need help with parenting arrangments

[misty blue 2]

What is the name of your state? west virginia

ok here is my problems first one is with parenting agreements...my ex husband is to have the kids every weekend he was to pick them up at 6 pm on friday at my house and i ws to pick them up every sunday at his house.
this never worked out. it is court ordered in our parenting agreement
he never had gas money or simply did not want to seeme at all.
so time goes by i let his mother do the picking up and dropping off of the kids.....time goes on and things happen where i had to file a restaning order against him and i told the judge how we had been doin with his mother he ordered that she continue to do this .....so more time goes by and my ex works every other weekend and cannot and will not pay a sitter to watch the kids his mom picks them up at 6 pm on fridays and takes them to her house and keeps them till sunday....
sometimes my kids will call and want to come home and after talking wuth the ex mother in law she does not bring them till sunday so my first question is can i keep them from goin to her house if i no that is where they will be and are not even goin to there dads house or willi be in contempt.

ok second question today aug 1 is my b-day court papers say kids are to be home today by 2 pm and on friday i told ex mother in law if she could have them here by 2 she said well i will have to see what he is soin ....i reply ...well he will have to find away to have them here by 2 since i no u will be at work
welll 2 pm gets here and my kids are not home...i call her work and ask if they have a way home she tells me no his car is broke down and the other grandmother...his stepmom who lives beside him....took our daughter to dinner....i said well it is court order to be here and she said she would have to call him to see what they can do...
so after a bit she calls back and says she can bring them but she cant leave work untill 3:15 to go get them so that puts them home around 4- 4:30 so all my plans are shot and i have half of the day ruined ....she tells me i should have told them and says well it is not a holiday and i said yes it is my b-day and after 8 yrs my ex nos it is my b-day and my sister was at his house letting kids play and she new it was my b-day and i was goin to take it to court for violating order.....she tells me well do what you have to i will just explain what happened it is not our fualt

this family does things like this day after day ...they tellme when they are goin to see the kids and pick them up and i feel like i am walking on eggshells at all times when it comes to being able to refuse to let them go to her house...i dont no what to do and if i have that right

i do not want to keep the kids from there grandparents but i want the right to be able to say no they are spending the weekend with me since there dad does not want them up there.

i am so stressed out and tired of this battle..i work 40+ hours a week at a low paying job and cannot aford to fight some of these battles my only two days aweek that i have off is the days my kids are gone and they wont let me have the weekends with them....i am the custodial parent....also i tried to sign my daughter up for soft ball and he told me no becuase it was during his time and he was not paying gas to take her

oh and one more thing my 2 yr old son has very pretty red hair...well everytime they he goes to his dads he takes the clippers to his hair...after 3 times i ask the ex mother in law who was doin it and she said there dad...i said well i dont want it cut like that i pay for the cuts and i dont want him to do it any more...well this weekend is gone the kids were brought back at 4 instead of 2 and my sons hair is shaved...almost bald...i looks really bad you cannot even tell it is red.....can i stop him from doin this and how

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? west virginia

ok here is my problems first one is with parenting agreements...my ex husband is to have the kids every weekend he was to pick them up at 6 pm on friday at my house and i ws to pick them up every sunday at his house.
this never worked out. it is court ordered in our parenting agreement
he never had gas money or simply did not want to seeme at all.
so time goes by i let his mother do the picking up and dropping off of the kids.....time goes on and things happen where i had to file a restaning order against him and i told the judge how we had been doin with his mother he ordered that she continue to do this .....so more time goes by and my ex works every other weekend and cannot and will not pay a sitter to watch the kids his mom picks them up at 6 pm on fridays and takes them to her house and keeps them till sunday....
sometimes my kids will call and want to come home and after talking wuth the ex mother in law she does not bring them till sunday so my first question is can i keep them from goin to her house if i no that is where they will be and are not even goin to there dads house or willi be in contempt.

