I gained custody but still need help

[sytech]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas
I will advise to anyone who starts reading this is long because I am new and I wanted to give some info for you guys to be able to help me. Thanks in advance to those who can get through this and can help me.


I went to court on June 19 and I had a lawyer and she did not. I went in on the basis that my son had missed 30 days of school and was tardy 28 days. My lawyer mediated for us to try to come to an agreement. This is what we came up with:

I would provide son with cell to communicate with her at reasonable hours of the day. I agreed to provide her with a web camera and internet service for a year. I agreed to Tuesday, and Thursday visitation after school until 8 pm. She has another child from a relationship after me and his dad has him the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of the month so I agreed for her to get him on the 1st, 2nd and 4th weekends of the month. All of this was to start August 4th. I also agreed to no child support from her. We also agreed that until the new order took over which is tomorrow she would have him for the month of July and I would get him the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend until the order started

Well, I have complied with everything that we agreed to. I picked my son up this Friday The last weekend I will be doing the driving. I took my son to visit my parents today and he forgot his phone in fact I also forgot my cell phone. Before we left aroung 10 am my son tried calling his Mom just to say hi and didn't get ahold of her. When we came home I she had left a message for him to call her back. It was about 10 pm and said ok thats fine. So he called her back and was talking to her. I went to my bedroom to put my younger son to sleep ( I am Married). She apparently was asking when we were going to take him home and he told her you are supposed to pick me up next weekend and she got upset and asked to talk to me . She asked me the same thing and I let her know the same thing and she says well the order doesnt start until August 4th and I let her know tomorrow was the 4th and she said ok let me talk to son. I hand him the phone. My wife was in my sons room putting away clothes and she hears Mom on the phone questioning son about us and our house hold and let him know that my wife is not his mom and she was not to tell son what to do or to even dicipline son and that he needed to let her know everything that happens in this house.

My wife got upset because son was crying because of the questioning and took the phone from him walked into another room and let my Sons Mom know that she was upseting Son and that if she has anything to ask about our house hold or how anything was handled in our house hold to ask her to be an adult about it and talk to me or her if it concerned her. I heard my wife talking to sons Mom about all this stuff and I told her to give me the phone. I talked to ex and she went off about how I didnt think about my son when I went for custody. I let her know that this was not the case. I let her know about affidavits I had signed by his teacher and principle that stated that there were problems with my son and that things needed to get better in fact they were quite close to contacting cps on her about certain things. My wife usually lets me handle all these problems but she was upset about son crying because of things mom was saying. I advised her not to add more fuel to the fire. She will no longer be doing this but what do I do about his Mom. I hate how she makes him feel. When he is with us he is great but then he talks to mom and its a completley different story. She tells him that we dont love him that I took him away from her which I did but only so I could manage his school and give him a better life.

How do I handle her? What can I do about the things she says to him? I did what I thought what best for Our son. What can I do for him? I want to be able to communicate with her with out arguing but she says alot of hateful things to me an about me to my son. What do I do?

 

[Farfalla]

Turn on the video cam and let her see how he's reacting to her brow beating him?

 

[CourtClerk]

And tell your wife to stay herself off the phone. She has NO BUSINESS speaking to your son's mother... about anything. If his mother has any questions about what goes on in your house, she is NOT to ask HER, she is to ask YOU. YOU need to remind your wife that she has no dog in this fight, so if your son is crying over something, you need to handle it. Period.

 

[sytech]

She has not set hers up yet. I did the right thing I just worry about him. I visited with a family therapist on July 18th and plan on making him an appointment. I know that he is going through so much right now. I know how much he loves his Mom and I do want them to have a relationship which is why I offered to add everything that I did to the order. I just want it to be a healthy relationship with her. He has been with her since we separated almost seven years ago. I cant even imagine how tuff it is for him but it was the best thing for him. I mean if any of you had read the affidavit from the teacher you would have done the same thing. As a parent I had to take action.

 

[sytech]

she will not be talking to sons Mom

She will no longer be speaking to sons mother. She always stays out of it but if you knew everything that was said by Mom. She just wanted to protect him. My wife knows her place. My son was crying and our four year old was there as well watching big brother cry and she was crying because she didn't know why big brother was crying. Thanks for the suggestion she knows she is not the mother she has our children she treats them all the same loves them all the same and when it comes to baby mama I handle that I was just putting our other little one to sleep at the time. When my ex and my wife first me my wife talked to her and reassured her that she would never try to take her place that when son was with us she would love him and care for him and then off back to her he would go. Mom is hurt right now because years ago I made a promise that I would never fight for son because I didnt want to hurt her but unfortunatly that was years ago and the situation has changed drastically. The school thing was just the tip of the ice berg. Thanks for all the responses so far.

