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Medical Neglect?

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EmmaGrace

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Ohio

X and I have been divorced for 10 years. He had an affair and is now married to the other woman.

He is never cooperative with anything that requires both of our agreement, unless he thought of it first. Yes, it's childish. However, he refuses to make any decisions regarding our children without consulting his wife. I can't call him on the phone, he won't answer. If I leave a message, he never responds (says he didn't get the message and accuses me of lying about leaving one). When I send emails, she reads them and responds as if she is him. She deletes a lot of his emails as well, which causes a lot of conflict because again, he is not responding to important topics.

The latest thing is our son (11) was having a lot of difficulty in school paying attention. This has gone on since kindergarten. Our pediatrician gave us questionnaires to fill out, which were also filled out by his teacher. X didn't return his. He also did not come to the consultation with the pediatrician. With all of the input, it was decided that my son might be served well to start medication for ADD. I wrote X and told him, he immediately threw a fit, saying he knew nothing about any of this (though I have emails sent to his home AND work addresses, as does my son's teacher who also says he never responds). He is forbidding me to give my son the medication. He did finally talk to the pediatrician on the phone (she called to tell me she had spoken with him), she gave him all of the facts. He says he wants a second opinion. The place he wants to go has a 6 month waiting list, the entire process taking 8-12 months. Meanwhile, our son still is not getting the treatment prescribed by the pediatrician. I have written him several times a week asking him when the appointment is, but he will not respond. He will not let me make the appointment, but he won't make it himself either. I have also asked repeatedly that our son be allowed to start the medication while waiting for the appointment, again he won't respond. All this because his wife says "Scott doesn't have ADD!" (neither of them are doctors).

We share 50/50 custody, legal & physical. Our agreement says we have to make major decisions together, but what am I supposed to do if he just refuses like this? Everything is a battle with him, everything. I have no idea why, but I have several more years dealing with this impossible person, so I try to deal the best I can. Is this medical neglect? Would I be in trouble if I just started the medication, since his doctor says he needs it, his teacher says she thinks he has all of the signs, etc? And trust me, I know that ADD is WAY over diagnosed, so we have been very careful coming to this decision.
 
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You are suppose to play it smart, although there is a 50/50 agreement expectations you cannot wait on someone that refuses to participate in the 50/50 situation. I would make sure that I have all of my documents in order, and proof of delivery or attempted delivery, if it needs to comes up in court. The court is not going to let someone get away with not responding as an excuse in the interest of the child. Further by providing all documentation which supports your claim it is very hard to counter. I would, just for CYOA, send him a copy of all medical reports and request by cert mail.

Finally, I would suggest that a FCA (Family Court Advisor) be assigned to your case, that way if issues come up which you two cannot resolve, you have someone who will. You have to pay for the FCA but if they see what you are saying they may make him pay the full amount for them to listen. It is all geared to make the both of you work together, and if one party wants to fight at the cost of the children it will slowly come up.
 

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