WittyUserName
Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Idaho
I hope it's okay that I started a new thread; different question this time. I'd previously posted about my daughter and a possible move out of state. (Dad has already moved away, and since we have a support order but no custody/visitation order I am in process of setting one up.) Before I go any further, THANK YOU thank you a million times over for the advice and the well of information I've found on this site. It's not always easy to have to let go of what you, as a parent, think is important - but now feel pretty well-versed in how to frame issues in terms of the legalities. And also when I'm going to have to give up my righteous indignation.
So I took the advice that I got here, which was to first go to Dad in a non-threatening non-aggressive way, and discuss the situation. So I wrote a long and thoughtful letter, and emailed him as well as sent one to his sister's, the only address he'd give me. (Certified, return receipt.) Then I gave him a week or so and then called to follow up.
It was a highly promising start; he is fine with us moving "as long as he can still see her". He was still a little button-pushy for my taste, but I was a steadfastly cool customer and kept refocusing on the legal issues at hand. I told him that I would like to get the custody/visitation agreement filed with the court prior to the move out of state, since I don't want any surprises once Kiddo and I move. He seemed shockingly amenable to what I was asking. We didn't talk about any support issues at all, since I felt that showing him that I was committed to maintaining his visitation time with our daughter was the best way to establish some goodwill. All in all, it was a landmark conversation, and I could not have done it if I hadn't been confident in what legal rights both parents had. So cupcakes and decent liquor all around, and I salute you, wise seniors. Huzzah!
I talked with the court assistance folks here, and they can help me (and Dad, via the miracle of the fax/Internet) file the paperwork and a referral to a lawyer who'd be willing, for a nominal fee, to look over our completed paperwork before it goes to the court. Given my financial situation, this sounds like the way to go, but it does mean that I'm without IRL legal advice. At first, anyway. So I've been tearing up the Internet, finding sample parenting plans, learning about long-distance parenting, etc and perusing old threads on this very forum.
Here's my question: Since Idaho has a presumption that joint custody is best, "absent a preponderance of evidence to the contrary", is a judge going to be reluctant to award sole physical and legal custody to one parent, even if that's what Mom and Dad both want? Given the kid's long and storied medical history, Dad feels ill-equipped to make medical & educational decisions. We're both very happy with sole legal going to Mama. And sole physical is, de facto, the way we've been operating until now. If we're living in two different states, wouldn't it be easier for one parent to have physical custody, provided that a well thought-out visitation plan is in place? Or should I be focusing on a long-distance joint physical custody arrangement? I'm not averse to that, necessarily, but I'm not sure what pitfalls there might be to that. I've looked all over the archives and frankly don't see how there would be much material difference between the two options.
If anyone could clarify, I'd sure appreciate that.
I hope it's okay that I started a new thread; different question this time. I'd previously posted about my daughter and a possible move out of state. (Dad has already moved away, and since we have a support order but no custody/visitation order I am in process of setting one up.) Before I go any further, THANK YOU thank you a million times over for the advice and the well of information I've found on this site. It's not always easy to have to let go of what you, as a parent, think is important - but now feel pretty well-versed in how to frame issues in terms of the legalities. And also when I'm going to have to give up my righteous indignation.
So I took the advice that I got here, which was to first go to Dad in a non-threatening non-aggressive way, and discuss the situation. So I wrote a long and thoughtful letter, and emailed him as well as sent one to his sister's, the only address he'd give me. (Certified, return receipt.) Then I gave him a week or so and then called to follow up.
It was a highly promising start; he is fine with us moving "as long as he can still see her". He was still a little button-pushy for my taste, but I was a steadfastly cool customer and kept refocusing on the legal issues at hand. I told him that I would like to get the custody/visitation agreement filed with the court prior to the move out of state, since I don't want any surprises once Kiddo and I move. He seemed shockingly amenable to what I was asking. We didn't talk about any support issues at all, since I felt that showing him that I was committed to maintaining his visitation time with our daughter was the best way to establish some goodwill. All in all, it was a landmark conversation, and I could not have done it if I hadn't been confident in what legal rights both parents had. So cupcakes and decent liquor all around, and I salute you, wise seniors. Huzzah!
I talked with the court assistance folks here, and they can help me (and Dad, via the miracle of the fax/Internet) file the paperwork and a referral to a lawyer who'd be willing, for a nominal fee, to look over our completed paperwork before it goes to the court. Given my financial situation, this sounds like the way to go, but it does mean that I'm without IRL legal advice. At first, anyway. So I've been tearing up the Internet, finding sample parenting plans, learning about long-distance parenting, etc and perusing old threads on this very forum.
Here's my question: Since Idaho has a presumption that joint custody is best, "absent a preponderance of evidence to the contrary", is a judge going to be reluctant to award sole physical and legal custody to one parent, even if that's what Mom and Dad both want? Given the kid's long and storied medical history, Dad feels ill-equipped to make medical & educational decisions. We're both very happy with sole legal going to Mama. And sole physical is, de facto, the way we've been operating until now. If we're living in two different states, wouldn't it be easier for one parent to have physical custody, provided that a well thought-out visitation plan is in place? Or should I be focusing on a long-distance joint physical custody arrangement? I'm not averse to that, necessarily, but I'm not sure what pitfalls there might be to that. I've looked all over the archives and frankly don't see how there would be much material difference between the two options.
If anyone could clarify, I'd sure appreciate that.
