Life In Hell

[DebtBoy]

Some years ago, I had a support obligation of $1,200 / mo. levied against me (thank you, Commonwealth of Massachusetts), at a time when I was unemployed, had major educational and commercial debt obligations, and no assets.

My lawyer at the time fished a few more thousand dollars out of me in order to appeal, waited a year to do so until the ORIGINAL judge returned from a year’s sabbatical, and stood bravely by my side as the judge upheld his ORIGINAL $1,200 / month judgment. (To his credit, my he seemed to take the news pretty well.)

Well, not until after several years (the first few spent at home, under the covers) unable to obtain and/or maintain worthwhile (i.e., financially remunerative) employment, have I only now begun to receive enough of the requisite help allowing me to even THINK about peeking my head out to see whether there were anything I could do about this situation.

Is there?

Remarkably, not only does my conception of “doing something about this situation” include such ludicrously unlikely items as a lowering of my outstanding obligation and a gentle payment schedule, but must be effected without my having to return to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (not there’s someone wants to lend me the $60,000+ to hand them, that is).

One last thing.

A few years ago, my ex (also a lawyer) and her new husband got the message to me through my former lawyer (they work well together, I think) that the new hubby was prepared to adopt my children, thereby relieving me of any subsequent obligation. I didn’t do it (selling my children seemed, you know…loathsome) and I don’t know whether it is the sort of that could have been done without me—but the upshot of it is that the mounting debt may well have ceased continuing to mount some years ago, I just don’t know right now. At last check it was in the $60,000+ range, but that was a number of years ago.

What this amounts to, then, is my admittedly baffling conviction that some miracle solution COULD exist out there without my knowing it that will allow me to see my children again someday before the end of my natural life. It’s been approximately seven years now and I’m only now able to even BEGIN to face the day and see what, if anything, I can do. Of course, I’ve been operating under the assumption for years that it already WAS too late, so no bad news on this score could really surprise me too much.

Anyway, thanks for your input.

 

[stealth2]

Even if the kids were adopted, you'd owe the back support. Just who did you think was supporting your kids while you were lying around with your "head under the covers"? Time for you to grow up and be a man - and support the kids you helped create.

 

[DebtBoy]

stealth2

I assume you go by "stealth2" because you don't ordinarily speak that way to a man's face. I can get you a good deal on tampons if you need it, by the way.

 

[stealth2]

Actually, I most certainly would (and have) say that to a man's - or woman's - face. I go by stealth for completely unrelated reasons, which are none of your business.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

You write all of this crap just to prove you're a deadbeat dad? I'll talk to your face and tell you your children should be much better off without your deadbeat ass. Do them a favor and save $12.50 for a box of 22 shells and....awww hell, you know where I'm going.

 

[AHA]

If every parent decided not to work and just lay at home and not support their kids, those kids would be living on the streets selling themselves for a slice of bread and sniffing glue. Is that the kind of country we want USA to become? No(if you have ANY brains), so pay up for the kids sake. Some kids would be better off in a orpahange than with certain parents. KIDS ARE PEOPLE NOT A TOY YOU CAN JUST PUT AWAY WHEN YOU DON'T WANT THEM ANYMORE.
You didn't want the other guy to adopt your kids because you felt that would be selling the kids, but you are perfectly fine with your kids starving on the street? Amazing. Vasectomy comes to mind.

 

[Gracie3787]

I agree with the other posters that you are a deadbeat Dad.

However, I believe that even deadbeat Dad's deserve to know how to go about becoming a FORMER deadbeat. The following is what you need to do :

1. Get a job.

2. On reciept of first paycheck, begin to pay SOMETHING in CS.

3.File a Motion for change of venue to your state, at same time informing court that modification will be filed upon change of venue.

4. File for modification, be prepared to pay on-going and extra toward arrears.

Be prepared though, Mass. may file contempt motion. If they do, when you go into court, admit that you were wrong, do not make excuses for your non payment, bring current paystubs and tax returns for years you didn't pay. You will be found in contempt, probably be ordered to pay lump sum called a purge/ or jail for up to 6 mos or more. Pay purge, then go to # 3 or 4 above.

I have read your other posts, obviously you must have stuck your head out from under the covers enough to meet a woman and plan marriage. If you are capable of doing that, you are capable of doing what you need to do to turn yourself into a FORMER deadbeat Dad.

 

[ajfai]

You know, I usually try to look at both sides but you are really sorry excuse of a person. I agree with BB put your head under the covers and as BB said, "you know where I'm going with that". Words can't even express how disgusting you are.

