My sons mother shows up at age 20 after adoption at age 3

[Turborattler]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

My x wife left me and my son when he was only 6 months old she never came back to see or check on him at all. I devorced her 3 years later and remarried. I took her to court at the same time for child support and she was ordered to pay child support. She paid it for 8 months then contacted me wanting me to let her stop paying the child support so she could go back to school she claimed. I told her I could not do that by law she then ask if my currant wife would adopt my son and that would get her out of paying the support. I said if we did that you would lose all your rights she replyed she did not care so my wife and I agreed to the adoption my x wife paid for the adoption all her self. We did not hear from her again untill my son reached age 20 she found him on my space and was meeting him in secret behind our backs and filling his head of all kinds of lies caused all kind of trouble between us my wife and I and our son. Took a long time to get things in his head straighten out. My question is being that she contacted him at age 20 and not 21 can I sue her for all the child support she got out of paying due to the adoption and can she be prosecuted crimaly for breaking the adoption laws. If so what kind of laywer do I need

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

My x wife left me and my son when he was only 6 months old she never came back to see or check on him at all. I devorced her 3 years later and remarried. I took her to court at the same time for child support and she was ordered to pay child support. She paid it for 8 months then contacted me wanting me to let her stop paying the child support so she could go back to school she claimed. I told her I could not do that by law she then ask if my currant wife would adopt my son and that would get her out of paying the support. I said if we did that you would lose all your rights she replyed she did not care so my wife and I agreed to the adoption my x wife paid for the adoption all her self. We did not hear from her again untill my son reached age 20 she found him on my space and was meeting him in secret behind our backs and filling his head of all kinds of lies caused all kind of trouble between us my wife and I and our son. Took a long time to get things in his head straighten out. My question is being that she contacted him at age 20 and not 21 can I sue her for all the child support she got out of paying due to the adoption and can she be prosecuted crimaly for breaking the adoption laws. If so what kind of laywer do I need

The legal stranger is allowed to contact your adult son. She has no responsibility to pay child support after the adoption.

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

My x wife left me and my son when he was only 6 months old she never came back to see or check on him at all. I devorced her 3 years later and remarried. I took her to court at the same time for child support and she was ordered to pay child support. She paid it for 8 months then contacted me wanting me to let her stop paying the child support so she could go back to school she claimed. I told her I could not do that by law she then ask if my currant wife would adopt my son and that would get her out of paying the support. I said if we did that you would lose all your rights she replyed she did not care so my wife and I agreed to the adoption my x wife paid for the adoption all her self. We did not hear from her again untill my son reached age 20 she found him on my space and was meeting him in secret behind our backs and filling his head of all kinds of lies caused all kind of trouble between us my wife and I and our son. Took a long time to get things in his head straighten out. My question is being that she contacted him at age 20 and not 21 can I sue her for all the child support she got out of paying due to the adoption and can she be prosecuted crimaly for breaking the adoption laws. If so what kind of laywer do I need

Short answer: No.

Your 20 YO son is an adult. If he wants to be in contact with anybody in the world, it is not up to you to police it.

 

[Turborattler]

In NC as long as he is a student and in school he is still my responcability and not an adult untill age 21 right???

 

[Turborattler]

I stayed out of it and let him see who she was on his own now his heart is broken and damage done there is no repair for

 

[justalayman]

there are a couple huge problems with your idea. The biggest of which:

your wife adopted the child. That stops the ex's obligation to support the child. Unless you want to somehow attempt to unravel the adoption, the ex owes you nothing for child support.


the second, which isn't really so much a problem but rather simply your misunderstanding:

§ 48A-2. Age of minors.
A minor is any person who has not reached the age of 18 years. (1971, c. 585, s. 1;
2003-207, s. 1.)

your son was an adult at the age of 18. Your obligation to support him may or may not (haven't checked the statutes) may not end at that time as you claim. That doesn't mean he isn't an adult once he hit 18.

 

[justalayman]

I stayed out of it and let him see who she was on his own now his heart is broken and damage done there is no repair for

that's good because legally you had no right to interfere.

 

[LordofBooks]

As far as prohibiting your ex-wife from contacting your son, there's nothing that you can do about it. Your son is 20 years old now and he's allowed to speak to whomever he wishes. Your ex-wife has the same right. Short of your son deciding to break off his communications with your ex-wife, there's no way of stopping her from talking to your son. Minors are considered as anyone under 18 years old.

As for the back child support, once your current wife adopted your son, your ex-wife's payment obligations terminate because her parental rights have terminated and been passed to you and your ex-wife.

 

[st-kitts]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

My x wife left me and my son when he was only 6 months old she never came back to see or check on him at all. I devorced her 3 years later and remarried. I took her to court at the same time for child support and she was ordered to pay child support. She paid it for 8 months then contacted me wanting me to let her stop paying the child support so she could go back to school she claimed. I told her I could not do that by law she then ask if my currant wife would adopt my son and that would get her out of paying the support. I said if we did that you would lose all your rights she replyed she did not care so my wife and I agreed to the adoption my x wife paid for the adoption all her self.

