Legal Joint Custody not Physical

[amholla]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? South Carolina

My X and I have legal joint custoday of my 14 year old daughter. She was not his and he adopted her (after our divorce). Apparently, that was unusual, but the Judge agreed to it. I believe it was the right choice. We did the legal joint custody because that simply kept him from having to pay child support. I didn't have a problem with that because he has always supported her financially and still does. She has always lived with me full time and has always had unlimited, un-controlled visitation with him. I have never limited that in anyway. I am happy he loves her like he does. He lives in GA and the adoption took place there. We live in SC, but it is only about 1 hour from him. Recently, my daughter was caught telling me a lie about a boyfriend. Turns out this boyfriend was of a different race. I have rasied my child to understand that inter-racial relationships are not a problem for me, but could have negative affects on her because society here doesn't accept that as readily as we might like. My X is however VERY much against this. He was raised in the deep south and although I don't agree with him, he is adamant that this is unacceptable. I punished my daughter for lieing, not having an interracial relationship. He however has flipped out. He wants to move her immediately to his residence. He wants to force her to give up the softball team (she plays JV for the local High School), her church life, and her school to move in with him. I don't want this and neither does she. He is claiming that because we have legal joint custody, he has the right to do that without my approval.

We live a good life. She isn't in any trouble, she has good grades, and likes where she is living. I need to know if he legally has this right. She has always lived with me. She has gotten in trouble with me before for little things like all kids do. He has never questioned my disciplinary methods nor mentioned she move in with him. He has more money than we do, but lives a much less "good" life. I don't think it would be a good evnironment for her. For example, he drinks frequently, he works awefull hours, and he was recently shot in the back by the husband of a woman he was seeing (although he is married.). (Remember, he is from GA)

We have always worked well together on all of the past issues of raising a daughter. I think he is only going over the edge on this just because she had a black boyfriend, not because she lied. If she was in some horribel trouble with Drugs, alcohol, or something involving the law, I could see how this drastic a step would make sense. I just don't think a black boyfriend justifies totally uprooting her and changing her entire life. My thought is that there are much worse things she could have done.

I need to know if he legally has the right to do something like this. And, what are the conditions that a judge might agree to do something like this? Also, does her voice count if it does go to a judge? And, finally, if he tried to "take" her, do I have the right to have him arrested for kidnapping? I know he has some rights to her, but can he force her to go against her will?

 

[StpmomNchicago]

Forget it

You know what? She is a teenager. I can almost guarentee her that this will not be the last boyfriend that she has. Explain to the Father that he needs to get out of the middle ages and that your daughter will be staying with you. If he were to ever actually take you to court he would never het custody (slim to none)! He is not the biological father. No matter if you share custody or not. Tel him that if he really has a problem with it then you can just get the custody taken away. Furthermore, I know that you don't want to hear this but I am only 21 years old so maybe it is good advice because it was not long ago that I myself too was a 14 year old. If she is dating then she should probably be put on some sort of birth control (YES once again you probably don't want to hear this.) But these days teenager are having sex a lot younger. No matter what their religion or up bringing is, it is more or less a "it will make you cool" kind of thing. In reguards to taking her, I am not sure nor do I think that it is really likely. I think that parents run away with children when they are younger. If your daughter is 14 there would be no pont in running off with her because she is pretty set in her ways. Even if he takes her away he will more than likekly only push her farther away, not convince her to hate black people.

 

[LdiJ]

You know what? She is a teenager. I can almost guarentee her that this will not be the last boyfriend that she has. Explain to the Father that he needs to get out of the middle ages and that your daughter will be staying with you. If he were to ever actually take you to court he would never het custody (slim to none)! He is not the biological father. No matter if you share custody or not. Tel him that if he really has a problem with it then you can just get the custody taken away. Furthermore, I know that you don't want to hear this but I am only 21 years old so maybe it is good advice because it was not long ago that I myself too was a 14 year old. If she is dating then she should probably be put on some sort of birth control (YES once again you probably don't want to hear this.) But these days teenager are having sex a lot younger. No matter what their religion or up bringing is, it is more or less a "it will make you cool" kind of thing. In reguards to taking her, I am not sure nor do I think that it is really likely. I think that parents run away with children when they are younger. If your daughter is 14 there would be no pont in running off with her because she is pretty set in her ways. Even if he takes her away he will more than likekly only push her farther away, not convince her to hate black people.

Ok, you are not entirely accurate on the legal issues. He adopted her, he is her legal father and has the same rights that a biological father would have. However, that doesn't mean that he can just up and change her primary residence against the mom's will. If he wants primary custody he would have to take it to court. If he takes it to court and the only basis he can give is the fact that she has a boyfriend of another race......he's going to get HAMMERED in court.

