Finalizing parenting plan for infant - how do overnights begin?

[Rightstobaby]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

Baby is due in 5 weeks and we have been seperated for two months. The baby will never have lived in a home with us "together."

I "believe" we have come to a basic agreement about a parenting plan based on the "Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines" with a few adjustments. My question is regarding the last two sections - 13 months - 36 months. See below...

This is what we have so far:

0-3 months:

(3) 2 hours visits per week in the child's primary residence

* * All future times away from child's primary residence * *

4-5 months:

(2) 2 hour visits
(1) 4 hour visit

6-8 months:

(2) 2 hour visits
(1) 6 hour visit

9-12 months:

(2) 2 hour visits
(1) 10 hour visit

13-18 months:

(2) 2 hour visits
(1) Overnight from 4 pm - 10 am

19-36 months:

(1) 4 hour visit
(1) 24 hour period 4 pm - 4 pm

My ex doesn't believe overnights should begin with the 4 pm - 10 am transition period and wants it to immediately switch to a 24 hour period. I offered to make the transition period from 13-15 months, but felt there should be some transition period from 10 hours max to 24 hours.

Also...after 19 months he wants more than one overnight ASAP (which may not be logical given his work schedule) but I felt it would be better to keep one overnight each week instead of two overnights every other week-end or something like that. At 19 months - it seems like it would be better to still keep up the regular, more frequent contact as opposed to longer stretches?

Does anyone have any feedback based on the above schedule?

After 36 months is another area of issue - given that we live 45 miles apart and he has a chaotic, early work schedule (5 am - 5 pm) what is reasonable?

Thank you...

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

Baby is due in 5 weeks and we have been seperated for two months. The baby will never have lived in a home with us "together."

I "believe" we have come to a basic agreement about a parenting plan based on the "Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines" with a few adjustments. My question is regarding the last two sections - 13 months - 36 months. See below...

This is what we have so far:

0-3 months:

(3) 2 hours visits per week in the child's primary residence

* * All future times away from child's primary residence * *

4-5 months:

(2) 2 hour visits
(1) 4 hour visit

6-8 months:

(2) 2 hour visits
(1) 6 hour visit

9-12 months:

(2) 2 hour visits
(1) 10 hour visit

13-18 months:

(2) 2 hour visits
(1) Overnight from 4 pm - 10 am

19-36 months:

(1) 4 hour visit
(1) 24 hour period 4 pm - 4 pm

My ex doesn't believe overnights should begin with the 4 pm - 10 am transition period and wants it to immediately switch to a 24 hour period. I offered to make the transition period from 13-15 months, but felt there should be some transition period from 10 hours max to 24 hours.

Also...after 19 months he wants more than one overnight ASAP (which may not be logical given his work schedule) but I felt it would be better to keep one overnight each week instead of two overnights every other week-end or something like that. At 19 months - it seems like it would be better to still keep up the regular, more frequent contact as opposed to longer stretches?

Does anyone have any feedback based on the above schedule?

After 36 months is another area of issue - given that we live 45 miles apart and he has a chaotic, early work schedule (5 am - 5 pm) what is reasonable?

Thank you...

Ok...one thing that I will tell you is that if the two of you cannot agree on a parenting plan, the judge will flat out order that the guidelines be followed. Unless there are serious extenuating circumstances Indiana judges stick to the guidelines. Therefore dad does not have any real leverage to insist on something different than the guidelines.

Once the child starts school, dad is either going to need a different job or different working hours if he wants anything other than every other weekend and alternating holidays...and maybe even need to move closer to you.

Its simply not reasonable for the child to have to awake at 3:00 in the morning for dad to get him/her ready and transport him/her to a before school care someone near where the child's school will be. In fact, it would not be reasonable even before the child starts school.

I would insist on sticking with the guidelines for now, and then if something changes by the time the child is 36 months, or even when the child starts school, revisit the issue then.

 

[MichaCA]

When we went through courts (child at baby) the mediator was very respectful around graduating into the weekend and would order a afternoon/overnight - pick up in the morning.

After a few months of that, it merged into a 24 hour period - say 10 - 10. Overnight is a big deal...that way IMO only...is easier for a baby.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Seriously, how many frakin' threads are you going to start? Why couldn't you just add this one to your three others?

 

[LdiJ]

When we went through courts (child at baby) the mediator was very respectful around graduating into the weekend and would order a afternoon/overnight - pick up in the morning.

After a few months of that, it merged into a 24 hour period - say 10 - 10. Overnight is a big deal...that way IMO only...is easier for a baby.

This is Indiana. Indiana has parenting time guidelines developed by the Indiana Supreme Court. Judges in Indiana routinely order that parents follow the ITPG unless the parents agree to something different.

