help needed with fathers first visitation

[cwx4]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?CA

My husband and I have been divorcing for almost 2 years now. Our divorce is going on in FL. I moved to CA 6 months ago after he made threats on my life. I consulted an attorney before I moved with the children and he was aware of the move even though he claims that I left without his knowledge.

We have no papers on file because he keeps changing what he wants and wont agree to anything. Finally a little over a month ago we came to an agreement. That agreement is basically a visitation agreement and states that I get the children and child support and he gets everything else. I just want to be free of him and have my babies.

Now the children should be going to have summer visitation with him in less than a week and the paperwork that he insisted on having his attorney doing is just today getting typed up.

I insisted that the children cannot visit until we have paperwork signed by the courts saying I have primary custody of the children. This is because we have absolutely nothing on file now and he has threatened to keep the children once he gets them. I want to make sure they come back to me.

I offered to put child support at 1200 a month (based off earlier paperwork that said he should pay 1300 a month) just to save time doing all the figuring and paper shuffel again. He refused saying the state would put it at much less.

He called me from his attorneys office (after hours so I could not get ahold of my attorney) to ask if we could put it at 1000 a month because (he says) his pay fluctuates and child support would be somewhere between 900 and 1200 a month. He told me that if we let the judge decide then it would be less than 1000 a month because he pays all travel expenses for the children to visit him and the judge would take that into account.

It's not the money keeping me from court, I know I could get much more out of the divorce than what i'm getting now in refrence to everything. I just dont want to take the time. Thats also alot of money in plane tickets and attorneys fees that I dont have to spend. I want to get done with this and get on with my life.

Truth be told I am afraid of him. He tried to run me over once when I was dating someone else. Now I am living with someone else and planning to get remarried. I am scared of what he could do to me if given the chance.
Am I just giving up everything stupidly? I could really use some advice.
Thanks!

 

[brisgirl825]

That's a lot of money, plus he's offering to pay travel expenses. Sounds like a good deal to me.

 

[stepmom&mom]

We can't tell you for sure how much child support should be because we do not know how many children you have together. Also, it would be dependent upon you ex's income.

 

[cwx4]

We have 4 children togeather. The first time we did the child support papers it came out that he had to pay 1350 a month. He now has a new job were he is paid a dollar more an hour but also gets alot of overtime.

My problem with him reducing the child support amount to 1000 a month is that he has no intentions of showing me or my attorney his pay stubs so we can see how much he is supposed to pay and I agreed to give him the house and all the profits from refinancing or selling.

All I asked for was my children and full child support and he is still trying to reduce the child support because he is paying for his visitation. That was our deal. He pays for the travel expenses and so he gets all the profits from the house. Now what should I do?

My attorneys office was closed when my ex called from his attorneys office and I made a decision that I am starting to think was wrong. I made the decision because the children should be going to visit him this weekend. I know they wont make it this weekend but better late than never. They shouldn't be punished because he had an affair and messed up their family. He is still their dad and they want to visit. I want them to be happy. They have been through so much. I dont know what to do. And my attorney will be in court all day.

 

[stealth2]

Why should he pay for the transportation when you're the one who moved the kids so far away? On TOP of full child support? Doesn't that seem just a weeeeeeeeeee bit selfish on your part?

 

[cwx4]

No I don't think it's selfish. I moved because he ran his truck into the side of my car in an attempt to kill me. All four children were in the car with me. Then a few weeks later he told me the next time he would get it right and no one would be able to find my body or trace it back to him.

Plus we agreed that he gets the house and the 30,000 he will make when he sells the house. If I paid for half of the travel I wanted half of the profit from the house. We agreed he would pay for the travel expenses and keep all the profit from the house. He also got the family car and his truck. A family member gave me a car for me and the children.

 

[cwx4]

Also he made the second threat to kill me infront of our oldest son.

You know there are some cases out there where one person is faced with situations they didn't create and forced to deal with them.

I didn't move to be nasty. I hated to leave my family, friends, church and job. I felt I had no other choice.

 

[stealth2]

So you had to move to the other side of the country? Please. Do you have any idea what airfare is between FL and CA? Roughly $300/pp. So you're talking about him shelling out roughly $1200/visit on top of child support? If he's willing to do that for yoru dropping the CS to $1k, I'd jump on that. Because it is entirely likely that a judge would make YOU responsible for transportation since you moved. Don't be stupid for the sake of an extra $200/mo.