 

[acmb05]

She will no longer be speaking to sons mother. She always stays out of it but if you knew everything that was said by Mom. She just wanted to protect him. My wife knows her place. My son was crying and our four year old was there as well watching big brother cry and she was crying because she didn't know why big brother was crying. Thanks for the suggestion she knows she is not the mother she has our children she treats them all the same loves them all the same and when it comes to baby mama I handle that I was just putting our other little one to sleep at the time. When my ex and my wife first me my wife talked to her and reassured her that she would never try to take her place that when son was with us she would love him and care for him and then off back to her he would go. Mom is hurt right now because years ago I made a promise that I would never fight for son because I didnt want to hurt her but unfortunatly that was years ago and the situation has changed drastically. The school thing was just the tip of the ice berg. Thanks for all the responses so far.

I for one applaud you for thinking of the child and not your own feelings. So many times on this site we see the we, we, we, and not what is best for the child. You put your child ahead of every thing else and for that you should be very proud.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

My wife was in my sons room putting away clothes and she hears Mom on the phone questioning son about us and our house hold and let him know that my wife is not his mom and she was not to tell son what to do or to even dicipline son and that he needed to let her know everything that happens in this house.

Mom is telling son that it is okay to be disrespectful of adults. That will be a problem. I don't care if the adult is the teacher, babysitter, whoever. If the adult is in charge, they need to follow the rules.

So, rule setting needst to be high on the list. Think natural consequences. Once set at your house, would suggest sharing with mom.

Make sure you have son in counseling cuz he's going to feel torn.

And nip it quick on having son be the messenger. No child should ever be placed in that position.

 

[Ohiogal]

Mom posts on here I think.
I can't find that thread however....

 

[sytech]

among other things

Yes she has taught my son to be disrespectful to my wife. My wife has taken everything in stride though. My son loves my wife in fact he used to call my wife mom. Again because my wife knows her place in this she talked to him and let him know that although she felt priviledged to have him call her that because that would mean that he cares for her as he cares for his mom but that he already had a Mommy and that maybe they should come up with some thing else he could call her. They came up with Lala. I have been with my current wife for almost six years we met and married very quickly. She has been my rock through all of this she supports me.

As far as the dicipline goes in our house my son has learned that there are consequences for bad actions and inappropriate behavior. I can tell you that we try to instill values in all of my children. Mom has had him lie before about not going to school. One time I picked him up for my visitation early on a school day it was about noon and she had told me that son had been sent home from school but when he came home he told us he hadn't even been to school he even went to school. Mom had said he was sick but he was fine all day with us. He even went as far as to say that his mom was a liar. I called the school that following Monday to see what had really happened and it turns out son was telling the truth he had not been in school and that in fact he had missed three days that week.

I found out about his absences because I started checking his back pack for school when he brought is because sometimes I would pick him up at school but usually I would pick him up at his moms or grandmas house. I checked his backpack and started noticing 30's and 40's on school tests and notes in his back pack from the luch room stating that he had been negative in his lunch account. In fact in our reaserch process I learned that he had been negative in his lunch accout over 30 times and that he should have had modified lunch at least 25 times. I email and meet his teachers at the begining of every year and let them know to update me I never found anything out until about March. They had sent notices to mom about absences and tardies and he did pass but only because he was at level. I attend feild trips and conferences and went to donuts with Dad and his student led conferences. Mom didn't go to any of this stuff until May when she went in and talked to the teacher about the custody battle and her being served. This is what the teacher said anyway.

I have always paid my child support on time visited my son on my visitation days except on Wednsdays because of my work schedule but I have always called when I could. In fact I have at the begining of each school year provided his school clothes and It was my idea to go half on the school supply list. I have had him for every x-mas and thanksgiving because she would always say that she couldn't have him or she had things to do. I have talked to her in the past that if she ever needed anything for son to let me know and I would be more than happy to provide it. She never told me about needing anything. I try to be a good father. I went to school and worked a full time job and supported my family to provide them with a good life.

I even agreed that she didn't need to pay any child support. In the past I have offered to take him for her to get her life together I would tell her that I would continue paying child support. But after everything that has happend when we went to court I just agreed to no child support from either of us. My son will be starting therapy I had my inicial session already.

Any other suggestions on how to make everything easier on my son please let me know. Thanks

 

[Isis1]

as long as you keep your wife out of everything as suggested, you should be fine. yes, it is horrible that mom says and does these things to your child. my children's father does the same thing after he lost custody. my oldest is also being inducted into therapy. you just have to keep reminding your child that you love him. however, don't let your son speak disrespectfully about his mother. calling his own mother a liar should not be acceptable. and definitely gets some suggestions from the therapist on how to respond to this behavior to minimize the damage.

 

[sytech]

I know things will get better

I have talked to my son about respecting all adults. He is a good kid. We have taught him to say yes ma'am or yes sir and my kids dont even leave the kitchen table until they say may I be exused. He has told us that this mom doesn't like us because we took him away from her. I let him know that that was ok if she felt this way. We have explained that she is upset right now. We let her know that we dont hate her and that we will do what is necessary for him to continue to have a relationship with her. We alway reassure him and let him know that everyone loves him. Thank you all for your suggestions. Again I would like to say that my wife will be letting me handling everything as she has been prior to what happened sunday.