Kind of OT

[mommyanme]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

I know we're supposed to keep with the same thread but this is more advice than legal advice.

Lately Dad has decided to demand I give "detailed" information about literally everything. Granted I asked simple questions that never got answered and got a relayed message from GF that he "refuses to bow down to me".

Anyway, this is the first week of school and my newest(almost daily) email was...."It is coming up on the end of S5's first week. I would like to know how his first week of school was. I would like more information than "it was good". I would like to know also the results of his physical. are there any health concerns?
Some info I would like about school includes: Does he like his teachers? Has he made any new friends? Have there been any issues I need to be aware of? Are there specific things he needs to work on at home? What has he been learning? I would also like to see some of his work so I can see how he is progressing.

I want to keep in touch about his progress in school because it is important for me to stay active in ALL aspects of his life. Please be as detailed as possible. I am doing my best while not being able to live closer."

How do I respond? It's not like the teacher and I speak daily, I get off of work after school, and S5 has only been in kindergarten 3 days, he goes to after school care and dad knows this means I don't get off work till after school. All I could really answer was, It's been good, his behavior is great, he likes his teacher and I've had no papers sent home. The physical went good, no health issues. A lot of you know how communication goes with him, so I do keep it short and sweet and not lengthy, just to keep from him picking something that he can create drama and attack me over. Also when I ask S5 about school, his response is, "It's a secret"

So how else could I have responded?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

I know we're supposed to keep with the same thread but this is more advice than legal advice.

Lately Dad has decided to demand I give "detailed" information about literally everything. Granted I asked simple questions that never got answered and got a relayed message from GF that he "refuses to bow down to me".

Anyway, this is the first week of school and my newest(almost daily) email was...."It is coming up on the end of S5's first week. I would like to know how his first week of school was. I would like more information than "it was good". I would like to know also the results of his physical. are there any health concerns?
Some info I would like about school includes: Does he like his teachers? Has he made any new friends? Have there been any issues I need to be aware of? Are there specific things he needs to work on at home? What has he been learning? I would also like to see some of his work so I can see how he is progressing.

I want to keep in touch about his progress in school because it is important for me to stay active in ALL aspects of his life. Please be as detailed as possible. I am doing my best while not being able to live closer."

How do I respond? It's not like the teacher and I speak daily, I get off of work after school, and S5 has only been in kindergarten 3 days, he goes to after school care and dad knows this means I don't get off work till after school. All I could really answer was, It's been good, his behavior is great, he likes his teacher and I've had no papers sent home. The physical went good, no health issues. A lot of you know how communication goes with him, so I do keep it short and sweet and not lengthy, just to keep from him picking something that he can create drama and attack me over. Also when I ask S5 about school, his response is, "It's a secret"

So how else could I have responded?

You could give him the contact information for the school and the teacher and tell him that he is welcome to contact them regarding the child's progress so that he can hear about things first hand.

You are actually not required to keep him informed about school, you are just required to make sure that you do not impede his access to information directly from the school.

 

[mommyanme]

You could give him the contact information for the school and the teacher and tell him that he is welcome to contact them regarding the child's progress so that he can hear about things first hand.

You are actually not required to keep him informed about school, you are just required to make sure that you do not impede his access to information directly from the school.

I thought so, he has all the phone numbers and names and his name has been listed on everything and the school and doctor's office has copies of the court order. I made sure they knew he had access. I've told him to make calls if he wants more details than I provide.

 

[single317dad]

Whether you communicate more information directly to Dad or simply pass on contact information and leave further communication between Dad and the teachers/doctors is left up to you if not addressed specifically in your order. The question I would ask myself is "do I want this person in regular contact with my child's medical and educational providers if I could avoid it by providing the information he asks for?" I know what I would decide to do. While I would not try to prevent my son's Mom from contacting the school or doctor, I wouldn't encourage it either.

 

[Proserpina]

Has anyone suggested My Family Wizard for you guys?

 

[mommyanme]

Has anyone suggested My Family Wizard for you guys?

I had asked the court to order it more than 2 years ago and I got what I asked for, he still speaks to me in the same way as he always did. That's why I keep it short.

Singledad, I get what you're saying, I had no other information than what I wrote him. I really think he expects me to drill my 5 year old or question the teacher daily. That is all I had and it isn't good enough, the responding email well.....you've been there

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Anyway, this is the first week of school and my newest(almost daily) email was...."It is coming up on the end of S5's first week. I would like to know how his first week of school was. I would like more information than "it was good". I would like to know also the results of his physical. are there any health concerns?
Some info I would like about school includes: Does he like his teachers? Has he made any new friends? Have there been any issues I need to be aware of? <snip> What has he been learning?

"I'm sure S5 would be thrilled to tell you all about it! The best time to call him is between X and Y o'clock. Detailed info on the curriculum would be best received from Ms ABC - you can get her at 123-456-7890 or via email at msabc@school.edu. I have no doubt she would be happy to hear from you!"

