NCP Visitation Rights/Tough Choices

[MrKee]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Florida/CP is in Georgia

I have a question, well more of a dilemna, concerning the visitation rights of non-custodial parents. I am the father of two children, ages 8 and 14, and have standard visitation (weekends, spring break, alternating holidays, and summer).

Up until this week, I would have said that I have am extremely strong and solid relationship with both of my children. However, a conflict has arisen with my 14 year old child that has caused me great concern. The situation is as follows...

My daughter has developed a rather serious interest in horse-riding, and has been participating in several horse shows. This has become somewhat of a problem, because there is a show scheduled on almost every weekend that I am scheduled to have visitation. I have made very reasonable efforts to accomodate her interests, but I was informed Monday of a show this coming Saturday. I won't be able to take my daughter to this show, which is two hours from my residence. My daughter became upset (although she didn't act that way during the phone call). She has resorted to locking herself in her room, not eating, not talking to anyone, etc. Sounds like a typical "fit" from a spoiled child who is not getting her way, right?

Her mom nows says that I am a "jerk", an "awful Dad", and that the "world revolves around me" because I said no to this particular show. My daughter won't even speak to me on the phone. Her mother also said that my daughter doesn't have to spend visitation weekends with me if she chooses not to!

My dilemna is this....should I force my visitation rights? I don't want to encourage this type of behavior, but I also should mention that this type of behavior is extremely uncharacteristic of my daughter. She has never done this before.

I am put in the position of being the "bad guy" if I don't let my daughter attend the show, but I also don't want to encourage this type of behavior in the future. I'm also unsure of if a 14 year old can decide if she doesn't want to visit the NCP on scheduled visitations.

I'm really torn what to do! I am primarily asking advice as to my legal rights, but any advice is appreciated!

Thanks,
MrKee

 

[snostar]

You have the legal right to excerise any or all court ordered visitations. Your daughter has no say in the matter, and you can tell mommy dearest you will file contempt if she fails to follow the order.

 

[MrKee]

You have the legal right to excerise any or all court ordered visitations. Your daughter has no say in the matter, and you can tell mommy dearest you will file contempt if she fails to follow the order.

Snostar,

Thanks for your advice! Do you have any advice as to filing pro se? I've represented myself in court before and am comfortable doing so, but never in a family law matter. As I am already aware that the mother intends to deny me visitation rights this weekend, is there anything I can file in advance, or do I have to wait until she doesn't allow the visitation?

Thanks,
MrKee

 

[snostar]

You can't file until after a violation occurs. Take a witness with you, or contact police and request a report to document the violation if she fails to follow the order. Law enforcement will not force the mother to obey the order, but they may provide you with documentation to use as proof in court. Also, make sure you have a copy of the current order with you.

 

[Naturalmom]

Why is it you will not bring her to the show that she would participate IN? To me big picture.... child interests should take priority and both parents should be taking child to thier activity no matter who's weekend it is just like a normal two parent household would be doing. Stability, continuity, less conflict, why is it the child gets jipped when parents get divorced and thier interests get put to the side because it is"my weekend"

 

[stealth2]

Why is it you will not bring her to the show that she would participate IN? To me big picture.... child interests should take priority and both parents should be taking child to thier activity no matter who's weekend it is just like a normal two parent household would be doing. Stability, continuity, less conflict, why is it the child gets jipped when parents get divorced and thier interests get put to the side because it is"my weekend"

Gee - maybe Dad already HAS plans for this weekend?

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Gee - maybe Dad already HAS plans for this weekend?

No way dads can't do that kind of thing afterall they sit and pine after the mother of their children after the divorce!!!!! Dads are losers duh!!!!

 

[LdiJ]

Ok...now that you have gotten all of the other responses, I am going to give you a different one.

If your daughter is "good" at what she is doing and its not merely a "hobby" but a possible career path...then you could be doing your daughter a GRAVE disservice by not embracing this fully.

A child who find a true "love" of something at 14 and has the chance to excel at it may truly find a career in that field.

I am not saying that is the case with your daughter. However at 14 its a good time to explore the future and possible career choices. Plus, believe it or not there are college scholarships available in that arena...and you ABSOLUTELY should be thinking about that now.

So please look at the total picture.

 

[ETG]

Do you want to have a relationship with your daughter in the future or is this simply about getting your way. I'm appauled at the responses advising you to hold the mother in contempt simply because your daughter has a valid interest. How would your relationship with your daughter or your visitation be impacted by simply going with your daughter to her horse event and then making other plans or doing your errands later.