ok second question today aug 1 is my b-day court papers say kids are to be home today by 2 pm and on friday i told ex mother in law if she could have them here by 2 she said well i will have to see what he is soin ....i reply ...well he will have to find away to have them here by 2 since i no u will be at work
welll 2 pm gets here and my kids are not home...i call her work and ask if they have a way home she tells me no his car is broke down and the other grandmother...his stepmom who lives beside him....took our daughter to dinner....i said well it is court order to be here and she said she would have to call him to see what they can do...
so after a bit she calls back and says she can bring them but she cant leave work untill 3:15 to go get them so that puts them home around 4- 4:30 so all my plans are shot and i have half of the day ruined ....she tells me i should have told them and says well it is not a holiday and i said yes it is my b-day and after 8 yrs my ex nos it is my b-day and my sister was at his house letting kids play and she new it was my b-day and i was goin to take it to court for violating order.....she tells me well do what you have to i will just explain what happened it is not our fualt

this family does things like this day after day ...they tellme when they are goin to see the kids and pick them up and i feel like i am walking on eggshells at all times when it comes to being able to refuse to let them go to her house...i dont no what to do and if i have that right

i do not want to keep the kids from there grandparents but i want the right to be able to say no they are spending the weekend with me since there dad does not want them up there.

i am so stressed out and tired of this battle..i work 40+ hours a week at a low paying job and cannot aford to fight some of these battles my only two days aweek that i have off is the days my kids are gone and they wont let me have the weekends with them....i am the custodial parent....also i tried to sign my daughter up for soft ball and he told me no becuase it was during his time and he was not paying gas to take her

oh and one more thing my 2 yr old son has very pretty red hair...well everytime they he goes to his dads he takes the clippers to his hair...after 3 times i ask the ex mother in law who was doin it and she said there dad...i said well i dont want it cut like that i pay for the cuts and i dont want him to do it any more...well this weekend is gone the kids were brought back at 4 instead of 2 and my sons hair is shaved...almost bald...i looks really bad you cannot even tell it is red.....can i stop him from doin this and how

My advice would be that you take it back to court and see if you can get the parenting time modified so that he does not have every single weekend. You have a valid argument that it doesn't give you any of the children's free time.
You may be able to get it changed to every other weekend, but at a minimum you should be able to get at least one weekend out of the month.

Also, judges have been known to make orders stating that the ncp can't change the child's appearance without the cp's permission. So you could try to get that incorporated into the order as well.

Good luck.

 

[stealth2]

I'm sorry, but a lot of this is truly petty. Dad is allowed to give his visitation time over to his mother if he so chooses. He could have a sitter watch them the whole time if he wanted to. Just as you could on your time.

You're an adult. Surely you can find a way to celebrate your birthday with OR without your children. You can have a special time with your kids in the evening. I can see being fussed over missing THEIR bday all the time, but yours? Come on already.

The hair? Y'all essentially have joint custody. Okay, the kid has nice red hair. Does HE care how it's cut? Or is it you? If it's you - let it go already. Hair grows back, and in time he'll be old enough to tell Dad to lay off the clippers.

 

[misty blue 2]

ok do you have kids yourself?
my kids are young and influenced very easily like all kids are and i am looking out for there best interest....i did not go into detail of all things that have happened in the past with this whole mess...i am looking for someone that can provide good advise to me as i have never been through any of this....my ex is doin the hair cutting because he nos it is upsetting me...he is an alcholic who ws just arressted 1 month ago for 2nd offense DUI who also has picked up the habbit of hangin out with known drug useers who use and sell cocaine and numerous other things

his mother on the other hand when keeping the kids could care less about how i try to parent my kids i do not believe in any type of corporal punishment and she does..also i have an issue with how i raise my kids...if i explain how i would like her to handle things she intentionally does the oppisite....i have several exaples i can explain later if you like...

also there was a huge issue of the kids and there medicines.....my son was suffering with major allergy problems...he goes to the dr and he gets two prescriptions filled on that friday i send the meds with him to dads house and i was told he could not get him to take the meds at all but when returnin the meds they was not even oppened....so with antibiotics you have to finish all meds or it is point less...so anyway during the week he would get his meds and weekends he would not ...so i ended up taking him back time and time again ....even to the er due to a fever of 105 on a sunday when he was brought home to me was already sick ....so again we get things straightened out and he is put on a regular med for allergies and his dad would still not give it to them and would make comments to the oldest kids who is only 7 that they were just fine with out it and i along with the dr was full of s**t.

