Legal Name change for my daughter.

[ChuckThunder]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado
I would like to change the last name of my daughter. She has my last name but I would like her to have my husbands. He has been her dad since right after birth. There is no father on the birth certificate, that space is blank, and (embarrassing for me to admit this) I am not sure who the biological father is. I had done a couple blood tests with two people whom I thought it might be and one was negative and the other never responded, so I raised her on my own, then my husband came along before she was one. I would like her to have his last name, but everything I read says the "non-custodial parent" needs consent. But there is no other parent and there never has been (besides my husband). Since there is no father on the birth certificate do I still need consent from somebody that has never been in her life at all?

We have thought about going through with a full stepparent adoption but it just seems silly since he has always been the father and there is no biological father on the birth cert. It just seems unnecessary to jump through hoops to put forth any effort to try to find this guy.

So I got some advice from a law student friend of mine and she said (in more words) that my husband is the essentially the father defacto anyway, and if anything happened to me he would keep her anyway, and to avoid finding the sperm donor to get her name changed for now and worry about the adoption once she is 12. any and all advice with this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado
I would like to change the last name of my daughter. She has my last name but I would like her to have my husbands. He has been her dad since right after birth. There is no father on the birth certificate, that space is blank, and (embarrassing for me to admit this) I am not sure who the biological father is. I had done a couple blood tests with two people whom I thought it might be and one was negative and the other never responded, so I raised her on my own, then my husband came along before she was one. I would like her to have his last name, but everything I read says the "non-custodial parent" needs consent. But there is no other parent and there never has been (besides my husband). Since there is no father on the birth certificate do I still need consent from somebody that has never been in her life at all?

We have thought about going through with a full stepparent adoption but it just seems silly since he has always been the father and there is no biological father on the birth cert. It just seems unnecessary to jump through hoops to put forth any effort to try to find this guy.

So I got some advice from a law student friend of mine and she said (in more words) that my husband is the essentially the father defacto anyway, and if anything happened to me he would keep her anyway, and to avoid finding the sperm donor to get her name changed for now and worry about the adoption once she is 12. any and all advice with this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Your law student friend is not necessarily correct.
Sperm donor? Really? No offense but if you had been more responsible about who you slept with then you would know who her father is.
Furthermore, your husband is NOT her father. Hopefully you have NOT lied to your daughter about that. Do a stepparent adoption -- that is the legal and appropriate thing to do.

 

[Zigner]

https://www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/Forms_List.cfm?Form_Type_ID=26

Explore that that - it should answer your questions.

Why wouldn't you want your child to know here heritage? Why have you been lying to your child?

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado
I would like to change the last name of my daughter. She has my last name but I would like her to have my husbands. He has been her dad since right after birth. There is no father on the birth certificate, that space is blank, and (embarrassing for me to admit this) I am not sure who the biological father is. I had done a couple blood tests with two people whom I thought it might be and one was negative and the other never responded, so I raised her on my own, then my husband came along before she was one. I would like her to have his last name, but everything I read says the "non-custodial parent" needs consent. But there is no other parent and there never has been (besides my husband). Since there is no father on the birth certificate do I still need consent from somebody that has never been in her life at all?

We have thought about going through with a full stepparent adoption but it just seems silly since he has always been the father and there is no biological father on the birth cert. It just seems unnecessary to jump through hoops to put forth any effort to try to find this guy.

So I got some advice from a law student friend of mine and she said (in more words) that my husband is the essentially the father defacto anyway, and if anything happened to me he would keep her anyway, and to avoid finding the sperm donor to get her name changed for now and worry about the adoption once she is 12. any and all advice with this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

You would still have give any putative father notice, unless the court says it is not necessary. Might as well go whole hog, and do the step-parent adoption.
https://www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/Forms_List.cfm?Form_Type_ID=26
https://www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/Forms_List.cfm?Form_Type_ID=87

But do realize that the court may very well give a putative father the time to establish paternity and assert his rights.

