summerdawn
Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ca
My daughter is almost 15. She has been with my mom since she was 9 months old. I never lost parental rights and I was left with reasonable visitation.
My mother is moving, but it could be months before she goes. While she is still here, no great change of circumstances has happened for me to ask for custody of E. I would, however, like to establish a court ordered visitation agreement. When E is put on restriction she is not allowed to talk to me or her siblings on the phone, nor is she allowed to come to our house-she is literally put on restriction from US. She is usually only allowed to visit at my mother's house, but recently mom has been letting her come here more often on a whim (because she is afraid I will take her to court to have visitation that she can't control). When she is here [at my house] mom tries to control most aspects of the visit, including asking me not to drive her to certain places (i.e. to the mountains or the beach) because she thinks I am not a very experienced driver, and also trying to designate that E go home and not come to church with our family when we go because she "doesn't like my vagabond church". (Which, for the record, she has never attended and does not know much about.) She also insists that Echo stay in my house and not go out to see her friends in my neighborhood, and even calls to make sure that E is in bed by 8:30 (at the age of almost 15, in HIGH SCHOOL), and if she is not, I get an earful. E has been at my house for a week and this is the longest time I have had her in my home since she was 9 months old. This is also the first time I have ever been able to drop her off at school and pick her up from school. Unfortunately, my mom is turning it into something uncomfortable by calling E and drilling her asking if she wants to live here and saying that this is a trial run for her to try out my house and see if she wants to leave mom. It is making E feel very caught in the middle.
Echo has been raised as my sister. Before mom ever got guardianship she had Echo calling her mom. She didn't even find out I was her mom until she was 8, and before that I was never allowed alone with her because my mom was afraid I would tell her I was her mom [mom's own words, not mine]. I wish so badly that I had come across this site long ago because I never knew how wrong this whole situation was on so many levels, including legally. My mother has controlled the situation from day one, and when I got my life back together anytime I suggested going to court [Echo was about 3 and a half] she threatened to kidnap her and run away and all kinds of other terrible stuff. I didn't want to hurt Echo any more than I already had and so for all of these years I have been letting my mom maintain control to keep the peace. Now that Echo is old enough to have expressed to me that she wants to spend more time with the kids and I, I am willing to go into court and do something about the situation. She was so young before, I didn't want to do anything that would cause her to be confused or hurt.
Echo has asked me to go to court and get legal visitation so that my mom does not have the power to control whether she spends time with us any longer. She and I have discussed it and we agreed to ask for:
*One week out of the month (because I would like to participate in her daily life, not just the fun weekends)
*Every other weekend
*One full month in the summer
Because my mother is not a religious person and is not interested in letting Echo know about our religion, I would also like to ask the courts to let me have input on her religious teachings-just pretty much permission to take her to church with me even if mom doesn't like my church. E likes my church and has stated that she would like to go with me more often. I would also like to be able to take her to extracurricular type church functions such as family camp.
I would like to be entered as an emergency contact on her school records. My mother has been listed in the mother position on her forms for years. She has always refused to let me on as an emergency contact because I did not have reliable transportation-I just got a van last month and I feel that I would be able to help if Echo needed to be picked up from school. My mom does not allow me to be on any of the school paperwork and I would be surprised if they even know my name. E's grades are falling and i'd like to be able to help her in any way I can.
My questions are:
*is it ok to go in and ask for visitation from a legal guardian? Is this a normal thing to do?
*Are my requests reasonable?
I don't want to go in there mudslinging or making my mom look bad. I simply want more time with Echo on our [mine and Echo's] terms rather than moms. Mom will make it personal though. When the judge ruled that she needed to give my son back to me she wrote him an 8 page letter stating that I was unfit and using examples of my bad behavior all the way back to the age of 12. This could get ugly because she feels that it is a personal attack.
I don't have copies of the ogrinal CO, I am going to the courthouse to order them, but it could take up to 2 weeks. Does anyone know what papers I would file to get visitation rather than dissolve the guardianship? Also, will they have mom and I go to mediation? I hope they will, I think it would be a good idea.
Because of Echo's age, would they involve her in the proceedings? I wasn't sure if she would be asked what she wanted or not, so I told her that they might, and asked her if she was comfortable with that. She said she is comfortable going in to court and letting them know she wants to have visits with us. I don't want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable, I feel that when I was younger I did quite enough.
I have waited for years to take his step, and I certainly hope I am doing the right thing now. I would appreciate any help you can provide.
