Long distance 18 month old

[PaLv]

Pennsylvania

What is typical for a long distance custody plan for 18 month old?

During pregnancy father decided to wait for paternity prior to involvement. He refused to do testing anyway but via child support order from courts. (Long back log in our county) he did stop by and see child sparingly.

After paternity he averaged about 8 hours a month. In May (child 10 months old) we settled via mediation for a custody order with 2.5 hour weekly visit and one sat month 8-4. This was to change to overnights at 18 months. This was his choice/did not want more custodial time. He did not want court order for custody, but I wanted to be able to plan/be accused of denying visitation.

In March he lost his job, and now will be moving to Las Vegas in Jan & starting his own practice. Child will be 18 months at time of move. He would like child to fly out for 1 week a month. Any opinion on typical long distance plan for 18 month old?

 

[Ohiogal]

Pennsylvania

What is typical for a long distance custody plan for 18 month old?

During pregnancy father decided to wait for paternity prior to involvement. He refused to do testing anyway but via child support order from courts. (Long back log in our county) he did stop by and see child sparingly.

After paternity he averaged about 8 hours a month. In May (child 10 months old) we settled via mediation for a custody order with 2.5 hour weekly visit and one sat month 8-4. This was to change to overnights at 18 months. This was his choice/did not want more custodial time. He did not want court order for custody, but I wanted to be able to plan/be accused of denying visitation.

In March he lost his job, and now will be moving to Las Vegas in Jan & starting his own practice. Child will be 18 months at time of move. He would like child to fly out for 1 week a month. Any opinion on typical long distance plan for 18 month old?

So why can't he see his child for 1 week a month? Or do you just want to limit his involvement completely?

 

[PaLv]

So why can't he see his child for 1 week a month? Or do you just want to limit his involvement completely?

He would be working during that week. Surgeon hours. Child will have 6 hours on plane both ways. To a different time zone. At 18 months I doubt she will remember him month to month.

I asked him to do a 2/2/3 plan starting age 3 prior to him wanting to move due to reading a week away from primary caregiver is not good for young child forming attachments. He obviously said no due to his job.

I don't want him to move , but that's clearly not my choice. Want to advocate what is best for my young child and have appropriate expectations

 

[LdiJ]

So why can't he see his child for 1 week a month? Or do you just want to limit his involvement completely?

Perhaps because the logistics are absurd?...and perhaps because separating an 18 month old from their primary caretaker for a week at a time might not be in the best interest of the baby?

If dad can afford three round trip tickets a month and if the child were a year or so older I would agree with you that one week a month could work. However, there is the issue that once the child starts school that is no longer possible...therefore that would bet setting the child up for a major disruption once school starts that would be unnecessary if a schedule were put into place that made more sense in the long term.

In fact, it would likely be less expensive for dad to fly back to PA every other week than to send the child to Vegas for a week a month. That would be only two round trip tickets instead of three.

 

[CTU]

Frankly Dad needs to move closer to his child.

But he's not here so I can't tell him that.

Honestly, this is one Mom that really doesn't seem to be gatekeeping.

 

[PaLv]

Perhaps because the logistics are absurd?...and perhaps because separating an 18 month old from their primary caretaker for a week at a time might not be in the best interest of the baby?

If dad can afford three round trip tickets a month and if the child were a year or so older I would agree with you that one week a month could work. However, there is the issue that once the child starts school that is no longer possible...therefore that would bet setting the child up for a major disruption once school starts that would be unnecessary if a schedule were put into place that made more sense in the long term.

In fact, it would likely be less expensive for dad to fly back to PA every other week than to send the child to Vegas for a week a month. That would be only two round trip tickets instead of three.

He has the money, will a court order visitation in PA if he tells them flat out he won't do it?

 

[CTU]

He has the money, will a court order visitation in PA if he tells them flat out he won't do it?

It really depends. Some courts will order it anyway, on the assumption that he'll change his mind at some point. Other judges will simply order visitation to be at Mom's discretion; there are some cases where "CP's discretion" is appropriate and I think this is, at the moment, one of those cases.

Mom, you better walk into court with clean hands. If Dad can show that you've been a "gatekeeper" of sorts, you need to rethink your entire situation.

 

[PaLv]

It really depends. Some courts will order it anyway, on the assumption that he'll change his mind at some point. Other judges will simply order visitation to be at Mom's discretion; there are some cases where "CP's discretion" is appropriate and I think this is, at the moment, one of those cases.

Mom, you better walk into court with clean hands. If Dad can show that you've been a "gatekeeper" of sorts, you need to rethink your entire situation.

He will try to say I deny extra time. I provided him with 7-10 days of extra time in May/June/July/Aug/Sept (days Im working) 30 days in advance- He could not commit that early. He will ask for things week of and I have been able to accommodate about 50%. He considers anytime he wants our child and I have plans, a "denial". I was told prior that I am fine in this aspect so long as I follow the court order. This is why I pressed for a custody court order initially, to avoid accusations.

