My son whom I cannot see is coming to NYC!

[uquillas06]

What is the name of your state? NYC

I live in NYC but my son is a resident of PR, he is 14 years and has been coming to see me every summer till this past summer when me and my ex had some problems and now she does not let me see him and says he is not going to come stay with me anymore. I was going to take he to court to get legal visitation and even got a lawyer but because my son lives in PR I would have to do it over there and the time and money it will require would be a lot and wouldn't be worth it since my son says he is moving here when he turns 18. He tells me he doesn't want me to waste money that i can use to buy him a car when he moves here-lol- anyways he just sent me an email telling me that his mother is sending him to nyc in august of this year to stay with a friend of hers (his god-mother). Can I interfere? am I within my rights to go and p/u my son? I am the non-custodial parent, I pay my child support on time and I have a good relationship with him. In PR I have no rights but how about here? Can I do something? Can I go and get him knowing that he is just a few minutes away from my house even though his mother will have given him to his godmother for that time? I am so confuse I don't know why family court is so flawed when it comes to this.

 

[onebreath]

I'll answer the best I can, knowing/trusting you will get other legal imput.

First, how far away are you from mom? And godmother, she is the same distance?

Since no papers have ever been filed...legally then you have no clear rights. Its probably best to find the time to file for legal and physical custody.

My personal nitpicking is this; I don't think its fair to your child to be held out a car against visitation rights...I do this accidentally sometimes myself. Its just not fair to your child to be bartered against material needs and I think the hardest thing for us parents in custody battles is to keep our issues to ourselves...its very hard for me.

In court you would most likely have the legal right to request that the chld stay with you versus another caregiver for any significant period of time. Some people file for right of refusal which is a clause that if other parent in care of the child to be absent and need child care for _____ period of time (I've seen the gamut), then they are obligated to call the other parent (you) to give you first choice of caring for the child. Outside of personal considerations like maybe its good for the kid to spend the night with gm one night...legally you can make it so you are to get the call.

At the least, can you have email conversations with mom? If you could email regularly, you have a record of the ins and outs of the visitation, you can ask why and expect a reply...then you can save that reply.

 

[uquillas06]

I really don't understand what you're saying, I tried going to court here but they tell me I have no legal right here and have to go to PR. I really wanted to but my lawyer told me it would take about 2 trips to PR, $4000 for her and filing cost not to mention flight and hotel stay and I also am advised to bring a witnessed that an attest to my relationship with my son. He turns 15 in four months by the time im through he'll be 16 (hopefully not any older then that) and i will only have accomplished getting him for 1 or 2 holidays and 2 summers at most. (at least thats what they tell me) and that is if i can afford for him to travel which just doesnt seem to be worth all the trouble besides my son told me he really doesnt want me to do that...so if i know my son is going to be here i cannot go see him? his god mother lives 5 minutes away from me and no his mother doesnt return my emails.

 

[uquillas06]

first right of refusal? is that something i can do w/o going to PR?

 

[Ohiogal]

No no no no no. You have no more rights than I do. The godmother apparently has more rights than you do. Why? Because mom has sent the child to godmother and given her the right to stand in loco parentis. You have not established any relationship nor visitation even though legally you are apparently daddy due to a child support order. That was court ordered correct? Who ordered the child support?

 

[stealth2]

First, how far away are you from mom? And godmother, she is the same distance?

Hmmm... think, think, think. Mom's in PR. Dad's in NYC. GM's in NYC. Think, think, think... How far away from one another are Mom & Dad... Is NYC large enough for Dad & GM to be the same distance as Dad & Mom? Think, think, think....

Too much thinking on just one breath. Try taking a second.

 

[Just Blue]

Hmmm... think, think, think. Mom's in PR. Dad's in NYC. GM's in NYC. Think, think, think... How far away from one another are Mom & Dad... Is NYC large enough for Dad & GM to be the same distance as Dad & Mom? Think, think, think....

Too much thinking on just one breath. Try taking a second.

lol!!

Sounds like one of those math tests in 4th grade....:

"If Dad is in NYC and MOM is in Purto Rico, how much time does it take Junior to get to Grandma's in the Bronx?"*

*The child gets extra bonus points if he can correctly name all the subway lines to get from Dad's to Grandma's.

