Meeting with an attorney: What do you look for in a good family law attorney?

[InfantCustody]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

After finding out my ex's attorney is a "known bottom crawler who plays very dirty" I was advised to get an attorney by just about everyone. So, tomorrow I am going to meet with an attorney. Granted she is NOT an expensive attorney...but she was recommended by the local "Family Law Center" for whatever that is worth?

From those who have been there...

What do you look for in a GOOD family law attorney?

What do you want to see?

What do you NOT want to see?

Thanks as always...

 

[mistoffolees]

I would ask any friends or colleagues who used them for their thoughts.

There's no firm answer - it depends on the situation, your style, your stbx's style, and stbx's attorney's style. It also depends on the facts of the situation.

For example, if assets are fairly clear cut but you're fighting over custody, you might choose a different lawyer than if the kids are grown up but you have to fight over a multimillion dollar business. Each attorney (even within the family law field) has niches of expertise.

I would definitely look for someone you're comfortable talking with - as comfortable as a counselor.

If possible, look for someone who has served on the state Bar representing family law.

Look for an attorney who is willing to tell you when you're being foolish. My attorney told me a number of times to drop issues that were likely to be non-issues and to focus on what really mattered. My legal bill could easily have doubled if she simply went after EVERYTHING rather than focusing on what mattered.

Experience. You might choose to go with someone young and aggressive looking to win their first big case or you might want someone who's been around the block a few times (or a few thousand times). There are times when each might be appropriate.

While it shouldn't matter, if you can get an assessment of which attorneys get on well with the judges, it might help. My attorney had a great relationship with all the family court judges (partly because she wasn't always pulling stupid things) while my ex's attorney was hated by most of the judges (because he WAS constantly pulling stupid stunts).

 

[InfantCustody]

I would ask any friends or colleagues who used them for their thoughts.

There's no firm answer - it depends on the situation, your style, your stbx's style, and stbx's attorney's style. It also depends on the facts of the situation.

For example, if assets are fairly clear cut but you're fighting over custody, you might choose a different lawyer than if the kids are grown up but you have to fight over a multimillion dollar business. Each attorney (even within the family law field) has niches of expertise.

I would definitely look for someone you're comfortable talking with - as comfortable as a counselor.

If possible, look for someone who has served on the state Bar representing family law.

Look for an attorney who is willing to tell you when you're being foolish. My attorney told me a number of times to drop issues that were likely to be non-issues and to focus on what really mattered. My legal bill could easily have doubled if she simply went after EVERYTHING rather than focusing on what mattered.

Experience. You might choose to go with someone young and aggressive looking to win their first big case or you might want someone who's been around the block a few times (or a few thousand times). There are times when each might be appropriate.

While it shouldn't matter, if you can get an assessment of which attorneys get on well with the judges, it might help. My attorney had a great relationship with all the family court judges (partly because she wasn't always pulling stupid things) while my ex's attorney was hated by most of the judges (because he WAS constantly pulling stupid stunts).

Thank you for your advice....I am making lists and getting everything organized tonight so I can make the most out of tomorrow and so I don't leave and forget something important!

I did find out which judge was assigned to our case today and when speaking with this attorney on the phone...she was VERY excited by the judge we have. She said she is a VERY good, very fair judge who has no pre-set "standard" as far as always being pro-mom, pro-dad or pro-50/50. She said she LOVES this judge as she does what is best for the child in the case!

 

[neopandora]

As Misto said, you want to look for an attorney who tells you the way it is and not just what you want to hear - can tell you if x is worth fighting for but you need to give up y and why.

Since Dad has an attorney already, I would ask the attorney if they have had cases against that attorney. I think that's very helpful in guaging how a prospective attorney may handle your case, particularly since others have commented on Dad's attorney. Along with other questions, this can help you determine the professional relationship between the two attorneys and see if it fits into how you want your case handled. While I've seen lots of attorneys with little to no experience do wonderful jobs, I've also seen some cases where the attorney with less experience was almost afraid of the more experienced attorney and asking a few questions may give you a good idea.

