Is this crazy or is it me?

[st-kitts]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

Things had been going great for past 3 months. Kids seeing dad supervised every other weekend. No issues. Until yesterday.

My STBX sent my attorney an e-mail indicating he was having car trouble and wanted use of our other car (we had two cars as marital property and we each were granted use of one in the temp decree) so he wouldn’t miss visitation with the kids. I had since bought a new car and told my attorney OK. She sent him an e-mail indicating she could draft paperwork that would give him the car and he could use it or sell it. He responded with the following demands:

• He wants me to drop charges against him because the felony conviction hurts his job search.
• He demands I let him live in our home rent free, since it is vacant, so he can save money
• He states he will allow me to sell the house after he lives there rent free for 5 months, if I guarantee him $50K in equity and agree to sell the house for no less than the price we paid in 2005.
• He agrees to accept the free car if I also give him $2000.

Do these demands/requests sound as unreasonable to you as they do to me?????

Back story on the vacant house was I did live there until the summer. When he went in patient for mental health treatment, I started receiving “duty to warn” calls from doctors indicating he was making threats to kill me and then himself in front of our children. The doctors indicated they found the threats credible. I moved at the advice of the doctors and his probation officer and because I was terrified that he would kill me. After his release from inpatient, the then vacant house was vandalized. I thought the damage and theft was done by the tenant I briefly rented to and evicted for nonpayment. Police investigated. Police surprised me by indicating the evidence pointed to my ex, but there wasn’t enough for a case regarding vandalism or restraining order violation (the house was covered by the TRO). So, while I can’t prove ex vandalized the house, it is possible and I am not comfortable with him living in the home when I am financially responsible for making the payments and when I would have to pay to fix it if he purposely destroyed it.

So, I asked my attorney to place the divorce on the docket for a final hearing. There will not be any mediation so if he doesn’t agree to what I propose it goes before the judge. Does the following sound reasonable?

• Same supervised visitation schedule as past 3 months, every other weekend at a visitation center.
• Sell the house at market rate (which is roughly 40K less than we paid for it) and he gets half of proceeds. If I sell for less than market rate, he gets half of what the proceeds would have been if I sold at market rate.
• He gets the 2nd car (and the car he currently drives) but no extra $2K?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[mistoffolees]

He responded with the following demands:

• He wants me to drop charges against him because the felony conviction hurts his job search.
• He demands I let him live in our home rent free, since it is vacant, so he can save money
• He states he will allow me to sell the house after he lives there rent free for 5 months, if I guarantee him $50K in equity and agree to sell the house for no less than the price we paid in 2005.
• He agrees to accept the free car if I also give him $2000.

Do these demands/requests sound as unreasonable to you as they do to me?????

Do you really need to ask? Obviously, it's absurd.

So, I asked my attorney to place the divorce on the docket for a final hearing. There will not be any mediation so if he doesn’t agree to what I propose it goes before the judge. Does the following sound reasonable?

• Same supervised visitation schedule as past 3 months, every other weekend at a visitation center.

Maybe. I don't know enough of the situation. If you think there's a danger, then keep the the same schedule. If he has actually improved, a slight increase in visitation might be appropriate.

Consider whether, if ever, he should have unsupervised visitation (I don't remember the background). If it's appropriate at some point, you might want to get it in the decree ("after he does x, y, and z, then he will get unsupervised visitation with the following rules"). If he should never have unsupervised then that, of course, doesn't apply.

• Sell the house at market rate (which is roughly 40K less than we paid for it) and he gets half of proceeds. If I sell for less than market rate, he gets half of what the proceeds would have been if I sold at market rate.

No. I'd say simply that he gets 1/2 of the equity (you do not want to say that he gets 1/2 of the proceeds if there's any debt). He should get 1/2 regardless. You have no incentive to sell it for less than you can get for it (you might agree to not sell it to family or friends without his OK on the price).

In real estate, whatever price you get is essentially the market price.

• He gets the 2nd car (and the car he currently drives) but no extra $2K?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Nope. I'd give him the second car, but take $2,000 off the other assets. He got two cars and you got one, so something else should be adjusted to equalize (it's not your fault the car broke down). Or, if you're feeling generous, do it your way.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

Things had been going great for past 3 months. Kids seeing dad supervised every other weekend. No issues. Until yesterday.

My STBX sent my attorney an e-mail indicating he was having car trouble and wanted use of our other car (we had two cars as marital property and we each were granted use of one in the temp decree) so he wouldn’t miss visitation with the kids. I had since bought a new car and told my attorney OK. She sent him an e-mail indicating she could draft paperwork that would give him the car and he could use it or sell it. He responded with the following demands:

• He wants me to drop charges against him because the felony conviction hurts his job search.
• He demands I let him live in our home rent free, since it is vacant, so he can save money
• He states he will allow me to sell the house after he lives there rent free for 5 months, if I guarantee him $50K in equity and agree to sell the house for no less than the price we paid in 2005.
• He agrees to accept the free car if I also give him $2000.

Do these demands/requests sound as unreasonable to you as they do to me?????

Back story on the vacant house was I did live there until the summer. When he went in patient for mental health treatment, I started receiving “duty to warn” calls from doctors indicating he was making threats to kill me and then himself in front of our children. The doctors indicated they found the threats credible. I moved at the advice of the doctors and his probation officer and because I was terrified that he would kill me. After his release from inpatient, the then vacant house was vandalized. I thought the damage and theft was done by the tenant I briefly rented to and evicted for nonpayment. Police investigated. Police surprised me by indicating the evidence pointed to my ex, but there wasn’t enough for a case regarding vandalism or restraining order violation (the house was covered by the TRO). So, while I can’t prove ex vandalized the house, it is possible and I am not comfortable with him living in the home when I am financially responsible for making the payments and when I would have to pay to fix it if he purposely destroyed it.

So, I asked my attorney to place the divorce on the docket for a final hearing. There will not be any mediation so if he doesn’t agree to what I propose it goes before the judge. Does the following sound reasonable?

• Same supervised visitation schedule as past 3 months, every other weekend at a visitation center.
• Sell the house at market rate (which is roughly 40K less than we paid for it) and he gets half of proceeds. If I sell for less than market rate, he gets half of what the proceeds would have been if I sold at market rate.
• He gets the 2nd car (and the car he currently drives) but no extra $2K?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Of course his proposal is ridiculous. In fact, the fact that he would make such a ridiculous proposal frightens me for you, because it indicates that he is NOT well. Vandalizing the house indicates the same. I have reviewed your posting history and again, I urge you not to let him off the hook at all.

Definitely keep the same supervision schedule. Do not budge at all on that. The house should go on the market immediately and he should get half of whatever proceeds are left after paying off the mortgage and selling expenses. You should ask the judge to give you full control over the selling of the house, so that your stbx would not have to sign anything.

If you want to give him the car, fine, but definitely do not give him any additional cash.

Be careful and watch your back. I would hate to see you or your children be one of those stories we read on the news.

 

[st-kitts]

Thank you both for your replies.