Is there a way to avoid alimony?

[CJane]

OP, a properly constructed (ie, with you and her having separate attorneys which is a necessity) pre-nup can go a long way.

My husband *is an attorney, and it was my idea, and at my insistence that we have a prenup. While it protect him against paying alimony to me, we're both aware that the longer the marriage, the less valid that becomes.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida / Colorado

I have not met anyone and I am single. But the stories I here from men at work just truly has me concerned. I was wondering, lets say I make 80,000 a year, and I had a wife that makes 30,000 a year. Would a prenup agreement be idea to protect myself from alimony in those states?

Say I had a prenup agreement of I support alimony for 1 year just to help her off of her feet, then everything else we can split (house, car, savings together), just dont touch my salary so I can at least still make a living, would that be possible? Reason I ask, for future actions, I can make a decision if I ever want to marry one day when I meet someone, or just stay single. What would I need to do in order to prevent alimony pay for so many years

thank you guys

The other thing to bear in mind that, if there are children, a pre-nup will not protect you from child support. And, alimony may not even be a factor unless the marriage is longer-term. In which case, as CJane mentioned, the pre-nup will hold less weight.

Plus.... 80k really isn't all that much money.

 

[tuffbrk]

Under the scenario you presented, in FL you would be paying approximately $16k+ annually to your ex, even if you found her in bed with your best friend or father. Colorado uses a calculator for combined earnings up to $75k. So under your scenario, you would be at the judges's mercy for the alimony amount as well because you earn more than the threshold. Keep in mind that length of payments varies widely as it's up to a judge's discretion.

My non-legal advice? Have fun. Stay single.

 

[Proserpina]

I still don't understand the animosity towards this guy. Anywhere else and he'd be slapped on the back for being smart with his money. And even worse, he'd be mocked here for NOT considering a pre-nup if his marriage of 8 years ended up with a nice chunk of alimony. And then there's LdiJ's story about her brother losing the love of his life because he loved his stuff... which was actually, once questioned, more to do with his beloved's biological clock ticking and wanting children in wedlock.

Y'all need some boiled Marmite.

 

[ShyCat]

I once knew a nice lady who had signed a stringent pre-nup to satisfy her rising corporate star husband's desire to keep their finances and future wealth completely separate, the whole "what's mine stays mine, there is no ours except where I deign to share" scenario, rigidly splitting joint expenses while he spent "his money" on his lone hobbies and interests (ski trips with his buds, golf weekends) and show-off toys ("his Porsche" and "his boat" and "his custom golf clubs" and "his et cetera"). She wasn't happy about it but her husband was smugly content with that arrangement while he was earning way more than she was. He was less happy when she started a very successful career as a prolific writer of romance novels in her spare time. She could churn out a bodice-ripper best seller every 4-5 months under different names, and her income and wealth soon far outpaced his. He was upset when she wasn't interested in upgrading his toys to match her wealth trajectory. Even more upset when a divorce lawyer reminded him that the pre-nup worked both ways, sucker.

Karma's a you-know-what.

 

[Bali Hai]

The other thing to bear in mind that, if there are children, a pre-nup will not protect you from child support. And, alimony may not even be a factor unless the marriage is longer-term. In which case, as CJane mentioned, the pre-nup will hold less weight.

Plus.... 80k really isn't all that much money.

80k is alot to someone who has to work for it and ordered to give it away to someone who won't work.

 

[Proserpina]

80k is alot to someone who has to work for it and ordered to give it away to someone who won't work.

I absolutely agree, Bali. (I know, I know. Pick up your jaw)

 

[Tayla]

Best defense is a good offense. Have a qualified attorney draw up the provisions. Reside in a state that is not community state. Have it signed months prior to marital vows. Keep in mind that any breeching of the pre nup can impact the final rulings.

And as someone else said... simply dont file divorce.

BH's story is a reminder of how laws do need updated.

 

[Bali Hai]

Best defense is a good offense. Have a qualified attorney draw up the provisions. Reside in a state that is not community state. Have it signed months prior to marital vows. Keep in mind that any breeching of the pre nup can impact the final rulings.

And as someone else said... simply dont file divorce.

BH's story is a reminder of how laws do need updated.

I believe that someone said...simply don't get married.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Best defense is a good offense. Have a qualified attorney draw up the provisions. Reside in a state that is not community state. Have it signed months prior to marital vows. Keep in mind that any breeching of the pre nup can impact the final rulings.

And as someone else said... simply dont file divorce.

BH's story is a reminder of how laws do need updated.

Ya know, the thing of it is... AFAIK, we only know BH's side of the story.

There could be valid reasons why he got (in his opinion) taken to the cleaners.

I know my ex thinks I should have gotten awarded a lot less in the divorce - and I only asked for child support.

That said, if OP is that worried about alimony - when he's not even in a position to propose marriage - then I think he should stick with his swinging no commitment lifestyle. OP shouldn't even bother dating and just stick to friends-with-benefits or financial exchanges for services.