Similar questions would be how many of this type of case have you handled, etc.

I also think it is good to ask several questions regarding retainers, fees, costs and expenses. If an attorney offers a flat rate fee, inquire as to what all that includes If an hourly rate, ask what that rate is and are there paralegals at a lesser rate who do some of the more administrative portions.

I also think it is good to ask about costs and expenses - i.e., what are the normal expenses (do they charge for copies, faxes, etc.), what do they generally anticipate in filing fees, subpoenas, court reporters, mediation fees - a good ballpark on cases like yours so that you can budget with minimal surprises.

I think the most important aspect is almost a "feel" to it or a "fit". Just like any other relationship, look for someone that you can trust, that seems to get your concerns and has a good grasp on the issues.

 

[LdiJ]

As Misto said, you want to look for an attorney who tells you the way it is and not just what you want to hear - can tell you if x is worth fighting for but you need to give up y and why.

Since Dad has an attorney already, I would ask the attorney if they have had cases against that attorney. I think that's very helpful in guaging how a prospective attorney may handle your case, particularly since others have commented on Dad's attorney. Along with other questions, this can help you determine the professional relationship between the two attorneys and see if it fits into how you want your case handled. While I've seen lots of attorneys with little to no experience do wonderful jobs, I've also seen some cases where the attorney with less experience was almost afraid of the more experienced attorney and asking a few questions may give you a good idea.

Similar questions would be how many of this type of case have you handled, etc.

I also think it is good to ask several questions regarding retainers, fees, costs and expenses. If an attorney offers a flat rate fee, inquire as to what all that includes If an hourly rate, ask what that rate is and are there paralegals at a lesser rate who do some of the more administrative portions.

I also think it is good to ask about costs and expenses - i.e., what are the normal expenses (do they charge for copies, faxes, etc.), what do they generally anticipate in filing fees, subpoenas, court reporters, mediation fees - a good ballpark on cases like yours so that you can budget with minimal surprises.

I think the most important aspect is almost a "feel" to it or a "fit". Just like any other relationship, look for someone that you can trust, that seems to get your concerns and has a good grasp on the issues.

I will add that it might be helpful to ask what kind of relationship the attorney has with the opposing attorney, if any. Unfortunately, if opposing attorneys have too much of a personal relationship the fees for both parties tend to get jacked up because the attornies are too cooperative with each other.

 

[mistoffolees]

I will add that it might be helpful to ask what kind of relationship the attorney has with the opposing attorney, if any. Unfortunately, if opposing attorneys have too much of a personal relationship the fees for both parties tend to get jacked up because the attornies are too cooperative with each other.

That can work both ways. I've seen cases where attorneys who work well together can resolve something in one phone call that could otherwise have dragged out into days of fighting. For example, I remember one situation where my ex wanted her attorney to do something that was rather ridiculous and he was going to do it, but my attorney picked up the phone and said "Look, xxxx, you know and I know that this isn't going to fly. I've got better things to do and so do you, so let's drop it before I have to ask the court for sanctions". Because the other attorney knew and respected my attorney, she was able to pull that off - potentially saving thousands of dollars and significant delays.

 

[LdiJ]

That can work both ways. I've seen cases where attorneys who work well together can resolve something in one phone call that could otherwise have dragged out into days of fighting. For example, I remember one situation where my ex wanted her attorney to do something that was rather ridiculous and he was going to do it, but my attorney picked up the phone and said "Look, xxxx, you know and I know that this isn't going to fly. I've got better things to do and so do you, so let's drop it before I have to ask the court for sanctions". Because the other attorney knew and respected my attorney, she was able to pull that off - potentially saving thousands of dollars and significant delays.

You are making a valid point, but that's assuming that one of the attorneys will play hardball with the other, validly.

Unfortunately I have seen way too many attorneys accomodate racking up the billing due to personal relationships...sometimes without even doing it deliberately.