 

[ChuckThunder]

Your law student friend is not necessarily correct.
Sperm donor? Really? No offense but if you had been more responsible about who you slept with then you would know who her father is.
Furthermore, your husband is NOT her father. Hopefully you have NOT lied to your daughter about that. Do a stepparent adoption -- that is the legal and appropriate thing to do.

yes, my daughter knows full well that her father is not her biological father. Obviously she doesn't understand genetics, but just understands he is not 'blood'. but he has been her dad since she was around one and she is 6 and a half now. we have been married for 5.

 

[ChuckThunder]

https://www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/Forms_List.cfm?Form_Type_ID=26

Explore that that - it should answer your questions.

Why wouldn't you want your child to know here heritage? Why have you been lying to your child?

Nobody is lying to anybody! She knows she is not her father's blood daughter, that isn't what makes a father. and yes I have been on that site many times but I will look through it again to see if I have missed anything. Thank you for your time.

 

[ChuckThunder]

You would still have give any putative father notice, unless the court says it is not necessary. Might as well go whole hog, and do the step-parent adoption.
https://www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/Forms_List.cfm?Form_Type_ID=26
https://www.courts.state.co.us/Forms/Forms_List.cfm?Form_Type_ID=87

But do realize that the court may very well give a putative father the time to establish paternity and assert his rights.

Yes, and that is why we are hesitant to move forth with the adoption. Obviously the father never wanted to be a part of this child's life, why find him and give him another chance to do so?

 

[Silverplum]

Yes, and that is why we are hesitant to move forth with the adoption. Obviously the father never wanted to be a part of this child's life, why find him and give him another chance to do so?

It's not either/or. Follow the law kindly provided to you by the advisors.

 

[TheGeekess]

Yes, and that is why we are hesitant to move forth with the adoption. Obviously the father never wanted to be a part of this child's life, why find him and give him another chance to do so?

Even with a name change, he will have the opportunity to prove paternity and assert his rights.

 

[Zigner]

Nobody is lying to anybody! She knows she is not her father's blood daughter, that isn't what makes a father. and yes I have been on that site many times but I will look through it again to see if I have missed anything. Thank you for your time.

You stated TWICE in your original post that your new husband was her "dad/father". I suggest that you learn to communicate better. You need to understand that there is a difference between chatting with your friends over a glass of wine (or whatever) and speaking in a legal setting.

 

[Zigner]

Yes, and that is why we are hesitant to move forth with the adoption. Obviously the father never wanted to be a part of this child's life, why find him and give him another chance to do so?

I don't know...maybe because he's her parent? Heck, you don't even know who the father is. How can you blame him for not knowing he has a child?

 

[ChuckThunder]

Even with a name change, he will have the opportunity to prove paternity and assert his rights.

We understand that. On the one hand we feel strongly that we wouldn't be able to find him anyway, which is one reason why we don't want to spend the time on it. But on the other hand it scares us because what if this guy does come forward. It just doesn't seem fair that he would even get a say in any matter at all. Which is why we were thinking about waiting until she is 12, and it would be her decision at that point.

 

[ChuckThunder]

I don't know...maybe because he's her parent? Heck, you don't even know who the father is. How can you blame him for not knowing he has a child?

Did you not read the original post? One blood test was negative. The other was never returned. Which tells me that guy never wanted anything to do with the child anyway. It's not like I was a hooker. I was a young adult having fun. That year I had sex with four people. Two of which were fairly close together in time. A frat guy tries to score with as many women as possible and they are fine. The standards are very skewed.

 

[TheGeekess]

We understand that. On the one hand we feel strongly that we wouldn't be able to find him anyway, which is one reason why we don't want to spend the time on it. But on the other hand it scares us because what if this guy does come forward. It just doesn't seem fair that he would even get a say in any matter at all. Which is why we were thinking about waiting until she is 12, and it would be her decision at that point.

Even if you wait until Princess is twelve, Putative Dad will still have an opportunity to come forward, establish paternity and a relationship with his child.

 

[Zigner]

We understand that. On the one hand we feel strongly that we wouldn't be able to find him anyway, which is one reason why we don't want to spend the time on it. But on the other hand it scares us because what if this guy does come forward. It just doesn't seem fair that he would even get a say in any matter at all.

If you truly cannot locate the man, then there are options.

Which is why we were thinking about waiting until she is 12, and it would be her decision at that point.

What in the world makes you think that her being 12 somehow removes the requirement to properly serve the father?