Here's a good one...

[BLeonard]

That's baloney , first you state that Dad attempted to modify visits , then you state Mom reviewed school records and got copies .

So , you are already established to the school as a Parent ( if they don't have a copy of Court records - Etc. proving it provide a copy ) , and reiterate the fact you were able to review records and obtain copies .

You contact the school's proper official dealing with these records , provide proof and DEMAND the records be corrected to reflect you as the Parent Immediately, etc .

I know , I've been there .

There is NO reason they need Dad permission to change to legal MOM and address , tel. # , etc .

If they won't try contacting FERPA ..

Well, the visitation hearing was last Wednesday (Dec. 20th) The school was on the way home from the hearing, so she decided, kill two birds with one stone, and get the records, since she sent the request letter for them over a month before this and had gotten nowhere fast. Her and I walked into the school and she presented the same request for records letter she had mailed over a month ago. They hem-hawed around, and asked if she could send self-addressed stamped envelopes to get the records that way. Her reply was "I'm right here, have a copy of my divorce decree and a request for records letter. Why can't I just go through their records while sitting here?" She had no problem sending self-addressed envelopes for future records, but wanted to see their files, since she believed that the stepmother had overstepped her bounds by putting herself as the mother. Finally, after about ten minutes of debating and hem-hawing around, she got to look through the files and had copies of the aforementioned enrollment forms made for herself. She told them immediately after looking at the forms and told them, "This isn't their real mother and this isn't their correct address." Their basic response was "We don't want to get in the middle of it," yadda, yadda... and said that "We'll just call the father to make sure that it's ok to change the records." I personally know that the principal said that, since I was sitting in the room, basically as a witness if they gave my wife any problems regarding the records.

She gave sufficient proof and, to her knowledge, nothing has been done, or will be done, regarding the records, as if they call the father, he likely will tell them to not change the records.

Her reason for getting the copies was to simply present them to the judge and point out all of the misinformation. She's not sure if she can do anything to the school about it, but might look into that as well. As for her ex, she has saved text messages on her cellphone from him telling her to "don't cause trouble with the school," because "I don't want you to get me into trouble." The kicker is, as I stated before, this is just the tip of the iceberg of his violations and disregards for the court's orders.

Does she have anything on the school because of this? What would calling FERPA do?

Again, many thanks for the responses... They have been very helpful and informative.

-Bill

 

[fairisfair]

I can understand your wife's anger at the stepmother being on the records as the mother.

But I am having a really hard time with your problem with the address. What the heck?
Is this a better school? are the children happy there? do they have friends at the school? Are they doing well? Is there a convenience factor that makes this school a better fit?
The address problem is a question of school policy, not law.

 

[CJane]

The address problem is a question of school policy, not law.

There's also the question of whether or not this is a situation in which the children were already attending that school and a parent moved... and the school wasn't informed. Happens all the time.

Until last year, the only 'residency requirement' in my kids' school district is that a parent hold a PO Box in the district. Kids were being bussed in from 40 miles away in 15 passenger vans to attend our schools.

Mom needs to take a DEEP breath and figure out what she wants to fight about in court. I agree that SMom is way out of line. Maybe just focus on that, and on any custodial intereference... let the location of the school just go.

 

[BLeonard]

But I am having a really hard time with your problem with the address. What the heck?
Is this a better school? are the children happy there? do they have friends at the school? Are they doing well? Is there a convenience factor that makes this school a better fit?
The address problem is a question of school policy, not law.

