Moving with child

[childrenRpeople]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
Hello,
Thanks in advance.
I have primary custody of my 10 year old son. His dad and I have lived 10 minutes apart for 8 years. I am remarried now and my husband has found employment that requires us to move our family. It's 1 hr 20 minutes away. I've communicated our plans to move every step of the way to my ex. He has been sad, but says he would be supportive if it were a better choice for our family. He would basically have most weekends with our son, as he does now. Our original court order gave him every other weekend,but since it's hard for him to mid-week visit we worked it out so he would see our son during weekends. I've always been very cooperative when he wants more time beyond our agreement. I'm not painting myself as an angel, I know that even though he is angry now, he would say the same thing. I also called him again before we put a deposit down on a house. Again, he gave his support. My son has heard him over and over say he was supportive. Well, now the house closes escrow in 3 days and he is withdrawing his support. He says our 8 yr old parenting plan says I can't move without his written permission so if I move our son, he will take me to court. I believe the thing that tripped his trigger is that we have to move now rather than wait until the end of the academic year. Or maybe it hit him that his kid won't be right up the street. We need to move. We made big decisions, plans and investments based on his expressed support. My bad for not pulling out the magnifying glass to read over an 8 yr old parenting plan or getting his support in writing. As I said, we've played so nice for so many years, I never thought he'd pull this. I have to act fast, escrow closes in 3 days. What do I do?

 

[justalayman]

well, I would suggest you get into court to seek permission to move if ex won't agree. Until then, taking the child outside of the limits defined in the order would be grounds for ex filing for contempt against you.


Is there any way for you to stay where you are for a limited but additional period of time while you work this through the courts?

 

[stealth2]

Well... you COULD leave your son to live with Dad and accept the same visitation that you're offering him...

 

[Proserpina]

It sounds like Mom's best option might be to stay in an apartment for a little while until this gets sorted out.

Now with all that said - CA does tend to allow moveaways with more frequency than many other States; if Mom is willing to offer extra time AND perhaps absorb the cost of ALL transportation that might sweeten the pot for Dad.

 

[childrenRpeople]

Well... you COULD leave your son to live with Dad and accept the same visitation that you're offering him...

Hi Stealth2,
I see you are still here after so many years.
Sure we could do that, at least in the short term. But...I offered to have him stay with dad until the school year ended and dad said, "What and dump him on me full-time? I'd have to take him to school AND pick him up and"....blah blah blah...
I think he's just being difficult. He told me he hates my new family and my new children. He holds a card and he's using it.
So, back to original question.
What can I do with court to get permission to move? We could stay in area another month after escrow closes this week.

 

[childrenRpeople]

It sounds like Mom's best option might be to stay in an apartment for a little while until this gets sorted out.

Now with all that said - CA does tend to allow moveaways with more frequency than many other States; if Mom is willing to offer extra time AND perhaps absorb the cost of ALL transportation that might sweeten the pot for Dad.

And yes. Dad asked for a gas stipend for the extra commuting to which I already agreed. That pot wasn't sweet enough.

 

[Proserpina]

Hi Stealth2,
I see you are still here after so many years.

So are you, evidently.

Sure we could do that, at least in the short term. But...I offered to have him stay with dad until the school year ended and dad said, "What and dump him on me full-time? I'd have to take him to school AND pick him up and"....blah blah blah...
I think he's just being difficult. He told me he hates my new family and my new children. He holds a card and he's using it.
So, back to original question.
What can I do with court to get permission to move? We could stay in area another month after escrow closes this week.

Give Dad official notice of your intention to move, per either your court order or State law.

Has Dad actually articulated his reasons for not wanting the move to go ahead?

Given that - according to you - parenting time wouldn't be compromised AND he doesn't want full custody?

