set for today, and a motion was filed on 10/2 by my ex's lawyer. the missing divorce decree! she calls my lawyer fri at 430 and tells him court was rescheduled. there was additions made to online docket even on sat, so both of us show up today. lo, the judge is out because her kids have swine flu, but wasn't decided until sunday. so his lawyer was trying to get us not to show to get dismissed, and now....she gets a grace.
my lawyer says that we probably won't get sanctions and atty fees now because his lawyer filed the divorce decree, even if it was over a month after we filed ours.
I have a feeling he's done something shady about the CS too
I was promoted over a year ago, given a 20K/yr payraise, but my job is based out of portland OR. they waffled on it for almost a year, because they really really really wanted me local, but I juggled my new(current) job as well as my old job and worked my butt off while my whole divorce drama was still new trying to get this job. They still really want me to move and are willing to do anything to help me. most of my friends are coworkers, and all my coworkers in OR (none here) have kids the same age as mine. All of my family lives in chicago, incl my 5 sibs, uncles, aunts, etc.
I'm keeping logs of all the crappy things he does, like telling me one of the kids had a fever fri, sat, sun and mon....so he dosed him with motrin and dropped him off anyway, so that I get a call at 4pm and it's too late to take him to the ped. or when he had 30 days in summer last year, I called 5 days in (I walk the line between do I call often, or is less often better for the kids....I think probably every 4-5 days is about right. too much and it's stressful for them) and every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and left messages saying "it's me...calling to talk to the kids....call me back" on his cell. EVERY DAY for the entire month. he refused to give me my weekend in the middle of the month, refused to let me talk to them...etc.
Now of course, ignoring court orders for CS...but because it's post mediation but divorce isn't final, it's not *really* a court order, so it seems a grey area.
I'm so frustrated. It seems he's getting away with murder, and i'm playing the rules trying to be calm cool collected and best mom I can be. meanwhile he's assaulting me infront of the kids, telling them i'm a psycho B-, refusing to allow me to speak to my children during his extended visits (I *always* call him whenever he misses a normal visit when I get holidays and such)
I'm constantly worried he'll do something to hurt me badly, hurt the kids, kidnap, who knows.
I'm losing faith that the court system will ever back me
any advice, words of wisdom....I'm at a loss....becoming a scattered wreck and can't focus, can't sleep, etc. I'm worried I may lose my job if I can't move at some point, and I really love my job, it pays well, and it's a much much better area in OR than tx. I hate tx. lol. Even being near fam in chicago would be so much better for all of us.
I thought perhaps this court date would be the smackdown he needed to stop being crazy and pulling his BS, but now I don't have much faith that'll happen. or any hope that I could ever leave tx with my children before i'm 50.
I'm trying to keep my mind off slashing his tires or putting up "i'm a deadbeat dad" signs on his car at his workplace. hehehe.....we must think these things for our sanity, but we must never do them!