Mediation outcome and a question

[maryjo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA

So, today was mediation. I THOUGHT things had turned out ok. Everyone I have talked to so far thought it ended up good. Since I just got through listening to my mother scream at me for the outcome I thought I would post it here (was going to anyway) and then ask a question.

He had originally wanted his 620 a month reduced to just over 200. I wasnt going with that. But by the time we all got to mediation, his lawyer had come up with 340. I was ok with that but then the mediator and I realized I had put the wrong amount on my insurance. After we fixed that and she re-calculated the amount it came up to 393. I wasnt sure his lawyer would go with it since I had mistakenly put that on my financial affidavite and had it notarized and filed with the court, but they were fine with it.

We discussed meeting at a half way point. Again, another item I didnt have an issue with, I just wasnt going to do it because my ex told me I had to and since he had been lying for 2 years where the half way mark was, I also wasnt agreeing to it without knowing for sure where the half way point was. I dont have any problems with the new meeting place because it is definately alot closer now for me.

I was absolutely not going to pay his lawyer fees and court fees unless ordered to do so by a judge. They bailed on that one first thing.

The only thing left was the back child support. He owes about $3000.00. He wanted to make his new amount (393) retroactive back to January when he lost his job. Sorry. Not going with that. Then they asked if they could take it retroactive back to May when he originally filed. That would give him a credit of $1400.00 and he would pay $25.00 a month on the back child support until it is paid up. About 6 years.

Now, I did agree to this for three reasons.

A.) The mediator told me that this is likely what the judge would order anyway.

B.) At least he is actually paying on the back child support which he hasnt done at all, ever.

And

C.) He is definately worth more to me and his son if he is out working and making SOME money than if he loses his liscense or ends up in jail. Then there is NO child support at all.

So I went with that.

In the end, he is paying $393.00 a month plus $25.00 a month, we are meeting half way and he pays his own lawyer.

I thought it was all good.

Then...I told my mother about it.

She literally freaked out and started screaming at me that I gave in, I shouldnt have agreed to the retroactive and the 25 a month for the back child support. That I should have had him put in jail instead. I tried to explain that I didnt think the mediator would lie to me and that I had read here before that typically they are ordered to pay 25 a month. Either way, at least he is paying SOMETHING on the back child support which he hasnt done at all, and if he goes to jail he wont be paying anything at all. She doesnt believe me.

So, my question is, did I do the wrong thing with the back child support? Should I have held out for all of it and not given in with the arrearages? Did I get taken in this? I didnt think I had and everyone else I have talked to about this said it was all good and fair. Did I mess up?

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA

So, today was mediation. I THOUGHT things had turned out ok. Everyone I have talked to so far thought it ended up good. Since I just got through listening to my mother scream at me for the outcome I thought I would post it here (was going to anyway) and then ask a question.

He had originally wanted his 620 a month reduced to just over 200. I wasnt going with that. But by the time we all got to mediation, his lawyer had come up with 340. I was ok with that but then the mediator and I realized I had put the wrong amount on my insurance. After we fixed that and she re-calculated the amount it came up to 393. I wasnt sure his lawyer would go with it since I had mistakenly put that on my financial affidavite and had it notarized and filed with the court, but they were fine with it.

We discussed meeting at a half way point. Again, another item I didnt have an issue with, I just wasnt going to do it because my ex told me I had to and since he had been lying for 2 years where the half way mark was, I also wasnt agreeing to it without knowing for sure where the half way point was. I dont have any problems with the new meeting place because it is definately alot closer now for me.

I was absolutely not going to pay his lawyer fees and court fees unless ordered to do so by a judge. They bailed on that one first thing.

The only thing left was the back child support. He owes about $3000.00. He wanted to make his new amount (393) retroactive back to January when he lost his job. Sorry. Not going with that. Then they asked if they could take it retroactive back to May when he originally filed. That would give him a credit of $1400.00 and he would pay $25.00 a month on the back child support until it is paid up. About 6 years.

Now, I did agree to this for three reasons.

A.) The mediator told me that this is likely what the judge would order anyway.

B.) At least he is actually paying on the back child support which he hasnt done at all, ever.

And

C.) He is definately worth more to me and his son if he is out working and making SOME money than if he loses his liscense or ends up in jail. Then there is NO child support at all.

So I went with that.

In the end, he is paying $393.00 a month plus $25.00 a month, we are meeting half way and he pays his own lawyer.

I thought it was all good.

Then...I told my mother about it.

She literally freaked out and started screaming at me that I gave in, I shouldnt have agreed to the retroactive and the 25 a month for the back child support. That I should have had him put in jail instead. I tried to explain that I didnt think the mediator would lie to me and that I had read here before that typically they are ordered to pay 25 a month. Either way, at least he is paying SOMETHING on the back child support which he hasnt done at all, and if he goes to jail he wont be paying anything at all. She doesnt believe me.

