Mother refuses to give proof of daycare expenses, I can't hire an lawyer, need advice

[raymond/father]

Mother refuses to give proof of daycare expenses, I can't hire a lawyer, need advice

What is the name of your state?WA

my wife and i were married 6 years, togather 9 years and had built a beautiful life and two beautiful children. she had an affair and ended the marriage. after the custody battle; which i had not a chance in hell of winning (realized after the fact; she had the four of them in our family bed the very day after i was served, reading bedtime stories to our children,3&4 years old!!!!!!! the court did not care about anything she put them through). after the totally unbalanced property distribution; in her favor, i was left with a child support obligatin of roughly $1100. per month. two months later she was promoted and is now earning about $13,000 per month and i'm bringing in after child support appx. $700. per mo. now the kids are in full-time elementary school and the time spent in daycare is considerably less than ever before. i asked her for proof (hard copy bill) she said she would try; but kindercare does not give a monthly bill. she sent me a break-down of the kindercare billing and according to what she said (in her own words, the bill should be aboult $1000. per mo.). now she tells me that the bill for daycare is $1400. plus another $270 per mo. for our daughter's kindergarten, bringing the total monthly expense to almost $1700.?? i'm a full-time student,i was a good husband and father to my children that i love with all my heart(and still see them every week). however, i know i'm only talking about a few hundred a month, but that is a lot to me right now. i'm not a deadbeat dad, i was marreied before and paid suppot for 14 years, never late and never behind. i want to fullfill my obligation;but, i want proof of what that obligation is; not what she tells me it is. the last message i sent her(yesterday) i tried to reason with her and asked her if we could make the best of an awful situation. she told me to take her to court. i cannot afford a lawyer(i owe my parent's $22000. for the divorce;a total waste of money). so, what i'm asking is; what do i do now? where do i go? can i get a Pro Bono lawyer and if so, how? after the final decree, she changed her mind and decided to keep my name, when i asked her why; i did'nt want her to. her reply was "Ray, I can do anything I want". sad thing is, i almost believe that. thanks for any replies; lawyers, please, if you don't have anything positive to say; don't say anything at all.

 

[D.B. Cooper]

Ray, I can do anything I want

Pretty much.
I would handle this in a criminal fashion. Maybe have someone pay her a not so friendly late night visit.

 

[nextwife]

Contact the child care providers directly and "shop" their prices.

Then ask how one gets billing statements in households with split coverage of the costs. She is a proven liar (she cheated on the marriage and had an affair) so tell her you MUST see a written invoice BEFORE you pay her. You are obligated to pay, not obligated topay an arbitrary amount. There is no way her child care has no invoices available.

 

[stealth2]

Also, if she's making that sort of money, you could consider filing for a modification of support. It's certainly worth at least running the numbers through an online support calculator to see if it's worth your time.

 

[raymond/father]

Thank you for your advice. I especially like the late night visit idea! However, with my luck in this whole matter I would be taken out of the court house and immediately hung behind the building. I agree that I should not have to pay an arbitrary amount, however, in the settlement I was awarded half the income from the sale of a business (Insurance) of $1000. per mo. and as I said I'm a full-time student, so she also pays me $800. a mo. maintence. Therefore she writes me a check at the end of the month $1800-$1100 (support) leaves me with the $700 I stated in my original post. Can she get away with this BS or is there something I can do? I want to take her to court myself; but I don't know the first thing to do. Are there many Pro Bono lawyers in the system that might help me? Thanks again for your replies.

 

[stealth2]

Well, uuhh..... going to school is admirable, but when you have kids to support you sometimes have to sacrifice that for a while. Technically, she should be writing you a check for $1100 and you should be writing her one for $1800.

(edit) Switch that around - She should be writing you a check for $1800 and you should be writing her one for $1100.

 

[raymond/father]

Stealth2, as I said in my original post "if you have nothing positive to say;say nothing". I'm being polite and honest looking for honest advice; not opinions like YOURS! Thank you for keeping your thoughts to yourself. I'm in my third year of my undergrad degree and I will not give up on my dream of becoming an elementary school teacher because my wife decided to destroy our family.

 

[stealth2]

Dude - sometimes the LAW isn't going to give you a positive result no matter how much you ask for it. You have children. You are required to support them, just as their other parent is. That sometimes means sacrificing your own goals and dreams for a while. That is reality, whether you want to hear it or not.

 

[raymond/father]

Stealth2, dealing with people like you is like dealing with my ex. If you can't tell, let me spell it out for you; don't reply to my post anymore. Thank you very much.

 

[LdiJ]

Stealth2, dealing with people like you is like dealing with my ex. If you can't tell, let me spell it out for you; don't reply to my post anymore. Thank you very much.

Raymond....I am sorry but you are not looking at this realistically. Your ex isn't actually recieving a penny from you. She is paying YOU money. You are an able bodied person who could be contributing something towards your own support even if you ARE a full time student. Its your CHOICE to be a full time student. What you are looking for is simply more money from your ex.

 

[stealth2]

That wasn't a very positive response, LDiJ.

Ray... I understand that you're upset. But that doesn't change some basic facts of how things work when a couple divorces and there are kids involved.

 

[LdiJ]

That wasn't a very positive response, LDiJ.

Ray... I understand that you're upset. But that doesn't change some basic facts of how things work when a couple divorces and there are kids involved.

Yes, I realize that it wasn't a very positive response. However the purpose of alimony is to supplement someone's income until they can be truly self-supporting. She owes him 1000.00 a month from the sold business, 800.00 a month in alimony, and he owes 1100.00 a month in child support. Maybe he could get it reduced, but I don't think a judge is going to feel terribly sympathetic to him since he is not working or trying to work at all. (Otherwise, a judge wouldn't have ordered him to pay 1100.00 a month in support in the first place)...see his previous thread from July for more information.

Most college students, no matter what their age, work at least part time. That would probably be a quicker and easier way to solve his problem.

 

[raymond/father]

Okay everyone, thanks for the replies. However we are getting off the main point; as stated "I want to pay what's fair". But, that is all I want to pay. She has so much money, not to mention the house and all the furniture and all the community savings she spent on herself. She is taking advantage of me and I want it to stop; that is the bottom line. Yes, I can quit school and throw away three years of higher education not to mention the tuition already spent. But, I will not go back to a job that after 20 years I hated (meat cutter). This is my decision to make and I have made it. All I want is her to stop f.....g with me! or does she get the right to do anything she wants as she has told me just because I'm trying to do something worth while. Seems to me that my problem is that I'm a man; you would'nt hear all this about a woman trying to finish her degree (started 2 years before the split) Thanks everyone!

 

[stealth2]

Seems to me that my problem is that I'm a man; you would'nt hear all this about a woman trying to finish her degree (started 2 years before the split) Thanks everyone!

Actually, you would - and if you read the boards, you'd see that as it HAS been said to mothers as well. BOTH parents have the responsibility to support their kids to the level they are capable. You apparently showed the judge that you were capable of sustaining a support order of $1100, even if it was at a job you despised. As a parent, you don't always get to make those choices - especially once the care & support of the kids has entered the hands of the courts. Does it stink? Yeah, it does. But noone promised you a rose garden, and noone said life was fair.

 

[raymond/father]

Thanks Stealth2, Yes I understand the awful realities of divorce, especially concerning the children and my heart goes out to my own. I am and always will be a wonderful father to them. All I want is for the mother to back-off and be fair; though I think that is a far stretch. Do I just have to let her walk all over me and say nothing?