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I need advice desperately

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Avate

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? TX
I am the youngest of 3 girls. I live in Colorado and my other 2 sisters live in LA. My parents lived in Texas. My Dad died last February and my middle sister and her 21 year old daughter had been staying there taking care of my Dad (he had cancer) she lived the closest and she is the only one without a job that was able to do it. After my Dad's funeral we all wanted to sit down and discuss what was to happen to our Mother since she wasn't able to live alone due to health problems. My middle sister would not talk to us at all, she said there was a will and that everything belonged to her and nothing belonged to my Mom. To this day no one has seen a will so we don't know if there is one or not. My sister will not talk to us, she won't answer my parents phone even though she is still there (she has a husband in LA, very strange) She put my Mom in a nursing home with no personal items at all, she doesn't have her wedding rings, her bible, her purse, no family pictures, nothing but a few old clothes. My oldest sister and I went to see my Mom at the end of August. While we were there we went to my parents home, we didn't know if my sister and her daughter were still there. There's a gate in front and it was closed with a chain and padlock. I jumped the gate just to look around. She called the cops and said there was a burglary. She could see that it was me (it was 12 noon) The cops came ready to arrest us. He went to talk to her and came back and said that since she had been there so long that she has set up residency. My Mom wanted to go home for a few days and she couldn't even get in her own house. This is a very small town. My middle sister had POA but we talked to the man who gave it to her and she led him to believe she was an only child. He said he wouldn't have given it to just her if he had known about my older sister and I. Isn't that fraud? My oldest sister and I took my Mom to an attorney and paid $325.00 to get the POA revoked and put under our names. The policeman called some judge and she said neither one of the POA's were valid because my Mom was not in her right mind. She is in her right mind, my middle sister has everyone convinced that she's crazy, she had told my Mom's doctor all kinds of stories and he believes her. We have talked to my Mom for hours since she's been in the nursing home and she has always been clear headed. My middle sister had an auction in September of my parents things without my older sister or I even knowing. I found out later by doing a search of my parents names on the internet and there it was. She kept all the money from the auction and my Dad's funeral hasn't even been paid. She gets my Mom's social security check each month and doesn't spend a penny on my Mom. There's only one funeral home in the town and when my Mom dies they'll want my Dad's funeral paid before they will do hers. My sister will walk away with everyting and leave my older sister and I to pay for both funerals. My sister and her daughter are mentally ill. My sister has always been strange. We talked to alot of my parents friends and they all think she is crazy. She needs to be stopped and my parents house needs to be sold to take care of my Mom, the funeral and the nursing home needs to be paid. Everyone says she can't get away with this but she is. It was a waste of money to get the POA revoked, turns out it was useless. I wrote a letter to the DA in that town to see if he would investigate, I haven't heard anything. When my older sister and I go there we have to stay in a motel while my sister and her daughter are in my parents home and we're not even allowed in. They verbally abused my Mom when I was there for the funeral. They have stolen everything from my Mom and no one will do anything to stop it. My Mom has gotten so much worse since she's been in the home just knowing that her own daughter would do this to her is more than she can stand. She said she wanted to go home and sleep in her bed one more time but my sister told her that she can never go home again. Sorry this is so long, there's so much more but I'll stop now. If anyone has any advice, something we can do I would appreciate it. Thanks!
 


First, I'd get my mother out of that nursing home and out of the control of the bad sister. Take her home with you, or take her to a nursing home near where you live, and YOU put her in there. (Hopefully she can travel.) Remove her from all the doctors that she has been seeing and get her new doctors. Get her to a new doctor who will give you written status on her mental health. If she checks out, make sure you get it in writing. Have her open a new bank account and take her to the social security office and have her check deposited into the new bank account. She might want to visit a lawyer and have a new will drawn up if she's of sound mind.

Some things you've written just don't ring right. How can the sister take her social security check? Who is paying for her nursing home? Those places are merciless about being paid. Are you sure the nursing home isn't getting your mother's social security check?