 

[LdiJ]

No I don't think it's selfish. I moved because he ran his truck into the side of my car in an attempt to kill me. All four children were in the car with me. Then a few weeks later he told me the next time he would get it right and no one would be able to find my body or trace it back to him.

Plus we agreed that he gets the house and the 30,000 he will make when he sells the house. If I paid for half of the travel I wanted half of the profit from the house. We agreed he would pay for the travel expenses and keep all the profit from the house. He also got the family car and his truck. A family member gave me a car for me and the children.

You probably did give in to too low of a child support amount...considering that he gets to keep all of the marital assets. I also think its fair that he is responsible for transportation...again since he gets to keep all of the marital assets.

However, in reality, child support is never a permanent figure. It gets modified every few years. When its time for a modification, it will be completely recalculated...therefore this situation won't be permanent.

 

[brisgirl825]

You probably did give in to too low of a child support amount...considering that he gets to keep all of the marital assets. I also think its fair that he is responsible for transportation...again since he gets to keep all of the marital assets.

However, in reality, child support is never a permanent figure. It gets modified every few years. When its time for a modification, it will be completely recalculated...therefore this situation won't be permanent.

His agreement for visitation costs to be his responsibility could also change..

 

[cwx4]

It's not for an extra $200 a month. I didn't ask for alimony, or a portion of his retirement. I agreed he could have everything. All I asked for was primary custody of the children and full child support. Thats all.

And it's not like I could just move anywhere. I had to go move where there was a place for us to go. Those options were few since almost everyone I knew lived in the town I did.

You have the person you were married to for 10 years run his big truck into the drivers door of the car you are driving and smash the side of the car in to where its touching you and your son who is in the back seat. Then you tell me you wouldnt be scared if that person told you the next time the job would get done right. I am 5'4 126 lbs. He is 6'2 275lbs. What can I really do against him? He also worked in law enforcement. Was I supposed to go to the people he worked with and tell them what happened? The same people that covered up the affair he had with his co-worker? The same people who got him out of jail when he hit my car?

Cant you understand that I left everything behind for my safety? I gave him everything we had. He didnt even know how old his children were. He never met a teacher. He didn't even go to all his own childrens birthday parties.

You may not believe this but there really are people out there who really didn't do anything to deserve how their spouse treats them.
I had 4 children all under 10 years old and I worked outside the home and took care of our home. What else? He told me I was a bad wife because I didnt' meet him at the door with a pepsi after work and take his boots off him.

Sometimes you are just forced to deal with situations you didnt create and just pray to God that you make the right decisions.

 

[brisgirl825]

It's not for an extra $200 a month. I didn't ask for alimony, or a portion of his retirement. I agreed he could have everything. All I asked for was primary custody of the children and full child support. Thats all.

And it's not like I could just move anywhere. I had to go move where there was a place for us to go. Those options were few since almost everyone I knew lived in the town I did.

You have the person you were married to for 10 years run his big truck into the drivers door of the car you are driving and smash the side of the car in to where its touching you and your son who is in the back seat. Then you tell me you wouldnt be scared if that person told you the next time the job would get done right. I am 5'4 126 lbs. He is 6'2 275lbs. What can I really do against him? He also worked in law enforcement. Was I supposed to go to the people he worked with and tell them what happened? The same people that covered up the affair he had with his co-worker? The same people who got him out of jail when he hit my car?

Cant you understand that I left everything behind for my safety? I gave him everything we had. He didnt even know how old his children were. He never met a teacher. He didn't even go to all his own childrens birthday parties.

You may not believe this but there really are people out there who really didn't do anything to deserve how their spouse treats them.
I had 4 children all under 10 years old and I worked outside the home and took care of our home. What else? He told me I was a bad wife because I didnt' meet him at the door with a pepsi after work and take his boots off him.

Sometimes you are just forced to deal with situations you didnt create and just pray to God that you make the right decisions.

If what you say is true, then you did the right thing by leaving and moving on. However, if this guy is the ass you say he is, then take what he offers so you can be done with it.
Almost everytime a CP moves, they are responsible for ATLEAST half of travel for the kids. With four kids, that's a lot of money. So take his offer and run. You can always file for a modification later...usually every three years.

 

[LdiJ]

His agreement for visitation costs to be his responsibility could also change..

Possibly...but she does have the argument that she gave up her share of the marital assets in exchange for him providing transportation.

 

[stealth2]

That does all make a difference. But I have to agree with brisgirl - take the offer and run.

 

[LdiJ]

That does all make a difference. But I have to agree with brisgirl - take the offer and run.

Oh..I think she should take the offer and run too......get it over with.