dallas702 said:
You people have NO idea what can happen if you overreact on this. CS can take the girl...and any other children away from BOTH homes until they "figure it out". That can take many months and result in the child(ren) being placed in foster care. I have seen this happen dozens of times...especially if the other parent retaliates by saying that YOU are doing the molesting (or some other form of abuse).
You never know how CS will react....unless you're in Florida, where they apparently do nothing to protect children.
For crying out loud...GO TALK TO THE WOMAN. It's probably a cultural thing. I can't recall it with any of the PI women I've known during quite a few years in the military, but then I didn't exactly ask them. Make sure there's not a problem with your daughter's hygiene habits. Most American parents "walk away" from the bathroom after the kids seem to get it right...at about age 4. So, maybe she needs some refresher teaching. You're gonna have to do it again in a few short years when she reaches puberty anyway.
Talk to your EX. That's what mature parents are supposed to do----communicate!
This isn't any easy situation...notice my first response. I started to answer one way and then changed my mind.
While I understand your point of view....and while things like that do sometimes happen, this child is 8 years old and is very clear on what is upsetting her.....and its a very specific act. There is no ambiguity. If the OP has primary custody there is very little chance that CPS would yank the child out of both homes.
If the OP does not have primary custody then there is some risk that the child might have to go to foster care temporarily.
Talking to either dad or his wife could have serious repercussions for the child....without any backup protection for the child. Plus, it may be literally impossible for the stepmom to grasp that her actions are not acceptable....unless she hears it from someone in authority. The child could be badgered and intimidated into recanting..................or, dad could take it seriously, and make his wife stop doing that (assuming that dad doesn't already know).
In general, if molestation is an issue, warning the molester of potential action........while the molester still has access to the child........ is NOT generally wise.
I agree that there could be some cultural issues at play here...but the child is 8, not 4 or 5........even with cultural issues at play that shouldn't be happening.
I have been down that path with "cultural issues". Not with my own child, but with my husband's niece. In her parent's culture its perfectly acceptable to slap a child, HARD, across the face (in public no less) as a form of discipline. They (the parents at least) also think its perfectly acceptable to have sex while their child is sleeping in the same bed with them (arg).
They came to this country and lived with me for six months. I could NOT convince them that either issue was a problem. I couldn't even get them to understand the concept of "mandated reporter". They eventually went back home and took the problem with them.