Here is the challenge OP... The courts terminated your ex's parental rights and thus all parental obligations. So, legally she isn't the mother and you can't get any money from her. But... she IS still your son's mother.

The problem is that there are different definitions of mother and the court can only regulate the legal definition. The court cannot change the biological definition, and this definition excludes your wife who adopted him. The court has authority over the legal definition, and this definition excludes your ex whose rights were terminated. That brings us to the third definition, possibly the most important definition of all. That is the emotional definition of whom is Mom. This is the definition where your adult son will make his own judgement based on the heart, where neither biology or the law has any claim.

If your son decides he wants the emotional definition of mom to include his biological mother, I pray you help him and support him through what may be a difficult journey for him emotinally. And I pray that your son is good to his mom, your wife, who raised him.

 

[ecmst12]

It sounds like you were not honest with your son all these years about where he came from and how your wife ended up as his legal mother. This is what allowed biomom to have influence over him now that he is an adult. You have no one to blame for THAT but yourself. You did not provide him with the information that he needed to protect himself against her trying to lie to him.

 

[las365]

I stayed out of it and let him see who she was on his own now his heart is broken and damage done there is no repair for

The damage will be repaired by time and the love and caring he gets from you and the mother who raised him. Even though it is painful for him now, as he gets older and wiser he will be able to see that all things happened in the way that was best for him as a child and that will stand him in good stead as an adult.

can she be prosecuted crimaly for breaking the adoption laws.

Adoption is a civil process, not a criminal one. She did not commit a crime by contacting your son.

 

[Turborattler]

Here is the challenge OP... The courts terminated your ex's parental rights and thus all parental obligations. So, legally she isn't the mother and you can't get any money from her. But... she IS still your son's mother.

The problem is that there are different definitions of mother and the court can only regulate the legal definition. The court cannot change the biological definition, and this definition excludes your wife who adopted him. The court has authority over the legal definition, and this definition excludes your ex whose rights were terminated. That brings us to the third definition, possibly the most important definition of all. That is the emotional definition of whom is Mom. This is the definition where your adult son will make his own judgement based on the heart, where neither biology or the law has any claim.

If your son decides he wants the emotional definition of mom to include his biological mother, I pray you help him and support him through what may be a difficult journey for him emotinally. And I pray that your son is good to his mom, your wife, who raised him.

Oh he loves his Mama very much the one who raised him any dog can give birth but it takes a true Woman to be a Mama. But his birth mother came back into the picture She sued her new x husband and had money and just wanted him as a show toy he found this out the hard way and I let him I knew she had not changed. there were 3 times in his life growing up when he started to ask questions and I never had a bad word to say about her I just told him she was too young to be a mother at the time did not want him to feel that she did not love him but that was the case. I contacted her 3 times when he ask questions like do I have any other brothers or sisters and told her she could see him if she wanted she very quickly said that was not a good idea. Not she has lost all that she had and now lives with another rich man and there has been 2 times when she has spent money and accused my son of taking her debit card in front of the man she lives with cause its his money. My son did not take anything from her she was trying to get her self off the hook. My son just finished the Police accadamy and did no such thing I was just hoping I could see justice done here some how

 

[Proserpina]

Oh he loves his Mama very much the one who raised him any dog can give birth but it takes a true Woman to be a Mama. But his birth mother came back into the picture She sued her new x husband and had money and just wanted him as a show toy he found this out the hard way and I let him I knew she had not changed. there were 3 times in his life growing up when he started to ask questions and I never had a bad word to say about her I just told him she was too young to be a mother at the time did not want him to feel that she did not love him but that was the case. I contacted her 3 times when he ask questions like do I have any other brothers or sisters and told her she could see him if she wanted she very quickly said that was not a good idea. Not she has lost all that she had and now lives with another rich man and there has been 2 times when she has spent money and accused my son of taking her debit card in front of the man she lives with cause its his money. My son did not take anything from her she was trying to get her self off the hook. My son just finished the Police accadamy and did no such thing I was just hoping I could see justice done here some how

None of this changes the bottom line - she has done nothing illegal.

There is no case.

 

[armstrong1988]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

My x wife left me and my son when he was only 6 months old she never came back to see or check on him at all. I devorced her 3 years later and remarried. I took her to court at the same time for child support and she was ordered to pay child support. She paid it for 8 months then contacted me wanting me to let her stop paying the child support so she could go back to school she claimed. I told her I could not do that by law she then ask if my currant wife would adopt my son and that would get her out of paying the support. I said if we did that you would lose all your rights she replyed she did not care so my wife and I agreed to the adoption my x wife paid for the adoption all her self. We did not hear from her again untill my son reached age 20 she found him on my space and was meeting him in secret behind our backs and filling his head of all kinds of lies caused all kind of trouble between us my wife and I and our son. Took a long time to get things in his head straighten out. My question is being that she contacted him at age 20 and not 21 can I sue her for all the child support she got out of paying due to the adoption and can she be prosecuted crimaly for breaking the adoption laws. If so what kind of laywer do I need

it's up to your son, because his at the right age to decide what to at least you made your part as a parent. One day he will realize what you did for him is right.