moving home

[k_leavitt]

What is the name of your state? Missouri...sorry for the first listing, I don't know how to delete that.
My ex currently has physical cusdody of my 9 year old daughter, I plan to take him back to court to at least get more time with her. I currently on have her every other weekend and certain holidays. I can't afford a good decent attorney, which her father will have, and I'm considering moving back with my parents to save money for a good attorney. Will this hurt my chances of getting more time with her if I am living with my parents? Also, I was just recently laid off from my job on 10/15/06, will it look bad on me if when we go to court I have less than a year with a job? Lastly, I've noticed on other postings that "significant change in circumstance" is required to change custody, what exactly does that entail?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Missouri...sorry for the first listing, I don't know how to delete that.
My ex currently has physical cusdody of my 9 year old daughter, I plan to take him back to court to at least get more time with her. I currently on have her every other weekend and certain holidays. I can't afford a good decent attorney, which her father will have, and I'm considering moving back with my parents to save money for a good attorney. Will this hurt my chances of getting more time with her if I am living with my parents? Also, I was just recently laid off from my job on 10/15/06, will it look bad on me if when we go to court I have less than a year with a job? Lastly, I've noticed on other postings that "significant change in circumstance" is required to change custody, what exactly does that entail?

Having less than a year on a job, or living with your parents are not things that will hurt you. However, if there is inadequate space in your parent's home for you and your child that might be a little bit of an issue.

Getting more time with your child would not necessarily require a change in circumstance. You have the bare minimum now, so you really don't need a change in circumstance to ask for more.

However, in order to switch custody, yes, you really need a change in circumstance. Switching custody is a disruption to a child's life. That would mean that something would have to be going on in the child's life (generally something negative) that makes switching custody more important than the disruption.

 

[GrowUp!]

What is the name of your state? Missouri...sorry for the first listing, I don't know how to delete that.
My ex currently has physical cusdody of my 9 year old daughter, I plan to take him back to court to at least get more time with her. I currently on have her every other weekend and certain holidays. I can't afford a good decent attorney, which her father will have, and I'm considering moving back with my parents to save money for a good attorney. Will this hurt my chances of getting more time with her if I am living with my parents? Also, I was just recently laid off from my job on 10/15/06, will it look bad on me if when we go to court I have less than a year with a job? Lastly, I've noticed on other postings that "significant change in circumstance" is required to change custody, what exactly does that entail?

You don't really need an attorney to motion the court to modify your current parenting agreement for more time. Have you asked your ex about this? It could be possible to reach an agreement with him (i.e. get one or two weekdays every week, depending on distance of course) and file an agreed entry with the court. All it would cost is filing fees.

 

[nextwife]

You don't really need an attorney to motion the court to modify your current parenting agreement for more time. Have you asked your ex about this? It could be possible to reach an agreement with him (i.e. get one or two weekdays every week, depending on distance of course) and file an agreed entry with the court. All it would cost is filing fees.

Are your parents in the same area? If you are looking for more midweek time, moving a significant distance away, for example, will not help your case.

 

[k_leavitt]

Moving Home

My daughter already has a bedroom at my mother's house and she has a finished basement that I would use as my room so that sounds like it would work out just fine. My daughter's father and his wife seem to be trying to undermind the relationship between my daughter and me. She seems to think I have no authority where she is concerned. She has asked me several times why her father gets to make all the decisions for her and not me. When she is with me her father tells her things that she needs to do during our time, for example I have her next week for my 1 week vacation and her father tells her that she needs to go to soccer practice and get to school on time (as if I'm not capable of doing the day to day care for her). He also tells her that I'm not allowed to go to her school for an afterschool activity or she will be in trouble. There are several other things he does and I'm afraid they have put in her mind that I am not a good parent and I feel like I need to do something to stop this before it gets more out of hand. My ex will not even allow me any extra time with her so he will definately not agree to any more time without a court order. He has done everything in his power to keep my time with my daughter limited. My parents and I live about 30 minutes from my ex and my daughter school so hopefully the travel time will not be an issue. Thank you for any advise you give, I am desperate and appreciate all you help

 

[CJane]

Where in Missouri are you?

A 30 minute travel time isn't really that big of a deal - I share custody with my ex-husband (also in MO) and we live almost 40 minutes apart... I'm 35 minutes from my kids' schools. The judge deemed it irrelevant at our most recent trial.

