how do you keep a step-parent away?

[brandiegiuffre]

What is the name of your state? AR

Hi, I have posted several times before with this ongoing case. I have a 4 year old daughter. Ok, to make a long story short... Lots of problems. I have full custody. Dad has EOW. Not excerised regular visits, no phone on most visits, no vehicle, no carseat, etc. Most of the problems are with the SM as I never speak to or see dad. He filed for full custody when I filed for some modifications (where we meet, phone required, just small stuff). He has no case and I know that. SM is doing what I belive to be parental alienation. Telling my daughter I do not love her, am going to move away and leave her with them, I'm going to hell etc. Attorney said to start her in counseling and get a report after a few visits showing how much of what she says is true (I realize not all of what a four year old says is true), then we could do something. Well, bad for my daughter, good for our case... She came home yesterday from 5 days (Weekend plus half spring break) dad not there entire time. Sat. there was an instance where my daughter and thier son was left outside alone and went to the neighbors house crying and scared (couldn't find an adult). Police report filed. Then she came home with bruises and red marks on her backside from a belt SM spanked her with. Took her to CID at Sherriffs office, Det. talked to her. Alone. She (the det) said that the marks were definitly from a belt but since they did not break the skin, they cannot file criminal charges, but she wrote a report for me and said she would testify that my daughter would not say anything nice about SM and said she talkes bad about me all the time and it makes her sad. among lots of other things(mean, left alone, spanked, yelled at). Det. said she would not allow her daughter around this woman again.
With this det. report and the bruises, is it possible to get something saying if dad wants to see her, he has to do it w/o SM? Don't want to take his visits at all but if I tried to write everything this woman has done to me or my daughter... you wouldn't get up from the comp until morning it would be so long!! We have a settlement conference next week. Maybe I can get him to agree to not take her around SM?? any thoughts?

 

[jbowman]

Boy oh boy, this is not legal advice -- just my opinion but I would take her to the ER and have it documented there also. I am astounded that this woman was not arrested for putting her hands on your child --regardless if skin is broken or not--this was assault, in my opinion. If anyone ever laid their hands on my child, there would be hell to pay.

 

[brandiegiuffre]

I agree completely!!! I took her to the Crimes against Women and Children Unit at the Sherriffs office. The lady that talked to her said that she wished she could arrest her herself but that criminaly, she couldn't arrest her. She said that if it's on the bottom, unless the skin is broken, there is nothing they can do. That amazed me!! This is my child we are talking about! I wanted to go find her myself (Don't know where they live so it would be a fishing expideition) but the attoney said that would be the worst thing i could do. I have pictures, several of them. I am not sending her back until we either agree that she is not around her and that is signed into order, or we go before the judge. He can throw me in jail, but my daughter will NOT be around her again! I am just looking for some advice of what to ask for to make sure that there is no way around it and she cannot be around her!

 

[jbowman]

Someone will be here shortly to give some legal advice. Just hold tight. Did you talk to dad about what his wife did? What does he say? Does he agree with you that hitting a 4 year old with a belt hard enough to leave marks is unacceptable?

I am surprised that you dont have dad's address. It is not in the court order you currently have that they must tell you where they live? Just curious.

 

[brandiegiuffre]

Not able to speak to dad. they tell me they have no phone. He was not there all weekend. My understanding from daughter is that he is working somewhere and living in a camper. I have gone for as long as 4 months without seeing or speaking to dad. SM does all calls, all pickups and drop offs etc. Yes it is in the order about the address, but they don't follow it at all! They had my daugher for 4 visits before I even found out they had moved and just received an address, however they only went there one time during the 5 days SM had her. They stayed at SM's mom's, Sm's friends, etc. I have not had a number to call them at in months. They tell the lawyer i have both their mothers numbers to reach them. But one hangs up on me and the other will not answer the phone or call back. They are usless contact numbers. It is a mess of a situation!

 

[ceara19]

When is the next scheduled visit and what exactly does the court order say about pick ups and drop offs.

 

[brandiegiuffre]

The next visit is April 6th, so we will have had our settlement conference by then. and the papers just say " The exchange point for all visitation shall be the Mcdonalds in Beebe"

 

[brandiegiuffre]

I agree. I understand an occassional swat on the bottom. But that is all i do, much less anyone else. I do not spank my daughter unless it is something serious (i.e. running out in the street, something that could majorly hurt her or someone else) and then, it is DEFINITLY not with a belt. No it is not her place at all. Not to mention all the emotional damage she has done. Even the detective that spent only 30 mins with her said that my daughter will need a long time of counseling to undo what she has put into her head. I jsut need to find out what I can do right now to keep her away from my child. Like I said before, I dont' want to keep her from her dad, only SM. The things she has done are not excusable.

 

[ceara19]

The next visit is April 6th, so we will have had our settlement conference by then. and the papers just say " The exchange point for all visitation shall be the Mcdonalds in Beebe"

That's good. At least you won't be denying visitation before the conference. Does the court order specifies WHO can pick her up and drop her off?

 

[Ohiogal]

Why haven't you walked into court and filed for an emergency restraining order for your daughter against SM?

 

[stealth2]

Attorney said to start her in counseling and get a report after a few visits showing how much of what she says is true (I realize not all of what a four year old says is true), then we could do something. Well, bad for my daughter, good for our case...

And have you done this?

Why would it be bad for your daughter?

 

[brandiegiuffre]

The court order does not specify who can pick her up. I have set her up for counseling (with the attorney's help, we found a child specialist that the court consideres an expert). The first time she could get in was April 16th. I have had that appt set up for almost a month. That's what I want the attorney to do(the em. restraining order) but we jsut got the report from the det. yesterday and she (the attorney) said that we should wait and use that as a barganing chip )along with the proof that he lied on every one of the interogetory questions) at the settlement conference to try to get him to agree to not let the SM around her. That's what I am asking for, is how do I need to get this worded so that he can't find a loophole and take her arond her anyway? I have studied this judges past record and he does not take kindly to these kinds of cases, I think I would rather take it before the judge, and let him impose punishement, but the attorney wants to settle.

 

[brandiegiuffre]

I meant bad for my daughter that she was spanked hard enough to leave marks and was left outside alone. But good for the case because now I have proof something is going on and should be able to do something before we have to wait for the counslors report.

 

[ceara19]

Why haven't you walked into court and filed for an emergency restraining order for your daughter against SM?

Since she has already gone to the police and they have determined that no crime was committed, is there a realistic possibility that a Judge would even issue a TRO?

 

[brandiegiuffre]

Ceara,

I realize that just the police det. talking to her will not be enough to keep her away permenatly. I think more of what I am looking for is something just pending a report from her counsler that she is to start seeing. In addition to the belt marks and the report of being left alone outside, there is also the emotional damage that is going on. I am just hoping that with the pyscial (sp) and what she told the det. about what SM says about BM, it will at least be enough to keep her away until she can see the counselor several times and prove the emotional abuse and parental alientaion. I think it was you that i talked to before about them telling her and me that SM is her real mom and I am nothing to her etc. and that is just the beginning.