Need help please!!!!

[CharlieNme]

we are seeking advice and resources for an out of control
17 year old who is manic depressant on meds( but won't take them) He is verbally abusive, has been hospitalized twice for suicide threats, is 6 ft 240 #'s and tries to use that as an intimidation tactic. The sherrifs out here ( Brazoria County TX) don't seem to be able to help. He takes off whenever he feels like it and has threatened all of our lives which was reported but they never did anything. CPS doesn't have any answers for us. Is there anywhere that I can put him where he would get the mental help that he really needs against his will?? We don't have the $$ to pay out to some of these places that want a couple hundred a day ( we don't have that kind of cash flow ) Maybe someone out there knows of programs that are government funded?? He can't support himself so emancipation is out. Any ideas will be greatly appreciated!!!!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

To all Contributors:

I'm taking a vote. Shall I give my "standard" answer to this type of situation, or do you, or any of you, want to tackle this one ?

IAAL

[Edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE on 06-03-2001 at 08:15 PM]

 

[Grandma B]

IAAL

I had scrolled down cautiously, fully expecting your "standard"--you go, guy! Would be an enjoyable vacation in this case, and certainly cheaper than $200/day for any length of time.

 

[RunningOnEmpty]

C'mon IAAL! Although I love your standard answer and it provides some pleasant fantasies, in reality we'd all end up in jail for something like that!

I have the same problem as the poster. My husbands daughter came to live with us 19 months ago. Mom couldn't handle her. We thought we could. (HA). We mistakenly thought that she was just a troubled teen and that with love and stability, therapy, etc. that we could "fix" her. She lies, steals from us, sneaks criminal boys into the house while we are asleep, does drugs and alcohol, refuses to go to school, refuses to follow any house or school rules. When we try to discipline her, we are met with phsyical violence (against herself or us), destruction of our property and running away. This is a nightmare, the stuff of horror novels. What can a parent do?

Our daughter spent the last three months in juvenile hall. They placed her in two group homes. She lasted one day in one and seven days in the other. Then back to juvenile hall, where she is on constant lockdown and has been pepper-sprayed three times. They tell us she needs to be in a level 12 to 13 group home (they have put her in 2's), but that there is a waiting list a mile long. So they want to send her home to us because she has failed placement twice.

The other kids in the house are nice, decent kids. They are terrified of this 15 year old. They are afraid to sleep in the same house with her. The five year old has nightmares and the 17 year old throws up all the time. She has already assaulted her 17 year old sister twice. We read all the time about kids killing their family members and we can see her doing this. Or committing suicide in front of the other kids. Our home is in a constant state of crisis when she is here. Daily.

We have sought psychiatric hospitalization. They kept her for only 8 days. (You've gotta love those HMO's). They diagnosed her with two psych disorders and gave us medication, which does absolutely nothing to help change this behavior.

Parents and other children in the house must have some rights. That is how I found this board. I was frantically trying to find some help. Please, please IAAL! What rights do parents have in this situation?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

It's not a matter of "rights".

The law has stripped parents of those "rights" years, and years ago. The law now requires you to "put up with" such crap and criminal activity, and to take the "hit" from the law because of such activities caused by such minors.

I'm sorry to say, but these "children" are human garbage, a complete and utter waste of time, and are a drain on society - - as well as family resources.

So, what's a parent to do ?

Well, the law has left you, the parent, with only one choice after EVERYTHING has been exhausted . . .

. . . and that is, to take the minor out of the country and drop him / her off, leaving that minor to fend for themselves. You give the front desk an envelope to give to the kid that has a couple hundred dollars, and a note saying "Have a good life". Make sure you take the kid far enough away where there's absolutely no chance of getting back home.

You may not like the idea, but your family will appreciate the "breath of fresh air" without the "daily crisis" or the fears.

Don't blame me for my beliefs. It's the "system" that's causing it.

Oh, and it's not a "fantasy". You wouldn't believe how many parents actually are doing this. They are fed up with these little criminals - - after having spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on criminal cases, rehabilitation efforts, therapy, bootcamp, etc. All without any results. These little miscreants just keep doing it.

So, in terms of the rest of your family, you have to ask yourself, are you going to remain part of the problem, or are you going to become part of the solution ?

When drastic times are at hand, drastic measures are needed. Save yourself, and save your family. Throw out the garbage.

IAAL

P.S. You can read one of my other posts on this type of subject, here : https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?threadid=51778

[Edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE on 06-03-2001 at 12:44 PM]

 

[RunningOnEmpty]

Okay, say Dad plans a getaway for two, to say.... Egypt.
He comes home alone, leaving the money and the note.

What are the criminal ramifications? What happens when/if the authorities track him down?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

There are none - that I'm aware of.

And, should the kid find his way home it's, "Oops, I tried looking for you, but you weren't anywhere to be found. But, you don't live here anymore". Slam the door shut.

Look, some parents change their phone numbers, and change the locks. In some cases, they move somewhere else where even they can't be found by the kid.

Some parents even open the door to the nearest "Hare Krishna" Temple, and put their foot on the kid's ass, and push. Then the parent politely closes the door.

Be imaginative.

IAAL

[Edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE on 06-03-2001 at 02:07 PM]

 

[LegalBeagle]

The problem is that children are grown up long before 18. Generally, you can keep some control up until 15 but then you can have 3 years of hell. Personally, I suggest trying you recoup some of the lost money.. sell the boy to the slave mines in Africa or the girl to the rich Arab in the middle east..

 

[RunningOnEmpty]

SELL her? Heck, I'd GIVE her away. Only problem, no takers! After about a week, that rich middle eastern guy would be hunting us down to kill us.

Her Probation Officer told us that she is the worst kid he has ever dealt with, due to the mental problems alone.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

I smell two tickets to Egypt in your near future.

Oh, and one last item. Remember to take her Passport home with you. Who knows, maybe they'll give her a job as a tour guide.

IAAL

 

[RunningOnEmpty]

I sort of like the Hare Krishna temple idea. Are there still "moonies" in California? Which is the group that takes your kid, brainwashes them and you never see them again?

 

[Grandma B]

Personally, I think she sounds like a good candidate for the Australian Outback.

 

[CharlieNme]

UPDATE

Well, thank you all for your replies....I do have to admit that the idea of going to another country did indeed sound appealing. But the new scoop is that FINALLY the sherrifs out here did something in our favor. They were dispatched out to the house, and I guess while they were waiting for the mental health deputy to show, my son began to show his true self, must have pissed off the sherrif,because the sherrif handcuffed him and told him that he was going to learn not to threaten people and that he was going to jail. It may be temporary but at least now there is a paper trail. Am I going to go get him out??? It may sound mean, but heck no I'm not!! He needs to learn I guess the hard way that Mom isn't always gonna bail him out of his own messes.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

No need to apologize or explain your feelings. Believe me, I fully understand. There's nothing like a little tough love in a teenager's life to straighten things out.

Good luck to you, and if this doesn't help him, there's always Egypt.

IAAL