Well, hopefully, this will clear it up:

The address they live at is literally 2 blocks from the school they used to go to. They had gone to that school their entire lives. The school they are at now is a good 20 minutes away. Indiana has a policy where, if you go to a school out of district, you have to pay tuition. The school they are going to doesn't even accept out of district students, due to overcrowding. If the school found out, and allowed the girls to continue going there, but forcing them to pay tuition, that could easily increase the amount of child support my wife pays. The biggest problem is the fact that the father never even consulted my wife on the matter. They started school at the end of August, and she didn't even find out until mid-September, when one of the girls said something about going to a different school. That's the major problem, the father going behind her back to make unilateral decisions. She really has no problem with the school, per se, but the problem lies with how they got to go there. She had absolutely no knowledge of the change whatsoever, and that's what she's trying to convey. It's not right for her to pay additional child support on a matter that she wasn't even aware of, especially when they have a school 2 blocks from them. And, the main reason for the four girls switching schools?? The stepmom had 2 girls from a previous marriage, and those 2 went to that school. So, instead of changing the stepmom's 2 kids to go to the school 2 blocks away, they are now sending all 6 of them more than 20 minutes away.

The bottom line is, my wife just wants to get it all out in the open. It's another prime example of her ex failing to communicate with her regarding the girls. She's not really against the girls going to the school, but she also doesn't feel that she should be forced to pay more child support if they decide to charge tuition, since she wasn't even part of the decision process. He made the decision to send them there, therefore he should have to cover the additional cost, if any.

Hope that helps some.

-Bill

 

[CJane]

If the school found out, and allowed the girls to continue going there, but forcing them to pay tuition, that could easily increase the amount of child support my wife pays.

She's not really against the girls going to the school, but she also doesn't feel that she should be forced to pay more child support if they decide to charge tuition, since she wasn't even part of the decision process.
Hope that helps some.

-Bill

This is where I think your wife is losing focus. Focus on the CONTEMPT issues of changing the kids' school w/out agreement... but address it w/the court, not the school.

At this point, if the school 'finds out' and charges tuition and your wife's CS goes up - it's because SHE made a stink about it w/the school. See what I'm saying?

I understand being upset - believe me, I get it. I have copies of school forms that list my kids' step-mom as their parent and emergency contact and medical records of her signing as their parent/guardian (and I'm the primary custodial parent!). Trust me on this: Your wife needs to seriously sit down and focus ONLY on the contempt and the overinvolvement of the stepmother and let the incidentals that aren't hurting anyone go... and she needs to address ALL of this through COURT

 

[casa]

Well, hopefully, this will clear it up:

The address they live at is literally 2 blocks from the school they used to go to. They had gone to that school their entire lives. The school they are at now is a good 20 minutes away. Indiana has a policy where, if you go to a school out of district, you have to pay tuition. The school they are going to doesn't even accept out of district students, due to overcrowding. If the school found out, and allowed the girls to continue going there, but forcing them to pay tuition, that could easily increase the amount of child support my wife pays. The biggest problem is the fact that the father never even consulted my wife on the matter. They started school at the end of August, and she didn't even find out until mid-September, when one of the girls said something about going to a different school. That's the major problem, the father going behind her back to make unilateral decisions. She really has no problem with the school, per se, but the problem lies with how they got to go there. She had absolutely no knowledge of the change whatsoever, and that's what she's trying to convey. It's not right for her to pay additional child support on a matter that she wasn't even aware of, especially when they have a school 2 blocks from them. And, the main reason for the four girls switching schools?? The stepmom had 2 girls from a previous marriage, and those 2 went to that school. So, instead of changing the stepmom's 2 kids to go to the school 2 blocks away, they are now sending all 6 of them more than 20 minutes away.

The bottom line is, my wife just wants to get it all out in the open. It's another prime example of her ex failing to communicate with her regarding the girls. She's not really against the girls going to the school, but she also doesn't feel that she should be forced to pay more child support if they decide to charge tuition, since she wasn't even part of the decision process. He made the decision to send them there, therefore he should have to cover the additional cost, if any.

Hope that helps some.

-Bill

Your wife needs to file all this documentation in court when she files against the X for contempt (Or prior to any upcoming hearing). Let the school be at this point, All you need is copies of the records showing step-mom where Mom is supposed to be...and the attendance issue will just be another example of their dishonesty.

