techsmith0666
Junior Member
Please read this whole thing...this is an interesting situation...alienation by my mother-in-law. Quickly getting you up to speed:
My name is Greg. My wife and were married in 2000. At the time she had 2 girls ages 3 and 6. D (my wife) had a lot of her parent's involvement and when I moved in they seemed to resent the fact that they did not need to help as much. I was aware of this and tried to make sure they did not feel this way but then they would complain when we let them help that they shouldn't be helping. Anyhow one day when the girl's were about 4 and 7 grandma told the girl's if we let them they could move in with grandma and grandpa anytime. This opened Pandora's box and since that day we have had them threatening us with it. D's mom says anything to the kids. When the kids called grandma complaining once that we were being unreasonable or what ever she ended up telling the girl's that she thinks my wife is bipolar or manic depressive (she is a psychologist and art therapist). So from that day on anytime the kids were upset with her they would say "grandma says you need help" or "grandma says I can call her anytime and she will come get us".
Then one day my oldest daughter and I are arguing and I kind of growled in anger and she sat on her bed screaming "don't hit me " for the record I did not hit her but she called her grandma and told her grandma I did. Her grandma lives about an hour away and later that night she was at the door wanting to have a "discussion" or "group chat" about me hitting her. She did not even call back...she just came over. It was a lie and I told my mother-in-law that and it came out later when my daughter apologized for that instance (to me and my wife she never actually cleared it up with grandma). My mother in law retorted "well, Greg the real problem here is that she felt threatened enough that she called me"...
Then my oldest daughter has been wanting a cell phone and we have been telling her you have to save and pay for your own...we do not have one so we were not going to pay for one for her. This infuriated her. One Friday night she was being difficult and my wife told her no internet. She was so mad she called her grandma from work the next day and said "I can't handle living with my mom anymore grandma, she's crazy." Grandma called us and she convinced us lets let her move to my house and she can cool off and then we'll get her back here. I agreed reluctantly and that was Saturday and on Monday morning our daughter called us on her new cell phone grandma got her and she proceeded to tell us various things she was doing (such as going places we did not approve of). We talked to grandma and she began to tell me how she has a respectable relationship with our daughter and they have talked about it. She asked me if I had tried "talking" to her. Ofcourse I had she was a semivolatile teen and we had ups and downs.
Now my second oldest daughter is calling grandma and doing exactly what her older sister did. My second oldest even told me "If you let me watch my TV on school nights I won't bug you guys about grandma." She is allowed to watch TV but in the living room not in her bedroom otherwise she does nothing else and will say she did homework. So she can watch TV but we want to know how much she is watching and she can watch in her room Fri, Sat, Sun.. So last night my oldest daughter calls and wants to meet for lunch and me and my wife think "great, we don't see her often lets do it" Our second oldest freaked that we were meeting her for lunch and said "you can't" Anyways we get a phone call tonight way after expecting our second daughter to be home and she says "I don't feel safe so I am not coming home." So by now she has probably called grandma because grandma said "I'll come get you right away." Grandma has even said to her "I am afraid to contact you in case they take it out on you..." Some times when the girls were younger we would pick them up from grandmas and she just decided to cut our daughter's long hair and now she had short hair.
Help....!!! I know this is all over the place here (my writing) but we have 6 kids in total and even our 3rd oldest now says I want to go live with grandma too...and grandma says "sorry guys, but I won't turn my back on my grandchildren if they call me I will come get them.
She was difficult before but now that her husband has died I read an email from her to my 2nd oldest where she was telling her exactly how to call the ministry and get them to place her in foster care and how she can get grandma to be the foster parent. My in-law knows the system because she talks to kids in it....but wow she has got us by the toe nails... we can not even discipline our kids hardly or they threaten to call grandma and grandma calls us and scolds us.... So we stopped her from allowing her to see the other kids and now she sent us a letter saying she could sue us for grandparent rights. She says "I think they are just mad at you because you won;'t let us be together." When we would let them see her she would say to them "Are you angry that you can not see me. Does it make you be bad?" "Since the girl's have a different father, and Greg is the stepdad I have a different relationship with the older two.
If she doesn't agree with something we have said or done she tells the kids, she tells them they can live with her whenever they want, if they call her she will come get them no matter what we say. And if we fight her to hard she threatens us that if we go to the police or the ministry we will be flagged bad either way and that we will be in the system so we should think about it carefully....but this is getting pout of control we can not even discipline our kids anymore.
Help...our family is falling apart...or they will just all be at grandma's. She throws out her psych lingo like "I don't want to see her hurt herself." "I am afraid of her well being." "What we need to be concerned about here is the needs of the kids." She promised me the day she picked up Steph that she would help her get back home. She bought her a cell phone and a whack of clothes within the first two days. Now grandma says "I have to respect her decision. She doesn't want to go home I will not make her." I realize she is 17 now but she has had her almost 2 years. This past year she even kept her for xmas...and said "I have to respect her decisions.". Steph got a full paid scholarship to UVic in September. She does well and always has. I don't blame a 17 year old for wanting to go where she has to do no chores, gets spoiled, can come and go as she pleases and has no real boundaries. If this was a child that was more difficult I am sure would have been a nightmare. Grandma even let her own daughter move in with a 23 year old boyfriend when she was 14 (my wife when she was a child).