I do this all via our family wizard. I requested this as well to avoid lies.

 

[LdiJ]

He will try to say I deny extra time. I provided him with 7-10 days of extra time in May/June/July/Aug/Sept (days Im working) 30 days in advance- He could not commit that early. He will ask for things week of and I have been able to accommodate about 50%. He considers anytime he wants our child and I have plans, a "denial". I was told prior that I am fine in this aspect so long as I follow the court order. This is why I pressed for a custody court order initially, to avoid accusations.

I do this all via our family wizard. I requested this as well to avoid lies.

That is a really good thing. As long as you are sticking to the actual parenting schedule and only denying extra time you won't have a problem. You are not required to give him any extra time at all so having plans that will not accommodate extra time cannot ever be used against you.

 

[CTU]

That is a really good thing. As long as you are sticking to the actual parenting schedule and only denying extra time you won't have a problem. You are not required to give him any extra time at all so having plans that will not accommodate extra time cannot ever be used against you.

I agree.

In this case, Mom seems to be doing things by the book. That's absolutely okay in court.

 

[t74]

He will try to say I deny extra time. I provided him with 7-10 days of extra time in May/June/July/Aug/Sept (days Im working) 30 days in advance- He could not commit that early. He will ask for things week of and I have been able to accommodate about 50%. He considers anytime he wants our child and I have plans, a "denial". I was told prior that I am fine in this aspect so long as I follow the court order. This is why I pressed for a custody court order initially, to avoid accusations.

I do this all via our family wizard. I requested this as well to avoid lies.

You appear to grant him visitation for YOUR convenience on the days you are working. What about his work schedule?

 

[PaLv]

You appear to grant him visitation for YOUR convenience on the days you are working. What about his work schedule?

He was terminated from his job in March. The days I offer are weekdays and weekends since I work in healthcare as well. We do not have right of first refusal. I was doing this to attempt to decrease nanny fees/document he wasn't helping with child care for child support modification. It appears this may factor into custody as well?

 

[PaLv]

At what age are children typically ordered to fly to visit absent parent?

Also, what is my obligation to be “accepting” of his girlfriend? This is his second live in girlfriend in my daughters 15 months of life , she was married initially and hadn’t even filed for divorce. On his third visitation he sent her to the custody exchange as “anonymous”. She is moving with him. He asks me to be accepting but I have always said the initial interactions were inappropriate, my opinion matters not on who he brings around Catherine and I prefer to stay away from passive aggressive games during our five monthly custodial exchanges for his chosen 2% parenting commitment . Will this hurt me? I have tried to facilitate between his parents and our child, but never thought his gf was my responsibility. This is all documented on OFW as well.

 

[LdiJ]

At what age are children typically ordered to fly to visit absent parent?

Also, what is my obligation to be “accepting” of his girlfriend? This is his second live in girlfriend in my daughters 15 months of life , she was married initially and hadn’t even filed for divorce. On his third visitation he sent her to the custody exchange as “anonymous”. She is moving with him. He asks me to be accepting but I have always said the initial interactions were inappropriate, my opinion matters not on who he brings around Catherine and I prefer to stay away from passive aggressive games during our five monthly custodial exchanges for his chosen 2% parenting commitment . Will this hurt me? I have tried to facilitate between his parents and our child, but never thought his gf was my responsibility. This is all documented on OFW as well.

In general, I do not think that a judge would particularly ding you for not wanting to send off your infant child with a total stranger. In fact, if dad did not arrange things with you in advance it would be highly stupid to just hand your child off to a stranger. How would you know that they weren't kidnappers pretending to have been sent by dad?

In any case, what do your orders say about exchanges? What is the exact wording?

As far as flying is concerned, its less about what age the child can fly to the other parent, and more about what age the child can fly unaccompanied. The younger the child however, the more likely that the parent would be required to visit in the child's community.

 

[PaLv]

In general, I do not think that a judge would particularly ding you for not wanting to send off your infant child with a total stranger. In fact, if dad did not arrange things with you in advance it would be highly stupid to just hand your child off to a stranger. How would you know that they weren't kidnappers pretending to have been sent by dad?

In any case, what do your orders say about exchanges? What is the exact wording?

As far as flying is concerned, its less about what age the child can fly to the other parent, and more about what age the child can fly unaccompanied. The younger the child however, the more likely that the parent would be required to visit in the child's community.

It was when he brought her home. It was a passive aggressive move on his/herpart. In PA once he decided to be involved we were in a “free for all” for months while waiting for a court order. As neither of us had primary custody even though he has been absent. I had been advised by an attorney to NOT file custody when she wa first born as she thought he would flake off. I also didn’t want to withhold pending court order and be labeled as difficult. Transportation is very specific in court order and exchanges are only done by parents. It was asked she stay in the car during exchanges since it only requires one person to “hand off”


Im hoping to ask for him to come here till age 3/4? He will not FaceTime/Skype so it will really be the only time she sees him. I don’t think she will remember him month to month till at least 3