General family law, children & spousal support

[tina harris]

I live in california. I am seeking advice on separation with husband of over 20 years. I have three teenage children. Husband still resides at home. I found email from his lover. He confessed to me that he has been having a love affair for three years. He told me he loved her, and she loves him. He said he also loved me. He confessed to having occasional affairs for the last 17 years. He and his mistress of three years bought matching wedding bands, telling me he replaced his old lost wedding band. If that is not emotionally humiliating enough, most of his friends (and some of them mine), and work relations all have either met her or he has told these people that he is in love with his mistress.
He is self employed and is out of town half the year or more. I am the one that is always there for the kids and our home.
He met this woman in another country, and has since brought her to various places in this country and Spain and Montreal, has had email & constant telephone correspondance with her. He had covered all his tracks. He has led a double life. He has gone out of town for business and obviously not for business. I am totally crushed and hurting since he always came back home from all his business trips and not so business trips. I am suffering now from major depression. He is still here in our home, he is also seeing a therapist. I am currently not working. I am seeking therapy. He is a sex addict and I feel that he wanted an exit relationship with me all along because he has controlled me, berated me in public and in front of family and friends a lot, especially in the last three years. If he was looking to get out of our marriage, why was he a coward and not seek a divorce.
My situation seems hopeless because he still will travel out of town and I fear that I have completely lost my trust in our marriage. Last time he went to NY I was sick to my stomach every day. I can't continue this way. I can't be in the same room with him and not cry.
I want to know my legal rights.
I hope someone will give me some advice, so that I will know what to do legally.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

I live in california. I am seeking advice on separation with husband of over 20 years. I have three teenage children. Husband still resides at home. I found email from his lover. He confessed to me that he has been having a love affair for three years. He told me he loved her, and she loves him. He said he also loved me. He confessed to having occasional affairs for the last 17 years. He and his mistress of three years bought matching wedding bands, telling me he replaced his old lost wedding band. If that is not emotionally humiliating enough, most of his friends (and some of them mine), and work relations all have either met her or he has told these people that he is in love with his mistress.
He is self employed and is out of town half the year or more. I am the one that is always there for the kids and our home.
He met this woman in another country, and has since brought her to various places in this country and Spain and Montreal, has had email & constant telephone correspondance with her. He had covered all his tracks. He has led a double life. He has gone out of town for business and obviously not for business. I am totally crushed and hurting since he always came back home from all his business trips and not so business trips. I am suffering now from major depression. He is still here in our home, he is also seeing a therapist. I am currently not working. I am seeking therapy. He is a sex addict and I feel that he wanted an exit relationship with me all along because he has controlled me, berated me in public and in front of family and friends a lot, especially in the last three years. If he was looking to get out of our marriage, why was he a coward and not seek a divorce.
My situation seems hopeless because he still will travel out of town and I fear that I have completely lost my trust in our marriage. Last time he went to NY I was sick to my stomach every day. I can't continue this way. I can't be in the same room with him and not cry.
I want to know my legal rights.
I hope someone will give me some advice, so that I will know what to do legally.

My response:

California is a "pure" no-fault State. That means, his infidelities are not grounds for a divorce. Your only grounds are "irreconcilable differences". But, a divorce is a divorce is a divorce.

You'll be able to ask for, and undoubtedly receive, Spousal support, your attorney's fees being paid by him, and if the children are minors, child support.

You'll also be able to obtain a portion of his retirement funds if he has one. You'll also obtain half or more of the assets and, if you play your cards correctly, you could get him to pay all of the marital debts.

Good luck to you, and see a Family law attorney on Tuesday morning.

IAAL