louisiana abandonment

[Chowdergirl]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Louisiana

My stepdaughter's biological mother left her in her father's care at 8 months old, and last called when she was 3. She is now about to be 14 and I have been the only mother she has known for 11 years. Since her mother has not been present for almost her entire life, is it neccessary for us to contact her for me to adopt as a stepparent, or is it considered abandonment at this point? there are no official court custody papers, only a handwritten letter saying that she gave my husband her consent to care for her when she left 13 years ago. Since there are no court papers I am nervous to find her, incase she tries to regain custody, thats why I am wondering at what point its considered abandonment!?

 

[Proserpina]

Tell Dad to seek a consult with a local adoption attorney immediately. Adoption is rarely a DIY project and even less so when custody is not only not legally established, but the other parent is absent for so long.

Good luck

 

[Perky]

It's not considered abandonment until a judge declares it so. With such a long absence, it's certainly possible.

Her parental rights will have to be terminated in order for you to adopt, and she will have to be notified of the hearing.

 

[milspecgirl]

was dad ever legally established as dad? does he have any kind of legal custody? was either party ever ordered to pay cs?

10 years with no contact would definitely be grounds for abandonment, BUT dad should have filed for legal custody when she left the child. He needs an atty well versed in custody and adoption before he does anything.

 

[mistoffolees]

Tell Dad to seek a consult with a local adoption attorney immediately. Adoption is rarely a DIY project and even less so when custody is not only not legally established, but the other parent is absent for so long.

Good luck

And, meanwhile, you should not be using phrases like "the only mother she has ever known". You are not her mother.

 

[LdiJ]

And, meanwhile, you should not be using phrases like "the only mother she has ever known". You are not her mother.

While that is technically true, the child is 14 and her biological mother disappeared when she was 8 months old, last heard from when she was 3, and stepmom has been her "mom" for 11 years.

She is not her legal mother, but I don't think that any of us can say that she has not been her "mom". Hopefully stepmom and dad did not mislead the child.

Whether or not stepmom can adopt at this point depends on circumstances and stepparent adoption is not a DIY situation. An adoption attorney needs to be consulted.

 

[mistoffolees]

While that is technically true, the child is 14 and her biological mother disappeared when she was 8 months old, last heard from when she was 3, and stepmom has been her "mom" for 11 years.

She is not her legal mother, but I don't think that any of us can say that she has not been her "mom". Hopefully stepmom and dad did not mislead the child.

She is not the mother. She is the stepmother.

To suggest otherwise is false.

 

[milspecgirl]

She is not the mother. She is the stepmother.

To suggest otherwise is false.

which is why she said the only mother she has ever known- not the only mother.

 

[mistoffolees]

which is why she said the only mother she has ever known- not the only mother.

Yes, but that clouds the issue - to the point of interfering with discussion.

If someone had said she was the only maternal influence in the child's life, that would be OK. But to say that she was the child's mother - no matter what wording was used - is wrong and likely to lead to problems.

In particular, it sounds like they're acting like SM is Mom when talking to the daughter - which is just plain 100% wrong.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes, but that clouds the issue - to the point of interfering with discussion.

If someone had said she was the only maternal influence in the child's life, that would be OK. But to say that she was the child's mother - no matter what wording was used - is wrong and likely to lead to problems.

In particular, it sounds like they're acting like SM is Mom when talking to the daughter - which is just plain 100% wrong.

Many states recognize the existence of psychological parenthood and/or defacto parenthood. Many stepchildren also view a stepparent as mom or dad when its a long term relationship and their actual parent has been awol for a long time.

The bottom line is that the OP has been "mom" to this child for 11 years because her actual mother has been completely awol. She really is the only mother the child has ever known.

A friend of mine won custody of his stepdaughter on the basis of being her psychological father IN Louisiana. Her mother had passed away and her father was completely awol. He was seriously challenged in the case by the maternal grandparents, but still won.

 

[mistoffolees]

Many states recognize the existence of psychological parenthood and/or defacto parenthood. Many stepchildren also view a stepparent as mom or dad when its a long term relationship and their actual parent has been awol for a long time.

The bottom line is that the OP has been "mom" to this child for 11 years because her actual mother has been completely awol. She really is the only mother the child has ever known.

A friend of mine won custody of his stepdaughter on the basis of being her psychological father IN Louisiana. Her mother had passed away and her father was completely awol. He was seriously challenged in the case by the maternal grandparents, but still won.

If you're talking about 'psychological mom' then say so. That's not the same as telling the child that this is Mom.

 

[LdiJ]

If you're talking about 'psychological mom' then say so. That's not the same as telling the child that this is Mom.

I don't think that there was any indication in this thread that the child is unaware that the OP is not her actual, biological mother.

 

[pugnacious]

It's called an intrafamily adoption.

 

[stealth2]

No, it's called a stepparent adoption.

 

[mistoffolees]

I don't think that there was any indication in this thread that the child is unaware that the OP is not her actual, biological mother.

If the child knows that SM is not her mother, then there's no problem. I was simply cautioning SM that she should not pretend to be the mother.