Name change of minor child

[beeda]

My husband was never married to his 5 yr old son's mother. When my husband was put on the birth certificate as the father, he did not know to request that the child's surname be the same as his. Therefore, the child's last name is his mother's maiden name (which she no longer uses--she is married now). My husband and I live in Arizona, but the child and his mother (and her husband) moved to Ohio approximately 1 1/2 yrs ago. We purchased a kit to petition the Court to change the child's name to his father's surname. However in reading the instructions, it states that the the petitioner and child must reside in the same county and state to file for a name change. It is likely that mom will hotly contest the name change as well. How do we proceed with this matter since the child and his father reside 2000 miles away from each other? The child is the last male child on this side of the family and it is extremely important to my husband for his son to carry on the family name. Thank you very much.

 

[Mandi431]

Currently, my son has the same last name as his biological father. His fathers name is on the birth certificate. This has caused me nothing but grief. If you are concerned only with carrying on the same last name as your husbands than give him a son. A fight like this is unfair to both the mother who must raise him and the son who will suffer fiercely with identity crisis and emotional trauma. To steal this childs identity for the sake of personal gain is selfish and seemingly wrong. He does not live in close proximity to the child showing he probably does not see him on a regular basis. Concern is obviously not their because we fear him having a different name than all parties involved. I think the fear here is that the step father will adopt your husbands child and then gain HIS last name. He is part of a family that loves him, and though I do not doubt your husbands love for this child, nor do I know all surrounding circumstances or how much of his life your husband has actually participated in, but a name is more than just that, it is also values. The whole reason I am on this site is to find information on how to change my sons last name to my own. In the event of marriage I shall hiefinate my name as shall my expected husband I hope. Should his father fight my request, I will be heartbroken, and so will the rest of my family who has so actively participated in his life. Think strongly before you take away the only identity your husband's son has known. At the age of eighteen he has the option to take on whatever name he feels appropriate for him. Dragging him through a court proceeding to take the name he has always had is something that may end up causing resentment on his part. And he could just end up changing his name anyway... Once he's old enough to understand, your husband can approach HIM. He will not have children nor be married. But will then have a better understanding of who HE is.....Until then stay active participants in his life and upbringing if possible. Otherwise let them all be a family, the way they have been. Happily.......If you don't want the attachment yourself, its unfair to make him have it. Move closer to your son if you can. Why would you be so far away if blood means so so much anyway.

 

[beeda]

Mandi431, I was asking for legal advice from the people who give advice, not a lecture on someone who is on the opposite spectrum of our problem and takes personal offense to my question. THEY moved without consenting us, we can't just pick up and move. My husband has a very close relationship with his child and sees him for several extended visits per year, talks to him twice a week on the phone, sends packages, etc...anything he can do to be as much a part of his life that he can, he does with much conviction. As you said yourself, you know nothing about our situation. I hope you are able to realize someday that the anger you have for your ex will only hurt your child. By the way, a step-dad can never adopt a child without consent from the biological father. That is not a concern here.

 

[aconcernedparent]

name change of a child

When I found out I was pregnant, my significant other and I were not together. I immediately tol dhim I was pregnant, and gave him the option of walking away and being responsible. I asked him if he wanted me to give the baby his last name or mine. He said his and he wanted to work on getting back together. we did. when she was born, he was there, and she was given his last name and he was named on her birth ceritificate.

We broke up 7months later, and he has not had any contact with her for 7 yrs.

I have never changed her name legally, but I do allow that she be called by my married name now. She is aware that she has another last name, but she never mentions it. She says things like, "you had me with your first marriage" I know that soon and very soon I will have to tell her about her "other family" and I have no problem with that. The problem I have is explaining to her why NONE of them have contacted her at all during her 7 yrs of life...

 

[aconcernedparent]

Name change of a child

Beeda, when my ex and i split up and i sued him for custody, my paralegal asked if I wanted to changed her name then. I didn't do it.

I had no idea that even if a father was named on the birth certificate, the father would still have to request that the child use the family name! that seems so foreign to me.

it seems it should be that the child would have the fathers name. I assume you both have known for 5 yrs that your step son was using his mothers last name?

where are the custody papers filed? In Az?