The worst I ever saw, which was here in Indy, was an attorney who charged the client every time he ran into the opposing attorney at a social event. His minimum billing was in 15 minute increments, so he charged his client for 15 minutes even if they just made a passing comment about the case at a social event.

Another "worst case" was when a partner in a law firm introduced his client to every other partner on the off chance that one of his partners might have to appear in court in case he had a conflict. Again, each 2 minute introduction translated into 15 minutes of a billable hour for each partner.

Her entire retainer was used up in her first session with the attorney because of that...she fired the attorney and made a complaint to the BAR and they refunded her entire retainer.

So, its not always "simple".

 

[gam]

If you got the time, the best way to find a lawyer or to decide if that lawyer is right for you case, is to go watch them in the courtroom.

My daughter had a lawyer, he worked in a firm that my husband used often for business. Nicest guy you ever wanted to meet, all about working with the other side. Which is what she wanted. However it didn't work for her case, as the other side didn't want to work anything out. The other lawyer was scum, well known in that court house, hated by other lawyers and really hated by the Judges.

You can't work with some lawyer like that. So she decided she needed someone that was gonna do some fighting back and not tolerate the antics of this lawyer in the courtroom.

She found that lawyer by sitting outside the courtroom listening to lawyers talk to each other, talk to their clients. By sitting in the courtrooms watching and listening to lawyers in action.

Her new lawyer was about working with the other side, but also was about when the other side behaves the way this one did, enough is enough. She made a huge change in the case, the filings slowed down, daughter's ex ended up firing his lawyer and got one that was willing to work.

So my advice is to get one that is both wanting to work with the other side, that won't tolerate the BS and will put up a fight if the other side is not working with ya. Best way is to watch them in action.

 

[InfantCustody]

If you got the time, the best way to find a lawyer or to decide if that lawyer is right for you case, is to go watch them in the courtroom.

My daughter had a lawyer, he worked in a firm that my husband used often for business. Nicest guy you ever wanted to meet, all about working with the other side. Which is what she wanted. However it didn't work for her case, as the other side didn't want to work anything out. The other lawyer was scum, well known in that court house, hated by other lawyers and really hated by the Judges.

You can't work with some lawyer like that. So she decided she needed someone that was gonna do some fighting back and not tolerate the antics of this lawyer in the courtroom.

She found that lawyer by sitting outside the courtroom listening to lawyers talk to each other, talk to their clients. By sitting in the courtrooms watching and listening to lawyers in action.

Her new lawyer was about working with the other side, but also was about when the other side behaves the way this one did, enough is enough. She made a huge change in the case, the filings slowed down, daughter's ex ended up firing his lawyer and got one that was willing to work.

So my advice is to get one that is both wanting to work with the other side, that won't tolerate the BS and will put up a fight if the other side is not working with ya. Best way is to watch them in action.

Wow...really great advice. Especially given the opposing attorney. I would not have thought to ask about a passive or aggressive style, or observe,
but those are both great suggestions. I meet with her today at 2:00 so...we shall see how it goes!

 

[InfantCustody]

Hi Guys!

So I met with the attorney yesterday and she was very nice. She has been "against" opposing counsel before and she said she is a very adversarial attorney. She goes in for the kill, throws gas on the fire and makes it as nasty as she can as quickly as she can. Having read her response to my motion...that is no big shock!

She indicated the judge is very fair...and a NO BS kind of judge. She said she doesn't want anything but facts, will not be amused by Dads misrepresentations in his motion and gets down to business. She said if he gets a Temp Agreement hearing (which is NOT automatic here) the hearings usually last 6 minutes...2 for each attorney and 2 for the judge. She said she will think nothing of cutting an attorney off and telling them they are wasting her time with crap. She said breastfeeding will be taken into consideration in the sense that the baby will not likely go more than one full day to Dad until after 9 months when he is on more solid food. She did say the "climate" of the local courts has changed drastically in the past 6 months as a group is jumping down their throat for 50/50 to be the new starting point. She said it isn't the starting point, but given some highly public controversy within the courts and allegations of corruption...they are more likely to say "You take this chunk of his life, you take this chunk...both of you shut up and go away!" Now, she said with Dads work schedule and living situation, he is unlikely to get 50/50 but he is likely to get extended time sooner than he would have a year ago. She said a year ago - no overnights until 12-18 months. Now, the judge would likely order one abbreviated overnight/wk as of 6 months (4p-9a). Not a huge big deal to me...the baby is off his Apnea monitor so Dads unwillingness to learn about it shouldn't affect baby's well being.