 

[LdiJ]

I still don't understand the animosity towards this guy. Anywhere else and he'd be slapped on the back for being smart with his money. And even worse, he'd be mocked here for NOT considering a pre-nup if his marriage of 8 years ended up with a nice chunk of alimony. And then there's LdiJ's story about her brother losing the love of his life because he loved his stuff... which was actually, once questioned, more to do with his beloved's biological clock ticking and wanting children in wedlock.

Y'all need some boiled Marmite.

My point was that my brother is a lonely now 51 year old with no more stuff, who might not have been if he had not been so worried about his stuff. He lived with the woman for 11 years. He wasn't even willing to have children because of his fear of child support...and she was too honorable to "force" the issue.

I would hate to see someone else end up like my brother just over "stuff". Its really very sad. He is not a happy person. Maybe the OP will be happy being virtually alone for his entire life. Some people are. However, not everybody is...and its something worth thinking about.

 

[Bali Hai]

My point was that my brother is a lonely now 51 year old with no more stuff, who might not have been if he had not been so worried about his stuff. He lived with the woman for 11 years. He wasn't even willing to have children because of his fear of child support...and she was too honorable to "force" the issue.

Not sure I understand what "force" means?

I would hate to see someone else end up like my brother just over "stuff". Its really very sad. He is not a happy person.

My educated guess is that your brother is a lot happier now than he would have been if he married her.

Maybe the OP will be happy being virtually alone for his entire life. Some people are. However, not everybody is...and its something worth thinking about.

Let's see, get married and die regretting it or stay single and die alone. It would take less than a NY minute for me to think about that.

 

[Proserpina]

My point was that my brother is a lonely now 51 year old with no more stuff, who might not have been if he had not been so worried about his stuff. He lived with the woman for 11 years. He wasn't even willing to have children because of his fear of child support...and she was too honorable to "force" the issue.

11 years? Presumably he was honorable enough to let her know from the get-go how he felt. If he was not, then once again the relationship was doomed from the start and no amount of children and "stuff" would have saved it. And if it didn't become clear quickly enough, perhaps he's not actually grieving his lost chance with Miss Dim (I'm sorry - but if you haven't figured out your live-in's habits after a couple of years, your head is in the sand).

You made it very clear that his love of money was the reason it failed, and no wifey along with no money is the reason he's miserable now. But then it turns out that's not actually how it went down, is it? Nope.

I would hate to see someone else end up like my brother just over "stuff". Its really very sad. He is not a happy person. Maybe the OP will be happy being virtually alone for his entire life. Some people are. However, not everybody is...and its something worth thinking about.

He would not have been a happy person no matter what did or didn't happen. I'm sure finding a convenient excuse is easier than facing up to reality, but it's far from being the only reason he's miserable.

As for the implication that a guy who values his "stuff" and is planning ahead for whatever may happen in his life is somehow in the "undesirable" category?

That hardly paints women in the best light, now does it?

 

[CJane]

As for the implication that a guy who values his "stuff" and is planning ahead for whatever may happen in his life is somehow in the "undesirable" category?

That hardly paints women in the best light, now does it?

Except... TO ME, marriage is about blending lives together. And if one party - or both parties - are stuck in a mindset of "Mine" and "Yours", then it's not a marriage. Yes, we have a prenup. But it doesn't address property, only the fact that we're both capable of earning a living without support from the other should we split.

We've only been married a year, and neither of us could easily sit down and make a list of marital and nonmarital property.

 

[LdiJ]

11 years? Presumably he was honorable enough to let her know from the get-go how he felt. If he was not, then once again the relationship was doomed from the start and no amount of children and "stuff" would have saved it. And if it didn't become clear quickly enough, perhaps he's not actually grieving his lost chance with Miss Dim (I'm sorry - but if you haven't figured out your live-in's habits after a couple of years, your head is in the sand).

You made it very clear that his love of money was the reason it failed, and no wifey along with no money is the reason he's miserable now. But then it turns out that's not actually how it went down, is it? Nope.



He would not have been a happy person no matter what did or didn't happen. I'm sure finding a convenient excuse is easier than facing up to reality, but it's far from being the only reason he's miserable.

As for the implication that a guy who values his "stuff" and is planning ahead for whatever may happen in his life is somehow in the "undesirable" category?

That hardly paints women in the best light, now does it?

You almost seem determine to misunderstand me Pro, and I know you are not like that. The genders could be reversed here and it wouldn't matter. I feel sorry for people who give up on the idea of a life partner, simply out of fear of losing their "stuff". Life changes. Nothing stays the same.

Also, this was not something that my brother was "up front" about because it was an attitude that developed over time. He watched his friends getting divorced, and/or having to pay child support and it gradually changed his attitude. The two of them honestly loved each other and she was very young when they got together as well.