You DO need a change in circumstances for a change in Custody UNLESS you reached an out of court agreement last time. So, was your ex awarded custody as a result of a trial or did you agree to it outside the courtroom? That's important.

Equally important is IF it was awarded to him in a trial - what were the reasons listed in the court's order? Because if THOSE circumstances were changed, you have grounds to file for a modification.

Simply filing for more parenting time (as opposed to a change in custody) does not require a change in circumstances... though you will have to show that it's in the child's best interest.

 

[k_leavitt]

Moving Home

I live in Gladstone (suburb of KC) and he lives in Lee's Summit. He has had custody for approx. 3 years, I moved back to KC in 2002 and was having financial trouble and staying with a friend and decided it wasn't appropriate for my daughter to be in the enviroment I was in at the time and not making much money (sales job) I asked her father to take her until I got back on my feet. Within a month and a half after I gave her to him I moved in with my mother and got a regular job and asked for her back and he took me to court stating that I abounded her. He was given physical custody due to a change in circumstance. My attorney worked more on child support than visitation and I have very little time with her. Her father and stepmom are very controlling and undermind any authority I have where she is concerned. Their dislike of me is so evident that my daughter has even stated that her father doesn't like me. She calls me by my given name in their house and has said that if she calls me "mom" she will get into trouble. I just feel like my role as her mother is in jepordy and with them be so unsupportive of my role something should be done. Is there any chance of a 50/50 parenting plan so my daughter has equal time with her father and me?

 

[CJane]

I live in Gladstone (suburb of KC) and he lives in Lee's Summit. He has had custody for approx. 3 years, I moved back to KC in 2002 and was having financial trouble and staying with a friend and decided it wasn't appropriate for my daughter to be in the enviroment I was in at the time and not making much money (sales job) I asked her father to take her until I got back on my feet. Within a month and a half after I gave her to him I moved in with my mother and got a regular job and asked for her back and he took me to court stating that I abounded her. He was given physical custody due to a change in circumstance. My attorney worked more on child support than visitation and I have very little time with her. Her father and stepmom are very controlling and undermind any authority I have where she is concerned. Their dislike of me is so evident that my daughter has even stated that her father doesn't like me. She calls me by my given name in their house and has said that if she calls me "mom" she will get into trouble. I just feel like my role as her mother is in jepordy and with them be so unsupportive of my role something should be done. Is there any chance of a 50/50 parenting plan so my daughter has equal time with her father and me?

So the original filings were in Jackson County? That is the county Lee's Summit is in, right?

I think that your best bet is probably not to go for 50/50, not because of the distance, but because of travel time in the mornings. Wouldn't your travel time from Gladstone to Lee's Summit be at least an hour in the mornings to get her to school? Correct me if I'm wrong.

You need to get out your current court order and see what EXACTLY it says with regard to the change in custody. It won't just say 'Change in circumstance' it will list exactly what those reasons are. Has to, in Missouri. Check it and come back with the exact wording.

I'd also recommend, when you do take this to court, that you request that a Guardian Ad Litem be appointed to represent the interests of the child.

 

[k_leavitt]

Moving Home

Actually all the filings have been in Clay county. I originally had physical custody and I think everything was filed in Clay county because that is where I resided. I takes me approximately 30-40 miuntes at the most to get to her school (Woods Chapel Rd) and she starts school at 9:05. I have the current order and the original motion from his attorney. The original judgement says "There have been changed circumstances that are substantial and continuing such that the previous parenting plan approved by this Court 11/19/99, shall be midified as agreed between the parents as follows:" and then it goes on to the parenting plan and states holidays, vacation, etc. My ex attempted to take me to court last year stating I needed supervised vistiation and we my daughter had a Guardian Ad Litem. Her attorney stated to my attorney and my ex's attorney that there was no reason for supervised visitation and the case was dropped. I feel like my ex manulates my daughter and the way she see things and may entice her to say or not say thinks in the meeting with the Guardian Ad Litem, is there anything I can do about that? Previously I tried to find a counselor for my daughter to talk to so I can see how she is feeling and handling the situation she is in but couldn't find any that were available on the weekends. Do you have any advise on how I can pursue this since I don't have her during the week or would it be best to wait and see if I get more time with her and pursue it at that time. I really appreciate all you input and advise. I can't thank you enough for your time.

