WillingToFight
Member
What is the name of your state? Oregon
I really don't know what to do anymore about my child visitation. In April of last year, ex went to ex parte for an emergency custody and parenting time change, which the judge denied but suggested a one week time out for me and the kids. The kids have never really been back since. They've been empowered by ex and the court system to do pretty much what they want.
In late August, ex and I went to hearing and the (same) judge ordered a new parenting time plan which started out with every other Sunday afternoon in September, then went to every Sunday beginning October. Once I actually got to see my kids again, things immediately started getting better. Kids seemed happy when they were with me and I thought we were making progress.
Two weeks ago, we went to settlement conference and the kids' attorney tells mine that the kids are still making complaints about me. Come to find out, my daughter told their attorney that my friends were rude to her at the court house (outside the hearing room in August) and at the movie theater recently. My mouth dropped... because at the court house - the kids were whisked off the elevator and into a private room so fast, I barely saw them and most of my friends didn't even see them at all. At the theater, we greeted my friends in the lobby, chatted for about 5 minutes and then went into the theater. I don't know what kind of reception my kids were expecting but apparently, it was something they didn't get. I felt some tension, but there was so little time and it would have made things more awkward if I would have taken my friends aside and asked them to be more friendly.
At the conference, all parties agreed to a new visitation plan, which was to be every other weekend from 5pm through Sunday evening. On off weeks, I drive over to pick the kids up and take them to dinner at a restaurant of their choice. My attorney also wanted to be sure that we kept up with family counseling, which was also ordered in the August hearing.
We've been going to counseling since September and progress has been very slow. Neither kid is willing to go to "family" sessions and overall, they just don't want to be there at all. The kids still have not opened up to me about anything that's been going on since last spring.
Earlier this week, I called the kids to set up our mid-week dinner date. They couldn't decide on a day, so I had to call a couple more times before getting them to agree on Wednesday. When Wednesday came along, my daughter called and said she couldn't go because she had homework. My son was ready though and we had a nice dinner alone together. They planned on coming over this weekend. I looked forward to it.
I spoke to my son yesterday (Saturday) morning and he said he didn't think they'd be over this weekend because he had a bad headache. He said his sister didn't really feel like coming over either. Later in the day, I tried calling my daughter twice on her cell phone but she didn't answer. Then I sent her a text, asking if she was planning on coming over and what time I should pick her up. Nothing.
Today, I phoned my daughter again and she answered. I asked, since we missed visitation this weekend, could we do a makeup next weekend. That's when she told me "Well, maybe... but we don't have to come over if we don't want to." Hearing her say that, just made me fall apart and get weepy. No matter what I do, or how hard I try, I seem to be held to some unachievable standard of perfection. I'm the only one who's been trying to follow the court orders and the only one who's been held accountable. If ex or kids don't want to comply and I insist, I'm the bad guy for making a stink.
At this point, I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels with all the effort I've been putting in. The counseling is a waste of time because the kids are really not participating, even though they're there. And if they don't want to see me, do I really want to force them - just so they can sulk and be miserable?
Maybe I should just pull away quietly because the kids don't seem to have a need for me anymore, other than to pay for their cell phones.
Kids are 14 and 16. Has anyone else had to deal with a situation like this? I'm really at a loss for what to do anymore.
I really don't know what to do anymore about my child visitation. In April of last year, ex went to ex parte for an emergency custody and parenting time change, which the judge denied but suggested a one week time out for me and the kids. The kids have never really been back since. They've been empowered by ex and the court system to do pretty much what they want.
In late August, ex and I went to hearing and the (same) judge ordered a new parenting time plan which started out with every other Sunday afternoon in September, then went to every Sunday beginning October. Once I actually got to see my kids again, things immediately started getting better. Kids seemed happy when they were with me and I thought we were making progress.
Two weeks ago, we went to settlement conference and the kids' attorney tells mine that the kids are still making complaints about me. Come to find out, my daughter told their attorney that my friends were rude to her at the court house (outside the hearing room in August) and at the movie theater recently. My mouth dropped... because at the court house - the kids were whisked off the elevator and into a private room so fast, I barely saw them and most of my friends didn't even see them at all. At the theater, we greeted my friends in the lobby, chatted for about 5 minutes and then went into the theater. I don't know what kind of reception my kids were expecting but apparently, it was something they didn't get. I felt some tension, but there was so little time and it would have made things more awkward if I would have taken my friends aside and asked them to be more friendly.
At the conference, all parties agreed to a new visitation plan, which was to be every other weekend from 5pm through Sunday evening. On off weeks, I drive over to pick the kids up and take them to dinner at a restaurant of their choice. My attorney also wanted to be sure that we kept up with family counseling, which was also ordered in the August hearing.
We've been going to counseling since September and progress has been very slow. Neither kid is willing to go to "family" sessions and overall, they just don't want to be there at all. The kids still have not opened up to me about anything that's been going on since last spring.
Earlier this week, I called the kids to set up our mid-week dinner date. They couldn't decide on a day, so I had to call a couple more times before getting them to agree on Wednesday. When Wednesday came along, my daughter called and said she couldn't go because she had homework. My son was ready though and we had a nice dinner alone together. They planned on coming over this weekend. I looked forward to it.
I spoke to my son yesterday (Saturday) morning and he said he didn't think they'd be over this weekend because he had a bad headache. He said his sister didn't really feel like coming over either. Later in the day, I tried calling my daughter twice on her cell phone but she didn't answer. Then I sent her a text, asking if she was planning on coming over and what time I should pick her up. Nothing.
Today, I phoned my daughter again and she answered. I asked, since we missed visitation this weekend, could we do a makeup next weekend. That's when she told me "Well, maybe... but we don't have to come over if we don't want to." Hearing her say that, just made me fall apart and get weepy. No matter what I do, or how hard I try, I seem to be held to some unachievable standard of perfection. I'm the only one who's been trying to follow the court orders and the only one who's been held accountable. If ex or kids don't want to comply and I insist, I'm the bad guy for making a stink.
At this point, I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels with all the effort I've been putting in. The counseling is a waste of time because the kids are really not participating, even though they're there. And if they don't want to see me, do I really want to force them - just so they can sulk and be miserable?
Maybe I should just pull away quietly because the kids don't seem to have a need for me anymore, other than to pay for their cell phones.
Kids are 14 and 16. Has anyone else had to deal with a situation like this? I'm really at a loss for what to do anymore.