 

[mommyanme]

"I'm sure S5 would be thrilled to tell you all about it! The best time to call him is between X and Y o'clock. Detailed info on the curriculum would be best received from Ms ABC - you can get her at 123-456-7890 or via email at msabc@school.edu. I have no doubt she would be happy to hear from you!"

That was the response I was considering after his latest rage, but I was thinking before I typed. TY for confirming it was a good response

 

[t74]

Treat him in the manner you would like to be treated if your roles were reversed.

The teacher may be sending home printed materials. Would it really be so hard to scan and email these to him? While this may not be legally required, it is what a parent who wants the common child to have the best relationship with both parents would do as a start. It is not likely feasible to do this daily; set a weekly time to do it. And, IIWY, I would scan all of the information from the doctors visits and email him a copy. Even artwork that is coming home cold go through the scanner or be photographed. Why should you be the only one to see what your common child is doing. They more he has in his hand, the happier he will be and the less he will bother you.

 

[Proserpina]

Treat him in the manner you would like to be treated if your roles were reversed.

The teacher may be sending home printed materials. Would it really be so hard to scan and email these to him? While this may not be legally required, it is what a parent who wants the common child to have the best relationship with both parents would do as a start. It is not likely feasible to do this daily; set a weekly time to do it. And, IIWY, I would scan all of the information from the doctors visits and email him a copy. Even artwork that is coming home cold go through the scanner or be photographed. Why should you be the only one to see what your common child is doing. They more he has in his hand, the happier he will be and the less he will bother you.

Dad is fully capable of doing that himself. There are no orders preventing him from getting the information himself.

While I'm fully supportive of a parent who is doing his/her best to co-parent, there comes a point where co-parenting actually becomes parenting and Mom doesn't need to deal with a grownup child.

I also understand the reluctance to have the other parent in direct contact with the school/doctor/whatever. But at the end of the day, it's still that parent's responsibility to find out what's going on with his/her child. Spoon-feeding him isn't going to help him, Mom OR the child in the long run.

 

[mommyanme]

Treat him in the manner you would like to be treated if your roles were reversed.

The teacher may be sending home printed materials. Would it really be so hard to scan and email these to him? While this may not be legally required, it is what a parent who wants the common child to have the best relationship with both parents would do as a start. It is not likely feasible to do this daily; set a weekly time to do it. And, IIWY, I would scan all of the information from the doctors visits and email him a copy. Even artwork that is coming home cold go through the scanner or be photographed. Why should you be the only one to see what your common child is doing. They more he has in his hand, the happier he will be and the less he will bother you.

That would be all well and good, if he was just an "angry" co-parent. It would also be different if we were several weeks into school and not 3 days.
Like Pro said, it is at the point I am parenting for him. The professionals at the doctor's office and school are capable of handling Dad.

 

[stealth2]

Treat him in the manner you would like to be treated if your roles were reversed.

The teacher may be sending home printed materials. Would it really be so hard to scan and email these to him? While this may not be legally required, it is what a parent who wants the common child to have the best relationship with both parents would do as a start. It is not likely feasible to do this daily; set a weekly time to do it. And, IIWY, I would scan all of the information from the doctors visits and email him a copy. Even artwork that is coming home cold go through the scanner or be photographed. Why should you be the only one to see what your common child is doing. They more he has in his hand, the happier he will be and the less he will bother you.

The ONLY thing on your list that Dad cannot get for himself is the artwork. And lets be real - most of us really don't *want* every one of those "precious" pieces of paper the first time, let alone scanned to us.

MY experience was in providing all of that requested info. Dad was fine with it - until the new wife came along. Then it was "why am I being bothered with all this idiocy?" Fine - he got contact info instead to do with as he liked. The school was informed that they were to give HIM any info about our kids that HE requested. His wife could go pound sand before getting any direct info.

OP - how far away is Dad?

 

[mommyanme]

OP - how far away is Dad?

155 miles/ 2 1/2 hours
And I decided I'll get a folder today and when I do get work back from his teacher, I'll put it in the folder and send it with S5 on Dad's weekends.

 

[LdiJ]

Treat him in the manner you would like to be treated if your roles were reversed.

The teacher may be sending home printed materials. Would it really be so hard to scan and email these to him? While this may not be legally required, it is what a parent who wants the common child to have the best relationship with both parents would do as a start. It is not likely feasible to do this daily; set a weekly time to do it. And, IIWY, I would scan all of the information from the doctors visits and email him a copy. Even artwork that is coming home cold go through the scanner or be photographed. Why should you be the only one to see what your common child is doing. They more he has in his hand, the happier he will be and the less he will bother you.

On top of what the others said...I don't know anyone who has a scanner at home anymore, people often don't even have printers anymore.

 

[stealth2]

155 miles/ 2 1/2 hours
And I decided I'll get a folder today and when I do get work back from his teacher, I'll put it in the folder and send it with S5

OK, so a lunch visit isn't really a viable option (so he could get an in-person idea of kiddo's experience. But he can call the school, email, etc. He needs to do some of his own work.