 

[CJane]

You have to determine if baby steps, such as filing for your parenting time to be increased to the standard schedule (EOW + one overnight/week) is more beneficial to you than an increase to 50/50 possession right now.

Do you currently have joint-legal and physical w/him being primary custodian? Because if you're not changing THAT, then you're not changing custody, you're just seeking more time with your child.

If it were me, and I had it to do all over again, I'd go for the 50/50 and be willing to come down. In Clay county, you're going to be ordered to mediation. So, before you ever get there, figure out what you're willing to settle for. Also, figure out if you can reasonably afford the increased transportation costs of having your child significantly more time.

Finally, make sure you also file for a change in CS, taking into account the increased time with the child. I can link you to a Child Support worksheet if you want to run the numbers.

Are you current on CS?

 

[k_leavitt]

Moving Home

Yes I am current on my CS, since being laid off I am sending payments directly to the support office. Yes we currently have joint-legal physical custody with him as the primary. I am willing to do meditation, however he has made it very clear that he will not allow me any extra time as he does not want me a part of her life. I hate to spend the money when the end result will be going to court but I will do whatever it takes. With my job situation and possibly moving back with my parents would it may be more beneficial for me to request more time with her first and go after 50/50 parenting time when my situation is better? My daughter has been told that her father and stepmom are her parents and are the people that will be raising her, I feel like I need to make a stand for my daughter before it's too late. If I go for more time with her instead of the change in custody, does this go through a medator or through the courts and can something be done at this time about my parenting role? My ex communicates through my daughter instead of talking to me about his wishes, is there anything that can be done about this so my daughter isn't the middle person. It just doesn't seem right that she has to deal with the adult issues between her father and me.

 

[CJane]

Yes I am current on my CS, since being laid off I am sending payments directly to the support office. Yes we currently have joint-legal physical custody with him as the primary. I am willing to do meditation, however he has made it very clear that he will not allow me any extra time as he does not want me a part of her life.

Clay county REQUIRES mediation before a trial setting will be considered. Mediation is free if BOTH parents complete the COPE class that the court will order when the mod is filed. This is also REQUIRED in Clay County. (Go to www.circuit7.net for more info)

Dad's behavior is why you need a GAL involved. They're not easily fooled, and from everything I've heard, neither is the judge in Clay County. Hopefully that's true since my current battle is getting ready to take place there.

I hate to spend the money when the end result will be going to court but I will do whatever it takes. With my job situation and possibly moving back with my parents would it may be more beneficial for me to request more time with her first and go after 50/50 parenting time when my situation is better?

If it were me... I would request the 50/50 with him remaining primary for school purposes. That way, you're not requesting a change in custody, just the change in parenting time.

Get a GAL involved again. If Dad and Stepmom are behaving as you claim, it's imperative that you request that someone be appointed to protect the child's interests.

My daughter has been told that her father and stepmom are her parents and are the people that will be raising her, I feel like I need to make a stand for my daughter before it's too late. If I go for more time with her instead of the change in custody, does this go through a medator or through the courts and can something be done at this time about my parenting role? My ex communicates through my daughter instead of talking to me about his wishes, is there anything that can be done about this so my daughter isn't the middle person. It just doesn't seem right that she has to deal with the adult issues between her father and me.

All of that is stuff that will just have to be addressed in court. Take the info to an attorney when you're ready to file. Document everything.

I don't think there's a lot that can be done before you file... technically he's in contempt if he's using the child as a messenger, or disparaging you in front of the child, but that's nearly impossible to prove, and even harder to get anyone to do anything about.

 

[k_leavitt]

Moving Home

Thank you for all your advise, it is greatly appreciated. I assume I will need to contact an attorney if I request 50/50 with him remaining primary or is this something that can be done by filing a requet through the court? Again, thank you for you time.

 

[CJane]

Thank you for all your advise, it is greatly appreciated. I assume I will need to contact an attorney if I request 50/50 with him remaining primary or is this something that can be done by filing a requet through the court? Again, thank you for you time.

I wouldn't attempt this without an attorney. There are some very good ones that aren't going to cost you an arm and a leg, or who will take payments after the retainer is paid.

You CAN file on your own, see what he responds with, and then make the decision to seek counsel after that, but again, unless you're familiar with state statutes and local court rules, I wouldn't attempt it with what you're asking for.