so my kids would come home and suffer for a few days with runny noses and coughing and sneezing and even headache whichis very hard on kids...finally i was nice enough to let the kids stay a week with there dad on the weekend he was aressted and sent the prescription there and still have not gotten them back...so kids again suffer with there meds and the dr cannot write a new presciption due to the fact that was a new one.

and i can go on and on it is all the little things that add up to some of the things you call petty...even as far as pulling a gun on me 2 times in front of the kids an threating to kill me and burry me in a mining crack so no one would no where i was....

so plz dont tell me i am being petty i really am not i just did not want to fill up a page and write a novel about all the things when i only need a little advice on a few things.

and the main thing was can i ask the mother in law on friday if the kids are going to there dads...if she says no can i keep them home and not be breaking the order...i do have family that lives about 2 hrs away that want me to bring the kids down to see them and go to a lake for a fun day but i dont want to do it on a weekend that i no the dad will have them...i think all kids should be involved as much as possible with there dads..i did not grow up with mine and would never keep the kids from theres...

 

[tigger2two]

I totally understand what you are going through. I keep notes on everything that happens with my kids dad and the parental grandparents. And i swear i thought i was reading back some of my own notes. I also have a son with asthema and allergies. His meds weren't given to him and he continuosly suffered. So when we went back to court the judge ordered all parties to give this child his meds. I didn't agree with corporal punishment, the courts ordered that the grandparents and the father use resonable punishment, not to include taking sports or phone calls with me away and NO bruises. (which they were leaving before hand)

The day my ex lost custody fight he shaved my kids bald. My kids are only 9 8 and 6 and very picky about their clothes and looks. My youngest actually cried to me over the phone about his hair. This was 2 almost 3 weeks ago. the kids came home today and their hair is still very very short. My ex also knows how I feel about him cutting the boys hair. He did this for one reason and it wasn't bc the kids needed hair cuts. Its a shame that some divorced parents can't just co exist. But the fact of the matter is this isn't a perfect world and not all exs can get along.

My point is you are going to have to go to court and get all of your requests heard by a judge. The fact that your ex has his 2nd offense DUI should say something about his character. But you will need proof about his dealings with the drug users and dealers. And you will need solid proof that your child(ren) are even present when he is around these ppl. You also need to find out if your a one party or two party state for phone recordings. If you can legally do this then you should definatly start. Record the grand mother and the father. Everytime something happens record it. If your kids come home and say they didn't see their father call the grandmother, get her to agree on tape that he isn't seeing the kids. The bad thing about this is, you may be able to show the court that your ex isn't seeing his kids BUT. You are also showing them (thanks to your ex) that the mother in law is playing a big role in the kids life. Good chance that the court will give her some kind of visitation rights, even if its just allowing her on paper to have the kids when the father doesn't. That is what happened in my case as well. Good luck! get a GOOD ATTORNEY!!

 

[stealth2]

Yes, I do have kids and have gone through similar sorts of things. You can certainly try to have the order modified, but I wouldn't count on it going anywhere. On his parenting time, he is apparently not required to call you first if he's unable to watch them and therefore is allowed to choose someone himself - that it's the children's grandmother is likely to be viewed as a good thing. Until the order is modified, however, you could be found in contempt if you refuse to send the children.

Unless grandma's discipline is abusive (and you can prove it), you're not likely to get far there, either. If she's in line with Dad's discipline choices, it's essentially a difference in parenting. Just as he doesn't get to dictate how you discipline them, you don't get to dictate how he does. Corporal punishment is not, in and of itself, considered abuse.

Again - the hair isn't likely do go much of anywhere at this point. He's 2, not 12. It's only this summer (at 11) has told her father that she will NOT have her hair cut there.

The court may or may not require him to give them the meds. Unless it's a life-threatening condition, very likely not.