She said given Dad and I are "close to on the same page" as far as what visitation will look like after 18 months...Dad wanting all 3 days/nights of his time off...my wanting him to have 2 full nights, but 3 days...she is going to see if a settlement agreement can be worked out. I don't want Dad having the third overnight because it is at the end of his work week and he has a short temper when he is tired. I will to figure child support based on him having the third overnight so he can have his joint custody child support calculation since that is what it is about for him. She said Dads attorney likes to eat people for lunch who represent themselves...but will sometimes make a deal once you are represented. That is what happened in the last 3 cases she had with her. Part of the deal would be that the baby will stay with me one full week-end per month on the months Dad has week-ends off so I get one full week-end a month with him. She said that would only be fair so I get some "non-work" time with him as well.

She offered to let me sit in on a case she had yesterday afternoon and she presents herself very well in court. She seems like a good attorney. I am going to go back today at 3:30 and *laughs to self* maybe she and Dads attorney can get Dad to agree to something!

 

[LdiJ]

Hi Guys!

So I met with the attorney yesterday and she was very nice. She has been "against" opposing counsel before and she said she is a very adversarial attorney. She goes in for the kill, throws gas on the fire and makes it as nasty as she can as quickly as she can. Having read her response to my motion...that is no big shock!

She indicated the judge is very fair...and a NO BS kind of judge. She said she doesn't want anything but facts, will not be amused by Dads misrepresentations in his motion and gets down to business. She said if he gets a Temp Agreement hearing (which is NOT automatic here) the hearings usually last 6 minutes...2 for each attorney and 2 for the judge. She said she will think nothing of cutting an attorney off and telling them they are wasting her time with crap. She said breastfeeding will be taken into consideration in the sense that the baby will not likely go more than one full day to Dad until after 9 months when he is on more solid food. She did say the "climate" of the local courts has changed drastically in the past 6 months as a group is jumping down their throat for 50/50 to be the new starting point. She said it isn't the starting point, but given some highly public controversy within the courts and allegations of corruption...they are more likely to say "You take this chunk of his life, you take this chunk...both of you shut up and go away!" Now, she said with Dads work schedule and living situation, he is unlikely to get 50/50 but he is likely to get extended time sooner than he would have a year ago. She said a year ago - no overnights until 12-18 months. Now, the judge would likely order one abbreviated overnight/wk as of 6 months (4p-9a). Not a huge big deal to me...the baby is off his Apnea monitor so Dads unwillingness to learn about it shouldn't affect baby's well being.

She said given Dad and I are "close to on the same page" as far as what visitation will look like after 18 months...Dad wanting all 3 days/nights of his time off...my wanting him to have 2 full nights, but 3 days...she is going to see if a settlement agreement can be worked out. I don't want Dad having the third overnight because it is at the end of his work week and he has a short temper when he is tired. I will to figure child support based on him having the third overnight so he can have his joint custody child support calculation since that is what it is about for him. She said Dads attorney likes to eat people for lunch who represent themselves...but will sometimes make a deal once you are represented. That is what happened in the last 3 cases she had with her. Part of the deal would be that the baby will stay with me one full week-end per month on the months Dad has week-ends off so I get one full week-end a month with him. She said that would only be fair so I get some "non-work" time with him as well.

She offered to let me sit in on a case she had yesterday afternoon and she presents herself very well in court. She seems like a good attorney. I am going to go back today at 3:30 and *laughs to self* maybe she and Dads attorney can get Dad to agree to something!

That sounds really great...good luck with everything.