Forcibly taking child

[ICUB4ER]

State of Kansas

Visitation is ordered as "reasonable visitation" - two girls ages 10 and 13

Stbx came over at 9 a.m. and told me that he was going to take my 10 yr old daughter this weekend.
I told him that he had the girls last weekend and that this was my weekend and that he could have them next weekend and I shut the door.

Fast forward to this evening.....

My 10 yr old daughter and I got home from our “girls night out” and dropping my 13 yr old daughter off at the skating rink, and stbx pulled in behind me. My daughter and I went into the house and stbx followed. He said that he was taking my daughter for the weekend.
I sent my daughter into her room and again informed him that he had the girls last weekend and that this was my weekend, and that it was now 10 p.m.. He started yelling that he had made plans and that he was taking her no matter what I said and that he would call his attorney for me denying him visitation.
Stbx said that he only wants the girls on the weekends that he gets paid and that this was his payday weekend. Apparently my daughter came out of her room when she heard him yelling at me and I failed to notice that she was in the room with us.
I told him that he was NOT going to behave this way in front of the girls or where they could hear him because they don’t need to hear that crap, and if he continued to behave in an aggressive manner that he would not be welcome at the house anymore.
Stbx told her that he was taking her, and for her to get her clothes packed. My daughter told him that she was just with him last weekend and didn’t want to go because she and I had plans for Saturday.
My daughter started crying and told him that she and I had plans to go to a school function called “Muffins with Mom” Saturday morning, and wanted to stay home so we could go.
Stbx very hatefully instructed her to pack her stuff and get in the damn truck. Stbx had a violent attitude and I didn’t need the situation escalating any further, so I gave my daughter a hug and told her to have fun and that I loved her and that I would see her Sunday.
As soon as he left with her I called the police, the officers refused to file a report because stbx is her father.
Is this going to end up being a common occurance because the order only states reasonable visitation and he knows that the police won't do anything?
We have our settlement conference on the 28th where I assume they will make a permanent parenting plan.
Should I have "stuck to my guns" and kept her with me, or did I do the right thing by backing down and letting him take her?

 

[ceara19]

Are these the SAME children you said were being molested when they went to dad's? If so, why are you still allowing the kids to leave with them??

 

[stealth2]

Honestly - you are no better than he is. Why do you INSIST on continuing to have these conversations with him when the kids are around? A rational person would not have opened the door a second time and would have called the cops then and there.

 

[ICUB4ER]

The cps reports on inappropriate touching by his girlfriends son, not molestation, came back "unfounded" even though they never even spoke with the children, the school counselors, family therapist, or myself after the initial reports.
My attorney said that reasonable visitation is considered to be EOW and one night throughout the week, and that if I denied him any of those times that I could be held in contempt for denying visitation and he very well could end up with physical custody.
She instructed me to send the girls with him when it was time. I am doing what my attorney instructs me to do.
I DO NOT insist on having these conversations with him with the girls present, which is why I sent my daughter out of the room.
I didn't have any idea why he was here at 10 pm, figured he just wanted to stop and see the girls. He has done this a couple of times since we seperated.
I will not call the police in the presence of the girls, they DO NOT need to see me calling the police on their dad anymore than they need to witness any arguements! That is why I waited and called after he had left.
The girls need to see and spend time with their dad as much as they do me.
I just need the drama to stop, there is absolutely no need for any drama at all. All he needs to do is come and get them when it's his time and stop playing the drama queen role.
He went for 5 weeks with no contact with them at all, now he is taking time away from me???
I just need some suggestions on how to handle this and get him to realize that the drama is only hurting the girls...not me.
BTW, I called him earlier and asked to talk to my daughter(one of her friends lost her homework assignment and needed to get the info from daughter) and he told me that when he has the girls, they are not allowed to talk to me because it's his time with them, and he hung up.
I called back a little while later and told him what I needed and asked him to ask her for me, he told me not to call again and hung up again.

 

[ceara19]

1. Your attorney's opinion on what is considered reasonable visitation doesn't matter. FORCE dad to bring the matter back to court and when you are asked WHY you think reasonable visitation means he only sees the children when he is supervised, bring up the childrens reports of abuse. The acts that were reported can't be deemed unwarranted without hearing from the victim.

2. Call it whatever you want, inappropriate touching, chlid molestation, the fact is that what the step mom and step brother did is SEXUAL ASSAULT OF A MINOR.