 

[childrenRpeople]

Yes! Back after 7 years on hiatus.
He doesn't want me to move because it was his dream that someday our son would go to his alma mater jr high and high school in his school district. I was fine with this if all circs stayed the same and always told him that. But..we always understood that things could change on either side.
He is also feeling leary of the racial profile in the school district we are going to. Too many Mexicans he says, even though that is part of my son's ethnicity. He worries about how that translates into allocation of resources in the district and test scores. I've looked up test scores too and am enrolling our son in a good school. I've done my homework.
He's also been the one picking up our son from school daily for several years now. It falls during my custodial time, but it was more convenient for him to do the pick up than me due to my work schedule and I told him he could. We both knew he would do it as long as it would work and he had warned me it could change at any time, especially as he was planning a new professional endeavor. But now, he counts that as his time with our son and doesn't want to give it up. We never put it on paper, but he wants it. I don't blame him, but circs are changing and we never said it was permanent.
I think he ultimately just wants to be in close proximity of his son. I don't know what to do. My family/children are reliant on my husband's income. He lost a teaching job and had to search for months before he found this one. We werent crazy about it being over an hr away, but it's what he could get. The new house will be a much lower housing cost for us too, less expensive on gas, less commute time...which also ensures the family's financial stability.
Should I retain a lawyer right away or is this something I can do through the courthouse? I need to act fast.
I've offered him every weekend Friday afternoon through Sunday at 10 am. The court had given him alternate weekends, Friday 6 pm through Sunday 6 pm. We've evolved into him having our son every Thursday evening through Sat 3 pm. All of the changes we made were due to his need to adjust because of work schedule. I'm being cooperative. I've lost my alternate weekend through the years. I hang on to the time on Sunday so that there will be leisure time with the family rather than just all school/work night routine.
Well, that's about it. Again, what do I do? Go to courthouse? Call a lawyer? What can they do for me specifically and how fast can this happen?
In the meantime, I haven't stopped calling, texting, emailing my ex. I want to work this out congenially. But he is not responding. I think he wants to just stress me out. Sucks. It's been the week from hell.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes! Back after 7 years on hiatus.
He doesn't want me to move because it was his dream that someday our son would go to his alma mater jr high and high school in his school district. I was fine with this if all circs stayed the same and always told him that. But..we always understood that things could change on either side.
He is also feeling leary of the racial profile in the school district we are going to. Too many Mexicans he says, even though that is part of my son's ethnicity. He worries about how that translates into allocation of resources in the district and test scores. I've looked up test scores too and am enrolling our son in a good school. I've done my homework.
He's also been the one picking up our son from school daily for several years now. It falls during my custodial time, but it was more convenient for him to do the pick up than me due to my work schedule and I told him he could. We both knew he would do it as long as it would work and he had warned me it could change at any time, especially as he was planning a new professional endeavor. But now, he counts that as his time with our son and doesn't want to give it up. We never put it on paper, but he wants it. I don't blame him, but circs are changing and we never said it was permanent.
I think he ultimately just wants to be in close proximity of his son. I don't know what to do. My family/children are reliant on my husband's income. He lost a teaching job and had to search for months before he found this one. We werent crazy about it being over an hr away, but it's what he could get. The new house will be a much lower housing cost for us too, less expensive on gas, less commute time...which also ensures the family's financial stability.
Should I retain a lawyer right away or is this something I can do through the courthouse? I need to act fast.
I've offered him every weekend Friday afternoon through Sunday at 10 am. The court had given him alternate weekends, Friday 6 pm through Sunday 6 pm. We've evolved into him having our son every Thursday evening through Sat 3 pm. All of the changes we made were due to his need to adjust because of work schedule. I'm being cooperative. I've lost my alternate weekend through the years. I hang on to the time on Sunday so that there will be leisure time with the family rather than just all school/work night routine.
Well, that's about it. Again, what do I do? Go to courthouse? Call a lawyer? What can they do for me specifically and how fast can this happen?
In the meantime, I haven't stopped calling, texting, emailing my ex. I want to work this out congenially. But he is not responding. I think he wants to just stress me out. Sucks. It's been the week from hell.

I would get an attorney right away if possible. You need to move fast on this. However, I honestly cannot see dad winning this one if he doesn't want primary custody.