Forget including child support in your worries....if Dad moved without even notifying your wife and changed schools without her consent- thenit is most likely he is going to have to pay any tuition, as he directly created the cost.

 

[BLeonard]

This is where I think your wife is losing focus. Focus on the CONTEMPT issues of changing the kids' school w/out agreement... but address it w/the court, not the school.

At this point, if the school 'finds out' and charges tuition and your wife's CS goes up - it's because SHE made a stink about it w/the school. See what I'm saying?

I understand being upset - believe me, I get it. I have copies of school forms that list my kids' step-mom as their parent and emergency contact and medical records of her signing as their parent/guardian (and I'm the primary custodial parent!). Trust me on this: Your wife needs to seriously sit down and focus ONLY on the contempt and the overinvolvement of the stepmother and let the incidentals that aren't hurting anyone go... and she needs to address ALL of this through COURT

Fair enough. The only thing she cares about the false address is the fact that if they get caught, she could be punished for their error. It's more of a "Hey, judge, he went so far behind my back to put a false address on their enrollment forms, so I would know nothing about it." She's addressed the issue primarily with the court. The only thing she said to the school, while getting the records was "This information is incorrect," and let it go at that. They did, however, refuse to change the "Mother" information on the enrollment forms until calling the father, which I know they cannot do. It's mainly to prove that they are providing misinformation and bringing that before the court... She really couldn't care less about the school... She figures they'll be dealt with if they fail to change the records.

Should she report the school to FERPA? Would the judge contact the school and order the records changed? Could the judge make the girls leave the school, if my wife told him that she didn't want them going there? Again, she's not looking to really move them from the school, I'm just personally curious if that would be something a judge might do...

Call me Mr. Curious...

-Bill

 

[BLeonard]

Your wife needs to file all this documentation in court when she files against the X for contempt (Or prior to any upcoming hearing). Let the school be at this point, All you need is copies of the records showing step-mom where Mom is supposed to be...and the attendance issue will just be another example of their dishonesty.

That's exactly what I was asking about. Thank you.

Now, prior to the last hearing on Dec. 20, my wife had mailed a letter to the judge regarding many of the violations, etc, and the judge simply said, "If you'd like to schedule a separate hearing regarding your letter, just send a letter saying you wish to proceed." He didn't say anything about actually filing for contempt. Assuming she plans to go through with this, and I'm pretty certain she will, should she send another letter as the judge requested, with copies of the enrollment forms and the stepmom's letter included to be submitted as evidence? Should she simply file for contempt, even though the judge told her all she would need to do is write a letter saying she wishes to proceed? Or, should she send the letter with the forms, stepmom's letter while at the same time filing for contempt, or would that be overkill? In other words, could the judge have the hearing, based on my wife's letter wishing to proceed, and find the ex in contempt based on that, or does she need to actually file for contempt?

Hope that makes sense...

-Bill

 

[casa]

That's exactly what I was asking about. Thank you.

Now, prior to the last hearing on Dec. 20, my wife had mailed a letter to the judge regarding many of the violations, etc, and the judge simply said, "If you'd like to schedule a separate hearing regarding your letter, just send a letter saying you wish to proceed." He didn't say anything about actually filing for contempt. Assuming she plans to go through with this, and I'm pretty certain she will, should she send another letter as the judge requested, with copies of the enrollment forms and the stepmom's letter included to be submitted as evidence? Should she simply file for contempt, even though the judge told her all she would need to do is write a letter saying she wishes to proceed? Or, should she send the letter with the forms, stepmom's letter while at the same time filing for contempt, or would that be overkill? In other words, could the judge have the hearing, based on my wife's letter wishing to proceed, and find the ex in contempt based on that, or does she need to actually file for contempt?

Hope that makes sense...

-Bill

If the judge advised her to send him a letter stating she wishes to proceed in having a separate hearing to hear the matter...then she should do that. However, any documents she wishes the court to consider must be filed according to Rules of Service in your county/state and properly filed & 'served' upon the other party (Dad).

