Fost-Adopt

[schaper]

Los Angeles, CA
My husband and I have had our Foster son since he was 5 days old. It has now been 5.5 months. We are an approved pre-adoption home. The birth mom is not trying to get him back but she wants to keep him in her family. She is still using drugs and has made no attempt to stop. A cousin just came forward who has never met or called to check on the baby. We received info from the social worker the cousins boyfriend has child abuse and domestic violence charges agains him. When social services visited the home he was there and looked like he lived there. The cousin is claiming he does not. Now they have let the social worker and her supervisor go. The no longer work for social services because they were not suppose to give us this info. They went ahead and approved this cousin for placement. We are waiting for a meeeting to be scheduled and then we're told they will remove him from our home. We got some advice from someone and were told to hire a lawyer and file as a De Facto parent. We have also not been able to contact the babies lawyer. She seems to not want to talk to us and is all for this placement. So my question is, Is it worth hiring an attorney to try to stop this placement? It is going to be very costly and we're not sure if it will even help.

 

[mistoffolees]

Los Angeles, CA
My husband and I have had our Foster son since he was 5 days old. It has now been 5.5 months. We are an approved pre-adoption home. The birth mom is not trying to get him back but she wants to keep him in her family. She is still using drugs and has made no attempt to stop. A cousin just came forward who has never met or called to check on the baby. We received info from the social worker the cousins boyfriend has child abuse and domestic violence charges agains him. When social services visited the home he was there and looked like he lived there. The cousin is claiming he does not. Now they have let the social worker and her supervisor go. The no longer work for social services because they were not suppose to give us this info. They went ahead and approved this cousin for placement. We are waiting for a meeeting to be scheduled and then we're told they will remove him from our home. We got some advice from someone and were told to hire a lawyer and file as a De Facto parent. We have also not been able to contact the babies lawyer. She seems to not want to talk to us and is all for this placement. So my question is, Is it worth hiring an attorney to try to stop this placement? It is going to be very costly and we're not sure if it will even help.

You should speak with an attorney. They will be able to tell you what your chances are of prevailing.

 

[Isis1]

I would definitely speak to a few attorneys at this point. Because the child is barely six months, social services' main goal is to still keep the family in tact as much as possible. And placing the baby with blood relatives is always preferred. Social services always gives the mother and father some time to complete the case plan. From my perspective, mom might be following her case plan, and placing the child with family might make it easier on mom to clean up and become a parent again.

I am glad the mom may be cleaning up, but I am sad that your bond with this baby may be at risk.

 

[schaper]

Bad news

Well the lawyer never got back to us today and we received a call from social services. They will be picking up our FS and placing him with the cousing this wed. We are so upset about this. She has never even met him. He will be living with a complete stranger. We're going to attempt to call the lawyer again tomorrow but since the decision has been made we're probably too late.

 

[ecmst12]

Doesn't that kind of go with the territory of being a foster parent?

 

[Ohiogal]

Los Angeles, CA
My husband and I have had our Foster son since he was 5 days old. It has now been 5.5 months. We are an approved pre-adoption home. The birth mom is not trying to get him back but she wants to keep him in her family. She is still using drugs and has made no attempt to stop. A cousin just came forward who has never met or called to check on the baby. We received info from the social worker the cousins boyfriend has child abuse and domestic violence charges agains him. When social services visited the home he was there and looked like he lived there. The cousin is claiming he does not. Now they have let the social worker and her supervisor go. The no longer work for social services because they were not suppose to give us this info. They went ahead and approved this cousin for placement. We are waiting for a meeeting to be scheduled and then we're told they will remove him from our home. We got some advice from someone and were told to hire a lawyer and file as a De Facto parent. We have also not been able to contact the babies lawyer. She seems to not want to talk to us and is all for this placement. So my question is, Is it worth hiring an attorney to try to stop this placement? It is going to be very costly and we're not sure if it will even help.