 

[childrenRpeople]

Well, I don't put it past him to try for primary custody. He lives on the same property as his folks, my son's grandparents, and I think that in conjunction with them he might try. They are good people, I know they love my son. Who know though, what they might do if they don't want my son to move either.
My son's primary home has been with me for eight years. I know he has two homes, but this has been the status quo. He has three little brothers too. I've read all our court papers and nowhere does it say I can't change his school.
Could I lose primary custody over this issue in and of itself? I'm not concerned otherwise, I've provided a good home for my son.
Our escrow closes on Wednesday. We made alot of decisions based on his promise to support us. After all these years of cooperativeness, he's pulling this. I don't know what to do. If I don't win the ability to move with my son, I'm not moving without him and then I'll have to stay local and pay rent and pay the mortgage on the new place too. We just can't affford to do that. I need to make decisions based on the likelihood that a court will allow me to move.
Again, I'm not taking his every weekend time away, not to mention the offer to give him a gas stipend. The real issue here is the new school and the distance.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, I don't put it past him to try for primary custody. He lives on the same property as his folks, my son's grandparents, and I think that in conjunction with them he might try. They are good people, I know they love my son. Who know though, what they might do if they don't want my son to move either.
My son's primary home has been with me for eight years. I know he has two homes, but this has been the status quo. He has three little brothers too. I've read all our court papers and nowhere does it say I can't change his school.
Could I lose primary custody over this issue in and of itself? I'm not concerned otherwise, I've provided a good home for my son.
Our escrow closes on Wednesday. We made alot of decisions based on his promise to support us. After all these years of cooperativeness, he's pulling this. I don't know what to do. If I don't win the ability to move with my son, I'm not moving without him and then I'll have to stay local and pay rent and pay the mortgage on the new place too. We just can't affford to do that. I need to make decisions based on the likelihood that a court will allow me to move.
Again, I'm not taking his every weekend time away, not to mention the offer to give him a gas stipend. The real issue here is the new school and the distance.

It would all come down to credibility in court. You are going to argue that dad knew about the move all along and agreed and supported it until you were at the point of closing on a home. Dad cannot argue differently unless he lies to the court. In addition dad would have to argue that it was not in your child's best interest to relocate with you.

The one thing that I can see in dad's favor is that daily contact with the child that he had picking him up from school each day. Its not much, but its something.

 

[Silverplum]

The one thing that I can see in dad's favor is that daily contact with the child that he had picking him up from school each day. Its not much, but its something.

I don't know a parent that would willingly give up that daily routine.

It IS much. It IS something.

Ask Dad: it's precious.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't know a parent that would willingly give up that daily routine.

It IS much. It IS something.

Ask Dad: it's precious.

I would normally agree. However this is the same dad that complained that she would be dumping the child on him and that he couldn't handle getting the child both to and from school everyday when she suggested that the child spend the rest of the current school year with dad.

This appears to be a dad that does not want primary custody, but doesn't want anything to change either....AND he waited until the last minute to object.

 

[Silverplum]

I would normally agree.

However, SP posted it, plus it's a clear point on Dad's "side."

However this is the same dad that complained that she would be dumping the child on him and that he couldn't handle getting the child both to and from school everyday when she suggested that the child spend the rest of the current school year with dad.

This appears to be a dad that does not want primary custody, but doesn't want anything to change either....AND he waited until the last minute to object.

He's Dad. And we're hearing this from Mom's POV.

He can object if he wants. He doesn't have to make life easy for his X. Who here makes life easy for his/her X? <...crickets...>

 

[AnotherTenant]

Have you actually pulled out your court order and read it? I feel certain that it doesn't say you can't move at all without Dad's permission. More likely, it says that you can't move x distance or out of a specific area, or something like that. I don't know where in California you are, but in certain parts an hour and twenty minutes could be less than 50 miles, easy.

Be sure you actually have a problem before you work yourself up into a tizzy trying to solve it!