 

[uquillas06]

I would really appreciate if someone can tell me what to do, I'm a little confuse here...yes child support is court ordered and my son is legally mine I am the non-custodial parent and I just found out from my son that he is only staying with GM one week then 3 days with his childhood best friend and the kids parents. Are you all telling me that all these people have rights more then I do over my own son? Please help...

 

[CourtClerk]

the time and money it will require would be a lot and wouldn't be worth it since my son says he is moving here when he turns 18.

I was done with the OP at this statement.... I'd happily go beyond bankrupt for the chance to have a relationship with my child, but I guess not everyone sees it the same way. Apparently, it's ok not to have a relationship with your child for 4 years as long as he gets a car when he's 18... if he ever gets to NY when he is 18.

I hate to be so crass, but what happens if God forbid he dies suddendly between 14 and 18? Who are you going to give the car to then? I bet then you would be thinking it was probably better to spend the car money on an attorney in PR.

For the record, my son says he's going to buy me this 85K car that I want when he gets 21. I'm hopeful, but I'm not holding my breath.

 

[mommyof4]

I would really appreciate if someone can tell me what to do, I'm a little confuse here...yes child support is court ordered and my son is legally mine I am the non-custodial parent and I just found out from my son that he is only staying with GM one week then 3 days with his childhood best friend and the kids parents. Are you all telling me that all these people have rights more then I do over my own son? Please help...

You go to court and get a custody/visitation order set. Of course, that's not going to help you in time for the NY trip and you really don't want to blow the car fund....

You could always try kissing up to Mom and asking her if you could spend time with the boy while he is in NY.

Yes, these people have more 'rights' than you do because Mom (the ONLY custodial parent of this child, thus the ONLY parent that may decide who, where, what, when, how, and why as it pertains to this child) has decided that y'all's son will be staying with the Godmother and then has decided he will be staying with family friends. You have no legal right to interfere with her plans for him. None.

 

[uquillas06]

Thank you.

 

[tuffbrk]

When you and Mom split up - did that occur in the states? Was child support ordered in the NYC courts at the time? Or was it ordered in PR?

At the time that support was ordered, was visitation addressed at all? Were the summer visits court ordered or merely an agreement between you and Mom?

 

[xylene]

Is your lawyer aware of the Son being in NYC visiting godmother instead of you?

 

[uquillas06]

No the summer visits were an agreement btw her and I, we always had fights and we never saw eye to eye on certain issues but we managed to get over them and continue our arrangement. No my lawyer doesn't know that my son is coming and I'm not sure if it would help...the child support was court ordered here but my son moved at age 5 and so they tell me I can't do nothing here because he's a resident of PR. The mom won't talk to me anymore and says I'm a bad influence on my son, she is raising him a certain way and well my son is at that age (14) where it is natural for him to have questions about girls and puberty and sex and he only wants to talk to me about those things and she doesn't agree with the advice I've given him and just a bunch of stupid things with me he can listen to the music he wants, watch movies with a little more action then she allows and see something other then the disney channel and she hates that. I think the final straw was that he got a myspace account and she regards it as the devil. I knew he was going to do it regardless so I rather know about it and be able to monitor it, but she doesn't agree that I should have any right to influence him in that way to her that is only her job...I just don't think it's fair when we were together I had a say in things like this but since I'm not with her Ive had to fight to even give an opinion, how does that happen?

 

[VeronicaLodge]

I was done with the OP at this statement.... I'd happily go beyond bankrupt for the chance to have a relationship with my child, but I guess not everyone sees it the same way. Apparently, it's ok not to have a relationship with your child for 4 years as long as he gets a car when he's 18... if he ever gets to NY when he is 18.

I hate to be so crass, but what happens if God forbid he dies suddendly between 14 and 18? Who are you going to give the car to then? I bet then you would be thinking it was probably better to spend the car money on an attorney in PR.

For the record, my son says he's going to buy me this 85K car that I want when he gets 21. I'm hopeful, but I'm not holding my breath.

CC I thought the same thing when I read that and was curious if anyone else would pick up on it