You are NOT a de facto parent. You are a county employee. The county is the one that has been making the decisions regarding these children. The cousin has more of a right to placement then you do. The fact that the social worker was FIRED for telling you things says a lot about the lack of ethics engaged upon in having these children with you. The children's lawyer doesn't have to talk to you. YOU are not a party to the case and you don't have standing quite frankly. The purpose of the case is to reunify with the parents or the children's family.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well the lawyer never got back to us today and we received a call from social services. They will be picking up our FS and placing him with the cousing this wed. We are so upset about this. She has never even met him. He will be living with a complete stranger. We're going to attempt to call the lawyer again tomorrow but since the decision has been made we're probably too late.

And you were a complete stranger as well and not even a blood relation.

 

[Ohiogal]

I would definitely speak to a few attorneys at this point. Because the child is barely six months, social services' main goal is to still keep the family in tact as much as possible. And placing the baby with blood relatives is always preferred. Social services always gives the mother and father some time to complete the case plan. From my perspective, mom might be following her case plan, and placing the child with family might make it easier on mom to clean up and become a parent again.

I am glad the mom may be cleaning up, but I am sad that your bond with this baby may be at risk.

I am not sad that the foster parents' bond is at risk. IT IS ALWAYS AT RISK. That is the role of a foster parent.

 

[schaper]

And you were a complete stranger as well and not even a blood relation.

We may have been complete strangers but we are the only parents this child knows. We raised and nurtured this child. Nobody else but us went through his drug withdrawals with him! WE are the ones who had to take him to the hospital and watch him go through a series of test. Nobody else was involved in his life. We came into this as adoptive parents not foster parents. We took all the adoption classes to become adoptive parents NOT foster parents. Until this day we are still told we are not foster parents. So maybe foster parents should have known what they got themselves into but we were never told any of this would happen like this.The system is screwed up and is not in it for the children. If they were in it for the children they wouldn't be placing this child in a home where there is already child abuse. Regardless of how we found this info out it is a fact. He has been through enough in his 6 months of life he shouldn't have to endure anything else!

 

[Ohiogal]

We may have been complete strangers but we are the only parents this child knows. We raised and nurtured this child. Nobody else but us went through his drug withdrawals with him! WE are the ones who had to take him to the hospital and watch him go through a series of test. Nobody else was involved in his life. We came into this as adoptive parents not foster parents. We took all the adoption classes to become adoptive parents NOT foster parents. Until this day we are still told we are not foster parents. So maybe foster parents should have known what they got themselves into but we were never told any of this would happen like this.The system is screwed up and is not in it for the children. If they were in it for the children they wouldn't be placing this child in a home where there is already child abuse. Regardless of how we found this info out it is a fact. He has been through enough in his 6 months of life he shouldn't have to endure anything else!

Then you are in the WRONG business. YOU are NOT adoptive parents. YOU are foster parents first. You may have a chance to adopt if the parents have their rights terminated but until then you are ONLY foster parents. Deal with that. The system is NOT screwed -- it is not perfect but the ONLY purpose of the system is to work for the children. JUst because you don't get what you want doesn't mean the system is not working for the children. Parents have a constitutional right to parent. END of story. The system is made to PRESERVE families -- not just hand kids over to anyone who wants to adopt at any point in time.

Do yourself a favor -- quit fostering children.

 

[schaper]

Then you are in the WRONG business. YOU are NOT adoptive parents. YOU are foster parents first. You may have a chance to adopt if the parents have their rights terminated but until then you are ONLY foster parents. Deal with that. The system is NOT screwed -- it is not perfect but the ONLY purpose of the system is to work for the children. JUst because you don't get what you want doesn't mean the system is not working for the children. Parents have a constitutional right to parent. END of story. The system is made to PRESERVE families -- not just hand kids over to anyone who wants to adopt at any point in time.

Do yourself a favor -- quit fostering children.

It's not what WE want it's what's best for the child! There are laws that are not being abided by. Maybe you just don't know the laws here in CA.