I'm shocked in the thinking provided by the responses to your question as I have the distinct pleasure of being on the other side of a man that files contempt actions against me if he doesn't like the way I breathe. There comes a time (usually teen years) when children will have and need to have a say in how they spend their weekends. I have had nightmares of my son's father hauling him into court on contempt charges in the future if he wanted to do as your daughter is doing (pursuing a normal teenage interest). One of the replies told you to hold the mother in contempt. My GOD. Please tell me that you are not going to hold the mother or daughter in contempt because your daughter would like to be a normal teenager. Be the big man and think long-term. By spending your visitation weekends attending your daughters events--you will lose nothing. By "forcing" her via contempt of either her or her mother to miss activities that are important to her--because you would prefer not to make the trip or have laundry to do--in the long-term you will lose. If you truly have something else to do--tell your daughter what it is--tell her you know that she will be disappointed in missing her activity--but let her know you would like for her to join you and share time in whatever way together. THEN give her a choice. Don't be manipulative and don't make the offer with veiled threats of what will happen if she does not go with you. You will win in the llong run.

 

[snostar]

I'm appauled at the responses advising you to hold the mother in contempt simply because your daughter has a valid interest.

Actually, the mother should be held in contempt if and when she violates court orders, unless both parties agree to a temporary modification. This has to do with laws, not his daughters interest.

I'm shocked in the thinking provided by the responses to your question
...
One of the replies told you to hold the mother in contempt. My GOD.

Yep, that would be me, if you read at the top of this page this is a LEGAL advice site not a parenting chat room.

 

[ETG]

There are legal "options" and then there is being a parent. No one benefits from the constant filing of legal actions except the attorney's and the judges of course--they all get paid and stay employed. Although filing contempt actions is always an "option"--and it keeps the courts and atty's hopping and generating revenue.

Are you an attorney or judge? That is important for this father to know when he is making decisions regarding HIS daughter to whom he sounds like a decent guy interested in maintaining a relationship with his daughter.

 

[snostar]

he sounds like a decent guy interested in maintaining a relationship with his daughter.

EXACTLY! My impression is that he is perfectly capable of making sound parenting decisions. He came here asking for advice in regards to his legal rights, and I gave him his options...... minus the fluff.

 

[stealth2]

The other thing to remember is that he was only informed of this horse show 5 days in advance of time that he may well have made plans for. If she's a serious rider, then both she and Mom were well aware of the show long before they bestirred themselves to mention it to Dad. Perhaps the courteous thing for THEM to do might have been talking to Dad when they found out about it, eh? Perhaps offer to switch weekends if Dad's unable to take the child?

And frankly, as a CP, the drama queen act of the kid would have been ended swiftly.

 

[casa]

Do you want to have a relationship with your daughter in the future or is this simply about getting your way. I'm appauled at the responses advising you to hold the mother in contempt simply because your daughter has a valid interest. How would your relationship with your daughter or your visitation be impacted by simply going with your daughter to her horse event and then making other plans or doing your errands later.

I'm shocked in the thinking provided by the responses to your question as I have the distinct pleasure of being on the other side of a man that files contempt actions against me if he doesn't like the way I breathe. There comes a time (usually teen years) when children will have and need to have a say in how they spend their weekends. I have had nightmares of my son's father hauling him into court on contempt charges in the future if he wanted to do as your daughter is doing (pursuing a normal teenage interest). One of the replies told you to hold the mother in contempt. My GOD. Please tell me that you are not going to hold the mother or daughter in contempt because your daughter would like to be a normal teenager. Be the big man and think long-term. By spending your visitation weekends attending your daughters events--you will lose nothing. By "forcing" her via contempt of either her or her mother to miss activities that are important to her--because you would prefer not to make the trip or have laundry to do--in the long-term you will lose. If you truly have something else to do--tell your daughter what it is--tell her you know that she will be disappointed in missing her activity--but let her know you would like for her to join you and share time in whatever way together. THEN give her a choice. Don't be manipulative and don't make the offer with veiled threats of what will happen if she does not go with you. You will win in the llong run.

Did you miss the part where Dad said he's made very reasonable efforts to support the child's love of horses, and this is the ONLY time he's not been able to attend? I also noted how the Dad said these are planned on HIS weekends- There is no reason they could not have given the Dad plenty of notice, these shows are planned well in advance.

I understand cooperating for the sake of the child (Believe me!) but the legal issue is mother implying the child can choose not to go to visitations with the father- and that is not the case. The mother is responsible for enforcing the court order and making the daughter available for visitations with her father. It IS a contemptable act in court.

 

[stealth2]

Even "barn" shows are planned well in advance - with registration well in advance of 5 days before the show. BTDT, got the tshirt.