How many times can bm move?

[stepmom&mom]

What is the name of your state?Oklahoma

Last year, my dh went through a big court battle with bm just so that he could get the visitation that he was entitled to. After a long drawn out battle, the courts finally forced bm to allow my sd to come over.

Then bm decided to move. My dh went to court again to try to stop the move, but was unsuccessful. Bm put my sd in a new school and said that the move was for a fresh start and that she was going for a well paying job. After almost a year, bm got evicted from her apartment, had her car repossessed, and decided she wanted to move to another town. She claimed that she wanted to go back to school. Sd went to another new school.

That was in August.

Bm has now dropped out of school and will be moving again. She's not sure where yet. She just says she can't afford her apartment anymore. Dh, is tired of his daughter being dragged around from place to place when bm gets a wild hair up her you know what.

She has no car, can't afford her apartment and recently we had to buy stepdaughter all new clothes for school because bm said she couldn't afford to (even though we pay her child support.) Keep in mind that this is the same bm who has pics of herself plastered all over myspace bragging about going out and partying and drinking every weekend.

Of course, my dh would like custody of his daughter, but we are broke from our last legal battle and providing extras for sd on top of child support. Does anyone have any tips or ideas of anything that he could do that would cost as little as possible?

 

[stepmom&mom]

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[stealth2]

If he wants custody, then his only options are (a) getting Mom to agree or (b) taking it to court. If it ends up as option (b), then he either needs a lawyer or has to educate himself as to the legal process.

 

[ceara19]

I have a little suggestion for you. You should really refrain from referring to the child's MOTHER as "bm". When the word "bio" is used when referring to EITHER parent, it is an indication that the parent is not involved with the child and that the child views someone else as their actual parent. It is considered EXTREMELY rude when a STEP parent, especially one that is married to the NON-custodial parent, refers to the ACTUAL parent in this manner. It's quite possible that your use of the word has turned off those that could actually be of assistance to you.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Is it even worth spending the money to try to change custody? Is the amount of moving around considered excessive and would it be considered enough of a change in circumstance that the court would even consider it? The main thing is that my dh doesn't want to waste money on a pointless venture.

 

[angelmama]

I have a little suggestion for you. You should really refrain from referring to the child's MOTHER as "bm". When the word "bio" is used when referring to EITHER parent, it is an indication that the parent is not involved with the child and that the child views someone else as their actual parent. It is considered EXTREMELY rude when a STEP parent, especially one that is married to the NON-custodial parent, refers to the ACTUAL parent in this manner. It's quite possible that your use of the word has turned off those that could actually be of assistance to you.

Hmm, that's interesting. My husband's CO refers to both parents as "biological mother" and "biological father." And "natural mother," and "natural father." Never just as mother and father. Perhaps OP is using that term because her DH's CO refers to mom as bio mom. And..this is a legal site.

 

[tigger22472]

Hmm, that's interesting. My husband's CO refers to both parents as "biological mother" and "biological father." And "natural mother," and "natural father." Never just as mother and father. Perhaps OP is using that term because her DH's CO refers to mom as bio mom. And..this is a legal site.

I have NEVER seen an order like that and I have seen many so I would say that your husbands is a case that is VERY rare.

 

[ceara19]

Hmm, that's interesting. My husband's CO refers to both parents as "biological mother" and "biological father." And "natural mother," and "natural father." Never just as mother and father. Perhaps OP is using that term because her DH's CO refers to mom as bio mom. And..this is a legal site.

I seriously doubt that she used bm because that is what the court papers say considering that she did not use any other legal terms. As tig pointed out, it would be unusual for the CO to use "biological mother". Even if her husband's CO DOES use it, there is absolutely NO reason at all for the OP to use it.

 

[stepmom&mom]

My intention was certainly not to offend anyone. It's been awhile since I posted on here and when I last did people used the term birthmom in their posts. I always thought it stood for bm. Anyways, the only reason I used it was to distinguish between myself. Kind of ironic that I actually that doing so was more respectful. I have three children of my own and would not personally be offended. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

At any rate, dh is thinking about taking this one to court. However, there are three known supreme court cases in OK dealing with relocation. The OK Supreme Court generally favors allowing CP to move. However, these cases are very different than ours and none involve multiple moves. I'm wondering if anyone knows of instances in which motions to stop relocations after more than one move have generally been successful or is it all just a waste of time?

 

[LdiJ]

My intention was certainly not to offend anyone. It's been awhile since I posted on here and when I last did people used the term birthmom in their posts. I always thought it stood for bm. Anyways, the only reason I used it was to distinguish between myself. Kind of ironic that I actually that doing so was more respectful. I have three children of my own and would not personally be offended. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

At any rate, dh is thinking about taking this one to court. However, there are three known supreme court cases in OK dealing with relocation. The OK Supreme Court generally favors allowing CP to move. However, these cases are very different than ours and none involve multiple moves. I'm wondering if anyone knows of instances in which motions to stop relocations after more than one move have generally been successful or is it all just a waste of time?

Alot depends on how far she is relocating. A judge isn't going to make her stay in an apartment that she cannot afford, as opposed to moving within the same area (or an area no more distance from your husband than that one is) into more affordable housing. However a judge might stop her from relocating to another area if it has a negative impact on your husband's parenting time.

 

[stepmom&mom]

If she moves, it will be further away. Here's the moves.

1. Oklahoma City to Tulsa
2. Tulsa to Stillwater (closer to us)
3. Stillwater BACK to Tulsa

We live in Oklahoma City.

BTW, she pretty much can't get a cheaper apartment than what she is already in. The one she is in is all bills paid.

 

[Zephyr]

well, if dad is not capable of doing a reasonable job representing himself, then he would definitely need an attorney- then it comes down to a matter of priorities, is stability in the child's life worth having to live "tight" for an indeterminate amount of time....I know for me it was- I make pretty good money and I lived on about 20% of my actual income because all of the rest was going for lawyers, GAL's, traveling to court etc.....so I lived below the poverty level in order to fight for what I thought was best for my child.....maybe one or both of you could get a second job?

 

[CJane]

I make pretty good money and I lived on about 20% of my actual income because all of the rest was going for lawyers, GAL's, traveling to court etc.....so I lived below the poverty level in order to fight for what I thought was best for my child.

Yup. Me too. I cut my expenses - including car payment and rent - down to just at $1000/month (with 2 kids and one on the way) so that I could pay my legal fees. I don't know anyone who can 'afford' an attorney.

 

[Zephyr]

Yup. Me too. I cut my expenses - including car payment and rent - down to just at $1000/month (with 2 kids and one on the way) so that I could pay my legal fees. I don't know anyone who can 'afford' an attorney.

I'm tellin ya- poverty sucked**************.I didn't buy any new shoes for at least a year....

 

[CJane]

I'm tellin ya- poverty sucked**************.I didn't buy any new shoes for at least a year....

LMAO I was just complaining about the dearth of new shoes in my closet last night. Da Man is taking me shopping on Friday for shoes.