31-440 FOSTER PARENT(S) NOTIFICATION REQUIREMENTS 31-440
.1 The foster parent(s) shall be given at least seven calendar days' advance written notice
of intent to remove a child, and of the right to request a grievance review

CALIFORNIA CODES
CALIFORNIA WELFARE AND INSTITUTIONS CODE


a) In any case in which a child is removed from the physical
custody of his or her parents pursuant to Section 361, preferential
consideration shall be given to a request by a relative of the child for
placement of the child with the relative. In determining whether
placement with a relative is appropriate, the county social worker and
court shall consider, but shall not be limited to, consideration of all
the following factors:
(1) The best interest of the child, including special physical,
psychological, educational, medical, or emotional needs.

However, only the following relatives shall be given
preferential consideration for the placement of the child: an adult
who is a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or sibling.

I don't see 2nd cousins listed in there, DO YOU?

 

[CSO286]

It's not what WE want it's what's best for the child! There are laws that are not being abided by. Maybe you just don't know the laws here in CA.

31-440 FOSTER PARENT(S) NOTIFICATION REQUIREMENTS 31-440
.1 The foster parent(s) shall be given at least seven calendar days' advance written notice
of intent to remove a child, and of the right to request a grievance review

CALIFORNIA CODES
CALIFORNIA WELFARE AND INSTITUTIONS CODE


a) In any case in which a child is removed from the physical
custody of his or her parents pursuant to Section 361, preferential
consideration shall be given to a request by a relative of the child for
placement of the child with the relative. In determining whether
placement with a relative is appropriate, the county social worker and
court shall consider, but shall not be limited to, consideration of all
the following factors:
(1) The best interest of the child, including special physical,
psychological, educational, medical, or emotional needs.

However, only the following relatives shall be given
preferential consideration for the placement of the child: an adult
who is a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or sibling.

I don't see 2nd cousins listed in there, DO YOU?

So request your grievance review.

It also doesn't state that they can't attempt relative placement in there. I also want to point out that the parents are permitted some input in the child's placement. I'm sorry that it sounds like a difficult situation.
However, perhaps the child's parents are jumping through the DHS hoops in an effort to regain custody of said child. If that could be the case, then a raltive caretaker would allow the child some proximity to their parents while still maintaining a safe distance.

 

[Isis1]

I fully agree with OG here. You have no business expecting to keep a foster child at your whim. It doesn't go that way. Which is why I feel really sad in this situation because you created a bond with a child you had no business doing! I would feel sad too! Which is why I'll be a horrible foster parent. I'd take it personal once the child was removed. You may need to readjust your settings a bit.

 

[ecmst12]

YOU are not thinking about the child either, you are thinking about yourself. Babies are flexible, they can adapt to anything, and the state has decided that it's in a child's best interests to remain with or near their parents or blood relatives as much as possible.

If you want to be regular adoptive parents, you go to an adoption agency and they find a mom who WANTS to give up her baby and you pay a bunch of legal fees to make sure the paperwork is done correctly and then you get to adopt a baby. If you become a foster parent hoping for permanent placement, you are going to be disappointed over and over. It's a shame that they allowed you to become foster parents without properly training you on your rights (few) and responsibilities (many).

 

[SESmama]

OP - you didn't post the whole wording of the child placement.

When selecting a foster care placement for the child, the social worker shall adhere to the following
priority order:
.21 The home of a relative, including the non-custodial parent, in which the child can be safely
placed as assessed according, but not limited to, the requirements specified in Welfare and
Institutions Code Section 361.3.
.211 Preferential consideration for placement of the child shall be given to a non-custodial
parent, then an adult who is a grandparent, aunt, uncle or sibling of the child.
(a) As required by Welfare and Institutions Code Section 361.3, a finding that the
relative cannot provide legal permanence for the child shall not be used as the
sole basis for denying placement with a relative.

http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/getinfo/pdf/cws3.pdf