My daughter is almost 15. She has been with my mom since she was 9 months old. I never lost parental rights and I was left with reasonable visitation.
My mother is moving, but it could be months before she goes. While she is still here, no great change of circumstances has happened for me to ask for custody of E. I would, however, like to establish a court ordered visitation agreement. When E is put on restriction she is not allowed to talk to me or her siblings on the phone, nor is she allowed to come to our house-she is literally put on restriction from US. She is usually only allowed to visit at my mother's house, but recently mom has been letting her come here more often on a whim (because she is afraid I will take her to court to have visitation that she can't control). When she is here [at my house] mom tries to control most aspects of the visit, including asking me not to drive her to certain places (i.e. to the mountains or the beach) because she thinks I am not a very experienced driver, and also trying to designate that E go home and not come to church with our family when we go because she "doesn't like my vagabond church". (Which, for the record, she has never attended and does not know much about.) She also insists that Echo stay in my house and not go out to see her friends in my neighborhood, and even calls to make sure that E is in bed by 8:30 (at the age of almost 15, in HIGH SCHOOL), and if she is not, I get an earful. E has been at my house for a week and this is the longest time I have had her in my home since she was 9 months old. This is also the first time I have ever been able to drop her off at school and pick her up from school. Unfortunately, my mom is turning it into something uncomfortable by calling E and drilling her asking if she wants to live here and saying that this is a trial run for her to try out my house and see if she wants to leave mom. It is making E feel very caught in the middle.
Echo has been raised as my sister. Before mom ever got guardianship she had Echo calling her mom. She didn't even find out I was her mom until she was 8, and before that I was never allowed alone with her because my mom was afraid I would tell her I was her mom [mom's own words, not mine]. I wish so badly that I had come across this site long ago because I never knew how wrong this whole situation was on so many levels, including legally. My mother has controlled the situation from day one, and when I got my life back together anytime I suggested going to court [Echo was about 3 and a half] she threatened to kidnap her and run away and all kinds of other terrible stuff. I didn't want to hurt Echo any more than I already had and so for all of these years I have been letting my mom maintain control to keep the peace. Now that Echo is old enough to have expressed to me that she wants to spend more time with the kids and I, I am willing to go into court and do something about the situation. She was so young before, I didn't want to do anything that would cause her to be confused or hurt.
Echo has asked me to go to court and get legal visitation so that my mom does not have the power to control whether she spends time with us any longer. She and I have discussed it and we agreed to ask for:
*One week out of the month (because I would like to participate in her daily life, not just the fun weekends)
*Every other weekend
*One full month in the summer
Because my mother is not a religious person and is not interested in letting Echo know about our religion, I would also like to ask the courts to let me have input on her religious teachings-just pretty much permission to take her to church with me even if mom doesn't like my church. E likes my church and has stated that she would like to go with me more often. I would also like to be able to take her to extracurricular type church functions such as family camp.
I would like to be entered as an emergency contact on her school records. My mother has been listed in the mother position on her forms for years. She has always refused to let me on as an emergency contact because I did not have reliable transportation-I just got a van last month and I feel that I would be able to help if Echo needed to be picked up from school. My mom does not allow me to be on any of the school paperwork and I would be surprised if they even know my name. E's grades are falling and i'd like to be able to help her in any way I can.
My questions are:
*is it ok to go in and ask for visitation from a legal guardian? Is this a normal thing to do?
*Are my requests reasonable?
I don't want to go in there mudslinging or making my mom look bad. I simply want more time with Echo on our [mine and Echo's] terms rather than moms. Mom will make it personal though. When the judge ruled that she needed to give my son back to me she wrote him an 8 page letter stating that I was unfit and using examples of my bad behavior all the way back to the age of 12. This could get ugly because she feels that it is a personal attack.
I don't have copies of the ogrinal CO, I am going to the courthouse to order them, but it could take up to 2 weeks. Does anyone know what papers I would file to get visitation rather than dissolve the guardianship? Also, will they have mom and I go to mediation? I hope they will, I think it would be a good idea.
Because of Echo's age, would they involve her in the proceedings? I wasn't sure if she would be asked what she wanted or not, so I told her that they might, and asked her if she was comfortable with that. She said she is comfortable going in to court and letting them know she wants to have visits with us. I don't want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable, I feel that when I was younger I did quite enough.
I have waited for years to take his step, and I certainly hope I am doing the right thing now. I would appreciate any help you can provide.