Mail for Minor Child

[TiredoftheGames]

Mail for Minor Child
My Fiance's son lived with us for 1yr, then decided to live w/his mother again. They have a Custody Order that provides Joint Phyiscal Custody of this child and allows the child to decide which parent he wants to live with. That parent is responsible for support.

He left mother's house & moved in w/his girlfriend & her 2 kids. He continues to use our address on his motor vehicle registration & have mail sent here. We took the mail to him for a while, then decided that he needed to do something about the address if he doesn't intend to come here or speak to his father. (They have been at war for a while now, and he will not speak to or visit his father.) What does the law say about opening a child's mail? He's 17. Where is this issue addressed in the law?

 

[VeronicaGia]

You cannot open his mail.

 

[Ambr]

Do you know the new address for him?

If you do, write it on the letters and stick them back in the mailbox and they will be forwarded to him.

If you don't want his mail delivered there - talk with your local post office and they will correct the issue. I am not sure if you would file one of their "MOVING" address correction forms, but it would correct the problem.

He has his mail and you don't have to mess with playing secretary for him.

 

[TiredoftheGames]

VeronicaGia - Thanks again for your response...

Is there some law that prohibits this?

Ambr - Thank you too for your response...

We did that.. We gave the Post Office a forwarding address, his father told him to change his address - he just will not. This weekend, we got mail from some vacation resort he attended and a summons for jury duty. They have not been opened, but the point is that he will not change the address. A forwarding order will not move a summons for jury duty, though we could just return to sender and request address correction. The problem is that he is supposed to be living with his mother - not his girlfriend - but his mother keeps putting him out. That's a whole different issue, but the bottom line is that we are not going to keep going to his girlfriend's apartment to deliver mail. It becomes proof of residency, which is not the case. At 17, when he receives a summons from the court (not jury duty), or some other serious mail, as a parent you want to know what's going on in your child's life - especially if it is serious. The mother's not providing any information and the child refuses to provide any information - he just wants everybody to let him live his own life!

 

[CaliCat]

Geez, what was the war about? Sounds like the kid needs a parent. He sounds angry that he has no parent who cares. I mean, if he moved in with his girlfriend, it seems her parents are more of parents to him than you are. If the bio-mom has custody and he has his mail elivered to YOUR house instead. I think you should be more concerned about repairing the father/son relationship than dealing with mail. If his mom kicks him out and you will not even do something as simple as take him his mail once a week, where is the kid to turn to?

 

[ellencee]

TiredoftheGames
It is hard to ignore that you disapprove of your stepson's living with his girlfriend who has two children when his father and you have certainly set the standard for what type of behavior is acceptable.

As for the issue of the mail--only the person to whom the mail is addressed has the right to open and read the contents. You (really, the father) have several options: one--let the mail accumulate and let the child suffer the consequences of failing to respond to any notices; two--once a week, put all of the mail into a large envelope and mail it to his girlfriend's address; three--send it to his last known physical custodial parent, his mother, and let her deal with it.

This boy is a minor and the parents remain separately and jointly responsible for this child and his actions. I agree with CaliCat--this child needs a parent--one that performs like a parent. One of the parents needs to bring the boy home by the scruff of his neck and make sure he is in school and at home when he is supposed to be. It certainly makes no sense to worry about his mail when the remainder of parental responsibilities (challenges)are being ignored. It is not right and it is not healthy for a child to be in control of his life and his parents.

EC

 

[TiredoftheGames]

Ok, this one is going to take a minute... I understand your point and it is a valid one. Please know that his father has done everything but snatch him up by his collar (physically) which would then lead to some kind of report to the police. This situation started when his mother put him out in Oct. 2001. She notified his father 8 days later that he was missing & said she filed a missing persons report. On talking to the police, his father found that no such report had been filed and the police were dispatched so that one could be - by his father. His mother then said that she filed and later cancelled it because he was coming in during the day to get his clothes. The school police detained him 2 days later so that his father could pick him up. He lived here for 1 year with no support from his Mom and his father not working - we just found a way to make it (Thank God). His grades improved, he worked his p/t job, and saved to buy a used car. He kept his nose clean. 45 days before they were to go to court for mod of cs because he was living here, he skipped school and his father told him he could not drive as punishment. He then said his mother wanted him to visit for the wkend (after not seeing her for the entire year). He came back 1 wk later for more clothes. He never returned despite some ugly discussions with Mom. Son then started having problems with Mom again and she put him out. Son or Mom changed address & phone on school records so that Mom was notified when school was missed instead of Dad. When Dad confronted son, son yelled and carried on in a way that I won't describe here. This happened in front of his mother with no intervention on several occassions. When Dad found out he moved, he went to the child's school, talked to his girlfriend, talked to son, went to son's part time job and said he couldn't work if not attending school (son then told him in the parking lot while drive a nice truck that he said someone gave him to 'watch where you sleep - you're going to pay for that'). The situation is way out of control. Dad's Contempt Pet. is regarding all of this and missed visits with daughter. The mail is the simple part - and it's the only way to know what's going on in his life. Mom is nasty and son is not speaking to Dad since before the threat. The last argument was about his decision to not go to school. Dad can not be an effective parent in this case w/o cooperation from Mom. She gives him refuge and support when is refuses to follow Dad's direction. The court allowed him to decided where he stays because of his age. If anyone has any good suggestions, I'd LOVE to hear them

And... They don't live with girlfriend's parents - they have their own apartment with the kids...

 

[stealth2]

Dad could file to have the boy emancipated - if your state permits emancipation. Since you didn't tell us the state, we can't tell you if it does or not.

 

[TiredoftheGames]

Stealth2,

Thanks for the suggestion. In my state, a minor can no longer be emancipated. They are considered adults at 18. We definitely checked into that one. Here, when a child is truant, the parents are held accountable. In this case, the police have not taken any action and no charges have been filed against the parents. A child can choose to drop out of school at 16. It's unfortunate. They're not old enough to really understand how important that high school diploma is. We're finishing our degrees at night and he's seen how hard it is to work and care for a home and try to finish college. I've already seen through friends what happens when you don't finish hs. Hiding the fact that you can't read so well, lying on job applications so that noone will know, lying to your kids about the fact that you never finished school, wondering what that discovery will do to their thinking and actions, and the list goes on and on. I've shared that with him when we were all speaking to each other. It' s not that he doesn't know - just that he either doesn't care, or more likely, he thinks it's going to be different for him and that he has it all under control. It's a side effect of those raging hormones that make him think that he's older and wiser and can handle it.