Funeral Memorial Money/ Who Should Get IT??

[BleedingHeart]

MN.
Hello~ My Beloved Husband's Funeral was on 10/10/04. There were a
small amount of cash and checks in memorial, sympathy cards. The family
went out to eat after the service and I was asked by my Adult daughters
to open the cards. As we got up to leave, one of them said I should split
that money with the 2 of them also. I have been through this before so I
know better but she was adament about it so I asked her if she needed
gas money to get home. Of course she did not, but proceded to let me know
that some of her friends had been there to support her during this time of
grief and so she said they would not have come otherwise. The money they
gave me in cards, envelopes etc. should be partly hers. It made me feel like her friends had no respect for me OR the departed, my Husband. Would someone here care to tell me how these things should be handled? I was hurt to hear her disrespect us in this way. What exactly is this money suppose to be used for?? Any ideas or is there a most proper way??
Thanks very much........... Mary

 

[BelizeBreeze]

MN.
Hello~ My Beloved Husband's Funeral was on 10/10/04. There were a
small amount of cash and checks in memorial, sympathy cards. The family
went out to eat after the service and I was asked by my Adult daughters
to open the cards. As we got up to leave, one of them said I should split
that money with the 2 of them also. I have been through this before so I
know better but she was adament about it so I asked her if she needed
gas money to get home. Of course she did not, but proceded to let me know
that some of her friends had been there to support her during this time of
grief and so she said they would not have come otherwise. The money they
gave me in cards, envelopes etc. should be partly hers. It made me feel like her friends had no respect for me OR the departed, my Husband. Would someone here care to tell me how these things should be handled? I was hurt to hear her disrespect us in this way. What exactly is this money suppose to be used for?? Any ideas or is there a most proper way??
Thanks very much........... Mary

Spend the money to pay funeral expenses. Then tell that ungrateful little tramp the next time she thinks about your dead husband, imangine him turning over in his grave so she can kiss his BUTT!

 

[nextwife]

MN. ........but proceded to let me know
that some of her friends had been there to support her during this time of grief and so she said they would not have come otherwise.

'

WHAT? They wouldn't do what was appropriate unless there was a financial payback to her? A person is "there" for the family because that is what one does.

She is way out of line.

 

[stealth2]

I agree with the others. Your daughter needs a trip behind the woodshed for a switching.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[leafinator]

Sorry for your loss

Just wanted to add my condolences for your loss. As far as your daughter goes, if the cards (and checks) are made out to you than they're all yours to do with what you wish save for the one that specifically said to split it with others. With that check it's really up to you. Ethically you should do what the giver requested but the reality of it is that if you don't your daughter will have to deal with it or sue you in small claims court which I bet would cost her more.

 

[BleedingHeart]

MN
Some of it was cash, but we are talking about a few hundred dollars here.
Very petty and petty cash. It said my name on the envelopes or the
blank Family. My daughters were his stepdaughters but also considered
themselves to be "Family." The same daughter wanted to send flowers
to be taken out of the funeral expenses on the "estate" which is deducted
from the total estate amount but not returned as cash. I would have had
to pay for it which I called the florist and told them to put a hundred dollar
limit for her family on my card. They did not do it. She thinks I should
have covered it I guess, with the Life Ins. I will get months down the line.
It was just very poor timeing for me, for her to act so beserk during this
extreme time of bereavement. The funeral is paid for. That is why I
wondered what is the proper purpose for this money.?.

 

[annefan]

Do something lovely for those gremlins. Take every cent of the money in the cards and donate it to a good charity in memory of your beloved husband. Perhaps they might learn something from it.

 

[stealth2]

That is why I
wondered what is the proper purpose for this money.?.

It's an Old World custom that was used to offset funeral expenses. Some people still do it. Use it for something associated with your husband - a charitable contribution as annefan suggested, towards a headstone, get your favorite photo of him enlarged and professionally framed.

And tell your daughters to bite you if they complain about it.

 

[BleedingHeart]

Thank You All

Thanks for the advice.

I am going to purchase a Harley Davidson Heart Locket to keep a tiny
picture of our engagement photo in. He had an HD funeral and at his
request his cremains are being intered in a Sportster 883 HD Gas Tank.

If for some reason I cannot get the locket I will be looking to purchase
a necklace that holds a tiny bit of the cremains. Expensive!!

I also wish to thank those that don't even know me and didn't know him
either, for your condolences. You are very kind, God Bless You.
~Mary~

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

I love the idea of the gas tank!