This feels so unfair.
g
My name is Greg. My wife and were married in 2000. At the time she had 2 girls ages 3 and 6. D (my wife) had a lot of her parent's involvement and when I moved in they seemed to resent the fact that they did not need to help as much. I was aware of this and tried to make sure they did not feel this way but then they would complain when we let them help that they shouldn't be helping. Anyhow one day when the girl's were about 4 and 7 grandma told the girl's if we let them they could move in with grandma and grandpa anytime. This opened Pandora's box and since that day we have had them threatening us with it. D's mom says anything to the kids. When the kids called grandma complaining once that we were being unreasonable or what ever she ended up telling the girl's that she thinks my wife is bipolar or manic depressive (she is a psychologist and art therapist). So from that day on anytime the kids were upset with her they would say "grandma says you need help" or "grandma says I can call her anytime and she will come get us".
Then one day my oldest daughter and I are arguing and I kind of growled in anger and she sat on her bed screaming "don't hit me " for the record I did not hit her but she called her grandma and told her grandma I did. Her grandma lives about an hour away and later that night she was at the door wanting to have a "discussion" or "group chat" about me hitting her. She did not even call back...she just came over. It was a lie and I told my mother-in-law that and it came out later when my daughter apologized for that instance (to me and my wife she never actually cleared it up with grandma). My mother in law retorted "well, Greg the real problem here is that she felt threatened enough that she called me"...
Then my oldest daughter has been wanting a cell phone and we have been telling her you have to save and pay for your own...we do not have one so we were not going to pay for one for her. This infuriated her. One Friday night she was being difficult and my wife told her no internet. She was so mad she called her grandma from work the next day and said "I can't handle living with my mom anymore grandma, she's crazy." Grandma called us and she convinced us lets let her move to my house and she can cool off and then we'll get her back here. I agreed reluctantly and that was Saturday and on Monday morning our daughter called us on her new cell phone grandma got her and she proceeded to tell us various things she was doing (such as going places we did not approve of). We talked to grandma and she began to tell me how she has a respectable relationship with our daughter and they have talked about it. She asked me if I had tried "talking" to her. Ofcourse I had she was a semivolatile teen and we had ups and downs.
Now my second oldest daughter is calling grandma and doing exactly what her older sister did. My second oldest even told me "If you let me watch my TV on school nights I won't bug you guys about grandma." She is allowed to watch TV but in the living room not in her bedroom otherwise she does nothing else and will say she did homework. So she can watch TV but we want to know how much she is watching and she can watch in her room Fri, Sat, Sun.. So last night my oldest daughter calls and wants to meet for lunch and me and my wife think "great, we don't see her often lets do it" Our second oldest freaked that we were meeting her for lunch and said "you can't" Anyways we get a phone call tonight way after expecting our second daughter to be home and she says "I don't feel safe so I am not coming home." So by now she has probably called grandma because grandma said "I'll come get you right away." Grandma has even said to her "I am afraid to contact you in case they take it out on you..." Some times when the girls were younger we would pick them up from grandmas and she just decided to cut our daughter's long hair and now she had short hair.
Help....!!! I know this is all over the place here (my writing) but we have 6 kids in total and even our 3rd oldest now says I want to go live with grandma too...and grandma says "sorry guys, but I won't turn my back on my grandchildren if they call me I will come get them.
She was difficult before but now that her husband has died I read an email from her to my 2nd oldest where she was telling her exactly how to call the ministry and get them to place her in foster care and how she can get grandma to be the foster parent. My in-law knows the system because she talks to kids in it....but wow she has got us by the toe nails... we can not even discipline our kids hardly or they threaten to call grandma and grandma calls us and scolds us.... So we stopped her from allowing her to see the other kids and now she sent us a letter saying she could sue us for grandparent rights. She says "I think they are just mad at you because you won;'t let us be together." When we would let them see her she would say to them "Are you angry that you can not see me. Does it make you be bad?" "Since the girl's have a different father, and Greg is the stepdad I have a different relationship with the older two.
If she doesn't agree with something we have said or done she tells the kids, she tells them they can live with her whenever they want, if they call her she will come get them no matter what we say. And if we fight her to hard she threatens us that if we go to the police or the ministry we will be flagged bad either way and that we will be in the system so we should think about it carefully....but this is getting pout of control we can not even discipline our kids anymore.
Help...our family is falling apart...or they will just all be at grandma's. She throws out her psych lingo like "I don't want to see her hurt herself." "I am afraid of her well being." "What we need to be concerned about here is the needs of the kids." She promised me the day she picked up Steph that she would help her get back home. She bought her a cell phone and a whack of clothes within the first two days. Now grandma says "I have to respect her decision. She doesn't want to go home I will not make her." I realize she is 17 now but she has had her almost 2 years. This past year she even kept her for xmas...and said "I have to respect her decisions.". Steph got a full paid scholarship to UVic in September. She does well and always has. I don't blame a 17 year old for wanting to go where she has to do no chores, gets spoiled, can come and go as she pleases and has no real boundaries. If this was a child that was more difficult I am sure would have been a nightmare. Grandma even let her own daughter move in with a 23 year old boyfriend when she was 14 (my wife when she was a child).
This feels so unfair.
g
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