I don't think I'd sell her house. In fact, if ever asked the question, "does your mother plan to come home?" always answer "Yes." You never know, miracles do happen. And there's another good reason to always answer this question in the affirmative but I won't go into it here.

All this advice aside, it would be nice if your mother could live out her remaining days in peace, with her loving family around her. You may have to let your bad sister have her way when it comes to material possessions in order to have the comfort of knowing that you provided your mother with the care, support and love she needed in her final days.
 

Avate

Junior Member
When my sister and I went to see her in August they let us take her out for the day to get her hair done and to get her new shoes that they had been asking my evil sister to get her for months and she wouldn't. Anyway the man with the state handling medicaid said that it was against the law to take her out because Medicaid was pending. They also said she couldn't leave the state for the same reason. He told us 2 weeks ago that medicaid was declined because my sister wouldn't provide the information they requested and my sister wouldn't answer the phone so they had no way to get in touch with her. The nursing home told my older sister that medicaid was still pending. I guess if she doesn't get medicaid the nursing home will put a lein on the property to get their money. As for the funeral home, it's a very small town and these are my parents friends and my evil sister made sure that my Mom's name was on everything and they know my Mom is in a nursing home so they haven't done anything to try to get their money. Even though both POA's are not valid my sister is obviously using her's. My older sister and I can't be there all the time like she is. I am going to contact Adult Protective Services, I tried for days about a month ago and couldn't get through, I'll try again. Thanks for your help!
 

ellencee

Senior Member
The nursing home and Medicaid already have a lien on the mother's home, or a pending lien to go with pending Medicaid. Medicaid is able to work between states, so moving Mom is a real possibility.

An elder law attorney is needed ASAP for mom. Get her one and get her to one.

EC
 

candg918

Member
This comment does not make sense. How could the state hold her prisoner waiting for Medicaid? What about taking her for a meeting with a doctor, attorney or financial advisor? Perhaps the nursing home would not let you take her because your sister did not have you listed as authorized visitors and their policy is to limit visitors to ones who have been listed on the nursing home's paperwork which would have been completed by your sister.

QUOTE
When my sister and I went to see her in August they let us take her out for the day to get her hair done and to get her new shoes that they had been asking my evil sister to get her for months and she wouldn't. Anyway the man with the state handling medicaid said that it was against the law to take her out because Medicaid was pending.
END QUOTE

Is there a geriatic physician (psychiatrist) who could do an evaluation of her mental state nearby? Some of these medical services may be covered by Medicare. She would have to have had a physician's order to be admitted to a nursing home and to have ongoing care by a primary care physician. Do you know if she has been seen by the admitting physician since she has been living in the nursing home - or is she being seen by the nursing home's medical staff? It would be helpful if she can document her competence. Just because she is in a nursing home does not mean that she is mentally incompetent.

Good luck with Adult Protective Services! You might check with the senior services referral group for other agencies that might help especially if you are able to get her moved home or with you.
 

Avate

Junior Member
I'm not sure why the man with medicaid said it was against the law to take her out, my older sister thought maybe because something might happen to her while she was out, I don't know. The nursing home let us take her with no problem and then he told us that a couple weeks later when we told him we took her out for the day. I called Adult Protective services yesterday and I explained everything to him and he said there was nothing he can do since she's not being mistreated in the nursing home. I also called Social Security because my sister is getting my Mom's check but they can't do anything because I don't have her SS number. My sister has everything. My older sister and I were going to talk to my Mom's doctor when we were there at the end of August and then Katrina came, my family lives 50 miles south of New Orleans. My sister and I were in Texas already but then our whole family had to evacuate and I ended up leaving early out of Houston because New Orleans was closed. I guess it's time to give up, it's clear that no one in that town is willing to help us. I can't believe that this could happen and it has actually been pretty easy for my sister to do. I'm in Colorado and I'm just too far away. My older sister and I were thinking about suing my other sister, I don't see how we could possibly lose but from the way things have gone so far we probably would and we don't have that kind of money. Anyway, thank you all.
 

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