WittyUserName
Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Idaho
Some background - daughter is six, Dad and I never married. He left to another state 600+ miles away when daughter is three months old. Paternity is established, support order in place but no custody or visitation order.
Dad's visits are here in Idaho approximately 3x per year, 1-2 afternoons per visit. This is an average; he is not as consistent as he could be. We had originally had a verbal agreement that he would have 1 weekend a month here + Thanksgiving/Easter. (I think he underestimated the logistics needed to get here that often, which tells me that maybe we need to figure out a more realistic way to handle visitation.)
Daughter had major medical problems so I was kept very busy dealing with that. She is getting better now, so I am in process of trying to file pro se for a court order so that we can stop hanging in legal limbo.
In opening the discussion, I asked for sole legal custody (Dad is not comfortable making medical decisions in light of her history) and sole physical with visitation in Dad's state. (Sample schedule =5 days each over Spring Break/Thanksgiving, Half of Xmas Break plus 4 weeks over summer break. This is just the opener to the negotiation; and certainly this schedule can be rediscussed as she gets older.)
Dad flips out & says he wants either "70-30 or 80-20" Joint Physical Custody with Sole Legal going to me.
It seems like an odd arrangement to me given the distance and the fact that he has a long history of failing to exercise his visitation already. (Significant "maternal drift" in the track record.) I want to be fair to him & give them time together but also want to craft an agreement that will actually work. I don't know if contentious parents are the best candidates for long-distance-weirdly-asymmetrical joint custody.
Care to weigh in?
Some background - daughter is six, Dad and I never married. He left to another state 600+ miles away when daughter is three months old. Paternity is established, support order in place but no custody or visitation order.
Dad's visits are here in Idaho approximately 3x per year, 1-2 afternoons per visit. This is an average; he is not as consistent as he could be. We had originally had a verbal agreement that he would have 1 weekend a month here + Thanksgiving/Easter. (I think he underestimated the logistics needed to get here that often, which tells me that maybe we need to figure out a more realistic way to handle visitation.)
Daughter had major medical problems so I was kept very busy dealing with that. She is getting better now, so I am in process of trying to file pro se for a court order so that we can stop hanging in legal limbo.
In opening the discussion, I asked for sole legal custody (Dad is not comfortable making medical decisions in light of her history) and sole physical with visitation in Dad's state. (Sample schedule =5 days each over Spring Break/Thanksgiving, Half of Xmas Break plus 4 weeks over summer break. This is just the opener to the negotiation; and certainly this schedule can be rediscussed as she gets older.)
Dad flips out & says he wants either "70-30 or 80-20" Joint Physical Custody with Sole Legal going to me.

It seems like an odd arrangement to me given the distance and the fact that he has a long history of failing to exercise his visitation already. (Significant "maternal drift" in the track record.) I want to be fair to him & give them time together but also want to craft an agreement that will actually work. I don't know if contentious parents are the best candidates for long-distance-weirdly-asymmetrical joint custody.
Care to weigh in?