So, in Indiana, particularly in an unwed situation, unless the parents agree to something else, the judge is going to require that they follow the ITPG, unless very exceptional circumstances are involved.

 

[Indiana Filer]

This is Indiana. Indiana has parenting time guidelines developed by the Indiana Supreme Court. Judges in Indiana routinely order that parents follow the ITPG unless the parents agree to something different.

So, in Indiana, particularly in an unwed situation, unless the parents agree to something else, the judge is going to require that they follow the ITPG, unless very exceptional circumstances are involved.

But the OP isn't in Indiana.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

 

[Rightstobaby]

Seriously, how many frakin' threads are you going to start? Why couldn't you just add this one to your three others?

I wasn't aware there was a limit when it came to a quantity. My understanding: New question = New thread. Should I ask every question in my child's life in the same thread?

Thank you, to everyone else, for your advice. I am not in Indiana, we just picked those guidelines as a start for a plan to use as North Carolina does not have any specific guidelines.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

I wasn't aware there was a limit when it came to a quantity. My understanding: New question = New thread. Should I ask every question in my child's life in the same thread?

Thank you, to everyone else, for your advice. I am not in Indiana, we just picked those guidelines as a start for a plan to use as North Carolina does not have any specific guidelines.

Sigh.... read the sticky on child custody &visitation main page. It should be followed. The more we have to search for background information, the less likely we are to actually search through multiple (in your case, four so far) threads. At least two of yours are the exact same subject.

ETA:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/newborn-infant-visitation-between-nc-mo-522976.html

Child Custody & Visitationgood-parenting-time-schedule-infants-toddlers-524640.html

Child Custody & Visitationfinalizing-parenting-plan-infant-how-do-overnights-begin-525413.html


See what I mean?

 

[meanyjack]

I wasn't aware there was a limit when it came to a quantity. My understanding: New question = New thread. Should I ask every question in my child's life in the same thread?

Perhaps you should read the freaking rules, and the sticky for your answers.

 

[LdiJ]

But the OP isn't in Indiana.

Well now I feel stupid...Because she was quoting from the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines, so I never picked up on the fact that it was NC.

 

[LdiJ]

I wasn't aware there was a limit when it came to a quantity. My understanding: New question = New thread. Should I ask every question in my child's life in the same thread?

Thank you, to everyone else, for your advice. I am not in Indiana, we just picked those guidelines as a start for a plan to use as North Carolina does not have any specific guidelines.

You will honestly get better advice if you keep your current questions all in one thread.

If its a year down the road before you have another question, we wouldn't expect you to find an old thread to ask a new question, but the questions you are asking now are all part and parcel of the same situation, so keeping it all in one thread helps you get better answers.

 

[Rightstobaby]

Thank you. I was not sure what qualified as being the "same question" when it feels very different to me, but if I have further questions in the near future I will post them all into the same thread so it is not confusing. I wasn't trying to make it more difficult...just wanted to be clear what I was asking.

Sorry again for the confusion, but thank you for the advice!

 

[Zigner]

Why do you feel the FATHER of the child can't have the child overnight until s/he is over a year old?

 

[mistoffolees]

Why do you feel the FATHER of the child can't have the child overnight until s/he is over a year old?

Aside from that, I feel that the overall schedule is pretty stingy when it comes to the father's time with the child. Particularly for a young child, visits should be frequent - even daily if possible - to foster a relationship. 2-3 visits per week probably isn't enough to maximize the benefits.

 

[LdiJ]

Aside from that, I feel that the overall schedule is pretty stingy when it comes to the father's time with the child. Particularly for a young child, visits should be frequent - even daily if possible - to foster a relationship. 2-3 visits per week probably isn't enough to maximize the benefits.

I agree that if a dad can see a child daily, that's optimum. However, a court is never going to tie up a parent's life that much.

Lets say that both parents work 8-5. If dad sees the child daily, unsupervised, then that leaves very little time for mom at all, or dad's visits have to be extremely short. There is only about a 3 hour window (considering drive time to get home) each evening for the parents to spend time with the child. So how do you divide it daily? Each parent gets 1 1/2 hours?

If both mom and dad are present for the visits, then no judge is going to force them to be together on a daily basis, when they are NOT together as a couple.

If parents don't work the same hours, sometimes daily is workable.

My ex saw our child almost every day, but we got along great and still do. We enjoyed spending time in each other's company. It was a little "tense" the first six months or so, but after that it was fine.

That also wouldn't have been likely to work had I not deliberately chosen to not remarry or get involved in any serious relationships. My ex could never have taken our daughter to his house during the week either. He only lived about 25 miles away but rush hour traffic caused him about 1 1/2 to 2 hours commute...so he would have had to turn back shortly after he got there with her. So instead, he spent that time at my house, visiting with her, and then breezed home in about 20 minutes. (we both worked just a couple of miles from my house).