So, my question is, did I do the wrong thing with the back child support? Should I have held out for all of it and not given in with the arrearages? Did I get taken in this? I didnt think I had and everyone else I have talked to about this said it was all good and fair. Did I mess up?

personally, i think you did the right thing. it's your decision and your decision alone.

it made sense. it really did.

if it was my mother, i would have told her to shut up.

but, you seem to actually talk to yours. so just smile, and say thank you for your input.

people who get more outraged about someone else's problem, is overstepping.

 

[Gracie3787]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA

So, today was mediation. I THOUGHT things had turned out ok. Everyone I have talked to so far thought it ended up good. Since I just got through listening to my mother scream at me for the outcome I thought I would post it here (was going to anyway) and then ask a question.

He had originally wanted his 620 a month reduced to just over 200. I wasnt going with that. But by the time we all got to mediation, his lawyer had come up with 340. I was ok with that but then the mediator and I realized I had put the wrong amount on my insurance. After we fixed that and she re-calculated the amount it came up to 393. I wasnt sure his lawyer would go with it since I had mistakenly put that on my financial affidavite and had it notarized and filed with the court, but they were fine with it.

We discussed meeting at a half way point. Again, another item I didnt have an issue with, I just wasnt going to do it because my ex told me I had to and since he had been lying for 2 years where the half way mark was, I also wasnt agreeing to it without knowing for sure where the half way point was. I dont have any problems with the new meeting place because it is definately alot closer now for me.

I was absolutely not going to pay his lawyer fees and court fees unless ordered to do so by a judge. They bailed on that one first thing.

The only thing left was the back child support. He owes about $3000.00. He wanted to make his new amount (393) retroactive back to January when he lost his job. Sorry. Not going with that. Then they asked if they could take it retroactive back to May when he originally filed. That would give him a credit of $1400.00 and he would pay $25.00 a month on the back child support until it is paid up. About 6 years.

Now, I did agree to this for three reasons.

A.) The mediator told me that this is likely what the judge would order anyway.

B.) At least he is actually paying on the back child support which he hasnt done at all, ever.

And

C.) He is definately worth more to me and his son if he is out working and making SOME money than if he loses his liscense or ends up in jail. Then there is NO child support at all.

So I went with that.

In the end, he is paying $393.00 a month plus $25.00 a month, we are meeting half way and he pays his own lawyer.

I thought it was all good.

Then...I told my mother about it.

She literally freaked out and started screaming at me that I gave in, I shouldnt have agreed to the retroactive and the 25 a month for the back child support. That I should have had him put in jail instead. I tried to explain that I didnt think the mediator would lie to me and that I had read here before that typically they are ordered to pay 25 a month. Either way, at least he is paying SOMETHING on the back child support which he hasnt done at all, and if he goes to jail he wont be paying anything at all. She doesnt believe me.

So, my question is, did I do the wrong thing with the back child support? Should I have held out for all of it and not given in with the arrearages? Did I get taken in this? I didnt think I had and everyone else I have talked to about this said it was all good and fair. Did I mess up?

This is just my opinion, but I think you did great. You were able to stand up for your rights and at the same time you were able to see the realities of the situation. It really takes a special person to be able to do that in mediation. Congrats.

As you know, so many times we see posters who only want revenge and who want thier ex in jail. You see the reality that being in jail means no support at all, and you made the best possible choice under the circumstances.

If for some reason ex does not pay as agreed/ordered don't hesittate to file a contempt motion, but hopefully he'll pay.

 

[texastepmom]

you did the right thing... seriously think about getting help with setting boundaries with your mother... i wish i had.

 

[Ohiogal]

personally, i think you did the right thing. it's your decision and your decision alone.

it made sense. it really did.

if it was my mother, i would have told her to shut up.

but, you seem to actually talk to yours. so just smile, and say thank you for your input.

people who get more outraged about someone else's problem, is overstepping.

I agree with IS.

ETA: And apparently the other posters on the thread thus far.

 

[maryjo]

Thank you all. I appreciate your help, information and support. It means a lot to me.

I didnt go into this thinking I wasnt going to bend. I just knew i wasnt going to let him take advantage of me, bully me or threaten me anymore. I was proud of myself until my mother started yelling at me. Oh well, I cant please everyone!

It might could have been better but it also could have gone worse. You never know. I had my bottom line and I was fully prepared to walk out and deal with a judge. Thankfully it didnt come to that.

 

[Cyndi59]

Who is your mother to say anything

She wasn't there and I hope you don't live with her.You did the best possible thing!

 

[californiamom3]

I often come home from hearings and get the 3rd degree on what has happened.
Unless you are in the courtroom it's hard to understand. I am sympathetic with your mother. She is probably just worried about you and your child. Yelling and screaming doesn't do any good, but I understand.
I agree that you made the right decision Maryjo. Sometimes you must give a little.
I often have a "game plan" before entering a court room as well. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you should be proud of yourself for not allowing dad or lawyers to bully you.
3 cheers to Maryjo!
Make peace, not war.

 

[maryjo]

She wasn't there and I hope you don't live with her.You did the best possible thing!

Well......I do live with her. Me and my son. But that is hopefully going to change soon. It almost did last month but things fell through.

Plus, I dont pay rent so....kinda gotta put up with for awhile.