 

[crystaly]

Actually...yes he does have every right to her that a biological parent has. He is now her father because there was an adoption. But he would have to take you court for physical custody of her. He can't just take her unless you both have full physical custody. Not sure how you've gotten around the child support part. That part was kinda wierd to me. If you both have full physical custody then Yeah, he can take her if he wants. You need to take it to family court if your that worried about it and get it put in writing that you are the primary provider for her. I think he is way over reacting. But then again I also have family that live in the south and they over react HUGELY when it comes to this kind of thing. I would definately cross your t's and dot your i's if your really concerned about him trying to take her. I know everyone hates court. But its the best way to make sure the best interest of the child are met..sometimes.

 

[LdiJ]

I should also add that if GA still has jurisdiction...and I assume GA does since dad still lives there...in GA, at 14 the child's wishes rule regarding custody. Therefore if the child doesn't want to live with him, he is not going to get residential custody.

 

[StpmomNchicago]

Actually...yes he does have every right to her that a biological parent has. He is now her father because there was an adoption. But he would have to take you court for physical custody of her. He can't just take her unless you both have full physical custody. Not sure how you've gotten around the child support part. That part was kinda wierd to me. If you both have full physical custody then Yeah, he can take her if he wants. You need to take it to family court if your that worried about it and get it put in writing that you are the primary provider for her. I think he is way over reacting. But then again I also have family that live in the south and they over react HUGELY when it comes to this kind of thing. I would definately cross your t's and dot your i's if your really concerned about him trying to take her. I know everyone hates court. But its the best way to make sure the best interest of the child are met..sometimes.

Yes but what I was trying to get at is there is a VERY slim chance that he would actually receive custody without being the real father. The reason for this is because he was awarded adoption because of the fact that they saw him as an important part of the daughters life. How do you think it would look when he goes to court and says that he wants custody because he hates black people and so should his daughter.

 

[stealth2]

without being the real father.

Nope. He IS her "real" father in the eyes of the law. Although his reasoning to change custody likely wouldn't work. But he is as real a father legally as if his sperm helped create her.

 

[Jillian483]

Nope. He IS her "real" father in the eyes of the law. Although his reasoning to change custody likely wouldn't work. But he is as real a father legally as if his sperm helped create her.

Yes I know I ment real father as in she has a father out there that did give his sperm to create this child. Just out of curiousity... what would happen to the "new" father if the real father wanted in the picture? would he have to give up his rights?

 

[stealth2]

Yes I know I ment real father as in she has a father out there that did give his sperm to create this child.

Now you've confused me - you're not the poster who said anything about the "real" father. In fact, this is your first post in this thread. Or are you posting under two handles?

Just out of curiousity... what would happen to the "new" father if the real father wanted in the picture? would he have to give up his rights?

The adopted father IS the real father (this is not that difficult a concept). The *bio* father's rights have been terminated and he is a legal stranger. He is neither a "real" father nor an "unreal" one. He is nobody. He is a stranger to the child.

 

[Jillian483]

Now you've confused me - you're not the poster who said anything about the "real" father. In fact, this is your first post in this thread. Or are you posting under two handles?




The adopted father IS the real father (this is not that difficult a concept). The *bio* father's rights have been terminated and he is a legal stranger. He is neither a "real" father nor an "unreal" one. He is nobody. He is a stranger to the child.

No I had part of the message deleated and I just now realized that I left someting that I had paseted wrong my question was bout the father. The other stuff is not even from this forum ( I THINK, Oh well I dunno.) Yeah I only have one handle but my older sis uses this one too. My Q was about the father issue which you answered. THANKS

 

[Silverplum]

I'm just going to go ahead and have a very large box of (virtual, sadly) wine delivered to you, Stealth.

Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, aren'tcha? Squirrely wrath, indeed!

 

[stealth2]

I'm just going to go ahead and have a very large box of (virtual, sadly) wine delivered to you, Stealth.

Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, aren'tcha? Squirrely wrath, indeed!

LOL MY oldest's screen name is Foamy Fanatic (more or less). I dread the day his Dad cottons on to Foamy. I suspect he won't be amused. Oh well.

 

[Silverplum]

Aw, to heck w/what he thinks. I like "Foamy Fanatic," sounds fun.

 

[amholla]

Thanks to you all!!!

First of all, I agree. He is her Father!!! Both legally and emotionally. Secondly, the bio father released all of his rights, THANK GOD. Finally, I appreciate the information. She has NEVER lived with him since the adoption. He is just a weekend father, and usually a good one. So, unless he could find some reason to say she was unsafe here, I have good legal ground to keep her from having to move right? Also, why does the state of GA have jurisdiction? She has been a resident of SC for over 5 years, and they had to file the judge signed paperwork in SC. That was after the Judge in GA heard it.

PS: As for birthcontrol, I agree. She started taking them at the first of Feb. I haven't even told him that part yet. But, I did what I and the Dr thought was best. Different subject for a different day, I guess.

You guys have taken the edge off a little. Thanks for replying. If you have any other LEGAL advice on where I stand, I would appreciate it. Also, what would the likely circustances be for him to go before a judge and make this happen? safefty, unfit mother, what?

 

[crystaly]

If you already changed the jurisidiction of the case when you moved to SC then you don't have to take care of it GA.