3. If dad is knowingly allowing the children to be SEXUALLY ASSAULTED, they DO NOT need to be spending time with him. A parent that looks the other way is no better than a parent that is abusing the child themselves (that applies not only to dad, but also to you.)

If you want to allow it to continue, fine. But don't be surprised when CPS comes after YOU because the kids go to a teacher, counselor or friend's parent since telling you has not seemed to help.

 

[Just Blue]

1. Your attorney's opinion on what is considered reasonable visitation doesn't matter. FORCE dad to bring the matter back to court and when you are asked WHY you think reasonable visitation means he only sees the children when he is supervised, bring up the childrens reports of abuse. The acts that were reported can't be deemed unwarranted without hearing from the victim.

2. Call it whatever you want, inappropriate touching, chlid molestation, the fact is that what the step mom and step brother did is SEXUAL ASSAULT OF A MINOR.

3. If dad is knowingly allowing the children to be SEXUALLY ASSAULTED, they DO NOT need to be spending time with him. A parent that looks the other way is no better than a parent that is abusing the child themselves (that applies not only to dad, but also to you.)

If you want to allow it to continue, fine. But don't be surprised when CPS comes after YOU because the kids go to a teacher, counselor or friend's parent since telling you has not seemed to help.

Beautifully put!!

 

[ICUB4ER]

I called my attorney this morning, but she is out of town at a trial all day and won't be in the office until tomorrow afternoon.
I left a message with her assistant that I will be refusing all future visitations until I speak to her personally.
I called cps and asked them why the case was determined to be unfounded and was told that the allegations didn't meet their criteria for child abuse!?!?
That is why they never interviewed the girls, their accusations didn't constitute abuse. What a crock of horse sh*t!
Stbx did return our 10 yr old yesterday at 3pm. She said that he took her out of town(she didn't know what town though)and that they stayed in a hotel room with his married mistress.
Stbx and his girlfriend wanted to be alone to "talk" and wanted our daughter to go down to the pool and swim. Our 10 yr old didn't have a swimming suit, so he had her swim in her bra and panties in the hotel pool even though she has entered puberty. Then when they went back to the girlfriends house yesterday afternoon, her husband questioned her as to her relationship with my stbx...in front of our 10 yr old.
I hope like hell my attorney can put a stop to all of this. If not, what other recourse do I have?

 

[bononos]

Ummm...
Why did you let him in your home?

 

[ICUB4ER]

I ASSUMED(I know!)that he was in the area and just wanted to stop by to see the girls as he has done a couple of times before. He has always been told that he is welcome to stop and see them any time he wants as long as it doesn't interfere with my plans. He chooses to only take them every other weekend, so I figured it would be nice for the girls to see him when he is in the area and stops by.
If I had had any idea why he was here, I would have sent my daughter in the house and talked to him outside.

 

[bononos]

You made a bad decision.
He did not use force, you allowed her to go.
You were afraid of the situation escalating between you and ex, but you didn't seem to care about your daughter being put in a bad situation when you let her go with him.
Think before you act next time.
Don't ever allow him to enter your home.
If he gets irate or tries to enter, lock the door and call the cops.
Even in what did happen, after you two arguing in the home, YOU should have asked hiom to leave and if he refused YOU should have called the police instead of allowing the children to go with an angry person.
I'm not trying to be mean, but YOU could have avoided putting yourself and the kids in this situation just as much as he could.

 

[ceara19]

I ASSUMED(I know!)that he was in the area and just wanted to stop by to see the girls as he has done a couple of times before. He has always been told that he is welcome to stop and see them any time he wants as long as it doesn't interfere with my plans. He chooses to only take them every other weekend, so I figured it would be nice for the girls to see him when he is in the area and stops by.
If I had had any idea why he was here, I would have sent my daughter in the house and talked to him outside.

You can't change what you've done in the past. I'm glad to hear you have decided to cut off communication with the man for now. Have you tried going straight to the police and filing charges concerning what happened with stepmom & stepbrother? Contrary to what CPS told you, what they did is a crime. You may be able to get more results through the police.

 

[Halls]

If he is making such bad decisions for your children than why let him in your home for any reason at all? The minute you let him in your home you gave up control of the situation. What would have happend if you had stood your ground with him and said he couldn't have your daughter? Next time toughen up!