 

[stealth2]

3.File a Motion for change of venue to your state, at same time informing court that modification will be filed upon change of venue.

Uuuuh, that's not going to happen. There is already an order out of MA, and the other parent apparently still lives there. OP is not going to be able to get a change in jurisdiction.

 

[SM5NY]

You said it Breeze!! Instead of Debtboy, you should have listed yourself deadbeatboy. And instead of your thread being Life in Hell, you should have put.. I'm Hell!
I can't believe you could post this crap. You should give up your kids. YOU DON'T DESERVE THEM. Get a clue and buy a life, loser.
By the way, about those tampons. I'd love to get a great deal on them, so I could buy lots and cork your sorry ass mouth. Heck nothing good has come out of it yet.

 

[Missychelle26]

Dang! Is that why my ex hasnt paid child support in over two years and is over 15 thousand behind he was just hiding under the blankets? And here I thought it was because all of his money went to drugs and every time the CS office caught up with him he quit so he didnt have to pay! He should have tried your excuse then I may be more sympathetic! Oh but wait what on earth could my 3 children do with 300 a month ohhhh wait I know! They could get new clothes or be able to enroll in that dance class my daugter wanted but I couldnt afford because all the money I earn goes to feeding,clothing and providing a roof over there head! And with all that money I am not getting why should he supply his diabetic son and his other son with his legs growing incorrectly with the medical help they need. Oh wait why do that when the mother can apply for state help for the kids medical when the father decides his bed his so nice and comfy! Get a grip!

 

[0000]

Debtboy...

This is the first post I have been compelled to respond to (as opposed to lurking and asking questions).
By these people's way of thinking, I'm a Deadbeat Dad too, even though to date I've paid every month of support for my newborn on time.
It doesn't matter if you are tens of thousand of dollars in debt (related ie legal bills or even unrelated), and have no visitation because the mother maliciously sought and was granted a multi-year restraining order under completely false pretenses which prohibited you from pregnancy, birth and the early years, aka The Best Years.
Nor does it matter if you are unemployed because the false DV arrest by said mother (that ultimately will be dismissed under a plea bargain) has and continues to show up on employment background checks thus keeping you in the red , or worse, the minimum wage sector.
Nor does it matter if the mother is financially stable because she comes from a rich family and has zero need for welfare or child support, nor does she, has she or will she ever seek employment as long as she can get away with it.
If guys like me and you publically utter the slightest contempt for the laws that create such advantages and biases towards women or mothers, we are immediately branded Deadbeat Dads; Bad Guys. We are told to Deal With It, Get a Job Loser, Be a Man.
Because, you see, even in this day and age of "fairness & equality" amongst genders, men are supposed to accept hardship, while women and mothers must be granted full leniancy in all matters domestic.
Every time I've asked a question on this site relating to how I can make my support and custody situation just a little more fair, at least 50% of the "answers" are hostile or dismissive.
It seems, I am finding by the day, there's a contingent of posters here who live to discourage men from doing anything about a situation that they feel may be slanted in the mother's favor (read: out of our favor).
Anyways, I couldn't let this thread go without at least one sympathetic post, because I know how it feels to be exactly in your situation (plus a side-dish of false criminal charges and a child I've never seen).
There's nothing wrong with hiding under the covers; if women can do it, men should be able to as well.
But now we need to get out and do something to turn the situation around, which leads me and you to our Catch 22: here we are trying to get answers, and we are met instead with name calling.

 

[stealth2]

As it happens, most every poster here would have the same response to a woman who might post as the OP did. Parents are required to support their children. If you refuse to do so, you are a deadbeat - whether you're Mom or Dad.

And don't project your situation on OPs - he said nothing about being denied the right to see the kids, be invovled, etc. He said that he simply ignored the situation. So now it's time to pony up and pay the piper.

 

[haiku]

fact of the matter is, Ma. makes you pay a certain percentage depending on your income, and after 20,000, the CP's income. Judges don't just pick numbers out of the blue to punish you. Something tells me there is more to debtboys hiding under a blanket than just child support.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Well big zeros, you had a choice. You could either have bought a box of trojans or gone to the bathroom and taken matters into your own hands. Instead, you decided to get a little and now you have a child.

So that child has to suffer because you couldn't control your urges. That is NOT the child's problem.

So, either become a man finally or whine. It's not my problem. But you're right, it doesn't matter if you're thousands in debt, don't have a job or anyother thing because those are things that can be fixed. IF you decide to be a man instead of a sniviling little brat.