I would talk to a lawyer that either gives "first consultations free" or charge no more than 25.00 (if you can afford it) and see what your options are.

also, does the custody papers say anything about "move aways?" I know that here in Calif. If there is no order on move aways, then the parent with physical custody has to let the other parent know 30days in advance AT LEAST of their intent to move. this will give the NCP time to seek legal councel etc.If this was not done, then the CP may be charged with kidnapping and /or custody of the child changes to the NCP.

I looked up in a book that I have (that is NOT specifically for Calif) and it states the following:

"If the CP wants to move, and their new home is so far away that the NCP is practically prevented from seeing the child(ren) during the school school year, the judge will decided how to change the custody orders.. one alternative is to award the NCP more time wiht the child (ren) over the summer an during holidays as compensation for the time lost duing the school year, and he may require the moving parent pay for all the additional transportation costs so the chld(ren) can visit the NCP...another alternative is to change custody completely from the CP to the NCP...a third alternative is to bar the CP from moving beyond a given--say fifteen miles. This restriction maintains the capability of both parents to continue seeing the child (ren)...the flip side to a move away is that the same restrictions against moving away placed on the CP are usually NOT placed on the NCP. Thats because of the NCP seeks to move away, they are not interfering with the CP's access to the child (ren)"

I hope there is something you two can do! it does seem that you have several issues to deal with at once. I hope I have helped even a little bit!!

good luck!!!!

 

[beeda]

This is beeda again -- to any who reply, my husband has a great deal of contact (in person and by phone) with his son in spite of the great distance. They have a very close relationship. I understand that a father who is not active in his child's life should not have as much a say of what goes on, but my husband wants nothing more than to maintain the closeness he has with his son. The great distance has only been so for 1 1/2 years, before that the contact was even more frequent. Thanks for those who have sent help and encouragement!

 

[Mandi431]

Beeda~ use some common sense and pretend not to know me here okay? I haven't anger for my ex nor do any of my personal opinions about him reflect on my child. I said I wasn't sure about your situation and my opinion does not set with the opposite side of the spectrum. I am and have always only been for the best interest of the child. I am actually on pretty much the same page as you. I am trying to change my sons name, which is already on the birth certificate. Regardless of whether I am a mother or a father I'm trying to switch something that was already there and has been for three years. Your husband is doing the same. And realistically this is completely your husbands situation to deal with. I can only imagine you will make matters more difficult. I have done some investigating, and as you know I can't be sure about the laws in your state. But in MA if the name of the father is on the birth certificate he has the right to attempt a name change. If you go to the Family Probate court in your area they would be more than willing to help you and give you the paper work needed to file. Unfortunately for your husband, in order for a name change to be recognized legally he will have to go through the court system. This does not nec. mean he has to appear in court, but the mother MUST be notified. I can assume this is something she will not agree to, and yes I understand her side to. But, if that happens and your husband can show just cause he may still be able to do it. He can also talk to someone at the courthouse and see about getting visitation and shared custody. I'm not sure she should have the right to just up and leave without the biological father's consent. It doesn't seem quite moral or fair to either your husband or his son. To find the family probate court closest to you, the phone book or the internet could help. I went to The MA probate Court Directory. You can see if there's one in your state. I wasn't trying to give opinion, and I sense I have hit a nerve. I suppose the idea of you giving this man a boy to carry on his name is out of the question, and I apologize if something I said offended you. I suppose when in concerns to our children, and our spouses, we are all very protective. And I only hope to help. Your husband has just as much right to his son as the mother. At least he wants it. You know nothing about my situation. My sons father was physically abusive, and pushed me through a door with our 4 month old son in my hands. He threw me down stairs, into windows that broke, split my lip and chipped my tooth and left my son home alone at 5 months old, just because he was so damn overbearing he couldn't deal with my driving myself to and from work. All of this and more in just a six month period. He has since not wanted a THING to do with my son and when he did see him it was because I pushed for it. I don't hate my sons father. I should, but I don't. I don't know how to hate some-one who has given me something so beautiful. Even if he doesn't care. But, you are right, i do hate something about all this. I hate that I was too late to see the type of person he really was. I have devoted my life to makeing the rest of my sons as easy and painless as I can. I want him to lead a life without confusion and without a feeling of desertion. I owe him that. That is why "I" am doing what "I" am doing.