 

[CJane]

They did, however, refuse to change the "Mother" information on the enrollment forms until calling the father, which I know they cannot do.

Sure they can. It's completely normal for them to inform the CP of any changes to the school records. They're not REFUSING to change it - they're following district policy.

Did your wife request that they change the information, or that she be given new forms to fill out? Sometimes submitting completely new forms is the better option.

Should she report the school to FERPA?

Unless they're refusing her access to the records, I don't think FERPA applies... and she's not being denied access.

Would the judge contact the school and order the records changed?

The judge would most likely order that in the future, the school be given correct information. But the judge isn't going to order the school to do anything.

Could the judge make the girls leave the school, if my wife told him that she didn't want them going there?

Doubtful.

 

[tammy8]

These issues seem to be very nip picky. Why doesn't your wife concentrate on making a better relationship with her children instead of looking for little things that mean nothing to be upset about?

 

[BLeonard]

If the judge advised her to send him a letter stating she wishes to proceed in having a separate hearing to hear the matter...then she should do that. However, any documents she wishes the court to consider must be filed according to Rules of Service in your county/state and properly filed & 'served' upon the other party (Dad).

She intends to send a letter stating that she wishes to proceed and, in that letter, enclose copies of the enrollment forms and a copy of the letter the new stepmother wrote. I know she has to send the father this infomation as well, but, is it necessary to send the enrollment forms and the stepmother's letter? Can she just send the letter she writes stating that she wants to proceed? The reason I ask is because his signature is on the enrollment forms and he physically handed my wife the letter from the stepmom. Does she really need to make copies of these, as it's obvious he already has seen them, since he signed them? Not that sending a copy is a big deal, just asking.

Also, CJane... About them not informing the father of changes on the school records. My wife isn't concerned about them TELLING him that it was done. The school principal said "We'll just call the father to make sure that it's ok to change the records." In other words, they said they needed to ASK his permission before it would be done. My wife has a problem with the school basically saying, "We need to make sure it's OK with daddy before we make any changes," instead of "We're going to tell the father that the changes were made." Yes, I know, a touch petty, but they said they called the father after getting the request for records letter, to make sure it was OK with him to give her the info. It just seems as if the school is calling the father about things that the mother has every right to, without his permission.

Hope that clarifies it some.

-Bill

 

[CJane]

Also, CJane... About them not informing the father of changes on the school records. My wife isn't concerned about them TELLING him that it was done. The school principal said "We'll just call the father to make sure that it's ok to change the records." In other words, they said they needed to ASK his permission before it would be done. My wife has a problem with the school basically saying, "We need to make sure it's OK with daddy before we make any changes," instead of "We're going to tell the father that the changes were made." Yes, I know, a touch petty, but they said they called the father after getting the request for records letter, to make sure it was OK with him to give her the info. It just seems as if the school is calling the father about things that the mother has every right to, without his permission.

Hope that clarifies it some.

-Bill

Your wife's problem with the way the school is choosing to handle things doesn't make the school wrong. That's all I'm saying.

Put yourself in the school's position. They have, I would assume, a few hundred kids there. Of those kids, probably at least 1/2 of them have divorced parents. Can you imagine the nightmare for the school if every NCP came in and said "Change this" and the school did, to appease the parent... and then the CP came in and said "Nope, change it back" and the school did, to appease THAT parent?

What Dad/SMom did is wrong, for sure. But it's not the school's problem, and it's not really their job to make mom OR dad happy. It's their job to educate the kids and cover their a$$es wrt parents who can't seem to communicate or get along with each other.

 

[Zephyr]

These issues seem to be very nip picky. Why doesn't your wife concentrate on making a better relationship with her children instead of looking for little things that mean nothing to be upset about?

you're kidding right???

 

[CJane]

you're kidding right???

C'mon Z, you know as well as I do that NCP Moms all have terrible relationships with their kids, and are usually unfit anyway.